PART 7
Hey, well I know a lot of you have been hating this story so far because of Hagen but unfortunately you're going to have to put up with him just a little bit longer because I absolutely love the guy and to all of you out there hoping I'm going to turn him into an SOB - Sorry!!!
The song this time is "the space between" By Dave Mathews Band - again one of my personal favorites - sorry that it is so long this time but I just didn't want to give up on any of the wonderful lyrics in this one...
*
You cannot quit me so quickly
Is no hope in you for me
No corner you could squeeze me
But I got all the time for you, love
*
He fell asleep in the car on the way to her house - which was kind of a blessing since that way she at least didn't have to deal with him.
She had no idea what she would have done if he had stayed awake, if he had actually tried having the same usual conversation with her - the one where he would sarcastically refer to her "important" job, where he would comment on her lack of free time, on how he never saw her anymore... the same conversation where he tried to sound supportive and at the same time dismiss everything and anything she had ever done. It was amazing how those small words made her feel like a 12 year old every time.
She pulled up into her drive way and shut down the engine, sighing as started thinking how to get him up to her apartment and into her bed - preferably without waking him.
A know on her window startled her half to death.
When she saw who was standing there - she got even paler.
*
The Space Between
The tears we cry
Is the laughter keeps us coming back for more
The Space Between
The wicked lies we tell
And hope to keep us safe from the pain
But will I hold you again?
*
"John..." she started as she rolled down the window
"You told me you were staying home tonight..." he started, trying to avoid sounding accusing "I came by to surprise you..."
She hesitated for a second and then stepped out of the car, steering John away from the vehicle.
"Look John..."
"What going on here Call'? Come on you've got to give me something here..." he said firmly "Whose that man in your car?"
"It's my dad. He's not well, I had to take care of him"
"And you had to lie to me about that?" he frowned at her
"I didn't mean to lie John, It's just, it's complicated ok?"
"complicated..." he contemplated her words for a few seconds "Look Calleigh, I don't know what's going on here but I wanna know ok? I want to help you but you just have to tell me what's going on"
She lowered her head, looking at her feet because she couldn't bare to look him in the eyes.
When he realized she wasn't about to answer him he sighed. Placing his finger under her chin he forced her to look at him "I'm a patient man Calleigh so I'll wait, and I'll be here when you feel like finally talking to me ok?"
She nodded and realized there were tears in her eyes as she watched walk away back to his car.
Later, when she re-played the whole exchange in her mind, the look in his eyes as he left hunted her. She somehow realized that she just lost something very valuable.
*
These fickle, fuddled words confuse me
Like 'Will it rain today?'
Waste the hours with talking, talking
These twisted game we play
*
She left her dad still sleeping it off in her bed and went to work early - she figured it would spare her from being there when he would wake up.
They had a scene to process - a drunk driver hit a little girl on her way to school and drove off, only to hit into a stop sign two blocks later. It was pretty much an open and shut case.
But since it was so early in the morning and not all of the team members had already arrived at the lab, Horatio paired up the only two CSI's that seemed to be in the building.
Her and Erik.
He was making a real effort, she decided as they were making their way back - she had to give him that much. Making idle conversation, telling bad jokes, stretching silences way beyond the comfortable level - anything but asking the question that she knew was burning a hole in his brain.
"How's your father?"
She was dreading the questions so much and expecting it for so long that it caught her totally by surprise when it finally came. The irony of it actually made her chuckle, soon enough the chuckle became a full out laughter.
He looked at her as if she was insane and she forced herself to calm down and explain it to him. When she did he let out a chuckle as well "well if I'd known you were expecting the question I would have asked it a lot sooner"
She laughed again.
It was so good to laugh again - it felt like she hadn't done it in such a long time "He's ok I guess, I don't really know. I kind of snuck out of the house before he woke up this morning"
"You're afraid to face him?"
"You sound surprised"
"It's just...." He hesitated for a moment, glancing at her sideways without taking his eyes off the road "I've never known you to be afraid of anything"
The rest of the way back to CSI passed silently
*
We're strange allies
With warring hearts
What wild-eyed beast you be
*
She took a long lunch break and dropped by her apartment. Erik's words echoed in her head but a part of her kept wishing that her father would be gone by the time she got there.
No such luck
She walked down the hall to her apartment and could make out the sounds of music coming out of her place. She opened the door and found her father in a bathrobe in the kitchen, cooking as he danced to the music, an open bottle of bear on the counter next to him.
"Hey there sweetie!" he greeted cheerfully "You're home early"
"I'm on my lunch break daddy"
"You work too hard pumpkin, a pretty girl like you shouldn't be working at all you know.."
"Dad, please don't start" she sighed "Don't you think it's a little early for a beer?"
"I was just a little thirsty sweetie, don't worry your pretty little head about it" he blew her off, still in that same cheerful tone that made her want to strangle him.
"I do worry Daddy" she said softly. Whether he was pretending not to hear her or he didn't really hear her - he didn't respond. He just kept dancing in the kitchen in the bathrobe - taking swigs off his beer.
*
The Space Between
The wicked lies we tell
And hope to keep us safe from the pain
Will I hold you again?
*
She ate lunch with him and said nothing.
She waited while he dressed and said nothing.
She drove him home and said nothing.
She kissed him goodbye and said nothing.
She drove back to work and parked her car, when she was sure she was alone she screamed, she yelled, she cursed and cried. She told the empty space in her car everything and anything she ever wanted to tell her father. She swore to herself she won't do it the next time, she won't go, she won't pick him up...
When she calmed down she checked herself in the mirror and the only thing she could think of was that she was staring at the reflection of a total liar.
*
Look at us spinning out in
The madness of a roller coaster
You know you went off like a devil
In a church in the middle of a crowded room
All we can do, my love
Is hope we don't take this ship down
*
The next week was quiet, dinners with John, mornings in the lab with Erik, for a few days she felt like it had all been a bad dream. As if her life were getting back to normal again.
But there were cracks everywhere she looked.
Erik was too quiet sometimes, John had a question in his eyes all the time, he looked as if he was constantly holding his breath - waiting for something that never came.
In a sense - so was she.
*
The Space Between
Where you're smiling high
Is where you'll find me if I get to go
The Space Between
The bullets in our firefight
Is where I'll be hiding, waiting for you
*
she ended up being true to her word with out even knowing it. Later she wondered how ironic life became and when it became that way without her noticing.
She was out on a case and her phone was off, so she wasn't able to take the call when if finally came. Her father had been in a bar again, getting drunk, and this time she wasn't there to pick him up when the bartender made the usual call.
So he kept on getting even drunker, and just like always when he got really really drunk - he began to be nasty. Pretty soon he was picking up fights with the other visitors in the bar.
When the word exchange turned into a fist fight the police was called in and he got arrested.
She finally got a call about an hour later - this time from John...
"Hey Calleigh, we have a man in custody here, it's your dad Call' you better get down here"
*
The rain that falls
Splash in your heart
Ran like sadness down the window into...
The Space Between
Our wicked lies
Is where we hope to keep safe from pain
*
John was waiting for her in front of the police station when she screeched into a halt in her hummer. She joined him on the sidewalk and noticed that he was refusing to make eye contact with her - instead he was carefully examining his shoes.
"you weren't surprised when I called" he said softly "I'm a pretty good detective so I'm going to take a guess here and say that this has happened before"
Now it was her turn to look down and avoid eye contact
"You could have told me Call' " there was so much pain and disappointment "You could have trusted me enough to tell me that"
"I'm sorry..." she started but he waved his hand to cut her off
"Don't!" he said simply "You should go get your father"
*
Take my hand
'Cause we're walking out of here
Oh, right out of here
Love is all we need here
The Space Between
What's wrong and right
Is where you'll find me hiding, waiting for you
The Space Between
Your heart and mine
Is the space we'll fill with time
The Space Between...
Hey, well I know a lot of you have been hating this story so far because of Hagen but unfortunately you're going to have to put up with him just a little bit longer because I absolutely love the guy and to all of you out there hoping I'm going to turn him into an SOB - Sorry!!!
The song this time is "the space between" By Dave Mathews Band - again one of my personal favorites - sorry that it is so long this time but I just didn't want to give up on any of the wonderful lyrics in this one...
*
You cannot quit me so quickly
Is no hope in you for me
No corner you could squeeze me
But I got all the time for you, love
*
He fell asleep in the car on the way to her house - which was kind of a blessing since that way she at least didn't have to deal with him.
She had no idea what she would have done if he had stayed awake, if he had actually tried having the same usual conversation with her - the one where he would sarcastically refer to her "important" job, where he would comment on her lack of free time, on how he never saw her anymore... the same conversation where he tried to sound supportive and at the same time dismiss everything and anything she had ever done. It was amazing how those small words made her feel like a 12 year old every time.
She pulled up into her drive way and shut down the engine, sighing as started thinking how to get him up to her apartment and into her bed - preferably without waking him.
A know on her window startled her half to death.
When she saw who was standing there - she got even paler.
*
The Space Between
The tears we cry
Is the laughter keeps us coming back for more
The Space Between
The wicked lies we tell
And hope to keep us safe from the pain
But will I hold you again?
*
"John..." she started as she rolled down the window
"You told me you were staying home tonight..." he started, trying to avoid sounding accusing "I came by to surprise you..."
She hesitated for a second and then stepped out of the car, steering John away from the vehicle.
"Look John..."
"What going on here Call'? Come on you've got to give me something here..." he said firmly "Whose that man in your car?"
"It's my dad. He's not well, I had to take care of him"
"And you had to lie to me about that?" he frowned at her
"I didn't mean to lie John, It's just, it's complicated ok?"
"complicated..." he contemplated her words for a few seconds "Look Calleigh, I don't know what's going on here but I wanna know ok? I want to help you but you just have to tell me what's going on"
She lowered her head, looking at her feet because she couldn't bare to look him in the eyes.
When he realized she wasn't about to answer him he sighed. Placing his finger under her chin he forced her to look at him "I'm a patient man Calleigh so I'll wait, and I'll be here when you feel like finally talking to me ok?"
She nodded and realized there were tears in her eyes as she watched walk away back to his car.
Later, when she re-played the whole exchange in her mind, the look in his eyes as he left hunted her. She somehow realized that she just lost something very valuable.
*
These fickle, fuddled words confuse me
Like 'Will it rain today?'
Waste the hours with talking, talking
These twisted game we play
*
She left her dad still sleeping it off in her bed and went to work early - she figured it would spare her from being there when he would wake up.
They had a scene to process - a drunk driver hit a little girl on her way to school and drove off, only to hit into a stop sign two blocks later. It was pretty much an open and shut case.
But since it was so early in the morning and not all of the team members had already arrived at the lab, Horatio paired up the only two CSI's that seemed to be in the building.
Her and Erik.
He was making a real effort, she decided as they were making their way back - she had to give him that much. Making idle conversation, telling bad jokes, stretching silences way beyond the comfortable level - anything but asking the question that she knew was burning a hole in his brain.
"How's your father?"
She was dreading the questions so much and expecting it for so long that it caught her totally by surprise when it finally came. The irony of it actually made her chuckle, soon enough the chuckle became a full out laughter.
He looked at her as if she was insane and she forced herself to calm down and explain it to him. When she did he let out a chuckle as well "well if I'd known you were expecting the question I would have asked it a lot sooner"
She laughed again.
It was so good to laugh again - it felt like she hadn't done it in such a long time "He's ok I guess, I don't really know. I kind of snuck out of the house before he woke up this morning"
"You're afraid to face him?"
"You sound surprised"
"It's just...." He hesitated for a moment, glancing at her sideways without taking his eyes off the road "I've never known you to be afraid of anything"
The rest of the way back to CSI passed silently
*
We're strange allies
With warring hearts
What wild-eyed beast you be
*
She took a long lunch break and dropped by her apartment. Erik's words echoed in her head but a part of her kept wishing that her father would be gone by the time she got there.
No such luck
She walked down the hall to her apartment and could make out the sounds of music coming out of her place. She opened the door and found her father in a bathrobe in the kitchen, cooking as he danced to the music, an open bottle of bear on the counter next to him.
"Hey there sweetie!" he greeted cheerfully "You're home early"
"I'm on my lunch break daddy"
"You work too hard pumpkin, a pretty girl like you shouldn't be working at all you know.."
"Dad, please don't start" she sighed "Don't you think it's a little early for a beer?"
"I was just a little thirsty sweetie, don't worry your pretty little head about it" he blew her off, still in that same cheerful tone that made her want to strangle him.
"I do worry Daddy" she said softly. Whether he was pretending not to hear her or he didn't really hear her - he didn't respond. He just kept dancing in the kitchen in the bathrobe - taking swigs off his beer.
*
The Space Between
The wicked lies we tell
And hope to keep us safe from the pain
Will I hold you again?
*
She ate lunch with him and said nothing.
She waited while he dressed and said nothing.
She drove him home and said nothing.
She kissed him goodbye and said nothing.
She drove back to work and parked her car, when she was sure she was alone she screamed, she yelled, she cursed and cried. She told the empty space in her car everything and anything she ever wanted to tell her father. She swore to herself she won't do it the next time, she won't go, she won't pick him up...
When she calmed down she checked herself in the mirror and the only thing she could think of was that she was staring at the reflection of a total liar.
*
Look at us spinning out in
The madness of a roller coaster
You know you went off like a devil
In a church in the middle of a crowded room
All we can do, my love
Is hope we don't take this ship down
*
The next week was quiet, dinners with John, mornings in the lab with Erik, for a few days she felt like it had all been a bad dream. As if her life were getting back to normal again.
But there were cracks everywhere she looked.
Erik was too quiet sometimes, John had a question in his eyes all the time, he looked as if he was constantly holding his breath - waiting for something that never came.
In a sense - so was she.
*
The Space Between
Where you're smiling high
Is where you'll find me if I get to go
The Space Between
The bullets in our firefight
Is where I'll be hiding, waiting for you
*
she ended up being true to her word with out even knowing it. Later she wondered how ironic life became and when it became that way without her noticing.
She was out on a case and her phone was off, so she wasn't able to take the call when if finally came. Her father had been in a bar again, getting drunk, and this time she wasn't there to pick him up when the bartender made the usual call.
So he kept on getting even drunker, and just like always when he got really really drunk - he began to be nasty. Pretty soon he was picking up fights with the other visitors in the bar.
When the word exchange turned into a fist fight the police was called in and he got arrested.
She finally got a call about an hour later - this time from John...
"Hey Calleigh, we have a man in custody here, it's your dad Call' you better get down here"
*
The rain that falls
Splash in your heart
Ran like sadness down the window into...
The Space Between
Our wicked lies
Is where we hope to keep safe from pain
*
John was waiting for her in front of the police station when she screeched into a halt in her hummer. She joined him on the sidewalk and noticed that he was refusing to make eye contact with her - instead he was carefully examining his shoes.
"you weren't surprised when I called" he said softly "I'm a pretty good detective so I'm going to take a guess here and say that this has happened before"
Now it was her turn to look down and avoid eye contact
"You could have told me Call' " there was so much pain and disappointment "You could have trusted me enough to tell me that"
"I'm sorry..." she started but he waved his hand to cut her off
"Don't!" he said simply "You should go get your father"
*
Take my hand
'Cause we're walking out of here
Oh, right out of here
Love is all we need here
The Space Between
What's wrong and right
Is where you'll find me hiding, waiting for you
The Space Between
Your heart and mine
Is the space we'll fill with time
The Space Between...