*****Chapter 3: Charmed, I'm Sure*****
"Eevee, Eevee, wake up!"
Someone shook me gently by the shoulder, and for a few blissful moments I pretended to be asleep before moaning and opening my eyes. What the hell was this? I hadn't ordered a wake up call, and for God's sake maids weren't supposed to come up personally to wake you! I was going to have a serious talk with the manager, this was just ridiculous. . . .
Then I opened my eyes, squinted for a moment in the dark, and realized that I was stiff because I was lying on a row of train seats.
Shit.
I looked up blearily and found Remus standing over me, a coaxing smile on his face and his body swathed in formally black robes. For a moment I indulged in that sunny smile - I hadn't been met like that upon waking for a long time, and it was as good as the dawn. Then my mind forced me to remember where I was, and I grimaced.
"Tell me I'm dreaming," I mumbled again, though now that I had fallen asleep and woken in the same place, there was no doubt that this was real.
"I wish I could," he answered sympathetically, and left it at that. "Up you get, Eevee, we need to hurry to arrive before the students."
"The. . . oh, okay," I decided not to question anything for the moment and stood up. After straightening my rumpled clothes and pushing back my hair (the good thing about my hair was that you never had to brush it) I followed Remus out of the cabin and outside.
My shoes crunched on the gravel, but the sound was lost in the whirl of children around me. If it had been daylight - or any other time than now, actually - I probably would have been the center of attention since all the little munchkins were now dressed in silly black robes. As it was, my own "outlandish" outfit went unnoticed. The smaller ones were heading off in one direction where a giant shadow called out, "First years!" The rest were headed for a row of carriages that stood off to one side.
"Ah, Remus?" I asked uncertain as the first of the carriages took off, apparently pulled by nothing at all. I had seen such stunts in Hollywood and up on the big screen, but never in real life. "We aren't taking one of those, are we?"
"Sorry to break it to you Eevee, but we are," came a new voice from behind me, and I whirled to find Mr. Hot and Sexy standing there, looking down at me with a slight smirk on his face. "Just pretend they're one of your. . . uh. . . auto-fills."
I frowned at him in confusion. "My what? Oh, you mean an automobile?"
"Yeah, whatever."
I couldn't help but grin - the guy really was gorgeous, even when he didn't have a clue what he was talking about (which was not a trait I valued in men.) "Just call them cars," I said.
Sirius shrugged his broad shoulders and motioned for me to step aboard one of the horse-less carriages. "Hurry, the faster we get there, the better you'll be prepared."
"Prepared?" I asked curiously at the foreboding in his voice. "For what?"
"For whatever Dumbledore wants from you," Lupin said gently, then gave Sirius a disapproving look. "And you can stop scaring her now, Sirius."
Sirius just snorted and closed the carriage door - I wondered what had happened to the nice, caring man who had caught me when I'd fallen through the wall. Obviously someone had shoved a stick up his ass.
I squawked as the carriage began to move smoothly forward without warning. I was used to the sound of a motor rumbling into life, but this little box just suddenly moving - I realized I had reached out and grabbed Sirius' shoulder, and quickly let go of him as though he had bitten me. The memorable tingle returned to my lips for a moment, and I made sure to give Lupin a big grin just to take my mind off things.
"So what do you do here at. . . eh. . . the school?"
"Teaching," he said indulgently. "They recalled me for the job, actually, since they couldn't find any new teachers for the position."
I swallowed, wondering if I dared to ask my next question. "And just what position is that?"
"D.A.D.A, ah, Defense Against the Dark Arts," he offered in explanation.
I stared at him. "Oh," I mumbled, suddenly envisioning a P.E. class from hell. "I suppose you wouldn't have any normal classes here, like English and Chemistry and stuff. . . ?"
"Well, we have a history class. . ." Remus trailed off in thought.
Sirius snorted from next to me. "I don't know about Chemistry, but we have Potions."
I brightened slightly - at least that was semi-normal. "Potions? Who teaches that?"
"Oh, you'll love him," Sirius said darkly. "He's just one of the slimiest gits I've ever met."
I blinked at the man, realizing that obviously he was in a sour mood, and turned to Remus helplessly. Remus gave me another kind look - apparently the only kind of look he was capable of giving. Once again I wished I had gotten more looks like that in my youth.
"Don't mind him," he murmured. "He got in a bit of a row with his godson, Harry, and is a bit pricked over it-"
"I'd appreciate it if you'd mind your own business," Sirius said loudly.
Remus winced slightly. "Anyway, the Potions Master is Snape. . . ah, Professor Severus Snape, I mean. And. . . well, truth to tell he isn't the most pleasant person."
Another snort from Sirius.
I whirled on the man, his attitude just rubbing me the wrong way. "Listen, do you have a sinus problem or something? I have tissues if you need them!"
He stared at me in surprise, and I cut him off with a question before he could retort. "Just what are you doing here at the school, anyway? Are you a teacher?"
Sirius grimaced at the idea and ran his hand through that beautiful black hair. "I'm here to keep an eye on Harry - and help Hagrid with his Care of Magical Creatures class."
I just blinked. "Eh?"
"Care of Magical Creatures, it's pretty self explanatory," he said moodily.
"I think she means Hagrid, Sirius," Remus chided gently.
"Oh," Sirius waved his hand distractedly. "He was the large one you saw taking the first years across the lake. . . quite a nice fellow, Hagrid."
I remembered the lumbering shadow I had spotted just off the Hogwarts Express and barely suppressed a shudder. I was one of those people who did not believe in gentle giants - my father had been giant, but nowhere near gentle to my mother. I pushed the thoughts away. Those two were dead now and I was rich - oh, and I was just about to meet my doom in a magical school, but we already know that.
The carriage came to a stop as unexpectedly as it had started, but this time I at least refrained from making any noise. The door opened on its own, and we all clambered out onto the front steps of the school. I could see the other carriages in the distance - obviously ours had taken some sort of short cut, though there was only one road I could make out.
Sirius grabbed my arm, as though I needed help walking, and assisted me up the steps. I wrenched away from him when we made it to the door, but in truth it wasn't because my feminist pride was insulted - his very touch made my insides quiver with awareness. It was all too intense and nerve racking for my comfort.
Lupin had entered into the lit room beyond, and I followed him, finding myself in a wide space with two halls splitting off on either side and several stair cases disappearing upwards into the walls. Warm light flooded over me, and before me there was a huge pair of double doors thrown open wide, obviously waiting for the coming students. Before the double doors there stood two of the strangest people I have ever seen.
The first was a woman dressed in scarlet robes - if anything even more flamboyantly ridiculous than the robes I'd seen so far - and quite a tall red witch's hat. It figured that I assumed she was a witch on first sight. Great, I had just met my first witch - I bet the man next to her was a wizard.
Well, he certainly did look the part, dressed in rich gold robes with an even pointier hat atop his head. He was a tall man, utterly ancient, with twinkling blue eyes and a long, long beard that reminded me of a skinny santa clause. He gazed at me over half-moon spectacles, then stepped forward and nodded his head friendlily. "Miss Evelyn Jones, I presume?"
"Uh, yes," I said, walking forward awkwardly. Something told me this was the man who wanted to see me. "And you would be Mr. Dumbledore?"
The man grimaced gently. "Ah, call me Albus, my dear, or just Dumbledore. 'Mister' is just so formal."
"Alright. . . and you would be?" I addressed the witch, once again getting that sickening feeling of unreality. She nodded as Dumbledore had.
"I am Minerva McGonagall," she confirmed my suspicions. "Please dear, call me Minerva - and welcome to Hogwarts."
"Great," I smiled at them so hard my face hurt. "Now, ah, I don't mean to be rude, but just why am I here?"
"That, my dear," Dumbledore said gently, "is a rather sticky situation, and will be taken care of shortly," the old man took my arm and began to lead me towards the room beyond the double doors. "However, I can hear the students approaching and insist that you join us for dinner first."
"I. . . dinner?" At the word my stomach let out a groan, and I realized I hadn't eaten anything since my toast that morning. No wonder I was feeling so shitty.
"Yes, my dear Eevee - you don't mind if I call you Eevee, do you?"
I shook my head speechlessly.
"Oh good, it's a delightful name," his eyes kept twinkling at me mischievously as he led me across the giant dining hall, and I couldn't help but wonder just what the man was plotting. "Eevee, we'll be eating in about fifteen minutes, so I'll have Minerva seat you at the head table, if you'll excuse me."
The incredibly tall old man shuffled off to where his own seat was, and it was only then that I realized I had walked through the entire dining room without even looking at it. At this thought, my gaze was drawn to the four long rows of tables set up below me, on the far side the door I had come through. Various colored flags hung above each table, decorations everywhere, and I figured they were the flags for the different houses. I had been, after all, raised in a boarding school.
At the back of the room, giant gold letters spelled out "Great Hall" and underneath, "Welcome Students!" My eyes rose from there to the ceiling and I stood in fish-mouthed shock, unable to believe my eyes. The ceiling was. . . well, there was no ceiling! It was the sky outside, exactly the same, even the stars and the clouds that drifted past.
"Shocking, isn't it?" A squeaky voice said. "It reflects the sky outside - you'll get used to it."
I looked down to find myself standing next the shortest man I have ever seen. He was also dressed up in puffy robes, these ones rich blue with black, and had a squat had on top of his white hair and pointy nose. "I'm Professor Flitwick," he introduced himself, and held out a tiny hand. "Please feel welcome."
"Thanks, call me Eevee," I said with my inbred manners, and shook the hand carefully. Didn't want to break the poor dear, after all.
"Ahem, Evelyn," came Minerva's cultured voice, and I turned to find the aging lady at my side. She motioned to a chair near the end of the table next to where Sirius was sitting. "I believe we shall place you here near your companions. Once the feast is over, I'll come and take you to the Headmaster's office."
I nodded slowly and let her lead me over to the chair, still staring in wide-eyed amazement at the ceiling. Wow. Wish I had a ceiling that did that. Once when I was a kid I had glued glow-in-the-dark stars to my walls, but my parents hadn't been too crazy about it. After that summer they had sent me off to boarding school and basically cut all connection with me.
Until, of course, I got a call from their lawyer saying they were dead, and that I had inherited close to thirty million dollars. Whew, even the memory of that day left me breathless with disbelief. I sat down next to Sirius and glanced around one more time. The shock of this place was the only thing that rivaled that original amazement.
It seemed that only a few seconds after I was seated, there was a dull rumble of thunder, and for one absurd moment I thought it was an earthquake. Then the sound of millions of voices came flooding in the wake of a giant mob of children. For several surprising moments I was swept up by the force of energy and excitement that filled the hall, and the sheer numbers of kids blew my mind. I was twenty-four, a college dropout, and tended to keep children and everything related to children at arms length. Deep down I knew it had to do with my broken childhood, but let's not get psychological here.
Now this rush of cheerfulness was bringing a reluctantly brilliant smile to my lips and lifting my mood like nothing I'd felt so far. How it was possible to be relaxed in such a position is a good question, yet somehow I managed it. The thousands of children eventually found seats along the long tables, still chattering merrily to one another, and it was only then that I had the presence of mind to look away from them. Sirius sighed next to me.
"Ah, memories," I heard him murmur, and he gave me a small, wry grin when I looked at him.
"You went to school here?" I asked, not knowing why I felt so surprised.
"Yep, just about everyone you see at this table - and everyone you see in the street, no less - went to school here. Hogwarts is famous in the wizarding world."
Great, and I was being held prisoner here until this "sticky situation" could be taken care of.
I was about to dive back into self pity when a sudden hush from the hall caught my attention. I looked about curiously, wondering what could possibly cause more than a thousand snot-nosed brats to go silent, and discovered that Dumbledore had raised his hands for attention. You have to admit, the man had tact.
"Let the Sorting begin," he declared.
The what?
I was about to ask Sirius when McGonagall appeared from a doorway below the staff table, a rather old, tattered looking hat in her hands. She set the hat down on a stool I hadn't noticed before and stood back expectantly. The entire room was craning its neck to get a better view of the hat, and so I did the same, caught up in the tension of the moment.
Silence.
I waited a moment more impatiently, then sat back with a sigh. This was ridiculous - likely enough I had stumbled across some cult and was now about to witness some religious sacrifice. Hopefully I wasn't going to be the victim.
Then suddenly the hat seemed to split at one of its seams, and a rather loud, deep voice began reciting what appeared to be a poem. For a long moment I just stared at what I had thought was an inanimate object, trying to get past the shock that a hat was actually talking. I blinked several times, wondered again if I hadn't gone insane or been knocked unconscious and was dreaming, then decided that it was no use causing myself more emotional turmoil now. So I forced my mind to deal with it and listened to what this hat had to say.
Or at least, tried to listen. The poem finished itself with a rather sentimental thought about everyone learning to work together, a moral Disney had ran into the ground long ago, and then it began naming off names and (what I assumed to be) houses. It didn't take a genius to figure out that the hat was sorting the new students into the various houses, and after a while I even got the houses down by name, and where each table was for each house. The Slytherins, quite a nasty looking lot, were to my far left. Next to them were the Ravenclaws, then came the Hufflepuffs, and finally Gryffindors all the way on the other side.
The next thirty minutes were the most boring of my life. After figuring out the original puzzle as to what was going on, I found myself sitting back in my chair, my stomach growling fiercely and my butt sore from the hard seat. I crossed my arms over my chest, noticing the rest of the teachers still watching the students with rapt attention, waiting with baited breath as each one was named and placed. I for one had never gone to this school - hell, never even knew of this world before! - so the whole ordeal really meant diddly squat to me. Instead I examined the other teachers.
To the left of me - the last two chairs at the table - were Remus and then Sirius, both ignoring me completely. Then at the opposite side of the table there was Professor Flitwick and a rather plump witch with graying hair dressed in soft green, then a starry eyed woman in scarfs and wearing what appeared to be a sheet. Next to her was a no-nonsense lady in a nurse's uniform, next to her the giant I had seen earlier (he looked even more gruesome and threatening from this angle), and finally next to him was Dumbledore, who seemed to be either asleep or meditating. Now we reached my side of the table, where there was an empty chair for McGonagall, and between me and her. . . .
Was a man who for some reason caught my eye and held it. His face was turned away, looking down to the sorting taking place, but from this angle I got an impression of strong features and a slightly hooked nose that might have been broken at some time. His hair was black - almost blacker than Sirius's - and trailed to just beneath his jaw line with a greasy shine to it. Seeing as I'd lived out my later years in California, I had seen my share of stranger - and dirtier - hair styles. The clothes he wore seemed more normal to me for some reason, his black robes more like expensive dress clothes, though they seemed nowhere near as formal as the other teachers'. I got the feeling he just wore black a lot.
Beneath the robes was a broad shouldered frame and what appeared to be a muscled body. I couldn't study it that close under the material, and for some reason suddenly found myself curious about it. I could have slapped myself. My God, Eevee, you kiss a stranger and suddenly you're thinking about sex with odd men. The sooner I get back to normal-ville, the better.
And so I stared at him curiously until my funk was broken by the sound of applause. Immediately my attention turned back to the Sorting, and found that God was merciful and it was over. Then I saw movement out of the corner of my eye and noticed that Dumbledore had stood up - great God, he wasn't going to give a speech, was he? This was the worst torture possible, cruel and unusual punishment for being in a bad place at a bad time! I was ready to stand up and plead the eighth.
But once again I was caught off guard. "Let's dig in!" The old man said clearly. I just about fainted with relief - until I noticed that there was no food on the table.
As though on cue, there was a tiny explosion and dishes piled high with food stuffs blasted into existence before me. I almost fell out of my chair - I might have screamed, but couldn't be sure, I was so flustered. Didn't these people know about subtlety? Christ, I could've had a heart attack!
Sirius had grabbed my arm to keep me from tumbling to the floor and was laughing, and I glared at him, but couldn't keep the expression up. I felt a sheepish smile growing on my face despite my best attempts at being insulted, and found that quite the same transformation was undergoing Remus. He gave me an apologetic look before his face split into a wide grin of amusement.
I sat up straight and pushed back my hair, face flushed in embarrassment yet unable to keep the grin off my face. "Damn nerves," I muttered.
Sirius only laughed harder. Why did that sound send tiny shock waves through me?
"You may want to calm down a bit, Black," a deep, somehow soothing voice said from my other side. "Wouldn't want you to die of laughter, now would we?"
The snide remark was enough to wipe the smile from Sirius's face - and I connected "Black" as being his last name. Sirius Black, quite a nice ring to it, really. Almost as colorful as Severus Snape.
Severus Snape.
I turned around and looked at the man I had studied before, this time getting a full view of his sneering face. Black eyes that burned like coals met my own briefly before focusing past my shoulder, and the greasy hair hung limp around his high cheekbones and strong chin. The skin was pale, almost pasty, but for some reason it only made his coloring seem more exotic. He had the kind of face that only a rare breed of women would find attractive - God help me, I was one of them.
"Shut it, Snape," Sirius said over my shoulder, "though I'll be happy to shut it for you."
The sneer across the man's features widened, stretched his sensual lips. I couldn't help but stare in fascination. "Well, I'm sure you would, but let's keep our manners before a lady, hm?"
His eyes scolded mine for a second, then he turned back to his plate and began dishing himself food. I followed suite, biting my lip a little in thought, and a moment later Sirius leaned over to whisper to me, "Don't mind him, he's just a slimy git."
Mind him? I thought he was totally fascinating! "So that's Snape?" I whispered back, all too aware of just how close Sirius's mouth was to mine.
"Sadly enough."
I let out a soft snort. "Beautiful," I flashed Black a quick and utterly tactless smile. For a breathless moment I was pleased to see his eyes darken, then I turned to my plate, finished ladling some mashed potatoes and pork chops, then dug in. So this was the infamous Severus Snape, I couldn't help but think.
Charmed, I'm sure.
"Eevee, Eevee, wake up!"
Someone shook me gently by the shoulder, and for a few blissful moments I pretended to be asleep before moaning and opening my eyes. What the hell was this? I hadn't ordered a wake up call, and for God's sake maids weren't supposed to come up personally to wake you! I was going to have a serious talk with the manager, this was just ridiculous. . . .
Then I opened my eyes, squinted for a moment in the dark, and realized that I was stiff because I was lying on a row of train seats.
Shit.
I looked up blearily and found Remus standing over me, a coaxing smile on his face and his body swathed in formally black robes. For a moment I indulged in that sunny smile - I hadn't been met like that upon waking for a long time, and it was as good as the dawn. Then my mind forced me to remember where I was, and I grimaced.
"Tell me I'm dreaming," I mumbled again, though now that I had fallen asleep and woken in the same place, there was no doubt that this was real.
"I wish I could," he answered sympathetically, and left it at that. "Up you get, Eevee, we need to hurry to arrive before the students."
"The. . . oh, okay," I decided not to question anything for the moment and stood up. After straightening my rumpled clothes and pushing back my hair (the good thing about my hair was that you never had to brush it) I followed Remus out of the cabin and outside.
My shoes crunched on the gravel, but the sound was lost in the whirl of children around me. If it had been daylight - or any other time than now, actually - I probably would have been the center of attention since all the little munchkins were now dressed in silly black robes. As it was, my own "outlandish" outfit went unnoticed. The smaller ones were heading off in one direction where a giant shadow called out, "First years!" The rest were headed for a row of carriages that stood off to one side.
"Ah, Remus?" I asked uncertain as the first of the carriages took off, apparently pulled by nothing at all. I had seen such stunts in Hollywood and up on the big screen, but never in real life. "We aren't taking one of those, are we?"
"Sorry to break it to you Eevee, but we are," came a new voice from behind me, and I whirled to find Mr. Hot and Sexy standing there, looking down at me with a slight smirk on his face. "Just pretend they're one of your. . . uh. . . auto-fills."
I frowned at him in confusion. "My what? Oh, you mean an automobile?"
"Yeah, whatever."
I couldn't help but grin - the guy really was gorgeous, even when he didn't have a clue what he was talking about (which was not a trait I valued in men.) "Just call them cars," I said.
Sirius shrugged his broad shoulders and motioned for me to step aboard one of the horse-less carriages. "Hurry, the faster we get there, the better you'll be prepared."
"Prepared?" I asked curiously at the foreboding in his voice. "For what?"
"For whatever Dumbledore wants from you," Lupin said gently, then gave Sirius a disapproving look. "And you can stop scaring her now, Sirius."
Sirius just snorted and closed the carriage door - I wondered what had happened to the nice, caring man who had caught me when I'd fallen through the wall. Obviously someone had shoved a stick up his ass.
I squawked as the carriage began to move smoothly forward without warning. I was used to the sound of a motor rumbling into life, but this little box just suddenly moving - I realized I had reached out and grabbed Sirius' shoulder, and quickly let go of him as though he had bitten me. The memorable tingle returned to my lips for a moment, and I made sure to give Lupin a big grin just to take my mind off things.
"So what do you do here at. . . eh. . . the school?"
"Teaching," he said indulgently. "They recalled me for the job, actually, since they couldn't find any new teachers for the position."
I swallowed, wondering if I dared to ask my next question. "And just what position is that?"
"D.A.D.A, ah, Defense Against the Dark Arts," he offered in explanation.
I stared at him. "Oh," I mumbled, suddenly envisioning a P.E. class from hell. "I suppose you wouldn't have any normal classes here, like English and Chemistry and stuff. . . ?"
"Well, we have a history class. . ." Remus trailed off in thought.
Sirius snorted from next to me. "I don't know about Chemistry, but we have Potions."
I brightened slightly - at least that was semi-normal. "Potions? Who teaches that?"
"Oh, you'll love him," Sirius said darkly. "He's just one of the slimiest gits I've ever met."
I blinked at the man, realizing that obviously he was in a sour mood, and turned to Remus helplessly. Remus gave me another kind look - apparently the only kind of look he was capable of giving. Once again I wished I had gotten more looks like that in my youth.
"Don't mind him," he murmured. "He got in a bit of a row with his godson, Harry, and is a bit pricked over it-"
"I'd appreciate it if you'd mind your own business," Sirius said loudly.
Remus winced slightly. "Anyway, the Potions Master is Snape. . . ah, Professor Severus Snape, I mean. And. . . well, truth to tell he isn't the most pleasant person."
Another snort from Sirius.
I whirled on the man, his attitude just rubbing me the wrong way. "Listen, do you have a sinus problem or something? I have tissues if you need them!"
He stared at me in surprise, and I cut him off with a question before he could retort. "Just what are you doing here at the school, anyway? Are you a teacher?"
Sirius grimaced at the idea and ran his hand through that beautiful black hair. "I'm here to keep an eye on Harry - and help Hagrid with his Care of Magical Creatures class."
I just blinked. "Eh?"
"Care of Magical Creatures, it's pretty self explanatory," he said moodily.
"I think she means Hagrid, Sirius," Remus chided gently.
"Oh," Sirius waved his hand distractedly. "He was the large one you saw taking the first years across the lake. . . quite a nice fellow, Hagrid."
I remembered the lumbering shadow I had spotted just off the Hogwarts Express and barely suppressed a shudder. I was one of those people who did not believe in gentle giants - my father had been giant, but nowhere near gentle to my mother. I pushed the thoughts away. Those two were dead now and I was rich - oh, and I was just about to meet my doom in a magical school, but we already know that.
The carriage came to a stop as unexpectedly as it had started, but this time I at least refrained from making any noise. The door opened on its own, and we all clambered out onto the front steps of the school. I could see the other carriages in the distance - obviously ours had taken some sort of short cut, though there was only one road I could make out.
Sirius grabbed my arm, as though I needed help walking, and assisted me up the steps. I wrenched away from him when we made it to the door, but in truth it wasn't because my feminist pride was insulted - his very touch made my insides quiver with awareness. It was all too intense and nerve racking for my comfort.
Lupin had entered into the lit room beyond, and I followed him, finding myself in a wide space with two halls splitting off on either side and several stair cases disappearing upwards into the walls. Warm light flooded over me, and before me there was a huge pair of double doors thrown open wide, obviously waiting for the coming students. Before the double doors there stood two of the strangest people I have ever seen.
The first was a woman dressed in scarlet robes - if anything even more flamboyantly ridiculous than the robes I'd seen so far - and quite a tall red witch's hat. It figured that I assumed she was a witch on first sight. Great, I had just met my first witch - I bet the man next to her was a wizard.
Well, he certainly did look the part, dressed in rich gold robes with an even pointier hat atop his head. He was a tall man, utterly ancient, with twinkling blue eyes and a long, long beard that reminded me of a skinny santa clause. He gazed at me over half-moon spectacles, then stepped forward and nodded his head friendlily. "Miss Evelyn Jones, I presume?"
"Uh, yes," I said, walking forward awkwardly. Something told me this was the man who wanted to see me. "And you would be Mr. Dumbledore?"
The man grimaced gently. "Ah, call me Albus, my dear, or just Dumbledore. 'Mister' is just so formal."
"Alright. . . and you would be?" I addressed the witch, once again getting that sickening feeling of unreality. She nodded as Dumbledore had.
"I am Minerva McGonagall," she confirmed my suspicions. "Please dear, call me Minerva - and welcome to Hogwarts."
"Great," I smiled at them so hard my face hurt. "Now, ah, I don't mean to be rude, but just why am I here?"
"That, my dear," Dumbledore said gently, "is a rather sticky situation, and will be taken care of shortly," the old man took my arm and began to lead me towards the room beyond the double doors. "However, I can hear the students approaching and insist that you join us for dinner first."
"I. . . dinner?" At the word my stomach let out a groan, and I realized I hadn't eaten anything since my toast that morning. No wonder I was feeling so shitty.
"Yes, my dear Eevee - you don't mind if I call you Eevee, do you?"
I shook my head speechlessly.
"Oh good, it's a delightful name," his eyes kept twinkling at me mischievously as he led me across the giant dining hall, and I couldn't help but wonder just what the man was plotting. "Eevee, we'll be eating in about fifteen minutes, so I'll have Minerva seat you at the head table, if you'll excuse me."
The incredibly tall old man shuffled off to where his own seat was, and it was only then that I realized I had walked through the entire dining room without even looking at it. At this thought, my gaze was drawn to the four long rows of tables set up below me, on the far side the door I had come through. Various colored flags hung above each table, decorations everywhere, and I figured they were the flags for the different houses. I had been, after all, raised in a boarding school.
At the back of the room, giant gold letters spelled out "Great Hall" and underneath, "Welcome Students!" My eyes rose from there to the ceiling and I stood in fish-mouthed shock, unable to believe my eyes. The ceiling was. . . well, there was no ceiling! It was the sky outside, exactly the same, even the stars and the clouds that drifted past.
"Shocking, isn't it?" A squeaky voice said. "It reflects the sky outside - you'll get used to it."
I looked down to find myself standing next the shortest man I have ever seen. He was also dressed up in puffy robes, these ones rich blue with black, and had a squat had on top of his white hair and pointy nose. "I'm Professor Flitwick," he introduced himself, and held out a tiny hand. "Please feel welcome."
"Thanks, call me Eevee," I said with my inbred manners, and shook the hand carefully. Didn't want to break the poor dear, after all.
"Ahem, Evelyn," came Minerva's cultured voice, and I turned to find the aging lady at my side. She motioned to a chair near the end of the table next to where Sirius was sitting. "I believe we shall place you here near your companions. Once the feast is over, I'll come and take you to the Headmaster's office."
I nodded slowly and let her lead me over to the chair, still staring in wide-eyed amazement at the ceiling. Wow. Wish I had a ceiling that did that. Once when I was a kid I had glued glow-in-the-dark stars to my walls, but my parents hadn't been too crazy about it. After that summer they had sent me off to boarding school and basically cut all connection with me.
Until, of course, I got a call from their lawyer saying they were dead, and that I had inherited close to thirty million dollars. Whew, even the memory of that day left me breathless with disbelief. I sat down next to Sirius and glanced around one more time. The shock of this place was the only thing that rivaled that original amazement.
It seemed that only a few seconds after I was seated, there was a dull rumble of thunder, and for one absurd moment I thought it was an earthquake. Then the sound of millions of voices came flooding in the wake of a giant mob of children. For several surprising moments I was swept up by the force of energy and excitement that filled the hall, and the sheer numbers of kids blew my mind. I was twenty-four, a college dropout, and tended to keep children and everything related to children at arms length. Deep down I knew it had to do with my broken childhood, but let's not get psychological here.
Now this rush of cheerfulness was bringing a reluctantly brilliant smile to my lips and lifting my mood like nothing I'd felt so far. How it was possible to be relaxed in such a position is a good question, yet somehow I managed it. The thousands of children eventually found seats along the long tables, still chattering merrily to one another, and it was only then that I had the presence of mind to look away from them. Sirius sighed next to me.
"Ah, memories," I heard him murmur, and he gave me a small, wry grin when I looked at him.
"You went to school here?" I asked, not knowing why I felt so surprised.
"Yep, just about everyone you see at this table - and everyone you see in the street, no less - went to school here. Hogwarts is famous in the wizarding world."
Great, and I was being held prisoner here until this "sticky situation" could be taken care of.
I was about to dive back into self pity when a sudden hush from the hall caught my attention. I looked about curiously, wondering what could possibly cause more than a thousand snot-nosed brats to go silent, and discovered that Dumbledore had raised his hands for attention. You have to admit, the man had tact.
"Let the Sorting begin," he declared.
The what?
I was about to ask Sirius when McGonagall appeared from a doorway below the staff table, a rather old, tattered looking hat in her hands. She set the hat down on a stool I hadn't noticed before and stood back expectantly. The entire room was craning its neck to get a better view of the hat, and so I did the same, caught up in the tension of the moment.
Silence.
I waited a moment more impatiently, then sat back with a sigh. This was ridiculous - likely enough I had stumbled across some cult and was now about to witness some religious sacrifice. Hopefully I wasn't going to be the victim.
Then suddenly the hat seemed to split at one of its seams, and a rather loud, deep voice began reciting what appeared to be a poem. For a long moment I just stared at what I had thought was an inanimate object, trying to get past the shock that a hat was actually talking. I blinked several times, wondered again if I hadn't gone insane or been knocked unconscious and was dreaming, then decided that it was no use causing myself more emotional turmoil now. So I forced my mind to deal with it and listened to what this hat had to say.
Or at least, tried to listen. The poem finished itself with a rather sentimental thought about everyone learning to work together, a moral Disney had ran into the ground long ago, and then it began naming off names and (what I assumed to be) houses. It didn't take a genius to figure out that the hat was sorting the new students into the various houses, and after a while I even got the houses down by name, and where each table was for each house. The Slytherins, quite a nasty looking lot, were to my far left. Next to them were the Ravenclaws, then came the Hufflepuffs, and finally Gryffindors all the way on the other side.
The next thirty minutes were the most boring of my life. After figuring out the original puzzle as to what was going on, I found myself sitting back in my chair, my stomach growling fiercely and my butt sore from the hard seat. I crossed my arms over my chest, noticing the rest of the teachers still watching the students with rapt attention, waiting with baited breath as each one was named and placed. I for one had never gone to this school - hell, never even knew of this world before! - so the whole ordeal really meant diddly squat to me. Instead I examined the other teachers.
To the left of me - the last two chairs at the table - were Remus and then Sirius, both ignoring me completely. Then at the opposite side of the table there was Professor Flitwick and a rather plump witch with graying hair dressed in soft green, then a starry eyed woman in scarfs and wearing what appeared to be a sheet. Next to her was a no-nonsense lady in a nurse's uniform, next to her the giant I had seen earlier (he looked even more gruesome and threatening from this angle), and finally next to him was Dumbledore, who seemed to be either asleep or meditating. Now we reached my side of the table, where there was an empty chair for McGonagall, and between me and her. . . .
Was a man who for some reason caught my eye and held it. His face was turned away, looking down to the sorting taking place, but from this angle I got an impression of strong features and a slightly hooked nose that might have been broken at some time. His hair was black - almost blacker than Sirius's - and trailed to just beneath his jaw line with a greasy shine to it. Seeing as I'd lived out my later years in California, I had seen my share of stranger - and dirtier - hair styles. The clothes he wore seemed more normal to me for some reason, his black robes more like expensive dress clothes, though they seemed nowhere near as formal as the other teachers'. I got the feeling he just wore black a lot.
Beneath the robes was a broad shouldered frame and what appeared to be a muscled body. I couldn't study it that close under the material, and for some reason suddenly found myself curious about it. I could have slapped myself. My God, Eevee, you kiss a stranger and suddenly you're thinking about sex with odd men. The sooner I get back to normal-ville, the better.
And so I stared at him curiously until my funk was broken by the sound of applause. Immediately my attention turned back to the Sorting, and found that God was merciful and it was over. Then I saw movement out of the corner of my eye and noticed that Dumbledore had stood up - great God, he wasn't going to give a speech, was he? This was the worst torture possible, cruel and unusual punishment for being in a bad place at a bad time! I was ready to stand up and plead the eighth.
But once again I was caught off guard. "Let's dig in!" The old man said clearly. I just about fainted with relief - until I noticed that there was no food on the table.
As though on cue, there was a tiny explosion and dishes piled high with food stuffs blasted into existence before me. I almost fell out of my chair - I might have screamed, but couldn't be sure, I was so flustered. Didn't these people know about subtlety? Christ, I could've had a heart attack!
Sirius had grabbed my arm to keep me from tumbling to the floor and was laughing, and I glared at him, but couldn't keep the expression up. I felt a sheepish smile growing on my face despite my best attempts at being insulted, and found that quite the same transformation was undergoing Remus. He gave me an apologetic look before his face split into a wide grin of amusement.
I sat up straight and pushed back my hair, face flushed in embarrassment yet unable to keep the grin off my face. "Damn nerves," I muttered.
Sirius only laughed harder. Why did that sound send tiny shock waves through me?
"You may want to calm down a bit, Black," a deep, somehow soothing voice said from my other side. "Wouldn't want you to die of laughter, now would we?"
The snide remark was enough to wipe the smile from Sirius's face - and I connected "Black" as being his last name. Sirius Black, quite a nice ring to it, really. Almost as colorful as Severus Snape.
Severus Snape.
I turned around and looked at the man I had studied before, this time getting a full view of his sneering face. Black eyes that burned like coals met my own briefly before focusing past my shoulder, and the greasy hair hung limp around his high cheekbones and strong chin. The skin was pale, almost pasty, but for some reason it only made his coloring seem more exotic. He had the kind of face that only a rare breed of women would find attractive - God help me, I was one of them.
"Shut it, Snape," Sirius said over my shoulder, "though I'll be happy to shut it for you."
The sneer across the man's features widened, stretched his sensual lips. I couldn't help but stare in fascination. "Well, I'm sure you would, but let's keep our manners before a lady, hm?"
His eyes scolded mine for a second, then he turned back to his plate and began dishing himself food. I followed suite, biting my lip a little in thought, and a moment later Sirius leaned over to whisper to me, "Don't mind him, he's just a slimy git."
Mind him? I thought he was totally fascinating! "So that's Snape?" I whispered back, all too aware of just how close Sirius's mouth was to mine.
"Sadly enough."
I let out a soft snort. "Beautiful," I flashed Black a quick and utterly tactless smile. For a breathless moment I was pleased to see his eyes darken, then I turned to my plate, finished ladling some mashed potatoes and pork chops, then dug in. So this was the infamous Severus Snape, I couldn't help but think.
Charmed, I'm sure.