Iron Chefs of Bayville
"And at the end everyone was fighting each other," Ororo told Cover Girl and Shipwreck. They were sitting with Logan in the kitchen. "What a disaster this morning was. I don't think any of them are even going to be thinking of sex for a long time."
"In other words it was a total success huh?" Shipwreck asked.
"What are you doing to that rib rack?" Hank asked. He and Roadblock were in the kitchen preparing dinner.
"It's called rubbing," Roadblock said. "I'm adding some spice to the meat so our dinner will be complete."
"It will be complete rubbish if you overload it," Hank told him. "Don't put so much on."
"If you think about it we really have nothing to worry about with the majority of our kids," Shipwreck said. "I mean considering most of their powers the odds of the boys taking advantage of the girls are pretty slim. And besides those kids have good heads on their shoulders. I don't think any of them will really do anything."
"How do you know that for sure?" Ororo asked.
"Simple," Cover Girl said. "We've been spying on them."
"I'm telling you that you are using way too much of that stuff on it!" Hank told Roadblock.
"That stuff as you call it has been my family's secret recipe for ribs for three generations," Roadblock told him.
"You mean you've been using these tiny little spy microphones on the kids?" Ororo looked at one of the tiny spy equipment.
"Yup," Shipwreck nodded.
"It's a total invasion of their privacy," Ororo said.
"Can we get a dozen of these?" Logan asked. He heard a commotion behind him. "What the…?" Both Roadblock and Hank were glaring at each other.
"I can't believe you did that!" Roadblock shouted.
"Well someone had to save our dinner!" Hank snapped.
"What's going on?" Lance asked as he, Scott and Kurt walked in.
"I think there's a slight disagreement between our two chefs on tonight's menu," Logan told them.
"Listen pal! I am a certified gourmet chef," Roadblock got into Hank's face. "I think I know a thing or two about spices!"
"You're a certified something all right!" Hank snapped. "I could cook dinner a lot better than you!"
"Is that a challenge?" Roadblock shouted.
"You bet your sweet bippy it is!" Hank roared.
"Bet your what?" Lance blinked.
"From an old TV show," Shipwreck waved. "Before your time."
"Well I say we take a page from another TV show to settle this!" Hank snapped.
"Couldn't agree more," Roadblock said. "I say we have a cooking showdown!"
"I accept your challenge!" Hank growled.
"Bring it on," Roadblock said.
"And the best part is we all get to judge!" Lance grinned. "This will be great!"
"This is going to be interesting," Scott gulped.
"Let's just pray they don't burn the kitchen down," Kurt moaned.
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"Welcome to the first annual Xavier Institute Cook Off!" Fred spoke from a small booth with a microphone stand on it. He was dressed in a sport jacket and tie. "I'm Fred Dukes!"
"And I'm the one and only Gambit," Remy sat next to him. "And we'll be the commentators of this here battle."
"Why are you two working together?" Jean asked. All the X-Men and the Misfits were in various parts of the kitchen preparing for the food battle.
"Hey we're both the best judges of food from both sides," Remy shrugged.
"Ask a stupid question…" Jean groaned.
"Why am I allowing this?" Xavier groaned.
"Hey you wanna stop 'em be my guest," Logan told him.
"In the visiting team corner, it's the Sergeant of Spices, the Colonel of Cuisine, the General of Gourmet…Roadblock and his lovely assistants Wavedancer and the Scarlet Witch!" Fred announced. Roadblock and his team waved to the group.
"In the home corner," Remy announced. "It's the Doctor of Desserts, The Master of Medicine and Meats, the Blue Chef himself! Beast! And his lovely assistants Boom Boom and Magma!"
"HEY!" Kitty pouted.
"Why didn't you ask us to cook?" Jean asked.
"Sorry girls," Hank told them. "I love you but I wanna win this thing!"
"Let's kick it up a notch!" Fred called out as he banged a gong. "Begin!" Immediately the cooks and their helpers went to work.
"Boy Kurt you guys really are competitive with the Misfits aren't you?" Amanda looked around at the cheering fans. Todd had a sign saying GO ROADBLOCK! Bobby had a sign saying BEAST IS DA BOMB!
"And it looks like we're off to a great start here," Fred announced. "Roadblock has just put on the finishing touches of his seasoning to his ribs and now they are going to be cooked just right. Roadblock then picked up a flame-thrower and started to barbecue the ribs.
"We all knew firearms were going to be introduced at one point or another," Remy groaned.
"Two can play that game!" Hank snapped. "Magma!"
"It's go time!" Amara used her powers to roast a few stakes.
"Fire in the hole!" Tabitha used her powers to stick some of her bombs in a chicken in order to cook it from the inside. Predictably it blew up and splattered all over Roadblock's side. This lead to retaliatory strikes by Roadblock's team. Soon both teams were throwing food instead of cooking it.
"ONIONS OF DEATH!" Hank threw them at Roadblock.
"BROCCOLI OF DOOM!" Roadblock threw them like darts.
"I just knew this was going to happen…" Xavier moaned as the food fight played out before him. "You don't have to be a precog to see that coming? Why did I allow it? Why do I do this? Why do I let these things happen!" He was whacked in the head with a tomato. "And why am I always getting hit on the head with food?"
"ATTACK OF THE KILLER TOMATOES!" Hank shouted as his team threw them at Roadblock's team.
"ONE TOMATO SURPRISE COMING UP!" Roadblock took out his flame-thrower and toasted them mid throw.
"Kurt your friends and family have the strangest ideas for family dinners," Amanda watched the fight. "But I have to admit it's never boring."
"How about these apples?" Tabitha managed to get a few time bombs stuck in some cored apples and threw them at Roadblock's team.
"Oh yeah?" Wanda grabbed the flame-thrower and shot at them.
"NO!" Roadblock and Hank yelled at the same time.
KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!
Soon the entire kitchen and all of its occupants was covered in black soot and food. "That concludes the first and hopefully last Xavier Institute Cook Off…" Remy said weakly.
"Last…" Xavier moaned. "Definitely last."
"Who won?" Hank said in a funny voice.
"Whoever gets called in to redo the kitchen…" Roadblock replied.
"I told you they'd burn the kitchen down," Kurt said.
"Technically they didn't burn it down," Todd told him. "They blew it up."
"There's only one thing to do," Scott sighed. He looked at the others. "What you guys want? Pizza or Chinese?"
"Better have a bit of both," Fred told him. "And some fried chicken and donuts!"
"Anybody but us that would be a weird combination," Scott sighed as he dialed the first number on his cell phone.