Chapter 3: Not to be Alone
Pairing: Ryo/Jenruki but Mainly Jenruki
*Ruki's POV*
I first lost my best friend, Renamon, then one of the men who are important in my life, Ryo. Why don't they just take away my friends, my family, my other love and my life so the pain would be over? Why…?
I wiped the tears that fell away, even if it was logical to cry I didn't want to… for Ryo wouldn't have wanted it nor would I. I don't want to look weak yet how couldn't I cry if I lost a dear friend which I was slowly falling for?
I sobbed, I was the only one left… Takato and the others left, even his father left. They left me because they thought I wanted to be with Ryo… and I did.
I touched the cold gravestone, there it was, his name inscribed in a gravestone. I never remembered feeling this way… have I ever cried this way before? Wait… I did. It was the time Renamon left for the first time, and the second.
Even so, I still believe I'm being weak… This isn't what Ryo expects of me! He believes I'm strong and I am… right? Every single time I lose someone… I feel like I'm being left alone. I feel as if one by one those people and Digimon precious to me are disappearing… One by one all those I tried so hard just to be close to, those who I opened my heart to are going away – they're leaving me all alone in the cold place called Earth. Is this what I call being strong?
My gaze was still steadily looking at the gravestone that had the name Akiyama Ryo engraved to it. I still couldn't believe that I… THE RUKI MAKINO was acting so vulnerable… so pathetic… so weak.
Yet, think about it. Who wouldn't feel alone when seemingly one by one of those you love are vanishing? Vanishing, never to be seen again… and to say I only opened my heart to very few people. Was this a sign to tell me that I can never be close to others? That I shouldn't be… because if I do… if I do they'll slowly slip away from my grasp and the fragile heart I have would shatter, shatter like fragile glass in which shards can never be put together again.
One wise one said that we should take the risk so there would be a better outcome, yet that's but a fallacy. I took the risk of being warm, close to some yet in the end I am hurt, battered this way.
Who said this was the end?
Yes, who said it was? But, then again if it isn't what would be the end? Something much worse? Something that can hurt me more….
Take the risk… the end might be better.
I don't want to take anymore risks! I can't… if my heart gets battered any more I can't take it… I was just a normal teenager. Nothing much of importance happened in my life, except maybe getting a Digimon partner. I made my first friend, Renamon… I was reluctant at first but due to help from a close and intimate friend of mine I took the risk and yes, I can say everything went well… at first.
At that time when they were going away back to their world… when my friend battered himself blamed himself for all that happened, why our partners, our friends had to say goodbye. I cried like I never have before, it was a moment in my life in which I was so vulnerable. I believe that I was stronger before yet I think this, what happened to me is better… UGH! I'm so confused!
I stopped my mind from thinking those thoughts for a moment… When did I ever get this confused? Never, right? Wait… I did… when Ryo was still alive, when I was badly attracted, infatuated even with Ryo Akiyama and Jenrya Lee.
I never thought of the two much, Jenrya was an overly calm young man, at first I hated that fact but then again it is admirable. He was more mature for his age, when a child was crying - thinking there was no hope; he, Jenrya would be the one comforting the child. He must have taken this being a middle child in a big family in which he had four siblings, two of which are younger than him. He's responsible because the fact that; I infer, middle children are often left to take care of themselves. They have great expectations for the eldest while they love the youngest the most because they are so called 'fragile'. I would never have known how he felt… I am an only child. Yet, even with our differences, me being temperamental, he being calm, me being stubborn, and he being agreeable; he chose to understand me.
He was the one who told me how important it was to have a partner, a friend, Renamon. He's also a trustworthy and nice young man – a man who wants to protect others but sometimes can't.
Ryo, on the other hand I saw myself in him. The same stubborn and reckless attitude was in him as well. He was also an only child. We had the same fighting spirit and confidence in ourselves. I would really admit that I had a bad start with him; one opposite trait for the two of us is that he is warm-hearted while I am cold-hearted, a bit distant to others. I first thought he was asking for all the attention but no, he wasn't. He was just another idealistic young man hungry for adventure. He was cocky, yes. We bicker a lot, yes. But I can't deny the fact that he saved me, once, twice or even more. Even as cold that I was to him, he chose to be warm to me.
He was the one who came to my aid in times when I was in danger. He may seem to be a worthless man sometimes but he was a hero – a hero willing to risk his life.
I never let go of the feeling that I was at least falling for them. Love, no not that kind of love… I didn't know what that was. Love, they were like my brothers, two brothers who thought me valuable things about life… and I knew one day one of them might lead me to love them in that way.
I blushed for a while… what kind of thoughts were those? Ryo was dead and she was thinking about all those things. How worthless can she be that she would do that? Thinking of such things… when this man in front of me, under the ground died for me. I looked at the gravestone, Ryo… I miss you, and I still remember the time before you died that you said you loved me. Did you really mean that?
The cold wind passed and I felt as if it Ryo's voice whispering in my ear huskily the word The cold wind passed and I felt as if it Ryo's voice whispering in my ear huskily the word yes.
"Ryo… I don't know when I'd be tired of saying this, but you're an idiot." I muttered banging my fists at the tomb stone.
You didn't have to leave me… know you make me uncertain if opening up to others was the right thing.
"Baka. Ryo no baka." I muttered, tears beginning to glisten down my cheeks, I quickly wiped them away again going over the word weak in my mind.
I looked up to the sky – I couldn't take looking into the gravestone any longer… the sky was sending omens. It was going to rain. But rain, it wouldn't stop me from staying with… Ryo…
As I predicted it began to rain after a few moments of just looking at the stone grave. The rain droplets began to fall but it was odd that I wasn't getting wet.
I looked up.
"Ruki… you'll get sick. You know fully well Ryo wouldn't like it to know that the woman he saved will get sick because of him." A familiar calm voice said apparently this person was shielding me from the rain with a green umbrella.
"Jenrya… You wouldn't understand." I scowled staying firmly on the ground.
"Ruki, Stop being so stubborn like this! Takato and the others are worried about you already," Jenrya began in a demanding voice but soon got softer, "I know it's hard for you. It's especially hard on you… but… it's hard for us too. It's hard for me… us… to loose a friend and also the one he saved. Not in death, but because she is being distant with us…"
I looked up and saw Jenrya's gloomy face, his Chinese-tanned skin and grey eyes hypnotizing me leaving me with no choice but to follow, "I'm sorry Jenrya… it's just that everything and everyone I care for seems to be going away - leaving me alone."
"Ruki, no matter what… even if you hate me, don't like me or even don't know me… I'll never leave you alone." He said dropping the umbrella to the ground; hugging me in an embrace.
Even in the coldness of the rain that was pouring down on us, I could feel warmth. I don't know if it was Jenrya's body heat… or just the blush that managed to go up my cheeks to match with the tears and rain droplets on my face.
And though pathetically I managed to whisper, "Arigato…"
Tsuzuku
Takari-san: That didn't take me as long as the second chapter to make, right? Though last chapter had fewer reviews I fell in love with the idea of Jenruki and Ryouki once more.