Yep, I wish I owned Yu Yu Hakusho because then it would never end, and I
know we would all love that. The characters belong to somebody else who is
not me unfortunately. Ummmm.. But the Mizuo siblings are mine! Sooo..
That's my disclaimer. (
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The wind had picked up a bit as night fell, now the cloud cover of earlier had evaporated and the stars where sparkling in an almost rhythmic pattern. The moon glistened a haunting white, the same color it had been the night Hiei first met Keinami. Because of the moons glow it was damn near impossible to miss the shadow that had come to rest by the pond in the park.
Hiei plunged his arms up to his elbows in to the water. The cold water hurt more then any thing else forcing up memories of the past hours, refreshing pain that had not yet died. He held his arms like that for nearly fifteen minutes, until the water around him started to turn red. He pulled his hands from the water and rubbed them together as though washing his hands. The sound of foot steps behind him shook Hiei from his task.
"You know it's kind of cold out to go swimming." Kurama said trying to lighten the mood. Pathetic attempt that it was he tried.
"Go away." Hiei growled not even bothering to turn around.
"You forgot something." Kurama said holding out Hiei's sword.
Hiei turned still not looking at the sword.
"Get rid of it." He said looking back to his hands "I can get a new katana."
"You can't get rid of the memories like that though Hiei. She still won't be here if you throw away the sword."
"I KNOW THAT!" Hiei shouted "But if that sword had done what it was supposed to she." Hiei never took his eyes off his hands.
"It doesn't wash off does it?"
"What?" Kurama replied calmly
"The blood. her blood. it doesn't wash off does it?" Hiei said tearing his eyes from his hands "I was trying to wash off the blood, but it just wasn't coming off."
"I don't see any." Kurama said trying to help
"But you can smell it!" Hiei cried "she died in my arms. her death is on my hands."
"You could not have stopped her; nobody could have guessed that Keinami would have run in front of that arrow."
Hiei grabbed the sword from Kurama's hands "NOBODY!" he cried "NOBODY MY ASS. She died because I could not protect her." In his fit he threw the weapon clear across the pond. It landed on the bank across the way.
Kurama watched the cloud of sand settle on the opposite bank. There where no words to settle Hiei's spirit. He for a moment had somebody who could truly acknowledge his existence, to any one else they knew of him but he was barely able to affect them in any way.
"I should have died there." Hiei sighed "she's only nineteen years old Kurama."
"You will survive this."
"She told me. she loved me. Right after it happened, but I didn't say any thing. I never told her." Hiei looked up to the stars trying to hold back tears that where fighting to be set free from his eyes "I know I'll survive, but I don't want to."
"You never told her what?" asked Kurama despite the fact he already knew the answer.
"Told her. What?" Hiei looked at Kurama like he was crazy "I never told her I. I love her."
That was the first time Kurama ever heard Hiei admit to loving something. He had never even admitted to loving Yukina, though it was a well known fact that he did care deeply for her. It had to hurt if Hiei was admitting to love.
"She knew." Kurama said reassuringly.
"Yeah. that's what I figured too." Hiei sighed.
"Hiei." Kurama started, and then fell silent. What on earth was he supposed to say? There where no words to bring back what Hiei had lost. No way to fix what had been broken. But as Hiei turned to walk away something jogged a memory in Kurama's head.
"Hey, Hiei!" Kurama shouted.
"What.?" Hiei growled.
"I don't know how helpful this will be." Kurama said taking a half step forward "but a very wise man once told me; there is no one who does not carry scars on his heart."
Hiei gave him the same funny look he had earlier "Who was the idiot that told you that?" he asked.
"Umm. You" Kurama said half shocked that Hiei had forgotten.
"Hn" Hiei gave this a moment to sink in "Sentimentality has never been one of my gifts."
The End
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Epilog: The pain of losing someone is harsh and real, and the road to recovery is often long and difficult. For Hiei there is no acceptation made. In a person who has had so much tragedy already it may seem impossible to get threw the grief, but time patience and endurance will mend broken hearts. We all will love somebody in our lives, and with any blessing's in the world we may find ourselves loved back. The most important thing to remember is that the past is gone, and you can no longer change it. If you don't tell somebody how you feel about them today, your chance may be gone tomorrow. Hiei learned this lesson to little to late. Will Hiei take this lesson with him, we may never know. . .
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Author's Notes: God this was hard to write! In the end I guess I am pleased with the result of my blood (oh so many paper cuts), sweat and tears
Now I have to explain some things about these fic just so I don't sound like a cruel bitch. First of all when I wrote this I wasn't sure when it the story line of Yu Yu Hakusho they would take place. By the end I decided it didn't. Kind of like the movie doesn't fit any where.
So I created a new character for Hiei to care about (Keinami). This worked pretty well. A lot of YYH fans I know liked her character, and thought she fit in well with the others. Then one pointed out that there would be no good way to end the stories with Keinami still there. So honestly Keinami died because I wasn't creative enough to come up with something better!
It was the hardest thing I've ever had to write, and hopefully I'll never have to do it again. To be honest I haven't been able to look at my Hiei pictures since I finished. Still it was fun to do and great practice for a writing career (should that, by chance, ever happen). . . Well I'm out of time out of ideas and out of space, so as a last few words from me; there is no heart so strong it cant be broken, no person so stubborn they won't grieve, and no real way to end this story.
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The wind had picked up a bit as night fell, now the cloud cover of earlier had evaporated and the stars where sparkling in an almost rhythmic pattern. The moon glistened a haunting white, the same color it had been the night Hiei first met Keinami. Because of the moons glow it was damn near impossible to miss the shadow that had come to rest by the pond in the park.
Hiei plunged his arms up to his elbows in to the water. The cold water hurt more then any thing else forcing up memories of the past hours, refreshing pain that had not yet died. He held his arms like that for nearly fifteen minutes, until the water around him started to turn red. He pulled his hands from the water and rubbed them together as though washing his hands. The sound of foot steps behind him shook Hiei from his task.
"You know it's kind of cold out to go swimming." Kurama said trying to lighten the mood. Pathetic attempt that it was he tried.
"Go away." Hiei growled not even bothering to turn around.
"You forgot something." Kurama said holding out Hiei's sword.
Hiei turned still not looking at the sword.
"Get rid of it." He said looking back to his hands "I can get a new katana."
"You can't get rid of the memories like that though Hiei. She still won't be here if you throw away the sword."
"I KNOW THAT!" Hiei shouted "But if that sword had done what it was supposed to she." Hiei never took his eyes off his hands.
"It doesn't wash off does it?"
"What?" Kurama replied calmly
"The blood. her blood. it doesn't wash off does it?" Hiei said tearing his eyes from his hands "I was trying to wash off the blood, but it just wasn't coming off."
"I don't see any." Kurama said trying to help
"But you can smell it!" Hiei cried "she died in my arms. her death is on my hands."
"You could not have stopped her; nobody could have guessed that Keinami would have run in front of that arrow."
Hiei grabbed the sword from Kurama's hands "NOBODY!" he cried "NOBODY MY ASS. She died because I could not protect her." In his fit he threw the weapon clear across the pond. It landed on the bank across the way.
Kurama watched the cloud of sand settle on the opposite bank. There where no words to settle Hiei's spirit. He for a moment had somebody who could truly acknowledge his existence, to any one else they knew of him but he was barely able to affect them in any way.
"I should have died there." Hiei sighed "she's only nineteen years old Kurama."
"You will survive this."
"She told me. she loved me. Right after it happened, but I didn't say any thing. I never told her." Hiei looked up to the stars trying to hold back tears that where fighting to be set free from his eyes "I know I'll survive, but I don't want to."
"You never told her what?" asked Kurama despite the fact he already knew the answer.
"Told her. What?" Hiei looked at Kurama like he was crazy "I never told her I. I love her."
That was the first time Kurama ever heard Hiei admit to loving something. He had never even admitted to loving Yukina, though it was a well known fact that he did care deeply for her. It had to hurt if Hiei was admitting to love.
"She knew." Kurama said reassuringly.
"Yeah. that's what I figured too." Hiei sighed.
"Hiei." Kurama started, and then fell silent. What on earth was he supposed to say? There where no words to bring back what Hiei had lost. No way to fix what had been broken. But as Hiei turned to walk away something jogged a memory in Kurama's head.
"Hey, Hiei!" Kurama shouted.
"What.?" Hiei growled.
"I don't know how helpful this will be." Kurama said taking a half step forward "but a very wise man once told me; there is no one who does not carry scars on his heart."
Hiei gave him the same funny look he had earlier "Who was the idiot that told you that?" he asked.
"Umm. You" Kurama said half shocked that Hiei had forgotten.
"Hn" Hiei gave this a moment to sink in "Sentimentality has never been one of my gifts."
The End
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Epilog: The pain of losing someone is harsh and real, and the road to recovery is often long and difficult. For Hiei there is no acceptation made. In a person who has had so much tragedy already it may seem impossible to get threw the grief, but time patience and endurance will mend broken hearts. We all will love somebody in our lives, and with any blessing's in the world we may find ourselves loved back. The most important thing to remember is that the past is gone, and you can no longer change it. If you don't tell somebody how you feel about them today, your chance may be gone tomorrow. Hiei learned this lesson to little to late. Will Hiei take this lesson with him, we may never know. . .
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Author's Notes: God this was hard to write! In the end I guess I am pleased with the result of my blood (oh so many paper cuts), sweat and tears
Now I have to explain some things about these fic just so I don't sound like a cruel bitch. First of all when I wrote this I wasn't sure when it the story line of Yu Yu Hakusho they would take place. By the end I decided it didn't. Kind of like the movie doesn't fit any where.
So I created a new character for Hiei to care about (Keinami). This worked pretty well. A lot of YYH fans I know liked her character, and thought she fit in well with the others. Then one pointed out that there would be no good way to end the stories with Keinami still there. So honestly Keinami died because I wasn't creative enough to come up with something better!
It was the hardest thing I've ever had to write, and hopefully I'll never have to do it again. To be honest I haven't been able to look at my Hiei pictures since I finished. Still it was fun to do and great practice for a writing career (should that, by chance, ever happen). . . Well I'm out of time out of ideas and out of space, so as a last few words from me; there is no heart so strong it cant be broken, no person so stubborn they won't grieve, and no real way to end this story.