"I'm beginning to think the students are taking over Hogwarts," said a very confused Albus Dumbledore, as he stroked his kitty cat, Mr. Bigglesworth.
"Albus, remove that damn cat from the table. I'm trying to eat over here." Said Professor McGonagall.
"It's my pussy, I'll do whatever I want with it. I believe you said that not too long ago, Minerva."
"Albus, if I've told you once, I've told you a million times never to bring that up again. I had way too much Peppermint Schnapps that night."
"Whatever," he said as he stroked the cat once more. "Any who, how are the two American chicks getting along?"
"The 'chicks'" she raised her eyebrows at this, "are doing fine academically. Emotionally," she glanced at the wreck that was Christina making her way out of the Hall as Draco gave her the middle finger. "I'm not so sure." She said.
"Well tell those bitches that there's gonna be Christmas festivities up in the hizouse really sizoon, and to get it twisted." He told her as he took a bite of toast.
"White, Albus." She sighed. "You're white."
"In yo' dreams mama." he added.
"How you ever became headmaster, Albus, I'll never know, but for some reason, Hogwarts is the best it's ever been." This time, Dumbledore decided to rap.
"Fo' that last comment bizotch, I want ta thank you, an let ya know, that ya got me straight trippin boo."
"Lovely, Albus. Just lovely." She commented.
"Now, add the bezoar," Snape told the students as he watched them create the concoctions instructed on the board. Neville was, as usual, digging himself into a deep shit hole in Potions.
"Longbottom, that's not bezoar. That's just some piece of bacon your piggy self stuffed in your pocket this morning at breakfast." Snape told him. "Get rid of it, and 20 points from Gryffindor." Moans were heard throughout the classroom. "Not because Longbottom had food in class, but for the sheer reason that all of you are such fruits."
"Yeah, we're the fruits…" said Dean Thomas. "He's the one wearing lipstick…"
"Am not!" screamed Snape covering his mouth.
"Are too!" said Dean.
"Yeah, and he's got eyeliner too!" said Harry.
"Detention! If I want your opinion Potter, I'll beat it out of you!" screamed Snape, now brushing his greasy hair in front of his face.
"Ok, Cousin It…" said Bella.
"Stop! Enough!" Snape said like a girl. Christina pulled a bottle of Herbal Essences shampoo out of her bag and placed it on Snape's desk.
"Merry Christmas sir." She said. "I know it's early, but keeping this from you for so long is like keeping a quarter from a hobo…" the class was roaring with laughter.
"Silence! All of you!" he was crying, his mascara running.
"Professor, I don't think Dumbledore allows drag queens in Hogwarts…" said Draco.
"What the hell is happening? I'm losing control!" he said, pulling at his hair, which to the class's surprise, fell off onto Lavender's desk. She screamed.
"Get it off! Get it away! It's gonna eat me!" she squealed.
"Lavender, no offense, but nothing's gonna eat you…"
"Draco!" said Christina. "We don't need your crude comments!"
"Ooh sorry…didn't realize the bug up your ass died and made you queen." Christina pushed him off his chair.
"Why did I have to sit next to bleach boy?" she moaned. Snape was sitting in the corner, bald, black eyed, and crying.
"For your information," said Malfoy climbing back into his seat, "This is my natural color."
"Yeah right Barbie."
"Hermione, you're messing up the potion!" Said Harry.
"Oops! Well this reviving potion wasn't too important. Probably would've saved some kid's parents from Voldemort or something." She replied.
"What the hell are you on, Herbitchne? How about we talk about your parents? Muggles, right? They must be really stupid. Well, anybody who chooses to stare at other people's teeth and smell their rancid breath all day must be quite the dumbasses."
"I'll have you know scar head," Draco raised a brow at this across the room, after all, it was one of his names for the almighty loser Potter, "that dentistry is a very important profession indeed."
"Could you two please shut the hell up? You're being annoying, you're not getting anything done, and quite frankly, you're giving me a headache." Said Bella.
"I second that." Said Ron, who was paired up with Bella at the next table over.
"Keep out of it Ron," said Hermione. "You're just a flame headed peasant who's never gonna get any."
"Bitch!" yelled Ron, standing up from his seat next to Bella.
"Whore!" yelled Hermione back, also standing up. Snape finally decided to interfere with his class.
"Are you two on crack?" he spat. "The fabulous super dee duper dream team going at it? Both of you sit down and shut up. And I'll be taking 30 more points from Gryffindor, and do you know why? Because you're all insane know it alls!" he screamed. The Slytherins smirked.
"Us insane?" asked Bella. "Excuse me sir, but we're not the ones standing in front of the classroom, bald, wearing smudged red lipstick and mascara…"
"She's got a point Professor," said Christina and Draco kicked her. "Do you want to start Barbie?"
"I don't know who the hell Barbie is, but stop calling me it you slut." Said Malfoy.
"He's got a point," said Hermione, imitating Christina.
"Do you want to start bitch?" Christina yelled over at Hermione, as she got up from her chair. Hermione stood up next to Harry.
"Hell yeah." She replied, rather oddly. She didn't curse often.
"Ooh, showdown…" said Dean Thomas.
"Albus, remove that damn cat from the table. I'm trying to eat over here." Said Professor McGonagall.
"It's my pussy, I'll do whatever I want with it. I believe you said that not too long ago, Minerva."
"Albus, if I've told you once, I've told you a million times never to bring that up again. I had way too much Peppermint Schnapps that night."
"Whatever," he said as he stroked the cat once more. "Any who, how are the two American chicks getting along?"
"The 'chicks'" she raised her eyebrows at this, "are doing fine academically. Emotionally," she glanced at the wreck that was Christina making her way out of the Hall as Draco gave her the middle finger. "I'm not so sure." She said.
"Well tell those bitches that there's gonna be Christmas festivities up in the hizouse really sizoon, and to get it twisted." He told her as he took a bite of toast.
"White, Albus." She sighed. "You're white."
"In yo' dreams mama." he added.
"How you ever became headmaster, Albus, I'll never know, but for some reason, Hogwarts is the best it's ever been." This time, Dumbledore decided to rap.
"Fo' that last comment bizotch, I want ta thank you, an let ya know, that ya got me straight trippin boo."
"Lovely, Albus. Just lovely." She commented.
"Now, add the bezoar," Snape told the students as he watched them create the concoctions instructed on the board. Neville was, as usual, digging himself into a deep shit hole in Potions.
"Longbottom, that's not bezoar. That's just some piece of bacon your piggy self stuffed in your pocket this morning at breakfast." Snape told him. "Get rid of it, and 20 points from Gryffindor." Moans were heard throughout the classroom. "Not because Longbottom had food in class, but for the sheer reason that all of you are such fruits."
"Yeah, we're the fruits…" said Dean Thomas. "He's the one wearing lipstick…"
"Am not!" screamed Snape covering his mouth.
"Are too!" said Dean.
"Yeah, and he's got eyeliner too!" said Harry.
"Detention! If I want your opinion Potter, I'll beat it out of you!" screamed Snape, now brushing his greasy hair in front of his face.
"Ok, Cousin It…" said Bella.
"Stop! Enough!" Snape said like a girl. Christina pulled a bottle of Herbal Essences shampoo out of her bag and placed it on Snape's desk.
"Merry Christmas sir." She said. "I know it's early, but keeping this from you for so long is like keeping a quarter from a hobo…" the class was roaring with laughter.
"Silence! All of you!" he was crying, his mascara running.
"Professor, I don't think Dumbledore allows drag queens in Hogwarts…" said Draco.
"What the hell is happening? I'm losing control!" he said, pulling at his hair, which to the class's surprise, fell off onto Lavender's desk. She screamed.
"Get it off! Get it away! It's gonna eat me!" she squealed.
"Lavender, no offense, but nothing's gonna eat you…"
"Draco!" said Christina. "We don't need your crude comments!"
"Ooh sorry…didn't realize the bug up your ass died and made you queen." Christina pushed him off his chair.
"Why did I have to sit next to bleach boy?" she moaned. Snape was sitting in the corner, bald, black eyed, and crying.
"For your information," said Malfoy climbing back into his seat, "This is my natural color."
"Yeah right Barbie."
"Hermione, you're messing up the potion!" Said Harry.
"Oops! Well this reviving potion wasn't too important. Probably would've saved some kid's parents from Voldemort or something." She replied.
"What the hell are you on, Herbitchne? How about we talk about your parents? Muggles, right? They must be really stupid. Well, anybody who chooses to stare at other people's teeth and smell their rancid breath all day must be quite the dumbasses."
"I'll have you know scar head," Draco raised a brow at this across the room, after all, it was one of his names for the almighty loser Potter, "that dentistry is a very important profession indeed."
"Could you two please shut the hell up? You're being annoying, you're not getting anything done, and quite frankly, you're giving me a headache." Said Bella.
"I second that." Said Ron, who was paired up with Bella at the next table over.
"Keep out of it Ron," said Hermione. "You're just a flame headed peasant who's never gonna get any."
"Bitch!" yelled Ron, standing up from his seat next to Bella.
"Whore!" yelled Hermione back, also standing up. Snape finally decided to interfere with his class.
"Are you two on crack?" he spat. "The fabulous super dee duper dream team going at it? Both of you sit down and shut up. And I'll be taking 30 more points from Gryffindor, and do you know why? Because you're all insane know it alls!" he screamed. The Slytherins smirked.
"Us insane?" asked Bella. "Excuse me sir, but we're not the ones standing in front of the classroom, bald, wearing smudged red lipstick and mascara…"
"She's got a point Professor," said Christina and Draco kicked her. "Do you want to start Barbie?"
"I don't know who the hell Barbie is, but stop calling me it you slut." Said Malfoy.
"He's got a point," said Hermione, imitating Christina.
"Do you want to start bitch?" Christina yelled over at Hermione, as she got up from her chair. Hermione stood up next to Harry.
"Hell yeah." She replied, rather oddly. She didn't curse often.
"Ooh, showdown…" said Dean Thomas.