Chapter 4: To Be With You Forever
Pairing: Ryo/Jenruki but Mainly Jenruki
Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon Tamers or Digimon.
Takari-san: This will contain the confession, the other confession… hope you enjoy this pure Jenruki fluff chapter!
*Jenrya's POV*
"Ruki, no matter what… even if you hate me, don't like me or even don't know me… I'll never leave you alone." Those were my words to you as I hugged you in an l- no… friendly embrace.
In all my life I wondered if the phrase 'It's better to have loved than never love at all' was true. I wondered if it was just a fallacy like most things today. If it was true in the most sincere sense; Or if one should not bother at all to care about such words.
I on the other hand, believe that it is true; for this time in which you, Ruki Makino is in my embrace is one of the times I would cherish in my whole life. Though you might love one who has departed, left us – left for a better place I love you and cherish this love I have for you. I feel as if the world was perfect; which it absolutely isn't, when you, Ruki is in my arms. I may pray that this can last forever but then again I can't ask for too much.
"Arigato…" You managed to whisper shyly in you voice that could take my breath away.
I let go of you and patted you gently on the back… then forced a smile, "It's alright, make Ryo happy and proud of what he did, okay?"
"Hai…" you nodded as I led you away from the cemetery, you looking at Ryo's grave unmoving, "Would you like to stay longer?"
"Iie… I was just whispering my goodbye…" you replied emotionlessly as I took the umbrella from the ground and shielded our already wet bodies from the rain.
I nodded curtly and soon asked, "Would
you mind if we take a side trip to my home? We need to get you into new clothes
as fast as possible so you won't get sick."
Even if you were stubborn I knew you were reasonable; you nodded.
"I see… let's walk briskly then, is that alright?" the silence was slowly killing me but I reminded myself that you lost Ryo and it's normal for one to be discreet if they lost an intimate friend, a love even.
You nodded again; this is one of the times I wished we were ten again and you would once again be insulting me. Insulting is still talking after all.
We walked briskly, as I said and soon arrived in front of my home, the same home in which I lived in when I was ten – the time in which we first met and fought side by side. I rang the doorbell and after a few moments I was welcomed home by my mother and younger sister, Suzie. They looked at us worriedly at fist, being wet and all but soon smiled in relief as they found out I finally managed to let you out of the cemetery. They were worried, I'm sure of that. Your mom must've called.
Right away, they rushed to the gates; opening it up for us. We entered the home and I right away told you…
"Go with Suzie, she'll lend you clothes of my sister." I said as I loosened up the buttons of my white polo shirt – Chinese people wear white if there are loses. I soon entered my room.
Locking my door, I quickly opened my closet; getting another set of all white clothes. Though I did feel extreme jealousy on Ryo, I can't help but feel he's one of my close friends too. He is, actually. He may be what I call 'my rival for your heart' or 'the roadblock and the reason why you don't notice me' but he is and will forever be a friend of mine.
I finally finished putting on my clothes and exited my room to be welcomed by you – you wearing all white attire as well but wearing a sweater to go with it– Japanese also wear white in times of death.
"I'll send you home then…" I smiled as I took you hand and dragged you out of the house after I pulled out my jacket from the coat stand and put it on, "Do you feel alright?" I asked as I opened the umbrella and we exited the house.
"Of course I do, Jenrya." You retorted.
"Uh… sorry, hope I didn't insult you by that." I said softly.
"Don't worry about it." You said looking away then said, "I'll return the clothes when I get them washed, ok?"
"Oh… okay." I replied. We walked in a slow monotonous pace and I knew I would be bidding goodbye to you in a few minutes – about ten in estimation.
As if you read my mind; you tugged my sleeve, "Would… would you mind if we stalled a bit?"
"No… of course not…" I said slowly; wondering why you would want to spend extra time with me.
"It's because I don't want to face my mother; I caused her to worry like that…" you said.
"You may act cold sometimes but you have a heart, ne?" I kidded hoping to lighten up your mood but you scowled at me with a flustered face, which I found absolutely adorable and I knew Ryo would too, if he was here.
You punched me in the arm, "Baka…" you scowled.
I laughed lightly, "Would you like a snack then, just to stall time Warm ramen sounds good; don't you think?" I pointed to a ramen stand near by.
"I guess so." You shrugged.
We made our way there and soon arrived and I closed the umbrella and sat down on the bench and the owner approached us for the order. I made them and we sat there comfortably waiting for our food to arrive.
"Did you eat a while ago for lunch?" I asked you worriedly.
You shook you head as if it was nothing.
"You should eat now; I didn't either so I'm eating now." I told you.
"Why didn't you eat?" you asked me.
"I just didn't." I shrugged.
"I guess I shouldn't bother myself with that…" you said throwing away the subject.
A few moments of silence then I spoke
again, "Ruki… not to offend you or anything but… How did you feel when Ryo
saved you?"
"Why should you care?" you said. I'm sure you were avoiding that subject but I can't help it. If I don't ask you; you might not be the Ruki I used to know and I won't know why you aren't that Ruki. I'm doing this because I love you.
"Because I do Ruki, can't you accept that answer even if it's too vague? I care for you Ruki…" I told you softly and in my mind I though I exclaimed how you didn't know how much I care.
"Jenrya…" you whispered softly, "I don't know… I felt vulnerable and weak, that's something I'm sure of."
"Ruki, of all the people I know you – you are someone who I can never regard as weak, never." I told you, and shortly our food arrived and I lunged at it hungrily.
You watched me in faint amusement as you ate your food normally, unlike me. I was to my last bite when you suddenly spoke…
"You know… life always made me wonder…" you said slowly.
I stopped from my eating, and shifted my gaze to you. Your eyes seemingly far away; they were like beautiful amethysts. I love those eyes, that skin, you.
"If it was testing me… If I was being tested so if I passed they would give me something better – something I always wished for. However as one by one those I treasure vanishes, I don't want to think anymore. I don't want to see what this better thing is because I already lost so much…" Ruki continued.
My eyes softened and I put my arm on her shoulder as a sign that I was comforting her. Ruki… I never knew… if only you told me.
"I wish that I could just turn back time and could just stop my existence so I wouldn't feel such pain, so there wouldn't be a Ruki Makino to cause and feel pain." You told me looking out at space.
I watched you in awe; I didn't know these were the feelings being bottled up in you. I might have lost some friends as well but you, you worked hard to open up to others… I wanted to touch your cheek and say it'd be alright but I can't. I'm afraid you'll reject me and push me away. Love makes me want to do such and at the same time makes me want to avoid such; what an irony. However I managed to say, "But Ruki, if you weren't here with me now… where would I be?"
"I don't know Jenrya, probably happier." You replied to my question that was supposed to cheer you up, somehow.
"I don't think so, if I wasn't here with you now… I might be someone else. I might be a street side bum for Pete's sake!" I exclaimed as I brought you closer to me.
"What if you were a multi-millionaire then?" you looked up to see me grinning at you.
"I wouldn't be complete because I haven't met you." I said as I gently stroked your auburn hair.
You were immediately silenced and so was I. I just gave you a hint about how I felt, a very huge one at that.
"Jenrya… I don't know why you're even trying… if I wasn't alive Ryo would have lived!" you exclaimed after that moment of silence.
"If you weren't alive… Ryo would've never loved!" I retorted gently and again you shut up.
"H-How did you know what he said?" you stuttered staring at me.
"I'm not blind Ruki, actually even a blind man would know how he felt if he cared about it." Jenrya replied.
"You cared about him loving me?" you said, actually it seemed more of choked.
"Yes, I did." I said looking away, somehow in the middle of this conversation I let go of you, or maybe you broke apart from me. I go for the latter.
"W-Why would you do that?" you asked me. Every moment that passed by as we talked like this I felt as if you were getting closer and closer to revealing my feelings for you.
"I just did." I said blushing slightly. God, one step into this conversation and you act as if Ryo hasn't died!
"There has to be a reason Jenrya, do you
hate me or something?" you asked me and I looked into you eyes to confirm if
you were kidding. In your eyes, I saw only sincerity and wanting to find out…
but why?
"Of course not!" I exclaimed, "I would never hate you, I even l-"I shut up right away.
You glanced at me and I gulped. One more moment of being so engrossed in those words and you would've known. Now, this gets me thinking; why didn't I tell you anyway? There really isn't anything to lose, right?
"Jenrya… are you hiding something from me?" you asked slowly but lethally. I've known you for five years and when you talk to me, it means business.
"No… yes… I don't know." I sighed in reply.
"What do you mean by that?" you asked looking at me confused. Most genuine expression I've seen from a person such as you.
"I mean… I have been longing to tell you something for a while now but I just couldn't get the guts to." I said. I know that it was just after Ryo's death. I know you must still love Ryo. However, I can't keep this in me anymore.
"Well, then go on. Tell me, I won't eat you or anything." You told me.
That's what I was actually hoping you would do rather than something worse, bringing up a subject like this after Ryo's death. An idiot I am.
"I love you." And that was the end of my life. I enjoyed it but this is the end.
You choked evidently.
"I'm sorry. You may kill me now." I said bowing down. Gladly, the owner of this shop was seemingly deaf.
"Kill you? No thanks…" you replied in a serious tone, "Jenrya, I like you and everything… but I'm still confused… will you give me time to answer that?"
"Of course, I don't know how it feels to be confessed at by two men at close times." I replied. For now, I was just happy you don't hate me and also my heart feels a whole lot lighter.
"Thank you Jenrya." You told me.
"No problem…" I replied and then continued, "I better send you home then, and don't worry about the meal, my treat." I stood up and left money on the table.
"Thank you again Jenrya." You replied. I don't really know why you are actually thanking me when I'm the one who should be thanking you.
You stood up and I took the umbrella again, but then I saw the rain has already passed. I smiled for a moment then looked at the sun before I took your hand in mine. Reluctantly, you didn't let go and held it tighter knowing that my life was ok, actually.
*******
It's been two months since the day I confessed my feelings, I can't say I don't feel that way anymore because I do. I very much do. I love you, Ruki Makino more than you can imagine but problem is you still haven't given me your answer.
Some of the good things that happened in this span of time are that we are good friends now and they have come back. Terriermon is back, Renamon is back; just as they promised, everyone is back and you, being that Good Samaritan at heart and of course liking Ryo adopted Monodramon as your own. Monodramon, at first could not accept the fact that Ryo has died but he knew that Ryo died for an honorable cause – to protect you. Monodramon then became our close friend, the two of us. We were now bound by something, and you can't decline it. We treated ourselves differently. We were closer than what friends should, unlike Takato and Jeri but close nonetheless.
We are good friends, I know that. It seems that in the gang, the death of Ryo has passed but in our hearts everyone still remembers the legendary tamer. He's still in your heart, in mine, in Takato's and everyone else's. I believe that somehow you love him and lucky you! He did so too. It's not as if I'm saying that I want you to answer me right away but… I don't know I just want to know. I don't know all these thoughts in my mind are in disarray. I can't think straight, especially if you were the subject. All I can think about is you wonderful auburn hair and gorgeous amethyst eyes and simple to say, I'm dead. Dead in love with you that is.
"Jenrya…" a voice distinctively familiar called causing my mind to stop its worthless and pointless thoughts to turn around to find myself facing you.
"Ruki," I smiled softly, "What are you doing here?"
You pouted a bit, "A few minutes ago you
ask me to come; now you want me to leave, some friend you are."
I stopped you as you were about to walk away that same calm grin on my face, "Gomen, I forgot. I really did ask you to come."
"Fine…" you sighed and silently in my mind I made a little dance to worship how cute you were. You soon sat down beside me on the bench in the park that I was sitting on.
"You looked cute when you pouted." I said grinning. It was nice to say that Ruki and I are friends now, good friends too.
"Shut up!" you said flushed, "Why did you ask me to accompany you here anyway?"
"Nothing, since I am soon aging, I just want to spend my last few days with my best friend, is that wrong?" I asked you jokingly.
You were silent for a while then you hit
me on the back, "Jenrya no baka!"
I grinned respectively, "I know."
You looked at me for a while then I once again couldn't let my eyes of you. Damn, I'm supposed to be a wholesome young man, not a lusting teenager! Not that I'm complaining… Wait… Where the heck did that come from!? I shook my head and I knew you were watching me oddly, but hey; sue me for loving you.
"Jenrya… is there something wrong?" you asked me as I know I visibly shook my head for know particular reason.
"Iie, just thinking… just thinking." I replied subconsciously.
"I never knew you could think…" you laughed lightly, in your enchanting emotionless laugh.
"I never knew either." I said jokingly as you smiled - a small yet sincere smile that made my heart melt.
"Really, Jenrya… you are a riot." You said.
"I know… but even I can think…" I grinned softly.
"About that thing… I've been thinking a lot lately… about what you said two months ago…" you said softly but I heard it and immediately jerked up from my comfortable position. How nice of you; Bringing up this subject when I'm vulnerable and unknowing! Hey, hey, hey Jenrya… you were the one complaining… Yes, that's right… Oh well, just go on and tell and hope for the best.
"H-Hai…?" I managed to stutter.
"I've given it real thought and I was first confused, a lot confused since Ryo but anyway Ryo would have wanted me to be happy too and… I…" you were soon cut of when a cute, high-pitched voice interrupted.
"Jenrya… look, look Monodramon found something cool!" Terriermon said giddily as he flew to the two of us accompanied by a grinning Monodramon and a sighing Renamon. Takato, Jeri, Guilmon are playing around somewhere.
"Really?" I laughed but silently cursed, "What is it?"
You seemed to force a smile too, "Yeah, Monodramon what did you find? Renamon, was it really interesting?"
Renamon coughed then said after
reluctance, "Yes…"
"See, look at this rock… it has something inscribed to it!" Monodramon exclaimed happily holding up a stone that seemed to have cat scratches.
"Ah… it does… it does…" I laughed lightly as Terriermon flew on top of my head.
"Can we go and play with Guilmon now? Can we? Can we?" it asked excitedly.
"Sure, I don't know what was stopping you guys…" I grinned as you nodded in agreement.
"Do you want to join us?" Monodramon asked happily.
"No thanks, maybe later." you smiled weakly.
"That's okay…" Terriermon grinned, "Let's go find Guilmon; Monodramon, Renamon."
The dinosaur nodded enthusiastically while the fox sighed when you gave her a reassuring smile and the fox sighed but followed the two anyway.
"Where were we?" I laughed lightly as the Digimons finally went to play again.
"I really don't know…" you said glaring at me deep sarcasm in you voice.
"Well then, go on; no one's stopping you." I said. After the Digimon paid us a visit all my stress seemed to fly away. Ah… the effect of such.
You glared at me then looked down at the ground, "As I was saying… I given it real thought and I was first confused, a lot confused since Ryo but anyway Ryo would have wanted me to be happy too and… I…"
"Ruki, if you don't want to tell me; it's alright." I said gently going to my serious mode again as I know this was no laughing matter.
"Quiet Jenrya, if you had enough courage to say this before I must get it too…" you glared at me.
I was silenced immediately.
"Jenrya… I… I… I love you… I don't know… I really liked you and Ryo, like my brothers… one night I just wished that I could finally stop being confused anymore. I soon began to see you more… I don't know." You sighed.
"You're not really good in confessions, aren't you?" I asked her raising an eyebrow, "but I love you nonetheless." I said hugging you slowly and I was sure you were reluctant.
"You really are a baka." You said slowly as you rested your head on my shoulder.
"I know… but falling in love with you makes me feel I'm not that much of one." I smiled as I stroked you hair gently then reluctantly asked, "So does this mean we're…"
"What?" you asked me. What if you really didn't mean that? I'm going to die – again.
I coughed before I continued, "Does this mean we're an item now?"
"No…" you said and I felt down immediately, "but if you want to then… I guess."
"Really…?" I asked you excitedly.
You nodded smiling shyly again.
"Then… Ruki Makino…?" I said letting go of you from our affectionate hug to kneel down on the ground.
You smiled slowly and I was inspired to continue.
"Will you be my girl?" I said in finality and you smiled – again, this was freaking me out. If I counted the times you smiled in just this span of time, it would be a lot, a record-breaker in Ruki Makino's Records.
You nodded and came up from the ground and bended forward to face you. I could feel your breath, oh, so wonderful breath. I could feel your eyes on me, oh, those mesmerizing eyes. I could see your lips and at that moment I knew; I need to feel those lips on mine.
I went nearer and soon felt heat radiating from either you or the sun. I looked at you first; to ask if it was alright, if I was permitted to.
You nodded slowly but first gulped; I knew it was your first kiss and it is mine as well.
I restrained myself to blush too much and pressed my lips on yours. You returned the kiss to my delight. Heavenly, that's what it felt; especially since you were there, especially since you were my partner in this enriching activity.
Yes, this was heaven.
This was bliss.
I wish that you would be there by my side.
I wish that for forever you would love me and I would love you. Though, it is obvious in my case.
I wish to remain this baka who loves you.
I wish… to be with you forever…
I wish.
To be concluded by the epilogue
Takari-san: How is it? I finally finished it and I could leave it here already! However, I still have to the epilogue before I'm at peace… -___-;; *sigh* just when I thought it was safe to release new fics. I hope you like the length of this chapter; I've been working hard like hell. It's my way of saying sorry for such a short chapter on Ruki. The epilogue's on Ruki's POV too so I'll get back Ruki there. Basically the chapter length is to say sorry for a short third chapter. I hope you enjoyed the series and my thanks to you all. ^^ R/R!
PS. It's fun to write about Jenrya and Ruki… but has anyone (who watches Shaman King) notices that they act like Yoh and Anna if a couple? I sure do ^^