Sry about the long wait for this one, my band camp has been pounding me
into the ground lately.
*****Chapter 5: The Secret of Scrambled Eggs*****
Minerva was waiting for me, as promised. She had an expression on her face much like one who had just sucked on a lemon, and thinking of the conversation I had just had, I probably looked the same. Snape certainly was a lemon, alright.
Why did that sound so suspicious?
"Come along, Evelyn," McGonagall said in her clipped tones. "It's late and we all have classes tomorrow."
"Uh-huh," I muttered, still thinking of Snape. So what if he wasn't the best working partner? So what if I hated his guts to kingdom come? I was rich for God's sake, I could put up with him. I concentrated on where McGonagall was leading me, set on getting to know my way around the castle so I wouldn't get lost, but sure enough about three minutes later I could have confused right with left. Who in their right mind would build a castle this big? A sickening thought suddenly hit me. Dear God, what if I had to use the bathroom during the night?
"Here we are, dear," McGonagall murmured, and stopped in front of a rather large painting. I stared at the picture, noting what appeared to be a fat and rather ugly pirate sleeping at the wheel of a ship. What was it with the English and pictures of sleeping people? "Captain Klump? Er, Klump?" McGonagall said, and tapped the frame.
Abruptly the pirate in the painting gave a start and a rather cliché peg leg swung around to face us. "Friend or foe! Arm yerselves, vermin!"
I let out a rather embarrassing squeak and fell backwards, my rump hitting the carpet. Then I stared up at the painting in wide eyed shock as what I had assumed to be a still-life began hopping about and swiping at things with a giant saber. "I see ya, ya scurvy dog! On yer feet and face me like a man!"
My God, was there no end to this? I felt like I was caught in a Disney movie - what next, talking mice? I felt my temper rise, I was tired of being shocked at every turn and almost having a heart attack every time I cared to look around.
"Listen here, you stupid painting!" I barked before McGonagall could calm the captain. "I'm real, you're not, got it? So stop moving around, shut up, and do whatever it is you're supposed to be doing!"
"Oh, so I see the missy has spirit, eh? Well, to the plank with ye!"
"To the plank? How about I rip up your little painting and throw it to the sharks, huh? How about that? Oh, here's an idea, I'll light a match-"
The pirate gasped in shock.
"-And set your ugly ship and that horrible frame on fire! Now sit your ass back down and stop moving around!" I had seen movies before, I suppose a moving painting wasn't too different, but for some reason having an argument in the middle of the night with one wasn't quite the same.
There was a momentary silence while me and the painting glared daggers at each other, then McGongall said soothingly, "Now, Klump, this is Eevee and she's going to be staying in your room."
"His WHAT?" I demanded.
"She's WHAT?" The picture screamed at the same time. "You can't mean that, McGonagall, I will not have some American brat living inside my compartments!"
"French fries," McGongall said calmly. The pirate continued complaining and shouting as the portrait swung outward, and behind it I found another door in the wall. Another plain, normal door.
Why had I been expecting something inlaid in gold and ancient runes?
McGonagall opened the door for me and led me into a dark hallway. Through the hallway and past a coat rack, we arrived in a rather welcoming living room that was lit with a cozy fire. To one side of the room there was a door which let to a large bedroom and a giant bed, and a rather stylish bathroom was attached to that. I looked around in surprise, thinking that this was better than my hotel suite. Dumbledore certainly did have class.
"Your things have already been delivered from your hotel room, I believe they're in your closet," McGonagall said. "Now if you don't mind, I'll be heading to my own bed, Ms. Jones."
"Alright," I said, not really listening. I was too busy staring at the bouquet of flowers sitting inconspicuously on the table. I heard the door shut back down the hallway but wasn't paying attention - instead I walked over the bouquet and studied it for a moment, looking at the beautiful flowers and ribbons. Finally I spotted a card amidst the mess and snatched it. Who in their right mind was sending me flowers?
"Dear Eevee," I muttered as I read. "Hope you're feeling better. Heard that you'll be staying awhile, please stop by the classrooms any time. Your friends, Remus Lupin and Sirius Black."
They had sent me flowers? What the hell was this? I looked at the offending plants for a moment, then couldn't help but smile slightly. One day in wonder land, and I had already made a couple of friends. Oh, and one enemy. That's more than I had managed in my entire life. Baby steps my ass, this was better than any self-help program - just send those imbeciles to Hogwarts and let them discover what it's like to come out of your shell.
Now if only I could get Snape out of his shell.
I brushed the thought away quickly - it was dangerous, silly, and far too appealing for my liking. After a moment I yawned again, and shuffled into the bedroom to throw myself on the fluffy bed. Even though I was still dressed, I fell asleep almost immediately.
The next day I woke up in a strange bed in a strange room with broad streaks of sunlight slanting across my eyes. For a moment my mind had a relapse and I started to wonder where the devil I was - maybe I had gotten snookered the night before and come home to the wrong suite. God forbid. Then slowly memories began to drift back to me, whirling into my consciousness like visions from a nightmare.
Holy crap.
I sat up in bed, looked down at my rumpled clothing, then at the small bedroom around me. Crap, crap, crap! Now I had fallen asleep and woken twice since leaving the King's Cross Station, so obviously this was not a dream - welcome to your new and improved reality, Eevee. A moment passed where I looked around at the room: the tall grandfather clock, a standup mirror, roomy closet with what appeared to be my suit cases inside, and a cozy looking chair near the dratted window. In a sour mood - did I mention I wasn't a morning person? - I looked out the window and wondered how the hell there was sun shining when my room was in the middle of a castle.
Okay, so maybe I didn't want to think too closely on that. Instead I turned to look around the room again, unsure of just what I should do, and finally settled on sitting uselessly and sulking. Man I could sure use some coffee.
"You're a bit late for breakfast, dear."
I whirled around, my heart hammering in my chest - it seemed to be a common state lately - but no one was there. The room was empty and still, just like it had been the last time I'd looked around, and now I set my head in my hands and groaned. "Great, just great," I muttered. "First I find out I'm trapped in some magic school, now I'm hearing voices."
"Well," said The Voice. "I was just trying to be helpful. It's just a little past nine in the morning, dear, and you need to get up."
I snorted. "So now my subconscious knows what time it is, hah! AND it wants me out of bed. Oh, the irony!"
"Subconscious? No, deary, this is the mirror speaking."
Despite myself, I looked up and stared at the inanimate object. Yet so far none of the objects I had met had been truly inanimate, had they? God, this was like my imagination on a drug trip.
"You're talking to me?" I asked the mirror, trying not to wince at the fact that I was actually talking back to it.
"Of course. Now hurry up and get dressed, early bird gets the worm!"
"Early bird also dies from fatal collapses," I muttered, but swung myself out of the bed. My feet hit the soft carpet, and it was only then I noticed that somehow my shoes had been removed, even if the rest of my clothes were still intact. Or who knew, maybe I had removed them? At the moment my memory was trying to tell me I had to go to the Great Hall, but I was ignoring it determinedly.
"Uh. . . dressed, right," I muttered, and hobbled over to where my suitcases were neatly stacked.
"On the chair, dear," the mirror suggested helpfully, and I looked over to find a neat set of normal clothes along with a dark blue robe. By the looks of the robe, someone had owned it for several years and had been about to donate it to Good Will, or whatever the equivalent of that was in England. Somehow it had wound up in my room - big surprise there. I sighed. Now there was only one thing missing.
"No shower?" I asked, unsure where to direct the question. The Voice seemed confused.
"Shower, dear? You mean a bath? I can have one drawn up for you. . ."
"No, no, don't bother-" hell, take a bath? I was American, dammit, I needed to do everything quickly and easily. Baths were not quick, and nowhere near as easy as just stepping into the shower. I'd sponge down later, say after I found out what the hell I was supposed to be doing on this lovely day.
I dressed quickly, strangely self conscious before a talking mirror, and threw the ratty old robe over me. God, I felt like I was wearing a bathrobe, and it probably looked the same. Afraid to look in the mirror - or, to tell the truth, look AT the mirror - I dodged past and out into my living room.
"Good morning," said the hatstand as I passed it on my way out the door.
"Good morning!" I said back brightly, and kept walking.
I yanked open the door forcefully, for some reason feeling as though I was suffocating from all the weird normality of the place - why was all of this starting to feel familiar? God, I couldn't actually be adapting, could I?
The portrait swung open on the other side, and I stepped through, shutting the door and picture behind me. Captain Klump apparently had been waiting for me, and starting bombarding me with insults, many of which included "Ye slimy vermint, git outta bed an' swab the decks!" Or "A grimy wench ya be! Face me when I be talkin' to ya!"
I had been looking around the wide, silent hall, feeling as though the castle had deserted itself and left me there alone. The deep green carpet beneath my feet seemed to lead endlessly in both directions, and the portraits on either side of me were idly moving about, reminding me much of several different TV screens. Finally I turned back to the captain and glared at him.
"Shut your mouth before I pull out my cigarette lighter!"
That shut him up.
I walked down the hall just to get away from the blasted portrait, up to my eyeballs with impatience and a strange longing to be anywhere but here. I couldn't help but wonder how my life had taken such a strange turn - but apparently, it hadn't been so strange for my parents. Both of them, wizards? Thinking of my picture perfect mother and father, I couldn't imagine them being anything other than what they claimed to be: a banker and the head of the local women's club. But, if Dumbledore was to be believed, my life was as fake and structured as a movie star's. The thought was not a pleasant one.
So my entire childhood my parents had hated me - fine, I could deal, I hadn't liked them either.
But now I had Valde-what's-his-name on my ass, Mr. Bad Guy himself, and all because my stupid, good for nothing parents left me their money. Why did they feel I deserved the money, anyway? A bit of conscience peeking through and the last moment? They should have kept their good will to themselves, if these were the consequences!
I had been deep in thought, therefore not watching where I was going because multitasking was not one of my strong points. I looked up, noticing most of the pictures on this wall of empty landscapes, but other than that there were no doors, no windows, no decorations of any kind. What exactly was the purpose of this hall? See, if the architect had just cut out all of these useless, good for nothing halls, then the place wouldn't be as nearly maze-like as it was now. But apparently no one around here had any common sense, so I wasn't about to offer any to whomever might be listening. More than likely just three little people known as me, myself, and I.
I reached the end of the hall where there was a staircase and a dead end. For a moment I stood there, feeling like a rat who was trying to get to the cheese, then studied the staircase curiously. I'll admit, now was not the time or place to the usual "I wonder what would happen if-" but my mind was never one for convenience. 'Eevee, you're trying to find the Great Hall,' I told myself sternly. 'Breakfast, remember? You're already late, apparently classes have started since the school is so quiet - it would be best if you just head back the way you came and try to find someone who can help you.'
That's what my personal Jiminy Cricket was saying, but my eyes continued to stare up the flight of steps. For God's sake, it was only a staircase - what could possibly be at the top?
Probably another hallway, but just to make sure, I decided to head up anyway. Feeling awfully gung-ho and adventurous, I brushed my hair off my face and started up the steps, admiring the marble finish and the stone carvings in the banister.
I should have expected something would happen. Halfway up the staircase, there was a rumbling sound, and for a moment I grabbed the arm hold in fear that there was an earthquake. How often did earthquakes happen here in good old England? I was a Cali-girl for crying out loud, why was I scared of a little rumble?
But the little rumble turned into a big rumble, and with a horrible crunching sound, the entire staircase swung around until it was facing the opposite direction. I suppose I was surprised, but my mind was sort of swamped in an all-consuming numbness to the things around me; so I continued up the stairs, cheerily ignoring the fact that I now had no clue where I was going, not that I had had one in the first place.
I stepped out onto the hall above me, the carpet having gone from green to red, and there were tall suites of armor everywhere. It was still eerily silent, and was getting on my nerves. Yeesh, even back in high school it hadn't been this quiet in the halls while class was in session. I suppose the English took education seriously.
For some reason that struck me as funny.
"Eevee?"
"GAH!!" I exclaimed, and whirled around, almost falling over. "Don't do that! I am very. . . very jumpy in the morning without my coffee!"
Desperate to see just who had said my name, I brushed my hair out of my eyes and glared down the hall. Blinked. Why, who else but Remus Lupin was striding before me, a big cheery smile on his face.
I could have sworn I heard angels singing.
"Remus!" I said delightedly, and walked forward to meet him halfway. Apparently this place wasn't all bad - at least I had finally found a familiar face. Hope was not lost, after all. "Am I glad to see you. Don't tell anyone, but I think I'm lost."
He laughed, a wonderfully open sound, and clasped my hand in welcome. Then he reached into his pocket as though to draw a gun. The piece of paper he then handed me was nothing of the like, but whew, after being almost blown up by a stick - well, a girl has to be careful, you know.
"I'd say you are," he laughed again. "Dumbledore said for me to give this to you at breakfast, but I guess no one thought you wouldn't be able to find the Great Hall."
"Well. . . I sorta overslept," I muttered, and felt myself blush to the roots of my hair.
Lupin just shrugged merrily and forced the paper at me again. I took the folded bit of parchment and started to undo it, and finally looked down to read what it said. Half of me was hoping it would be something like "Surprise! You have just been caught on tape by Scare Tactics! Please sign below for us to release this on the air."
Instead I found myself staring at an impeccable list written in smart green ink. My eyes narrowed as I read it. "Herbology, Greenhouse 2 with Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws, 9:45 am? Potions, Dungeon with Slytherins and Gryffindor, 11:00 am? Care of Magical Creatures-" Realization dawned - this was a bloody class schedule!
"Wait," I said, holding up a hand. "Just what is this?"
"Just what it looks like," Professor Lupin assured me. "Dumbledore thought you might want to audit some classes in your spare time, you know, find out how things are run around here-"
"Woah woah woah," I cut him off. "See how things are run here? Listen, Lupy, I'm sorry but I don't even want to BE here. As soon as we figure out what's wrong with my arm, I'm going to. . ." suddenly my voice died in my throat. My arm, of course! I had forgotten all about it for a few blissful minutes. Now I looked down at the offending limb, a frown on my face, my thoughts dark. What if. . . what if they couldn't find out what was wrong with it? What if they had to cut it off - or worse, what if it was killing me?
Thinking of the pain I had experienced yesterday, I wouldn't be surprised. But that thought, one of my worst fears, was far too scary for me to consider right now.
I glanced up at Remus and found him looking at me in sympathy. This bothered me for some reason though I wasn't really sure why. I shrugged it off and looked away, suddenly awkward and embarrassed, and it was only then that I realized I had crushed the paper in my hand. This was a nightmare, truly a nightmare.
"Thanks for the flowers," I murmured, unable to think of anything else.
He shifted behind me then put a gentle hand on my shoulder. "Dumbledore will fix everything, Eevee," he said quietly. "Have faith."
Faith? I wanted to spit. Just what was faith when my whole world had been turned upside down? But I couldn't say that to him, he was just trying to help after all. Feisty I might be, bitchy I wasn't.
"So where's the Great Hall?" I asked, stepping away to break the contact. "I'm starving."
Remus chuckled. "I have a class to prepare for, but I suppose I could drop you off there, then come back to show you out to the greenhouses. You can ask one of the kids there about how to get to the dungeons."
I hadn't been listening to the second half. We started walking, and I starting thinking though I knew I should have been paying attention to my surroundings. Even if Dumbledore did save my arm - which I wasn't going to think too closely about yet - I would still have Big Mean and Ugly on my tail, after this fortune that I really didn't need. I'd give him the money, dammit, if he'd just leave me alone! Okay, 60/40, I could live with 40% of 30 million dollars. That wasn't so hard. Maybe even 30%, but still. . . .
I guess life wasn't that simple.
There had to be some other hidden agenda here, something I was missing, but at the moment it wasn't coming clear. Why did Dumbledore specifically want me to audit classes instead of working in the library to find a cure for this wound? Or maybe going to London to keep up my appearance and not make people suspicious? Sure, that would make me vulnerable to What's His Name, but truthfully, maybe I could just sign my money over to someone else and not worry about it anymore.
Sign it over to who, exactly? Who did I know? Who did I have as friends?
No one.
God it was pitiful - and I was sure Dumbledore wouldn't want the money. No, that would make things far too complicated for him. I got the feeling he was a very busy man even though he had seemed laid back the times I had met him. But there just had to be another way out, there had to be, I just wasn't thinking hard enough. . . For God's sake, I had found a way to cheat my way out of every test at school, I could find a way to cheat myself out of certain doom too!
"Here we are, Eevee," Remus said, opened a familiar looking double door for me. Sure enough when I stepped in it was the Great Hall - though admittedly it was quite a bit larger now that it was empty. "I'll be back to get you in a quarter of an hour. Bye!"
I stood there in the deserted room for a minute, looking around at the long empty tables, shuffling my feet awkwardly. Then I blinked, realizing why the room felt so strange to me. I was supposed to eat breakfast here - so where was all the food?
"Wait, Remus!" I called, and whirled around. Damn him, he had disappeared. Without a thought I rushed out into the hall, certain not to move more than a yard or so from the door since it might disappear (you could never be too sure in such a place). Sure enough, the Professor was long gone.
Damn him.
I returned to the Great Hall, unsure of where else to go, and made my way to the staff table where I had sat last night. "Damn this place," I muttered, listening to my voice echo back at me. "Why can't they have a Denny's or McDonald's or something? Christ, why does everything have to be so complicated here?"
And so I sat down in my place and sulked some more, lamenting my lost breakfast. I didn't know how much time passed, probably about a minute, but in the silence it seemed like an eternity. God, this was worse than my Economics class in high school.
As I sat there in the silence my mind began to wander - as it was prone to do - and I began to wonder on the silence around me. Lupin wouldn't have just abandoned me here without food, he was probably the nicest guy I'd ever met, he would have let me eaten him before I starved! So what was the goddamned secret about getting a meal around here? With a sigh and a quick glance around just to make sure I was alone, I decided to experiment.
"Hello?" I called, my voice echoing back to me. God, this was stupid. "Is anyone around?"
Nothing.
Okaaay. Thinking of how the food had appeared last night, I stared at the bare wooden table suspiciously and after a moment tapped it with my finger. "Bacon and eggs," I muttered.
Nope, didn't work.
I flushed, relieved that no one was around to see me make an ass out of myself, then snapped my fingers. "Hocus pocus!" I declared.
Nada.
"Food! Now!"
Empty.
"Open sesame!"
Not working.
"Abra kadabra! Alakazam! There's no place like home, there's. . . there's. . ." I could feel tears of frustration starting. My stomach was starting to ache painfully, and I was losing patience - dear God I hated this place, I didn't understand anything, just what the hell was going on? How hard was it to feed a body around here???
"Dammit, I'm hungry!" I shouted, slamming my fists on the table.
The explosion was abrupt and sent me shooting backwards, my chair falling over and spilling me across the carpet. I landed, my head spinning, my heart pounding, and the delightful smell of bacon teasing my nostrils. In shock I stared at the table.
Check that - ten pounds of bacon.
Oh, and about twenty pounds of eggs, an entire loaf of toast, a huge block of butter, jam, and what looked like beans. Beans? Okay, not going to ask. As soon as my ears stopped ringing, I'd be getting up and devouring the whole nine yards.
Except then I realized it wasn't my ears ringing - it was laughter. Oh good Lord, tell me there hadn't been. . . . Aw, shit.
I whirled around, still on my ass, and glared at whoever had been standing behind me. Truth to tell, if I had had a gun, it would be leveled - did I mention I had an overpowering sense of pride?
And let me tell you, the sight I saw was not pretty.
It was Sirius, dear Lord, Sirius caught me in the act! Why oh why did it have to be him? He was doubled over laughing, tears streaming down his handsome face, that gorgeous black hair falling around his shoulders. The boy could easily make the front of any magazine, even when his complexion was as red as it was now. My own face was deepening to the same shade.
"Oh, shut up!" I muttered and climbed to my feet, turning back to my bacon and eggs. All thirty pounds of it. "Where did you come from, anyway?"
"I arrived about a minute ago," his voice was rough between laughs, and surprisingly close. I turned again to find him walking towards me, his tall height intimidating in the most wonderful way. I couldn't keep the quirk of my lips - his laughter was almost as beautiful as his face.
He kept walking towards me, smiling, and stopped a few inches away. I could feel shudders rise around me at his presence, pricks of sexual awareness that made my stomach flutter and my breathing speed up. I looked up into those midnight blue eyes, my own wide, and found the laughter gone from his face. There was a new expression there, one that darkened his eyes until they were almost black, drew his face into one intense line. There was fire here, fire that could burn me if I got to close.
Wow, that was uncharacteristically poetic, what the hell had gotten into me? There was a hot guy inches away, one I had the hots for, and by the look on his face he was very interested. Right now.
"Have you. . . ah. . . had breakfast yet?" I asked anxiously, my heart going at a mile per minute. I couldn't believe this was happening - God, if getting the attention of a man was as easy as kissing him, why hadn't I tried it before?
"No," he murmured first, his voice so deep that I felt it in my core. "And I'm very. . . hungry."
Suddenly I found myself backed against the table, my ass pinched between the edge and his very warm hips. Very warm, yes, oh that felt good. . . I could also feel a slight bulge that let me know just what kind of food he was talking about.
For those of you who aren't good at double meanings - me. He wanted me.
Why did that thought send shivers through my stomach and lower?
His face lowered slowly, intimidating me to no end, then he abruptly took my lips with a force that left me shocked. I opened my mouth on instinct to say something, probably along the lines of "Woah Nelly!" But his tongue surged in and swept all thought away. We stood there like that, locked together, his arms on either side of me and bending me back over the table. In an attempt not to snap my spine, I put my hands down to support me and ended up smooshing one into a squishy plate of eggs.
Ew.
For a moment it brought me out of the spinning whirl of heat, then his mouth seized my tongue and trapped it inside his own, practically sucked it down his throat. Oh yes, that felt good, everything was wet and warm and aching, and I loved it, I loved this, I loved. . . .
There was egg on my hand.
For some reason the thought kept coming back to haunt me, destroying the moment over and over again before I got sucked back in. Literally. Suddenly I was sitting on the table, my hands flowing across his broad shoulders and wide chest, my legs astride him. He was pushing against me, gently grinding, one large hand on my inflamed breast. I could feel my nipple erect and rubbing torturously against the fabric of my shirt - a shirt I desperately didn't want to be there at the moment. His mouth left mine, my lips buzzing, and trailed down the side of my neck. It paused near the base to suck fiercely, making me gasp. I could hear moans. They were mine.
I don't know about you, but at the moment I really wanted to fuck.
"Ahem," someone cleared their voice politely.
Sirius froze, and I did the same, my skin still flushed and pulsing. My eyes snapped open - dear Gods no, you have to be kidding me. Come on, this was a make out session for the Guinness Book of Records! What son of a bitch had decided to stick his nose in?
Perve.
I pushed Sirius away from me gently, deciding that one of us had to make a move or else we'd be locked together for the rest of the day. The thought wasn't a bad one. On shaky legs I stood up, still recovering from my sex drive, and turned to see just who had caught us in the act. Why did I feel like a guilty teenager?
Sure enough, it was Remus. I wasn't really surprised - some small voice in the back of my head had been telling me he'd be returning soon. He was looking up at Sirius and me with a strange smile on his face, and I blushed so red I was probably the same shade as my hair.
"I - uh," I muttered, and cleared my throat. "I was just having breakfast."
"Ah," Remus murmured. "Enjoyable, I hope?"
"Eh, yes, it was very good," I stammered, and suddenly felt Sirius's hand trail down my spine to land on my butt. If anything, I turned even more red.
"Well, we should be hurrying if you're to make it to herbology on time," he continued to grin. "The bell rang three minutes ago - I waited outside, but wondered what was taking you so long. . . ."
A bell rang? To hell with that, I didn't hear any bell! Then again, my ears had been pounding with blood, and I'd been deaf to anything but the wonderful noises Sirius had been drawing out of me. Abruptly my stomach dropped. What if a student had walked in on us?
I didn't even want to think about that.
I cleared my throat again. "Uh, yes, coming Remus!" And I stepped away from Sirius, firmly removing his hand from my ass and giving him a slight smile. His eyes were still dark with passion, and there was a slight smirk on his face. Arrogant bastard - he knew he was good.
"Next time it'll be longer," he murmured.
I blushed again, grabbed a few pieces of bacon and a slice of toast, then ran. At the door I joined Remus, not bothering to look back at Black, and tried not to think about his words. Did I want there to be a next time? My body certainly did, but in my mind. . . in my heart, if I believed in my heart. . . .
Dammit, how did I know?
*****Chapter 5: The Secret of Scrambled Eggs*****
Minerva was waiting for me, as promised. She had an expression on her face much like one who had just sucked on a lemon, and thinking of the conversation I had just had, I probably looked the same. Snape certainly was a lemon, alright.
Why did that sound so suspicious?
"Come along, Evelyn," McGonagall said in her clipped tones. "It's late and we all have classes tomorrow."
"Uh-huh," I muttered, still thinking of Snape. So what if he wasn't the best working partner? So what if I hated his guts to kingdom come? I was rich for God's sake, I could put up with him. I concentrated on where McGonagall was leading me, set on getting to know my way around the castle so I wouldn't get lost, but sure enough about three minutes later I could have confused right with left. Who in their right mind would build a castle this big? A sickening thought suddenly hit me. Dear God, what if I had to use the bathroom during the night?
"Here we are, dear," McGonagall murmured, and stopped in front of a rather large painting. I stared at the picture, noting what appeared to be a fat and rather ugly pirate sleeping at the wheel of a ship. What was it with the English and pictures of sleeping people? "Captain Klump? Er, Klump?" McGonagall said, and tapped the frame.
Abruptly the pirate in the painting gave a start and a rather cliché peg leg swung around to face us. "Friend or foe! Arm yerselves, vermin!"
I let out a rather embarrassing squeak and fell backwards, my rump hitting the carpet. Then I stared up at the painting in wide eyed shock as what I had assumed to be a still-life began hopping about and swiping at things with a giant saber. "I see ya, ya scurvy dog! On yer feet and face me like a man!"
My God, was there no end to this? I felt like I was caught in a Disney movie - what next, talking mice? I felt my temper rise, I was tired of being shocked at every turn and almost having a heart attack every time I cared to look around.
"Listen here, you stupid painting!" I barked before McGonagall could calm the captain. "I'm real, you're not, got it? So stop moving around, shut up, and do whatever it is you're supposed to be doing!"
"Oh, so I see the missy has spirit, eh? Well, to the plank with ye!"
"To the plank? How about I rip up your little painting and throw it to the sharks, huh? How about that? Oh, here's an idea, I'll light a match-"
The pirate gasped in shock.
"-And set your ugly ship and that horrible frame on fire! Now sit your ass back down and stop moving around!" I had seen movies before, I suppose a moving painting wasn't too different, but for some reason having an argument in the middle of the night with one wasn't quite the same.
There was a momentary silence while me and the painting glared daggers at each other, then McGongall said soothingly, "Now, Klump, this is Eevee and she's going to be staying in your room."
"His WHAT?" I demanded.
"She's WHAT?" The picture screamed at the same time. "You can't mean that, McGonagall, I will not have some American brat living inside my compartments!"
"French fries," McGongall said calmly. The pirate continued complaining and shouting as the portrait swung outward, and behind it I found another door in the wall. Another plain, normal door.
Why had I been expecting something inlaid in gold and ancient runes?
McGonagall opened the door for me and led me into a dark hallway. Through the hallway and past a coat rack, we arrived in a rather welcoming living room that was lit with a cozy fire. To one side of the room there was a door which let to a large bedroom and a giant bed, and a rather stylish bathroom was attached to that. I looked around in surprise, thinking that this was better than my hotel suite. Dumbledore certainly did have class.
"Your things have already been delivered from your hotel room, I believe they're in your closet," McGonagall said. "Now if you don't mind, I'll be heading to my own bed, Ms. Jones."
"Alright," I said, not really listening. I was too busy staring at the bouquet of flowers sitting inconspicuously on the table. I heard the door shut back down the hallway but wasn't paying attention - instead I walked over the bouquet and studied it for a moment, looking at the beautiful flowers and ribbons. Finally I spotted a card amidst the mess and snatched it. Who in their right mind was sending me flowers?
"Dear Eevee," I muttered as I read. "Hope you're feeling better. Heard that you'll be staying awhile, please stop by the classrooms any time. Your friends, Remus Lupin and Sirius Black."
They had sent me flowers? What the hell was this? I looked at the offending plants for a moment, then couldn't help but smile slightly. One day in wonder land, and I had already made a couple of friends. Oh, and one enemy. That's more than I had managed in my entire life. Baby steps my ass, this was better than any self-help program - just send those imbeciles to Hogwarts and let them discover what it's like to come out of your shell.
Now if only I could get Snape out of his shell.
I brushed the thought away quickly - it was dangerous, silly, and far too appealing for my liking. After a moment I yawned again, and shuffled into the bedroom to throw myself on the fluffy bed. Even though I was still dressed, I fell asleep almost immediately.
The next day I woke up in a strange bed in a strange room with broad streaks of sunlight slanting across my eyes. For a moment my mind had a relapse and I started to wonder where the devil I was - maybe I had gotten snookered the night before and come home to the wrong suite. God forbid. Then slowly memories began to drift back to me, whirling into my consciousness like visions from a nightmare.
Holy crap.
I sat up in bed, looked down at my rumpled clothing, then at the small bedroom around me. Crap, crap, crap! Now I had fallen asleep and woken twice since leaving the King's Cross Station, so obviously this was not a dream - welcome to your new and improved reality, Eevee. A moment passed where I looked around at the room: the tall grandfather clock, a standup mirror, roomy closet with what appeared to be my suit cases inside, and a cozy looking chair near the dratted window. In a sour mood - did I mention I wasn't a morning person? - I looked out the window and wondered how the hell there was sun shining when my room was in the middle of a castle.
Okay, so maybe I didn't want to think too closely on that. Instead I turned to look around the room again, unsure of just what I should do, and finally settled on sitting uselessly and sulking. Man I could sure use some coffee.
"You're a bit late for breakfast, dear."
I whirled around, my heart hammering in my chest - it seemed to be a common state lately - but no one was there. The room was empty and still, just like it had been the last time I'd looked around, and now I set my head in my hands and groaned. "Great, just great," I muttered. "First I find out I'm trapped in some magic school, now I'm hearing voices."
"Well," said The Voice. "I was just trying to be helpful. It's just a little past nine in the morning, dear, and you need to get up."
I snorted. "So now my subconscious knows what time it is, hah! AND it wants me out of bed. Oh, the irony!"
"Subconscious? No, deary, this is the mirror speaking."
Despite myself, I looked up and stared at the inanimate object. Yet so far none of the objects I had met had been truly inanimate, had they? God, this was like my imagination on a drug trip.
"You're talking to me?" I asked the mirror, trying not to wince at the fact that I was actually talking back to it.
"Of course. Now hurry up and get dressed, early bird gets the worm!"
"Early bird also dies from fatal collapses," I muttered, but swung myself out of the bed. My feet hit the soft carpet, and it was only then I noticed that somehow my shoes had been removed, even if the rest of my clothes were still intact. Or who knew, maybe I had removed them? At the moment my memory was trying to tell me I had to go to the Great Hall, but I was ignoring it determinedly.
"Uh. . . dressed, right," I muttered, and hobbled over to where my suitcases were neatly stacked.
"On the chair, dear," the mirror suggested helpfully, and I looked over to find a neat set of normal clothes along with a dark blue robe. By the looks of the robe, someone had owned it for several years and had been about to donate it to Good Will, or whatever the equivalent of that was in England. Somehow it had wound up in my room - big surprise there. I sighed. Now there was only one thing missing.
"No shower?" I asked, unsure where to direct the question. The Voice seemed confused.
"Shower, dear? You mean a bath? I can have one drawn up for you. . ."
"No, no, don't bother-" hell, take a bath? I was American, dammit, I needed to do everything quickly and easily. Baths were not quick, and nowhere near as easy as just stepping into the shower. I'd sponge down later, say after I found out what the hell I was supposed to be doing on this lovely day.
I dressed quickly, strangely self conscious before a talking mirror, and threw the ratty old robe over me. God, I felt like I was wearing a bathrobe, and it probably looked the same. Afraid to look in the mirror - or, to tell the truth, look AT the mirror - I dodged past and out into my living room.
"Good morning," said the hatstand as I passed it on my way out the door.
"Good morning!" I said back brightly, and kept walking.
I yanked open the door forcefully, for some reason feeling as though I was suffocating from all the weird normality of the place - why was all of this starting to feel familiar? God, I couldn't actually be adapting, could I?
The portrait swung open on the other side, and I stepped through, shutting the door and picture behind me. Captain Klump apparently had been waiting for me, and starting bombarding me with insults, many of which included "Ye slimy vermint, git outta bed an' swab the decks!" Or "A grimy wench ya be! Face me when I be talkin' to ya!"
I had been looking around the wide, silent hall, feeling as though the castle had deserted itself and left me there alone. The deep green carpet beneath my feet seemed to lead endlessly in both directions, and the portraits on either side of me were idly moving about, reminding me much of several different TV screens. Finally I turned back to the captain and glared at him.
"Shut your mouth before I pull out my cigarette lighter!"
That shut him up.
I walked down the hall just to get away from the blasted portrait, up to my eyeballs with impatience and a strange longing to be anywhere but here. I couldn't help but wonder how my life had taken such a strange turn - but apparently, it hadn't been so strange for my parents. Both of them, wizards? Thinking of my picture perfect mother and father, I couldn't imagine them being anything other than what they claimed to be: a banker and the head of the local women's club. But, if Dumbledore was to be believed, my life was as fake and structured as a movie star's. The thought was not a pleasant one.
So my entire childhood my parents had hated me - fine, I could deal, I hadn't liked them either.
But now I had Valde-what's-his-name on my ass, Mr. Bad Guy himself, and all because my stupid, good for nothing parents left me their money. Why did they feel I deserved the money, anyway? A bit of conscience peeking through and the last moment? They should have kept their good will to themselves, if these were the consequences!
I had been deep in thought, therefore not watching where I was going because multitasking was not one of my strong points. I looked up, noticing most of the pictures on this wall of empty landscapes, but other than that there were no doors, no windows, no decorations of any kind. What exactly was the purpose of this hall? See, if the architect had just cut out all of these useless, good for nothing halls, then the place wouldn't be as nearly maze-like as it was now. But apparently no one around here had any common sense, so I wasn't about to offer any to whomever might be listening. More than likely just three little people known as me, myself, and I.
I reached the end of the hall where there was a staircase and a dead end. For a moment I stood there, feeling like a rat who was trying to get to the cheese, then studied the staircase curiously. I'll admit, now was not the time or place to the usual "I wonder what would happen if-" but my mind was never one for convenience. 'Eevee, you're trying to find the Great Hall,' I told myself sternly. 'Breakfast, remember? You're already late, apparently classes have started since the school is so quiet - it would be best if you just head back the way you came and try to find someone who can help you.'
That's what my personal Jiminy Cricket was saying, but my eyes continued to stare up the flight of steps. For God's sake, it was only a staircase - what could possibly be at the top?
Probably another hallway, but just to make sure, I decided to head up anyway. Feeling awfully gung-ho and adventurous, I brushed my hair off my face and started up the steps, admiring the marble finish and the stone carvings in the banister.
I should have expected something would happen. Halfway up the staircase, there was a rumbling sound, and for a moment I grabbed the arm hold in fear that there was an earthquake. How often did earthquakes happen here in good old England? I was a Cali-girl for crying out loud, why was I scared of a little rumble?
But the little rumble turned into a big rumble, and with a horrible crunching sound, the entire staircase swung around until it was facing the opposite direction. I suppose I was surprised, but my mind was sort of swamped in an all-consuming numbness to the things around me; so I continued up the stairs, cheerily ignoring the fact that I now had no clue where I was going, not that I had had one in the first place.
I stepped out onto the hall above me, the carpet having gone from green to red, and there were tall suites of armor everywhere. It was still eerily silent, and was getting on my nerves. Yeesh, even back in high school it hadn't been this quiet in the halls while class was in session. I suppose the English took education seriously.
For some reason that struck me as funny.
"Eevee?"
"GAH!!" I exclaimed, and whirled around, almost falling over. "Don't do that! I am very. . . very jumpy in the morning without my coffee!"
Desperate to see just who had said my name, I brushed my hair out of my eyes and glared down the hall. Blinked. Why, who else but Remus Lupin was striding before me, a big cheery smile on his face.
I could have sworn I heard angels singing.
"Remus!" I said delightedly, and walked forward to meet him halfway. Apparently this place wasn't all bad - at least I had finally found a familiar face. Hope was not lost, after all. "Am I glad to see you. Don't tell anyone, but I think I'm lost."
He laughed, a wonderfully open sound, and clasped my hand in welcome. Then he reached into his pocket as though to draw a gun. The piece of paper he then handed me was nothing of the like, but whew, after being almost blown up by a stick - well, a girl has to be careful, you know.
"I'd say you are," he laughed again. "Dumbledore said for me to give this to you at breakfast, but I guess no one thought you wouldn't be able to find the Great Hall."
"Well. . . I sorta overslept," I muttered, and felt myself blush to the roots of my hair.
Lupin just shrugged merrily and forced the paper at me again. I took the folded bit of parchment and started to undo it, and finally looked down to read what it said. Half of me was hoping it would be something like "Surprise! You have just been caught on tape by Scare Tactics! Please sign below for us to release this on the air."
Instead I found myself staring at an impeccable list written in smart green ink. My eyes narrowed as I read it. "Herbology, Greenhouse 2 with Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws, 9:45 am? Potions, Dungeon with Slytherins and Gryffindor, 11:00 am? Care of Magical Creatures-" Realization dawned - this was a bloody class schedule!
"Wait," I said, holding up a hand. "Just what is this?"
"Just what it looks like," Professor Lupin assured me. "Dumbledore thought you might want to audit some classes in your spare time, you know, find out how things are run around here-"
"Woah woah woah," I cut him off. "See how things are run here? Listen, Lupy, I'm sorry but I don't even want to BE here. As soon as we figure out what's wrong with my arm, I'm going to. . ." suddenly my voice died in my throat. My arm, of course! I had forgotten all about it for a few blissful minutes. Now I looked down at the offending limb, a frown on my face, my thoughts dark. What if. . . what if they couldn't find out what was wrong with it? What if they had to cut it off - or worse, what if it was killing me?
Thinking of the pain I had experienced yesterday, I wouldn't be surprised. But that thought, one of my worst fears, was far too scary for me to consider right now.
I glanced up at Remus and found him looking at me in sympathy. This bothered me for some reason though I wasn't really sure why. I shrugged it off and looked away, suddenly awkward and embarrassed, and it was only then that I realized I had crushed the paper in my hand. This was a nightmare, truly a nightmare.
"Thanks for the flowers," I murmured, unable to think of anything else.
He shifted behind me then put a gentle hand on my shoulder. "Dumbledore will fix everything, Eevee," he said quietly. "Have faith."
Faith? I wanted to spit. Just what was faith when my whole world had been turned upside down? But I couldn't say that to him, he was just trying to help after all. Feisty I might be, bitchy I wasn't.
"So where's the Great Hall?" I asked, stepping away to break the contact. "I'm starving."
Remus chuckled. "I have a class to prepare for, but I suppose I could drop you off there, then come back to show you out to the greenhouses. You can ask one of the kids there about how to get to the dungeons."
I hadn't been listening to the second half. We started walking, and I starting thinking though I knew I should have been paying attention to my surroundings. Even if Dumbledore did save my arm - which I wasn't going to think too closely about yet - I would still have Big Mean and Ugly on my tail, after this fortune that I really didn't need. I'd give him the money, dammit, if he'd just leave me alone! Okay, 60/40, I could live with 40% of 30 million dollars. That wasn't so hard. Maybe even 30%, but still. . . .
I guess life wasn't that simple.
There had to be some other hidden agenda here, something I was missing, but at the moment it wasn't coming clear. Why did Dumbledore specifically want me to audit classes instead of working in the library to find a cure for this wound? Or maybe going to London to keep up my appearance and not make people suspicious? Sure, that would make me vulnerable to What's His Name, but truthfully, maybe I could just sign my money over to someone else and not worry about it anymore.
Sign it over to who, exactly? Who did I know? Who did I have as friends?
No one.
God it was pitiful - and I was sure Dumbledore wouldn't want the money. No, that would make things far too complicated for him. I got the feeling he was a very busy man even though he had seemed laid back the times I had met him. But there just had to be another way out, there had to be, I just wasn't thinking hard enough. . . For God's sake, I had found a way to cheat my way out of every test at school, I could find a way to cheat myself out of certain doom too!
"Here we are, Eevee," Remus said, opened a familiar looking double door for me. Sure enough when I stepped in it was the Great Hall - though admittedly it was quite a bit larger now that it was empty. "I'll be back to get you in a quarter of an hour. Bye!"
I stood there in the deserted room for a minute, looking around at the long empty tables, shuffling my feet awkwardly. Then I blinked, realizing why the room felt so strange to me. I was supposed to eat breakfast here - so where was all the food?
"Wait, Remus!" I called, and whirled around. Damn him, he had disappeared. Without a thought I rushed out into the hall, certain not to move more than a yard or so from the door since it might disappear (you could never be too sure in such a place). Sure enough, the Professor was long gone.
Damn him.
I returned to the Great Hall, unsure of where else to go, and made my way to the staff table where I had sat last night. "Damn this place," I muttered, listening to my voice echo back at me. "Why can't they have a Denny's or McDonald's or something? Christ, why does everything have to be so complicated here?"
And so I sat down in my place and sulked some more, lamenting my lost breakfast. I didn't know how much time passed, probably about a minute, but in the silence it seemed like an eternity. God, this was worse than my Economics class in high school.
As I sat there in the silence my mind began to wander - as it was prone to do - and I began to wonder on the silence around me. Lupin wouldn't have just abandoned me here without food, he was probably the nicest guy I'd ever met, he would have let me eaten him before I starved! So what was the goddamned secret about getting a meal around here? With a sigh and a quick glance around just to make sure I was alone, I decided to experiment.
"Hello?" I called, my voice echoing back to me. God, this was stupid. "Is anyone around?"
Nothing.
Okaaay. Thinking of how the food had appeared last night, I stared at the bare wooden table suspiciously and after a moment tapped it with my finger. "Bacon and eggs," I muttered.
Nope, didn't work.
I flushed, relieved that no one was around to see me make an ass out of myself, then snapped my fingers. "Hocus pocus!" I declared.
Nada.
"Food! Now!"
Empty.
"Open sesame!"
Not working.
"Abra kadabra! Alakazam! There's no place like home, there's. . . there's. . ." I could feel tears of frustration starting. My stomach was starting to ache painfully, and I was losing patience - dear God I hated this place, I didn't understand anything, just what the hell was going on? How hard was it to feed a body around here???
"Dammit, I'm hungry!" I shouted, slamming my fists on the table.
The explosion was abrupt and sent me shooting backwards, my chair falling over and spilling me across the carpet. I landed, my head spinning, my heart pounding, and the delightful smell of bacon teasing my nostrils. In shock I stared at the table.
Check that - ten pounds of bacon.
Oh, and about twenty pounds of eggs, an entire loaf of toast, a huge block of butter, jam, and what looked like beans. Beans? Okay, not going to ask. As soon as my ears stopped ringing, I'd be getting up and devouring the whole nine yards.
Except then I realized it wasn't my ears ringing - it was laughter. Oh good Lord, tell me there hadn't been. . . . Aw, shit.
I whirled around, still on my ass, and glared at whoever had been standing behind me. Truth to tell, if I had had a gun, it would be leveled - did I mention I had an overpowering sense of pride?
And let me tell you, the sight I saw was not pretty.
It was Sirius, dear Lord, Sirius caught me in the act! Why oh why did it have to be him? He was doubled over laughing, tears streaming down his handsome face, that gorgeous black hair falling around his shoulders. The boy could easily make the front of any magazine, even when his complexion was as red as it was now. My own face was deepening to the same shade.
"Oh, shut up!" I muttered and climbed to my feet, turning back to my bacon and eggs. All thirty pounds of it. "Where did you come from, anyway?"
"I arrived about a minute ago," his voice was rough between laughs, and surprisingly close. I turned again to find him walking towards me, his tall height intimidating in the most wonderful way. I couldn't keep the quirk of my lips - his laughter was almost as beautiful as his face.
He kept walking towards me, smiling, and stopped a few inches away. I could feel shudders rise around me at his presence, pricks of sexual awareness that made my stomach flutter and my breathing speed up. I looked up into those midnight blue eyes, my own wide, and found the laughter gone from his face. There was a new expression there, one that darkened his eyes until they were almost black, drew his face into one intense line. There was fire here, fire that could burn me if I got to close.
Wow, that was uncharacteristically poetic, what the hell had gotten into me? There was a hot guy inches away, one I had the hots for, and by the look on his face he was very interested. Right now.
"Have you. . . ah. . . had breakfast yet?" I asked anxiously, my heart going at a mile per minute. I couldn't believe this was happening - God, if getting the attention of a man was as easy as kissing him, why hadn't I tried it before?
"No," he murmured first, his voice so deep that I felt it in my core. "And I'm very. . . hungry."
Suddenly I found myself backed against the table, my ass pinched between the edge and his very warm hips. Very warm, yes, oh that felt good. . . I could also feel a slight bulge that let me know just what kind of food he was talking about.
For those of you who aren't good at double meanings - me. He wanted me.
Why did that thought send shivers through my stomach and lower?
His face lowered slowly, intimidating me to no end, then he abruptly took my lips with a force that left me shocked. I opened my mouth on instinct to say something, probably along the lines of "Woah Nelly!" But his tongue surged in and swept all thought away. We stood there like that, locked together, his arms on either side of me and bending me back over the table. In an attempt not to snap my spine, I put my hands down to support me and ended up smooshing one into a squishy plate of eggs.
Ew.
For a moment it brought me out of the spinning whirl of heat, then his mouth seized my tongue and trapped it inside his own, practically sucked it down his throat. Oh yes, that felt good, everything was wet and warm and aching, and I loved it, I loved this, I loved. . . .
There was egg on my hand.
For some reason the thought kept coming back to haunt me, destroying the moment over and over again before I got sucked back in. Literally. Suddenly I was sitting on the table, my hands flowing across his broad shoulders and wide chest, my legs astride him. He was pushing against me, gently grinding, one large hand on my inflamed breast. I could feel my nipple erect and rubbing torturously against the fabric of my shirt - a shirt I desperately didn't want to be there at the moment. His mouth left mine, my lips buzzing, and trailed down the side of my neck. It paused near the base to suck fiercely, making me gasp. I could hear moans. They were mine.
I don't know about you, but at the moment I really wanted to fuck.
"Ahem," someone cleared their voice politely.
Sirius froze, and I did the same, my skin still flushed and pulsing. My eyes snapped open - dear Gods no, you have to be kidding me. Come on, this was a make out session for the Guinness Book of Records! What son of a bitch had decided to stick his nose in?
Perve.
I pushed Sirius away from me gently, deciding that one of us had to make a move or else we'd be locked together for the rest of the day. The thought wasn't a bad one. On shaky legs I stood up, still recovering from my sex drive, and turned to see just who had caught us in the act. Why did I feel like a guilty teenager?
Sure enough, it was Remus. I wasn't really surprised - some small voice in the back of my head had been telling me he'd be returning soon. He was looking up at Sirius and me with a strange smile on his face, and I blushed so red I was probably the same shade as my hair.
"I - uh," I muttered, and cleared my throat. "I was just having breakfast."
"Ah," Remus murmured. "Enjoyable, I hope?"
"Eh, yes, it was very good," I stammered, and suddenly felt Sirius's hand trail down my spine to land on my butt. If anything, I turned even more red.
"Well, we should be hurrying if you're to make it to herbology on time," he continued to grin. "The bell rang three minutes ago - I waited outside, but wondered what was taking you so long. . . ."
A bell rang? To hell with that, I didn't hear any bell! Then again, my ears had been pounding with blood, and I'd been deaf to anything but the wonderful noises Sirius had been drawing out of me. Abruptly my stomach dropped. What if a student had walked in on us?
I didn't even want to think about that.
I cleared my throat again. "Uh, yes, coming Remus!" And I stepped away from Sirius, firmly removing his hand from my ass and giving him a slight smile. His eyes were still dark with passion, and there was a slight smirk on his face. Arrogant bastard - he knew he was good.
"Next time it'll be longer," he murmured.
I blushed again, grabbed a few pieces of bacon and a slice of toast, then ran. At the door I joined Remus, not bothering to look back at Black, and tried not to think about his words. Did I want there to be a next time? My body certainly did, but in my mind. . . in my heart, if I believed in my heart. . . .
Dammit, how did I know?