I Wish…
Chapter One: Not to be Unseen
Pairing: Jenruki or Ryouki, it's your choice!
Takari-san: I don't own Digimon and those stuff. I simply own the plot… this is another Tamers fic, Ryo/Jenruki, but this time you choose how it's going to end up to! Review me for which you want! Let's begin!
*Jenrya's POV*
I watched as you were in another bickering session with Ryo, I watched as you playfully pinched his arm, looking as if he was the only one with you right now. I watched as you finally stopped arguing and sat down beside Jeri, engaging in a conversation like normal girls would… not that I'm saying you're a normal girl.
It has been three months after our Digimons have returned to their world, we would prefer not to talk about it, knowing that it'll bring back old memories, causing us to mourn for their lost. I sometimes wish that Terriermon was here, he could crack jokes and simply speaking brighten up my day, just like before… see what I mean about mourning?
It's not like I'm in pain or suffering but… it's just that I want to be noticed by you… I want you to know of me and know how I feel for you. No, I'm not saying that you ignore me but, I want you to be closer to me as you are with Renamon… or more even. I want to know you better, yet I know that's impossible. There are lots of others beside me, who you can consider "close".
I don't know when it happened. When did I start feeling this way for you, anyway? How did my view of you change from a friend to someone I want to be so close with…? Why do I feel this way?
I sometimes wondered if you ever noticed how I felt for you but I realized that in truth, I remain unseen, that you don't know much about me, that I'm stereotyped as a lone-wolf. I wonder how they came up with such… I know I don't speak often, but a lot is said with simple gestures.
I wonder if you even notice me, that you ever spare a thought thinking of me… Did you ever worry about my safety when we journeyed off, or fought the D-reaper? I know somehow you were worried for everyone but did you ever thought about me as myself not in a group?
I want to know if you see me in the way I see you, or do remain unseen, not noticed, even if it's so obvious that I feel for you this way.
I watched as you glared at Takato, muttered your everyday insults to him, which included your favorite, which was goggle-head. I watched as you sighed as Hirokazu and Kenta made a fool of themselves as they usually did, and smiled as Suzie asked you if you wanted to play a card game.
You were unique, beautiful in anyway you look. You were a princess who keeps her identity to herself to live low. You were an angel given by God to give blessings each of us. I know I might be exaggerating but you are more than words can describe. I cannot describe how you are, but definitely, you are special.
I smiled faintly as you sat down on the green meadow and looked at the clouds. I pretended to read a book, which was beside me. In truth, I was watching you, your every feature as you looked upwards onto the sky as if wishing for something to happen, your eyes filled with longing and something I couldn't read.
I wish I knew what you were thinking, I want you to open up the locked doors of your mind to me… but will that ever happen?
I wonder if one day you'll be closer to me… if you will open up to me, treat me as someone "special" as I treat you… Will you ever care for me, as I do for you? Will you be addicted to me as I crave for you? Will I be finally seen as me, not the stereo-typed lone wolf?
I guess not…
I know some might think… "Why don't you just give up? You're fatal addiction is killing you!" I know it is, but I can't. Every time I think of you, some image of a heavenly site appears and I'm suddenly in bliss. In some way I admire you as well, you taught me a lot, you showed me how to never give up, that we have to fight in order to have the best outcome.
I admire your courage… I admire your persistence… I admire your confidence… I admire you…
It's actually funny to think that someone I sort of despised before can mean so much to me… Yes, I'm not afraid to admit it… I didn't like you when we first met, I thought of you as a fight-loving freak that doesn't care about their partner, which totally clashed with my peaceful nature. First impressions don't last though, later I found out that you was a very caring person. You must've just had difficulty getting out of your shell, melting the icy barrier that you were locked in.
My feelings for you grew so much more when you jumped of that cliff as you first Digivolved to Sakuyamon. Your patriotism amazed me; you were willing to risk your life just to save us… your friends.
I wonder if I would be that brave, if you would finally like me… notice me if I would. I watched as you watched the clouds, your expression of longing still there. I want to comfort you, say something… anything, as long as you feel better, but what?
Can I say anything to make you feel better? Not knowing what I was thinking, I stood up and went to your side, I sat down beside you and began what I thought was a decent conversation at that time…
*******
"Hey… you seem preoccupied… is there something wrong?" I asked worriedly.
"Iie… I was just thinking… Many things happened to us, ever since we were young, we were with our partners and now they're gone…" Ruki said, pulling her knees closer to her.
"It's alright… I know they'll come back, they told us didn't they?" I said though not quite sure.
**Flashback**
15 year old Jenrya Lee watched as their partners vanished in front of their eyes once more, it was all happening all over again. Their Digimon are being called to the Digiworld once more, but this time they might not come back as they did before…
Ruki watched, tears in her eyes as her partner, Renamon was vanishing in front of her eyes. It was the first time Jenrya saw her cry like that, it seemed so painful, and it was painful. She didn't seem to care that she was crying, crying in front of Jenrya and the others just to say the least. Her usual coolness, melted since after all she was about to lose someone who she considered her best friend, partner. Her first true friend was vanishing in front of her eyes, just like that.
"Ruki… don't worry, I'll come back… I'll try my best." Renamon said, wiping the tears off Rika's eyes.
"Renamon…" Rika murmured, sobbing lightly.
"It's alright Rika… I will find a way, along with the others after our task is fulfilled, for sure." Renamon said.
"Renamon…"
*******
"Terriermon… do you really have to go? Who will wake me up, play with Suzie?" Jenrya asked, smiling but tears falling down my cheeks endlessly.
"Jenrya, I'll come back, if there's no way then I'll find one!" Terriermon said cheerfully, yet a tone of sadness still remained.
"You promise?" Jenrya asked.
"Hai…" the bunny-look-alike said.
They all said their goodbyes, as their partners vanished. Wails of Suzie, whimpers of Takato and even a few sobs from Jenrya, Ruki and Ryo was heard, as the sunset, which will also rise bringing them unto a new day.
**End of Flashback**
"Terriermon promised…" I smiled, memories of the times I've spent with Terriermon flooding my mind.
"They promised but when… when will they come back?" Ruki said, a few rebellious tears falling down.
"Don't worry, just be patient, they will come back." I said in a persuasive tone.
"Arigato Jenrya… I needed that." Ruki smiled at me. I was soon in bliss; I wanted time to stop right then, right there. The beauty of her smile was unmatchable, the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I wanted her to be always that way with me… but that was just to much to ask.
"Iie… it's alright, you can come to me, anytime… just ask…" I said walking away, back to the tree in which I observe her, alone, with no distraction. All I need to admire her, right there.
"Arigato…" she whispered to me, a smile forming on my face… I smiled; it was nice having a talk with her… it's wonderful… if only she didn't cry.
*******
I was back under the tree, my so called navigation tower in which I observed everyone, mostly you and my sister, Suzie.
I watched my sister, she seemed to be enjoying Hirokazu's and Kenta's company since she was laughing so hard at their jokes she was on the ground, red already. I watched as Takato and Jeri was making out, a normal scene you'd see if you watch the two love birds… I watched bitterly as it was Ryo's turn to comfort you. It was as if he was ruining everything, he was taking you away.
You guys were talking once more, another teasing session? A talk about your Digimons perhaps… or maybe some personal stuff you aren't willing to discuss with me? I watched bitterly as you two chatted about who-knows-what.
Yes, I was jealous, I was jealous ever since a long time ago, I just didn't show it since I'm afraid you'll hate me. I didn't know why before but now I understand…
I love you…
I hate myself for it. I didn't want to get hurt… I know you're kind but still you have an over-flowing pride… you would laugh at me for sure… I hate myself for this, I hate myself since I can't stop it. I hate…
Hate… is such a strong word, but it is the only thing I can say to describe what I feel for myself. I was yet a simple pacifist until you came into my life. My life became complicated ever since I started feeling this way for you… not that I'm blaming you. After all you yourself don't have a clue on what I feel.
I smiled bitterly as Ryo walked away and you continued your cloud-gazing. I watched you and only the thoughts of your beauty filled my mind.
How long am I supposed to hide, watching you from a huge tree which hides me? When are you going to see me as I see for you? Am I just going to be hidden forever? My feelings for you never revealed?
I don't know what to think of anymore…
I watched silently as you finally stood up, going towards Takato and Jeri, telling them that your mother wanted you home early… I watched you silently, as usual and stood up myself. I removed the dirt from my pants and ventured out, getting Suzie from the insane duo and soon bid my goodbyes to them.
*******
I looked up at the ceiling of my room… I looked at the blanket prepared for me today, remembering Terriermon and how he used to play in the blankets and hide from Suzie with Lopmon.
I smiled a few azure beads falling down. I hugged my pillow and thought of my life ever since before and how it has changed… my only wishes now are for Terriermon to come back and…
I wish not to be unseen…
My feelings not to be unseen by you anymore and for you to see me… the way I see you. I wish…
I wish…
~to be continued in Ryo's POV~
Takari-san: I can't believe this took so long to write! Darn school! I only had 15 minutes a day to write 0.o {sigh} I liked summer a whole lot better, and to say I was wishing for school to come then since I was so bored 0.o Oh well how was it… Jenrya's attitude changed but everything changes… it's been five years what do you expect? Umm… in this fic their Digimons had to go away again, but this time without them since they have lives and the Digiworld is said to have improved and humans aren't allowed there.
Preview:
Chapter Two: Not to be Despised (Hmm… quite obvious who, ne?)
Ryo is thinking about Ruki this time and this time it shows his jealousy towards Jenrya… wonder why? Just read it when I finally finish writing it and uploaded!
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Takari-san: Remember… drop a review there to vote if this should be a Jenruki or a Ryouki. R/R, I'll try my best to update faster… I'm going to put up a Jenruki again soon too…
(BTW: if you didn't notice the one Jenrya addresses as "you" is Ruki)