Queen Kala's Tale of Woe
"Once I was a woman of great beauty," Queen Kala sniffed. "I was the Queen of the Netherworlders, an ancient civilization."
"Was?" Lance asked.
"Will you let me continue?" Queen Kala snapped. She then went back to her 'Please Pity Me' mode. "I wanted to rule the entire underworld and then the surface world. To make it a perfect place. That's not so bad is it?"
"You gotta be kidding lady," Bobby said.
"Well by my side was my bold and dashing consort and husband General Baxu," Kala sobbed. "Oh the plots we schemed! The wonderful plans we had. But one fateful day when we attempted to take over the world…and we were stopped by a group of no good surface dwellers…four of them to be precise. He was killed. And that's when things started to go downhill. I lost my kingdom and was banished."
"Oh because you couldn't conquer the surface world huh?" Mole Man asked.
"Well actually it had mostly to do with some problems I had with tax evasion…" Queen Kala sighed. "You would not believe how miffed some people get over things that are personal! I really needed all those shoes! So what if I had to loot the treasury to buy them! They were functional and they looked good on me! I mean you can't seriously expect a queen to conquer the world barefoot or worse…in bad footwear now can you?"
"Amara you and her have a lot in common," Ray joked.
"Shut up Pikachu Boy!" Amara snapped.
"So I took my followers and left," Queen Kala sobbed. "But then the worst thing happened, when I left the Netherworld…It was horrible! Terrible!"
"What happened?" Fred asked.
"What happened?" Queen Kala snapped. "Take a look at me you overgrown ox! I got old and wrinkled! That's what happened! It was the air of the Netherworld that kept me young and beautiful. Without it…I look like the Mummy's mummy! I thought if I conquered the Mole Man's kingdom I could go back and conquer the Netherworld and be young and beautiful again! But I can't even do that and now I have nowhere to go and I'm all wrinkly….WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" She sobbed on the ground.
"Well its not that bad…" Jean said.
"Oh shut up Miss Perfect Skin!" Queen Kala snapped. "Wait until you get past thirty and get your first wrinkle then you'll understand! And I hope you get a lot of cellulite on your thighs!"
"There, there…" Mole Man patted her hand. "You poor thing. You've been through a lot."
"Hey boss she tried to conquer us," Beffle said.
"People make mistakes," Mole Man shrugged. Turning back to Queen Kala he said. "Look at the bright side, at least you're still thin and beautiful. Why don't you stay with me?"
"You don't mind me being…wrinkled?" Queen Kala sniffed.
"Hey with my eyesight I can't tell how old and wrinkled you are!" Mole Man said. "You look great to me."
"You're not just saying that?" Queen Kala sniffed.
"How do we keep running into people like this?" Todd groaned.