*Thanks for all the great reviews they really get me writing faster(I think this is the fastest update I have ever done!) Now on to the next chapter and please keep the reviews coming, I love them!
*NOTE: This is in Vaughn's point of view(pulling a switch!)
Chapter 11- Secret Game
Today will be a good day, just keep telling yourself that. Today will be a good day. Pulling off the bunched up sheets full of static cling, I force my frozen feet to plant themselves firmly on the floor. The fresh air stings at my ankles that try to convince me to stay in bed for the rest of the day and think of nothing and do nothing. But I resist the temptation and drag the rest of my body up and out of the room, leaving the woman sleeping soundly in the bed. The mattress sinking downwards under her weight while her brown hair cascades down all sides of her pillow and onto my mine.
A stream of light floods over the room and lands on the hardwood floor lightly stirring up the dust that settled over night. Adjusting my eyes still thick with sleep and regret, I fumble my way out into the main hallway. Through the front windows light pours in and visible through the transparent curtains billowing from the wind, the sunrise is breathtaking filtering out over the grass which is fresh with crisp dew. Today is going to be a good day. Today is going to be a good day, has to be.
She would love to see this. She has always loved seeing anything that held true beauty in it. I remember after a mission we had been able to fly together on a CIA plane back home. We had spent the night talking about everything except the mission and the details I was suppose to attain. Just before arriving home in the early hours of the morning, she slid open the plastic window cover and I could have sworn that she had never smiled with such ease.
Seeing her face glow with joy upon watching the sun rise so close to her, at arm's reach made her smile contagious. The golden rays hinted with touches of purple and pink illuminating her features that made me wish we never left the plane and kept circling the world with the same light casting upon us. I remember the exact way she smiled and pushed her silky hair back behind her ear and made me lean over her and look out into the picture painted before us, just for us.
The breath inside me was knocked out and I couldn't move back to my proper position but she thought it was the sunrise. But she didn't understand then that she would always be more breathtaking than a sunrise no matter how gorgeous that was. She would always be the only thing that ever truly contained true beauty to me.
A small cough coming from the back of the house made me desert the fond memory and a smile crept its way up onto my face. Today was going to be a good day. It had to be, just had to be. Stretching my arms up over my head, I erased the distant memory and headed back down the hallway adorned with pictures and memories of the past couple years that somehow seemed to rid my face of any happiness.
Reaching the far bedroom and turning the brass knob, the smile returned as I saw the new sign she had posted after I had gone to sleep immediately after coming home from two full days of work at the offices. Ever since I have been working longer hours that cause pain on everyone I know except me, she has written me secret messages after I get home. She knows I will wake up before everyone else in the house and knows I will see it and no one else will. Our little secret. Most of the time telling me something she did that day that would make me proud or what her favorite color was, but today was different. Painted in big loopy letters that reminded me of someone else I knew, she wrote the words I loved to hear every single day of my life. The only words that I live for, "Daddy, I love you."
I stand there for seconds and really take in the words, the smile on my face growing with every glance at the secret message. Finally drawing myself away form the bright pink letters, I open the door cautiously trying to avoid it from creaking and waking her up. Doesn't work and the door creaks and breaks through the comforting silence of sweet dreams. Underneath the flowered covers, she stirs and her short brown hair shakes as her eyes flutter open.
I remain there in the doorway watching her until she motions her one tiny arm for me to come over to her. Everything about her reminds of someone else even if there is no relation, she is there. Mostly because of her name but mostly because I want her to be and brought her up to be.
"Sleep well?" Feeling the soft pink carpet glide under my bare feet, she nods her head and her hair shakes again against her pillows. I walk further into the room until I am standing next to her bed which is covered in numerous sheets and blankets all pink and all with flowers.
"Did you get my message?" She asks in a hushed voice that almost makes me want to laugh from the deepest part of my heart, but I don't. I only let out a small yes and a huge grin. Her green eyes sparkle feeling the excitement of being secretive and being like me. Ever since she found out I used to be a field agent last year when she was eight, espionage was her number one future job. She was not her mother's daughter at all. She was mine and I loved her for that.
"Yes I did and thank you. I love you too." I bent down and sat on the bed next to her curled up body. She rolled in next to me, not by choice but by the bed caving inward. She laughed at this and the large hole that always was evident in my heart was full once more.
"Are you going to work today?" Her eyes lost their sparkle and held a seriousness that I hated to see, that always killed me just alittle bit more. The sun noticed this and slowly crept away from her window leaving us in shadows.
"I don't know yet. They haven't called me in but I think they might need me today." She rolled back on her other side away from me and pulled all of the covers over head. I could see her tiny frame begin to breathe deeply in and out, up and down, in and out.
"Now, sweetie, I have to go work. I know you want me to stay here with you and I would love to but I can't. I'm sorry."
She didn't say anything but instead she scooted up farther away from me and deeper into her mountain of blankets blocking me off, a wall. The plug that had stopped the hole from growing was released and the hurt poured back in. She always knew how to get to me, she was only nine yet she knew. She knew I loved her and she knew I hated it when she became distant from me.
"Come on, Sydney you can't be mad at me for that. Now if I forgot your birthday which is in four days to be exact then you can obtain the rights to being mad. Sydney?" Every time her name rolled so easily off my tongue, I thought of someone else. Of someone I wish she could have known, of some one I want her to be like, and of someone I loved more than anybody else in the world except her. Shaking her thin body, she laughs and I can tell she was faking it all along.
"What did you get me?" She pops out of her self-dug cave and inches closer to me fully aware I will never tell her but again the excitement gets to her that I have secrets that she wants to know. "Please tell me, please." She puts her head on my shoulder and gives me her pouty eyes but even then her eyes are sparkling.
"Nope, I'm not telling this year. You can't get me with those eyes, they got me at Christmas. They are not getting me again. You might as well go back and hide in your cave because I'm not spilling anything."
"Please?" I can tell she knows she is going to win and in most cases she does, but this time she is not going to.
"No, not telling until you find out for yourself." She jumps off of the bed causing me to spring up and down with bed as she stands before me the same height with me sitting. She runs over to her oak desk in the corner and rummages through the countless drawers filled with art supplies and coloring books of every animal known to man. She comes back with a mischievous grin and a pencil and paper behind her back.
"Well, if you can't tell me, can you write it? I wouldn't hear you and wouldn't tell, because you would write. That is completely different." She slides the paper and pencil with a Mickey Mouse eraser on the top into my hands and stands in front of me with her hands on her hips staring at me, waiting. I take the pencil in between my fingers twiddling it around and around knowing that she was waiting impatiently for me to write down what was hidden somewhere in the house waiting for her to open.
"How about a secret game?" As soon as the words came out of my mouth, she came in closer to me and looked at me with such concentration ready to absorb our next little secret. I took it as a yes. "I am going to take this piece of paper with me and through out the day, I am going to hide little hints and clues as to what it is? Sound simple?"
She nodded her little head and her messy hair fell over her eyes. She brushed it back behind her ears and it was a bad day all of a sudden. She didn't notice the pain on my face or in my heart. She didn't even know the cause. I kissed her on the head and said I'll be in the kitchen and left the room.
As I was walking down the hallway, I heard her little hands scrape our secret message off the door so no one would know before shutting it close again. Today will be a good day. Keep telling yourself this, today will be a good day. Passing my room, Jenny still sleeping peacefully in our bed tangled in the sheets, I feel a stab of guilt. She doesn't even know why I am never home most of the time. She doesn't know why I cry sometimes in the bathroom all alone after coming home from work late at night. She doesn't even know why I named our daughter Sydney with such persistence and sincerity. She doesn't even know where I go before and after work.
Finding my way to the kitchen where I intended to go in the first place, I lay the paper and pencil on the counter and open up a cupboard but don't know why. The rough edges of the wood scratch against my palms as I run my hands over it deciding what I am doing. I am not hungry and I am not thirsty. I stand there for minutes staring into the three shelves full of mugs, bowls, and plates.
But I don't see the plates, I don't see the mugs, and I don't see the bowls. All I see is her. All I ever see is her. How she was when she was alive with her glowing eyes and sweet smiles. How she was the last time I saw her with her still glowing eyes and sweet smile but forced. She had tried to keep back the tears, but it was too painful for her. Too painful for me as well. She had tried so hard to stay; I could see it in her eyes. The truth, but that wasn't enough. Wasn't enough for her, she had given up too long ago before she knew I was alive.
"Michael, how much longer do I have?" She looked at me with such strong conviction and knowledge. I knew she knew, but she wanted to hear it, to hear it from me. She took no time in wasting time for she knew she had none to waste. Holding back the tears, I tried to change the subject but failed miserably.
"Um, Jack is coming in later today. He missed you last time because you went back to sleep. But he said that was okay because he said you needed it." I looked down at our hands, still interweaved and still sending our heat through each other.
"Michael," she said my name in a tone that scared me. She was even strong in spirit when her body was as frail as a porcelain doll. One wrong move and she could break, shatter into a million pieces that could never be fit back together. "How much longer?"
"Th..um. they don't know for sure, but they are going to keep you here for another couple of days and try to do everything they can." At this she sighed heavily, her chest rising and falling and her face squeezing together from the pain that surged through her. I re-gripped her hand in mine taking the pain away from her as best as I could. Lifting my other hand up to her cheek, I brushed away the small wet tears that began to effortlessly fall down her face and stroked back her hair that seemed permanently plastered to her face in sweat.
"I'm..I am soo sorry. Michael, please forgive me. I am..I'm" Her eyes pleaded something that I knew she felt deep down in her heart and she had to have known she had nothing to be sorry about.
"Shhh, stop this. Don't be sorry. You did nothing wrong. Shhhh, calm down, you're fine. You are going to make it and I know in a week you'll be back at the office ready to go retrieve some ancient artifact by Rambaldi." Through her tears and suffering, she smiled and would have laughed if it hadn't hurt her so much to smile.
"Honey are you okay?" Spinning around and slamming the cupboard door shut, I see Jenny standing in front of me with her robe wrapped around her and her long brown hair that reminded me of someone else's tied up in a messy knot. She was beautiful but no Sydney. No one would ever be as breathtaking as Sydney, no one.
"What?" I try to recover but notice that my eyes have begun to swell with tears balancing on end. She saw them and shook her head. Recently she had noticed something wrong with me, but couldn't quite guess it. Earlier that year she had questioned me if I was having an affair, but if having an affair with a distant memory that hangs over your head like a sweet dream, I was guilty. But it didn't and I was innocent. She stopped her questioning and life went back to normal even though my normal is not normal.
"Are you sure you are okay?" She stepped into the kitchen, her slippers making a slapping sound against the linoleum.
"Yes, everything is fine. Today is a good day." I forced a smile at her and since she didn't really ever know me, she didn't think twice about what I was hiding. But the little girl, who was sitting silently beneath the oak table positioned just around the corner from us, watched taking everything in, knew it all. She knew me and knew that today was not a good day.
*I know many of you(well all of you!)wanted her to live, but I had this planned since the beginning! So tell me if you liked it or not! Please, tell me what you thought of it and there is about one or two more chapters left! The more reviews, the faster it comes out, and maybe your wishes will be fulfilled(maybe!)thanks for reading!