"There's been an attack," Remus said stoically. "at Godric's Hollow." Remus watched as the woman before him went white with shock and realization. It was oddly comforting to see her so horrified, because it was a sign, at least that she hadn't been in on this as well. He hadn't been quite sure what to expect when he arrived and knocked on her door. She had been so close to Sirius, how could she not have known? But when he saw her horrified expression, he put all his doubts aside – for the time being.
"No," she breathed staggering backwards and sinking to the floor. Remus might've bent to help her, but he felt that if he didn't remain standing, he too might collapse onto the floor. "Raven - "
"No!" she cut him off. "No it isn't true! It can't be true!" she looked up at him with wild pleading in her eyes. "You're lying to me Remus. Stop playing! Nothing has happened! Lily and James are just fine and he…" she faltered "he hasn't done anything wrong. He hasn't…He couldn't…" her voice trailed off. Tears were streaming steadily down her face. Remus choked back his own tears, striving to keep his hand steady he extended it to help Raven Up.
"Raven, I…" he searched for words. The truth was that there wasn't much he could say to reassure her. The world was upside-down. People everywhere were celebrating, but they didn't understand. They hadn't lost anything but their nightmares. Last night had been a victory for the wizarding world, but for a precious few like himself, the victory was certainly a hollow one.
"I don't know what to tell you," he said rather stupidly. Remus realized, of course, that this did nothing to comfort, but what was he supposed to say? "I know exactly how you feel." Now that was true. Both of them, it seemed, were now very much alone in this world. Their family and friends dead, or worse. At least Raven still had at least one of her sisters. He grimaced, his parents were dead and his closest friends were gone – he didn't know what to think of Raven, he wanted to trust her, but he just couldn't. Remus could see her shuddering with grief, her tiny body curled into a ball. She looked so pitifully small huddled there on the floor. He sighed wearily. "I don't want to leave you here alone," he said, knowing from personal experience what grief and solitude could lead to. "Come with me, Dumbledore just sent his summons, but I wanted to see you – to tell you before anyone else did." Remus grabbed her wand from the kitchenette counter and forced it into her reluctant hands. "I couldn't sleep tonight either."
Moments later they had Apparated at the hospital. Remus clung unsteadily to Raven and she to him. He was certain she would collapse if he let her go, and not entirely certain that he wouldn't do the same.
Witches and wizards stared as the two of them dragged themselves down the white, sterile corridors of St. Mungo's. Some were whispering sadly to each other, others were trying not to let him see them staring. Remus wished harshly that they would all drop dead. He really didn't want to face people now. He didn't want their pity, he didn't want to deal with anyone who didn't grasp what had been lost last night.
"Remus," came a familiar voice from behind him. He turned to see Albus Dumbledore standing there. He seemed aged and tired and his light blue eyes were devoid of their usual twinkle. Remus saw Dumbledore look Raven over with the faintest flicker of apprehension.
* * *
Remus closed his eyes and shook his head as if to shake the memories from his mind. The days following James and Lily's death had been some of the worst in his life. The same day he had identified the Potters' bodies, he had gotten into a harrowing fight with Raven. Perhaps he did suspect her, perhaps he was angry for having been suspected, or perhaps he was just misplacing his anger and despair on a likely target. The latter seemed most probable in retrospect, but some horrible things had been said, and she had left the country that evening, not to speak to him again until only a few weeks ago.
The night after had also been the full moon, and one of his worst transformations ever. Remus' insides grew cold at the thought of it. Believing himself alone and betrayed he had ripped into himself with a fury unequaled by any other transformation in his life. He had barely survived that night and a rather gruesome scar on his side bore testimony to his unthinkable grief.
Again Remus shook his head and began to concentrate with renewed effort on the weed filled garden before him. In his enthusiasm for the task in moment, he ended up yanking a rather large Elwinger Creeper, which proceeded from his grasp, through the air, and onto the book Sirius was reading a few meters away.
Sirius' long, lanky form was sprawled, stomach down, on the grass. With his chin propped on his hands, he looked like an overgrown Hogwarts student. It was as if he had never really grown up, just gotten taller.
"I say Moony, is there something you want to talk to me about?" Sirius called, dusting off his book good-naturedly. "Because there are simpler ways to get my attention. You could, for example, say: 'Padfoot I'd like to talk to you', and I'd listen. This chucking the local flora in my face really isn't necessary."
Remus sighed.
"Alright, how's this?" he called back. "Padfoot, I'd like my Creeper back, would you mind tossing it over here without any more of your insightful remarks?" He held out his hand for the plant but Sirius merely grinned at him.
"No Creepers for you until I know what's troubling that overly full head of yours. Out with it Moony, what's up?" Sirius obviously wasn't going to let him continue with business until the airborne perennial had been satisfactorily explained. Sirius knew him too well, and he had an overprotective streak in him that had only intensified over the years. Remus pulled a face, he was glad for his old friend's company, but years of solitude had left him accustomed to a certain amount of privacy. He just wasn't used to talking everything out, he was used to quiet thinking, which, come to think of it, had always been his style.
Even at Hogwarts he had been the quiet, pensive one, comparatively. At the moment he was reluctant to share his thoughts because he knew they wouldn't do anything to improve either of their moods, quite the opposite. Sirius' eyes had an unpleasant tendency to darken and close. Any mention of Azkaban and he wound up looking like he was still there. The effect was disturbing and Remus chose to avoid it as often as possible.
"Nothing is up, Padfoot. It's just that gardening gets me thinking about a lot of different things. I get lost in my thoughts," Remus said with a shrug. "Where's Raven? She should be enjoying this beautiful weather with us."
Sirius frowned, but tossed back the Elwinger Creeper.
"Don't change the subject on me. I'm on to you Moony, don't think you can hide whatever's troubling you from your old friend Padfoot," he threatened, but shrugged. "I think Raven's inside doing the dishes or some other menial bit of cleaning," he sighed. "She's avoiding me you know." Sirius looked darkly at the back window.
Remus thought that this was probably true. It didn't take a genius to figure it out. Remus had never expected Raven to accept Sirius immediately he knew it would take time for her. She and Sirius had been so close, she had steeled herself against his memory. He imagined it must be rather like having some one back from the dead for her, but he shrugged his shoulders and said, "Nonsense."
"Oh? I suppose she just never realized how much she enjoyed cleaning?"
"It's possible."
Sirius snorted.
"Give her time Padfoot," Remus sighed as he began to replant the Creeper. "I'm sure she's just extra sensitive to your presence right now. She'll come around." Sirius did not answer, he pretended to be immersed in whatever book he was reading,
but Remus could see him looking, repeatedly, up at the house.