Title: Catfight

Summary: Nobody likes hearing someone they love get insulted.

Warnings: There's a barfight, and a same-gender pair. Don't like or approve of girl/girl pairs, don't read this.

Rating: PG- some language, fighting, adult themes

Setting: Non-specific

Characters: Logan/Jubilee, Leslie/Linda (both original characters)           

Catfight

The bar was smoky, dim, but surprisingly not as crowded as it usually was on a Friday. Jubilee and Logan walked in, took stock of their surroundings, and sat down at the nearest clean, empty booth.

                Jubilee giggled, and Logan looked at her. "What's so funny?" he asked her.

                "Look over there," she pointed at the bar. Logan followed the direction of her pointing finger and saw a tall, husky guy standing there next to a seated woman.

                "Yeah? So what? He's tryin' ta pick up a pretty girl."

                Jubilee giggled again. "You don't see it?" She shook her head. "You don't smell it?"

                Logan sniffed, but there were too many smells in the bar for him to distinguish the smells of two individuals in the morass of other scents in the room. "Nope. What am I s'posed ta be gettin', exactly, Jubes?"

                She grinned. "I don't think that guy knows he's hitting on a man."

                Logan did a double take. "That woman's a man?"

                Jubilee took a sip of her soda. "Yep."

                Logan shook his head in disbelief. "I don't see it, Jubes." His eyes wandered down the 'woman' from head to toe. Long blonde hair…but that could be a wig. Nice rack…but that could be a padded bra. Hips did seem a little straight, but there was a nice shapely ass on 'her'. Long, nice, straight stems—legs--on her…then Logan reached the shoes. No woman had feet that big. Jubes' feet would have to be three times as big as they were now to wear those heels. Hell, he would be able to fit into them with room to spare.

                He shook his head. "Damn."

                Jubilee looked at him. "You figured it out?"

                "Yeah," he said, taking a sip of his beer. "Those feet, damn, Jubes, yer feet would have ta be three times larger'n they are now ta wear those things. But she—he—does have some nice stems."

                Jubilee took a quick look back at the 'woman' at the bar, then a surreptitious look at her own legs. She hated her legs. She wished, constantly, for legs like Jean's, or like Ororo's. She had short, slightly muscular legs; they had long, slender, willowy ones.

                Logan didn't miss that look. He sighed. "Jubes, I love yer legs," he said to her gently. "Those skinny things she…he…has? They look good, but they ain't gonna feel so good when someone lies beside 'her' in bed. Too bony. There's no muscle there. Ya know how I like it when ya wrap yer legs around me when we…"

                Jubilee put her glass down. "Yes, yes, I know." Her face turned pink. "Not so loud, Logan."

                He grinned, but went on. "If ya didn't have muscle on ya, Jubes, I wouldn't be able ta do…that. So don't knock yerself, Jubes. Yer perfect just the way ya are."

                A woman brushed past their table, and Logan looked her over critically. Heavy perfume, but was it a woman…? "Jubes…?"

                Jubilee looked at the disappearing figure. "Yeah, that was a woman," she said. A man walked by a moment later, wearing jeans and a T-shirt, with a cowboy hat slouched low over the forehead, and Jubilee giggled. "That's a girl."

                "Huh?" Logan stared in disbelief. Cowboy Hat and Heavy Perfume settled into two stools by the bar and ordered drinks, to everyone else looking like a redneck guy and a trailer-trash girl sitting there together.

                "They're two girls," Jubilee giggled. "I have to use the ladies' room. Let me know if you can figure it out," and she grinned and got up.

                Logan sat there, eyeing the two women and trying to figure the 'guy' out. He was maybe a little short, but other than that, Logan couldn't see any difference…oh yes he could. There was a slight swell of hips outward from the waist of the jeans. Not much, but it was there. He returned to his beer.

                Someone slid into the chair across from him, someone who was wearing entirely too much perfume. It sure as hell wasn't Jubilee. He looked up, to see Cowboy Hat slip into the booth across from him. "Hey, cowboy," the woman grinned at him.

                "Hey yerself," Logan growled, staring at his beer bottle and pulling his hat down a bit lower over his forehead.

                "You here with that little Asian chick?"

                Logan put a growl in his voice. "Yeah, she's with me."

                Cowboy Hat grinned. "She's a real looker. You're a lucky man."

                Logan said warily, "I count my blessin's every day. So why the chitchat?"

                Cowboy Hat blinked. "What?"

                "Quit beatin' 'round the bush. Why the hell ya jawin' 'bout my girl?"

                Cowboy Hat removed the hat. "It's not what you think." She ran her fingers through her reddish-brown hair. "I don't know if you could tell. I'm a woman. My name is Leslie." She ran an arm around the other woman, her companion, as the woman came up. "This is Linda, my…friend." The tone of voice in which she said the word 'friend' left little doubt in Logan's mind what that 'friendship' entailed. "We were thinking that if your girl swings that way, maybe we all might…get better acquainted."

                Logan raised an eyebrow. Just the one, slowly, and no more. Three girls…it was every man's fantasy…but not his. Not when it came to his Jubes. "I don't think so," he said.

                "Well, do you mind if we ask her?"

                "Ask me what?" Jubilee came up to them.

                Leslie and Linda looked at each other, unsure how to begin.

                Jubilee arched her eyebrow; an exact imitation of Logan's raised eyebrow. He wondered, rather distantly, how many of his mannerisms she had picked up. "While you're trying to remember what it was you wanted to ask me, maybe you could get out of my seat?" she snapped.

                Leslie bristled. "Watch how you talk to your elders, girl," she said, standing. She was a good head taller than Jubilee, but the younger girl wasn't at all intimidated. She'd faced down thirty-foot sentinels, cannibalistic blood-sucking mutants, and exotic aliens from other worlds, after all; what was one woman a head taller than herself? Besides, Logan thought, Leslie didn't look all that much older than Jubilee.

                "Elder? Hah. How are you 'older' when you play dress-up like a little girl?"

                "'Little'? I think the pot's calling the kettle black," Leslie snickered. "Well, Linda and I here wanted to ask you if you'd like to join us for a little…adult…fun, but maybe we were wrong. You're obviously not adult enough to join us." She stood up. "Come on, Linda. Let's leave the little girl and her Daddy here. She probably enjoys what her Daddy does to her more." She turned to Logan. "If I were you, I'd spank some manners into her, old man. She's a bit spoiled." Logan bristled and half-rose in his chair. The idea…!

                Jubilee didn't move out of her way so she could leave. "Take that back." Her voice was tight and even, but Logan heard the warning in it. He sat back. These women were about to find out that pissing his little firecracker off wasn't something they should have done.

                "What? That you're spoiled? That you're a little girl?"

                "No. Logan is not an old man, nor is he my 'daddy'. And what you're implying with that is unspeakable. Apologize."

                Leslie laughed and tried to brush Jubilee aside. Jubilee spread her legs apart a foot or so and refused to budge. "Apologize."

                Linda laughed. "Leslie, I do believe she's challenging you," she said. "You going to let her get away with that?"

                Leslie made a half-turn toward Linda, winked, and then turned back toward Jubilee as she brought her fist up. Logan almost yelled Jubilee's name…then realized the warning wasn't necessary. Jubilee saw that coming, and slapped the woman's fist away. Leslie tried again, only to be blocked harder. She stared stupefied at Jubilee, who stood there, quiet but tense. "Apologize."

                "Like hell." Leslie struck out again.

                Jubilee danced backward on the balls of her feet, watching every move the other woman made. Leslie circled her, and she kept turning, meeting the other woman, refusing to let her guard down. "Apologize," she said tersely. "Last chance, before I kick your ass. I don't knock you for your choice in," she flicked her eyes up toward Linda, standing frozen by the table, "Bed partners, so don't knock mine. Apologize." The other patrons of the bar were similarly frozen, some scrambling to get out of the way as fast as they could. No one seemed inclined to break up the fight. Logan was leaning against the booth, chewing on a toothpick and smiling. Jubilee winked at him and turned her attention back to the fight.

                Leslie dropped to the floor, swept out her foot, and tried to hook her ankle, but Jubilee was quicker, and saw the woman's movement. She jumped clear of the foot and dropped to the floor in a perfectly executed gymnast's roll. She came out of the roll barely a hand's span away from the startled Leslie's supporting leg, and grabbed it in a steely grip. One hard yank, and the woman fell on top of her. Jubilee rolled her over on her back, keeping hold of one wrist, and twisted it up over the woman's back. Leslie found herself effectively pinned against the floor, with Jubilee sitting on her back.

                "Apologize," Jubilee ground out.

                "No," Leslie snapped. Jubilee twisted her arm higher up her back. "Ow, damn it, you're hurting me….get the hell off me, you little aaagghhh!"

Jubilee had twisted her arm further up her back. "Apologize," she said with sweet maliciousness. "Or I'll dislocate it."

"All right…all right…" Leslie gasped. "I'm sorry."

"I didn't hear that," Jubilee said, increasing the strength of her grip. "Say that again? Louder, maybe?"

"I said, I'm sorry!" Leslie howled. "I'm sorry I insulted you! I'm sorry I called your boyfriend an old man! I'm sorry I said he had a taste for little girls! I'm sorry I called you a spoiled little girl!"

"Apology accepted." Jubilee leaned in close to her ear. "Now, if I were you, I'd be hauling ass out of here. Maybe you should consider it…before I decide to kick your butt around a little more."

Leslie got up, grabbed Linda's hand, and fled.

There was a scattering of applause as jubilee got up. She looked around in surprise. Logan was clapping, and he was joined by quite a few other patrons of the bar. She looked at the bartender in surprise as he came up to her. "Hey, what's this about?"

"Those two women are the most annoying patrons we have," he said. "They hit on everyone who walks in here, then belittle and insult anyone who declines their invitation. Thye usually avoid getting beaten up by avoiding asking anyone who looks like they might be able to beat them. I guess they made a mistake this time." He grinned broadly and held out a fistful of bills.

Jubilee stared. "What's this?"

He grinned wider. "Some of us placed bets on the winner of the fight. I bet for you. So did some of the others. You won, we won. Figured you'd be entitled to the winnings."

Jubilee shook her head, reaching for her jacket and putting it on. "Ah, no. I don't want it. Use it to pay for a round of drinks for everyone. I'm going home." She marched out of the bar as Logan hurried after her.

"Jubes," he stopped her. She stopped, but didn't look at him. "Ya weren't mad at her 'cause she insulted you. Ya got mad 'cause she insulted me. How come?"

"Because you get picked on way too much," she burst out, turning to face him. "Everybody picks on you. Even the other X-Men, sometimes. I hate it when they do that."

"Jubes," Logan folded her in his arms. "I don't mind it at all. Granted, those two women in there were kinda over the top, but it's nothin' I ain't heard before. People say that all the time 'bout older men and younger women. Believe me, I've heard it all. It don't bother me none. I 'preciate ya wantin' ta protect my ears, but it ain't necessary, 'kay? An' a lot o' the ribbin' I get from 'Ro, Remy, and even Scott ain't meant ta hurt my feelin's. It's all fun."

Jubilee wiped her eys. "You sure?"

"I'm sure, Jubes. Come on. Let's go home."