Part 6
The song this time is again one of my all time personal favorites - Hedonism by Skunk Anansie which pretty much became my mantra after a really hard breakup from my ex-boyfriend...
This chapter is dedicated to Kelly - I don't know if it's appropriate to do this but I don't really care - so this is dedicate to Kelly for everything that you wrote, you know what I mean - thanks for keeping me going! I hope you like this chapter...
*
I hope you're feeling happy now
I see you feel no pain at all it seems
I wonder what you're doing now
I wonder if you think of me at all
*
He watched her all through lunch and then again all through dinner - it accrued to him that he's just now realizing what people talked about when they said about someone being there, without really being there at all.
They were in his apartment, having dinner next to the open screen door that led to the balcony overlooking the ocean. Calleigh were sitting in front of him, sipping her wine slowly, looking out at the dark view.
She looked stunning, he had to admit that. Her long blond her loose on her shoulders, a simple white button shirt and a faded pair of jeans. He loved seeing her like this - relaxed, easy... but the problem was that she wasn't really there!
He tried asking her if everything is ok but she simply smiled and said that everything was fine - somehow the smile never reached her eyes. Now John Hagen was a pretty good detective - but for the life of him he couldn't figure out what was bothering her.
"Call'?" he asked her waking her from her daze.
She smiled at him softly and placed down her glass "I'm fine John, It's just a case at work, it's nothing"
"You want to see that movie?"
"I don't feel like going out right now, you mind if we stay inside tonight?"
*
Do you still play the same moves now
Or are those special modes for someone else
I hope you're feeling happy now
*
They ended up staying inside. He told her about something funny that happened at work today, she made up something about her day - because frankly, she couldn't remember a single thing that happened.
They were sitting close, their bodies leaning against each other, she could feel the heat coming from his body and somehow it made her feel better. Just because it was warm, just because it was human contact.
Soon, they started kissing, gently first and then more passionately. She leaned back lying on the couch, pulling him down with her, kissing him hard and biting his lip in hunger.
She needed this, she realized while he was kissing her neck, passion was an emotion she could feel right now, it was the only emotion she could understand right now when all the rest of her emotions were so confusing. This was something that didn't require her to think and at the same time - something she could control.
He slowly unbuttoned her shirt, looking into her eyes in case she was changing her mind, in case she wanted him to stop. Instead she started unbuttoning his shirt, pulling it out of his pants.
"Hold on" he suddenly said in a hoarse voice, and for a moment, a cold fear came over her, thinking he would stop this, thinking he would deny her this need.
But he just got up and took her hand, pulling her up with him, with out a word he led her to the bedroom, pulling off his shirt and hers and dropping them on the floor.
When they were in bed, kissing, breathing hard, touching bare skin to bare skin - she could finally feel numb.
*
Just because you feel good
Doesn't make you right, oh no
Just because you feel good
Still want you here tonight
*
After John fell asleep she got out of bed and wrapped herself up with a blanket. She walked back to the living room and sat done, picking up her wine glass from before.
Now that John was asleep and the apartment was quiet - the thoughts and the confusion came back.
*
Does laughter still discover you
I see through all those smiles
That look so right
Do you still have the same friends now
To smoke away your problems and your life
*
The next morning John woke up to an empty bed. In the kitchen he found a note from Calleigh saying "thank you for a great night. I had to go to work early - I'll see you later. Kisses. Calleigh"
He went to the office and tried to pass the hours, trying to pretend he was working, but his thoughts kept going back to Calleigh. He had to figure out what was wrong with her.
He enjoyed last night, there was no question about that and he wasn't going to lie about it. But he couldn't help but notice that there was a sense of desperation to her love making. A need or a hunger that he didn't think had anything to do with her attraction to him.
By the late afternoon he couldn't help it anymore and he went over to the Crime lab to try and talk to her. As he walked down the halls he suddenly saw Erik working in his lab and an idea came to him mind...
"Hey Erik? You got a minute?" he asked as he walked into the lab.
Erik nodded and the two of them walked over to the brake room for a cup of coffee
"Look, Erik, I know that you and Calleigh are close" He couldn't help but notice that the other man flinched a little when he said that "Do you know what's bothering her?"
"What do you mean?" Erik tried playing dumb
"She's been out of it lately, like she isn't really there, you know?" Hagen mumbled, starting to feel uncomfortable "I was just wondering if maybe she told you something?"
"I don't really know John" Erik shrugged, and John could sense that he was lying "But I know Calleigh and if there is something bothering her, you should just ask her. She'll tell you when she's good and ready, not a minute before that. You just have to keep trying"
"Yeah, I'll go do that"
"She's not here right now" Erik said quickly, and by now John was sure that he was hiding something "She had to go out on a case"
John nodded and thanked him, leaving the lab quietly.
Erik watched him leave and sighed # this is what my life has been reduced to - giving another man advice on how to date the girl I'm in love with"
*
Ho how do you remember me
The one that made you laugh until you cried
I hope you're feeling happy now
*
She got a call again, from a different bar this time. The calls were starting to get more frequent in the past few months.
On the drive over her thoughts drifted to Erik.
When she went over to tell him she's leaving again he understood immediately and offered to come with her. For a second she wanted him to come with her so much - but she didn't want to drag him into this. She felt uncomfortable enough with the fact that he knew - she couldn't imagine how embarrassed she would feel if he would actually see her father in this state.
It was better if she did it alone - just like always
*
Just because you feel good
Doesn't make you right, ho no
Just because you feel good
Still want you here tonight
*
After her father passed out again she sat at her apartment - trying to ignore that phone that kept ringing and the calls from John that kept coming.
She wanted to go there - be with him again, feel his arms around her and be able to feel nothing again. Another part of her knew that she couldn't.
When the doorbell rang at midnight she let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. She didn't have to look to know who was standing behind the door.
*
I wonder what you're doing now
I hope you're feeling happy now
The song this time is again one of my all time personal favorites - Hedonism by Skunk Anansie which pretty much became my mantra after a really hard breakup from my ex-boyfriend...
This chapter is dedicated to Kelly - I don't know if it's appropriate to do this but I don't really care - so this is dedicate to Kelly for everything that you wrote, you know what I mean - thanks for keeping me going! I hope you like this chapter...
*
I hope you're feeling happy now
I see you feel no pain at all it seems
I wonder what you're doing now
I wonder if you think of me at all
*
He watched her all through lunch and then again all through dinner - it accrued to him that he's just now realizing what people talked about when they said about someone being there, without really being there at all.
They were in his apartment, having dinner next to the open screen door that led to the balcony overlooking the ocean. Calleigh were sitting in front of him, sipping her wine slowly, looking out at the dark view.
She looked stunning, he had to admit that. Her long blond her loose on her shoulders, a simple white button shirt and a faded pair of jeans. He loved seeing her like this - relaxed, easy... but the problem was that she wasn't really there!
He tried asking her if everything is ok but she simply smiled and said that everything was fine - somehow the smile never reached her eyes. Now John Hagen was a pretty good detective - but for the life of him he couldn't figure out what was bothering her.
"Call'?" he asked her waking her from her daze.
She smiled at him softly and placed down her glass "I'm fine John, It's just a case at work, it's nothing"
"You want to see that movie?"
"I don't feel like going out right now, you mind if we stay inside tonight?"
*
Do you still play the same moves now
Or are those special modes for someone else
I hope you're feeling happy now
*
They ended up staying inside. He told her about something funny that happened at work today, she made up something about her day - because frankly, she couldn't remember a single thing that happened.
They were sitting close, their bodies leaning against each other, she could feel the heat coming from his body and somehow it made her feel better. Just because it was warm, just because it was human contact.
Soon, they started kissing, gently first and then more passionately. She leaned back lying on the couch, pulling him down with her, kissing him hard and biting his lip in hunger.
She needed this, she realized while he was kissing her neck, passion was an emotion she could feel right now, it was the only emotion she could understand right now when all the rest of her emotions were so confusing. This was something that didn't require her to think and at the same time - something she could control.
He slowly unbuttoned her shirt, looking into her eyes in case she was changing her mind, in case she wanted him to stop. Instead she started unbuttoning his shirt, pulling it out of his pants.
"Hold on" he suddenly said in a hoarse voice, and for a moment, a cold fear came over her, thinking he would stop this, thinking he would deny her this need.
But he just got up and took her hand, pulling her up with him, with out a word he led her to the bedroom, pulling off his shirt and hers and dropping them on the floor.
When they were in bed, kissing, breathing hard, touching bare skin to bare skin - she could finally feel numb.
*
Just because you feel good
Doesn't make you right, oh no
Just because you feel good
Still want you here tonight
*
After John fell asleep she got out of bed and wrapped herself up with a blanket. She walked back to the living room and sat done, picking up her wine glass from before.
Now that John was asleep and the apartment was quiet - the thoughts and the confusion came back.
*
Does laughter still discover you
I see through all those smiles
That look so right
Do you still have the same friends now
To smoke away your problems and your life
*
The next morning John woke up to an empty bed. In the kitchen he found a note from Calleigh saying "thank you for a great night. I had to go to work early - I'll see you later. Kisses. Calleigh"
He went to the office and tried to pass the hours, trying to pretend he was working, but his thoughts kept going back to Calleigh. He had to figure out what was wrong with her.
He enjoyed last night, there was no question about that and he wasn't going to lie about it. But he couldn't help but notice that there was a sense of desperation to her love making. A need or a hunger that he didn't think had anything to do with her attraction to him.
By the late afternoon he couldn't help it anymore and he went over to the Crime lab to try and talk to her. As he walked down the halls he suddenly saw Erik working in his lab and an idea came to him mind...
"Hey Erik? You got a minute?" he asked as he walked into the lab.
Erik nodded and the two of them walked over to the brake room for a cup of coffee
"Look, Erik, I know that you and Calleigh are close" He couldn't help but notice that the other man flinched a little when he said that "Do you know what's bothering her?"
"What do you mean?" Erik tried playing dumb
"She's been out of it lately, like she isn't really there, you know?" Hagen mumbled, starting to feel uncomfortable "I was just wondering if maybe she told you something?"
"I don't really know John" Erik shrugged, and John could sense that he was lying "But I know Calleigh and if there is something bothering her, you should just ask her. She'll tell you when she's good and ready, not a minute before that. You just have to keep trying"
"Yeah, I'll go do that"
"She's not here right now" Erik said quickly, and by now John was sure that he was hiding something "She had to go out on a case"
John nodded and thanked him, leaving the lab quietly.
Erik watched him leave and sighed # this is what my life has been reduced to - giving another man advice on how to date the girl I'm in love with"
*
Ho how do you remember me
The one that made you laugh until you cried
I hope you're feeling happy now
*
She got a call again, from a different bar this time. The calls were starting to get more frequent in the past few months.
On the drive over her thoughts drifted to Erik.
When she went over to tell him she's leaving again he understood immediately and offered to come with her. For a second she wanted him to come with her so much - but she didn't want to drag him into this. She felt uncomfortable enough with the fact that he knew - she couldn't imagine how embarrassed she would feel if he would actually see her father in this state.
It was better if she did it alone - just like always
*
Just because you feel good
Doesn't make you right, ho no
Just because you feel good
Still want you here tonight
*
After her father passed out again she sat at her apartment - trying to ignore that phone that kept ringing and the calls from John that kept coming.
She wanted to go there - be with him again, feel his arms around her and be able to feel nothing again. Another part of her knew that she couldn't.
When the doorbell rang at midnight she let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. She didn't have to look to know who was standing behind the door.
*
I wonder what you're doing now
I hope you're feeling happy now