Disclaimer: I do not own .hack, and sadly, I never will.
~~Starfish = SF~~
SF: We're here to find out what happens when we leave the cast of .hack//sign to modern day marvels... like the microwave.
~~~
Part 1 - Tsukasa vs. the Microwave
Tsukasa: **walks into an empty room with a microwave in the middle of the floor** **the exits all seal themselves off** What the--?!?!
SF: **gets on a loudspeaker system that talks into the room** Tsukasa...
Tsukasa: **looks around** Who the hell?
SF: I am... not your father.
Tsukasa: Duh... now let me out of here.
SF: NEVER!
Tsukasa: Uh... what can I do to get you to let me out?
SF: You must... nevermind this must stay PG-13.
Tsukasa: What?!
SF: NEVERMIND! Now... you must heat up a cold piece of pizza with... the microwave.
People Reading: **gasp**
Tsukasa: What?!
SF: Use the microwave to overcome the challenge.
Tsukasa: What challenge?
SF: Just cook the damn pizza!
Tsukasa: Ummm... **spots a piece of pizza on top of the microwave and puts it in** Now what?
SF: Push the damn button! Geez... who knew someone so sexy could be so stupid...
Tsukasa: WHAT?!
SF: COOK!
Tsukasa: **presses it so it goes on for 60 minutes** Ummm. I hope that's right.
~~5 minutes later~~
Pizza: **explodes**
Tsukasa: Fuck... now I can't get out... Hey! Ummm... person with the loud voice...
**silence**
Tsukasa: HEY! Umm... maybe I could fix it. **opens the microwave and tries to take out the pizza with just his hands**
Pizza: Mwahahahaha... **burns Tsukasa**
Tsukasa: Ow!!! **throws the pizza against the wall**
Pizza: **dies**
Tsukasa: O.O That thing was alive... Ummm... Now to fix this... What do you call it? Ummm... whatever. **sticks his hand in the microwave and presses the 'on' button** **gets his hand burned** DAMMIT! Not again... WON'T ANYBODY HELP ME?!?!
Readers: NO!
Tsukasa: Aww man! I'm stuck here... With... this thing... **glares at the microwave**
Microwave: **sits there**
Tsukasa: So... what's your name?
Microwave: **sits there**
Tsukasa: ANSWER ME DAMMIT!
Microwave: **sits there**
Tsukasa: Fine... be a little punk.
Readers: O.O;;;
Tsukasa: STUPID! **kicks it** Why wont you talk?
Microwave: **sits there**
Tsukasa: PUNK!!!!
Microwave: **sits there**
Tsukasa: Ya, you just keep on sitting there like you own the place...
Readers: O.O;;;
Tsukasa: **sees a little piece of paper inside the microwave** ...? What's that? **takes it and reads** "This house belongs to... Mr... Microwa-" DAMN YOU, YOU STUPID... STUPID HEAD!
SF: Kick it...
Tsukasa: You again...
SF: Kick it...
Tsukasa: Why?
SF: You know you want to...
Tsukasa: Oh shut up!
SF: Fine...
Tsukasa: **looks around to make sure no ones watching, then kicks the microwave**
Microwave: **sits there... very hard**
Tsukasa: **hurts his foot kicking it** Ahhh! Stupid, stupid microwave!
Microwave: **sits there**
Tsukasa: ANSWER ME!!!!!!
Microwave: **doesn't answer**
Tsukasa: I despise you...
SF: And it despises you...
Tsukasa: **jumps** I thought you were gone!
SF: I was but I felt like coming back.
Tsukasa: Leave me alone!
SF: If you eat the pizza... I will let you go.
Tsukasa: Really?!
SF: Maybe... eat it and see...
Tsukasa: Why are you so mysterious?!
SF: Am I mysterious... or is it your mind?
Readers: O.O;;;
Tsukasa: **confused** ... Shut up!!!
SF: Fine...
Tsukasa: Really?
**silence**
Tsukasa: **walks over to the pizza**
Pizza: **stuck to the wall**
Tsukasa: **pulls it off and quickly shoves it in his mouth and eats it** THERE!
SF: Sorry, wasn't watching.
Readers + Tsukasa: O.O;;;
Tsukasa: NOOOOO! I have to get out of here! I have a-
SF: Date?
Tsukasa: No...! **blushes**
SF: Oh reaaalllllyyy...
Tsukasa: No!
SF: With who? Mimiru? Or maybe... that little witch Subaru...
Tsukasa: Not telling...
SF: Maybe a date with me?
Tsukasa: Ya right!
SF: If you say yes I'll let you out... ^-_-^
Tsukasa: Really? SF: Yes.
Tsukasa: Really really?
SF: Really really.
Tsukasa: **sighs** OK... fine.
**the doors open**
SF: **comes walking in** ^_______^ **grabs him by the arm** You know, you could've just used a sprite ocarina.
Tsukasa: O.O
~~END PART ONE~~
~~~
SF: Stay tuned for part two coming out soon! It will be... Mimiru vs. the Hairdryer.
Readers: **gasp**
SF: I know. I'm so evil. If you didn't think much of this, don't worry... I didn't either. I just got really bored at two in the morning. But I still think it's funny. Part two will be better, trust me. Peace!
Tsukasa: R + R and maybe I can get out of this date!!!
~~Starfish = SF~~
SF: We're here to find out what happens when we leave the cast of .hack//sign to modern day marvels... like the microwave.
~~~
Part 1 - Tsukasa vs. the Microwave
Tsukasa: **walks into an empty room with a microwave in the middle of the floor** **the exits all seal themselves off** What the--?!?!
SF: **gets on a loudspeaker system that talks into the room** Tsukasa...
Tsukasa: **looks around** Who the hell?
SF: I am... not your father.
Tsukasa: Duh... now let me out of here.
SF: NEVER!
Tsukasa: Uh... what can I do to get you to let me out?
SF: You must... nevermind this must stay PG-13.
Tsukasa: What?!
SF: NEVERMIND! Now... you must heat up a cold piece of pizza with... the microwave.
People Reading: **gasp**
Tsukasa: What?!
SF: Use the microwave to overcome the challenge.
Tsukasa: What challenge?
SF: Just cook the damn pizza!
Tsukasa: Ummm... **spots a piece of pizza on top of the microwave and puts it in** Now what?
SF: Push the damn button! Geez... who knew someone so sexy could be so stupid...
Tsukasa: WHAT?!
SF: COOK!
Tsukasa: **presses it so it goes on for 60 minutes** Ummm. I hope that's right.
~~5 minutes later~~
Pizza: **explodes**
Tsukasa: Fuck... now I can't get out... Hey! Ummm... person with the loud voice...
**silence**
Tsukasa: HEY! Umm... maybe I could fix it. **opens the microwave and tries to take out the pizza with just his hands**
Pizza: Mwahahahaha... **burns Tsukasa**
Tsukasa: Ow!!! **throws the pizza against the wall**
Pizza: **dies**
Tsukasa: O.O That thing was alive... Ummm... Now to fix this... What do you call it? Ummm... whatever. **sticks his hand in the microwave and presses the 'on' button** **gets his hand burned** DAMMIT! Not again... WON'T ANYBODY HELP ME?!?!
Readers: NO!
Tsukasa: Aww man! I'm stuck here... With... this thing... **glares at the microwave**
Microwave: **sits there**
Tsukasa: So... what's your name?
Microwave: **sits there**
Tsukasa: ANSWER ME DAMMIT!
Microwave: **sits there**
Tsukasa: Fine... be a little punk.
Readers: O.O;;;
Tsukasa: STUPID! **kicks it** Why wont you talk?
Microwave: **sits there**
Tsukasa: PUNK!!!!
Microwave: **sits there**
Tsukasa: Ya, you just keep on sitting there like you own the place...
Readers: O.O;;;
Tsukasa: **sees a little piece of paper inside the microwave** ...? What's that? **takes it and reads** "This house belongs to... Mr... Microwa-" DAMN YOU, YOU STUPID... STUPID HEAD!
SF: Kick it...
Tsukasa: You again...
SF: Kick it...
Tsukasa: Why?
SF: You know you want to...
Tsukasa: Oh shut up!
SF: Fine...
Tsukasa: **looks around to make sure no ones watching, then kicks the microwave**
Microwave: **sits there... very hard**
Tsukasa: **hurts his foot kicking it** Ahhh! Stupid, stupid microwave!
Microwave: **sits there**
Tsukasa: ANSWER ME!!!!!!
Microwave: **doesn't answer**
Tsukasa: I despise you...
SF: And it despises you...
Tsukasa: **jumps** I thought you were gone!
SF: I was but I felt like coming back.
Tsukasa: Leave me alone!
SF: If you eat the pizza... I will let you go.
Tsukasa: Really?!
SF: Maybe... eat it and see...
Tsukasa: Why are you so mysterious?!
SF: Am I mysterious... or is it your mind?
Readers: O.O;;;
Tsukasa: **confused** ... Shut up!!!
SF: Fine...
Tsukasa: Really?
**silence**
Tsukasa: **walks over to the pizza**
Pizza: **stuck to the wall**
Tsukasa: **pulls it off and quickly shoves it in his mouth and eats it** THERE!
SF: Sorry, wasn't watching.
Readers + Tsukasa: O.O;;;
Tsukasa: NOOOOO! I have to get out of here! I have a-
SF: Date?
Tsukasa: No...! **blushes**
SF: Oh reaaalllllyyy...
Tsukasa: No!
SF: With who? Mimiru? Or maybe... that little witch Subaru...
Tsukasa: Not telling...
SF: Maybe a date with me?
Tsukasa: Ya right!
SF: If you say yes I'll let you out... ^-_-^
Tsukasa: Really? SF: Yes.
Tsukasa: Really really?
SF: Really really.
Tsukasa: **sighs** OK... fine.
**the doors open**
SF: **comes walking in** ^_______^ **grabs him by the arm** You know, you could've just used a sprite ocarina.
Tsukasa: O.O
~~END PART ONE~~
~~~
SF: Stay tuned for part two coming out soon! It will be... Mimiru vs. the Hairdryer.
Readers: **gasp**
SF: I know. I'm so evil. If you didn't think much of this, don't worry... I didn't either. I just got really bored at two in the morning. But I still think it's funny. Part two will be better, trust me. Peace!
Tsukasa: R + R and maybe I can get out of this date!!!