Ok, I hope there is still someone out there following this - is anyone tiered of the songfic thing? Should I just drop the songs bit and go on with the story regularly? I like the songs and I think the add to the story but I know that a lot of people actually hate song fics so tell me what you think...
The song this time is "Hanging by a moment" by lifehouse
And If anyone has any suggestions for a song - let me know, cause I'm starting to run out of ideas for lyrics - I only have one suggestion so far (thank you Yaba by the way) and I'm working on it for one of the next chapters - so if you have any ideas let me know!!!
*
Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
Chasing after you
*
They seemed to be going through the motions that morning, getting up, eating breakfast, going to work - all the time carefully avoiding making any sort of eye contact or conversation. He didn't want to force her to explain what happened last night and she didn't seem eager to provide him with an explanation.
At work he kept passing by her lab, peeking inside, trying not to crowd her but still wanting her to talk to him, wanting to be there when she finally felt like she could talk to him.
But Erik soon realized that that moment wasn't coming.
In fact - it seemed like she was going out of her way to avoid him.
When they sat together at the morning staff meeting she placed herself at a chair as far away from him as possible, even when she was talking to him about a case she made sure to look at anyone else but him.
By evening he was starting to feel something he never thought he would feel towards Calleigh - he actually began to get angry.
*
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
*
He made his way to his apartment at the end of the day, all the while thinking about the night before.
Why had she come to him? If she didn't want to talk to him about what was going on why did she appear at his apartment in the middle of the night? What was she crying last night? And what was John's part in all this?
His heart and mind were spinning in ten different directions - on one hand he couldn't forget the way her body felt as it was pressed against his on the couch. How right it seemed to have his arms around her, to hold her.
On the other hand he couldn't help to feel a little bit used - was that all she wanted from his? A warm body? Someone to hold her and not ask any questions?
As he reached his front door he suddenly realized that she was sitting on his doorstep.
*
Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation
You take all of me now...
*
Just like he did the night before he let her in without saying a word, but somehow she could fell that something was different - she knew that it wasn't going to be like last night. Tonight there would be questions, tonight she would have to explain - but for some reason the possibility of having to explain everything to him didn't mortify her the way it had with John.
"I wanted to thank you" she started, her voice cracking a bit. God she hated being so weak. "About last night, you were really there for me and I appreciate it"
"Well that's what friends are for, right?" he tried to sound nonchalant, to hid how much it pained him to say these words
She smiled and sat down, telling him everything. About her dad getting arrested, about John finding out, about what John said when she went to his house. He sat down and listened quietly, not daring to break the flow of her speech, afraid that if he cut her off she would stop talking. His heart skipped a beat when she told him about John feeling that she was using him - a thought that passed through his own mind several minutes before.
"The horrible thing" she finished, tears forming in her eyes "Is that I think on some level he was right. I don't let people in, I don't allow people to help me. I was using him in a way - I wasn't telling him anything and..."
"And what?"
"And I needed it" she sighed "I wanted to sleep with him because it made me feel again, it gave me one feeling I could control, one feeling that I knew was right"
He knew that what he was going to say next was going to cause him a lot of pain. For a moment he could almost picture the devil and the angel inside him arguing about it. But this was Calleigh, and no matter what he felt for her, she was his friend first - he owed her the truth.
"There's only one thing I can think of Callegih" he finally told her "And that is that I'm not the one who needs to hear this"
*
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
*
She stayed for a few more hours after that. They took out a few beers and talked, sitting on the couch with her feet on his lap like they had done a hundred times before. She had to admit she was doing most of the talking. She felt so comfortable with him - she told him about how sick she was of taking care of her father, and how she had no idea what to do with him, or how to deal with him.
By the time she was ready to leave, she was feeling more relaxed than she had been in days.
"You have to start letting people in" Erik told her right before she was ready to go "And I'm not talking just about John. You're not alone Call' - you have me and Speed and Horatio and Alexx. You need to start talking to someone"
"I thought I just did" she teased and he blushed slightly.
*
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you
*
The next day she marched into the police station right to John's desk, the closer she got the more she could feel her courage slipping away.
But she wouldn't turn back - no matter what the consequences - she had to do this.
It was time to stop running.
*
There's nothing else to lose
There's nothing else to find
There's nothing in the world
That can change my mind
There is nothing else
There is nothing else
There is nothing else
*
They walked outside and got some coffee, walking along in the bright sunny morning.
"I never meant to use you John" She said after telling him all there was to know about the situation with her father "I hope you realize that. I just needed to feel, and when we had sex that first night - that was the first time I felt something clear and non confusing in a long time. Being with you, sleeping with you, was something that I could control"
"you can't control me Calleigh" some anger was still evident in his voice
"I know that" she sighed "and I'm sorry I did this..."
There was a few moments of silence before he asked quietly "What happens now?"
She looked at him sadly for a moment before replying "I don't know"
*
Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
Chasing after you....
*
Erik watched her closely when she came into the lad later that day. He knew she went over to talk to John and he was wondering how it went.
A part of him wanted it to go well, but the other part of him wanted it to go horribly wrong.
That realization hit him hard! - was he actually hoping something bad would happen to her? Was he actually hoping for something that would cause her pain?
He went back to his lab and tried to lay low - avoiding everybody as much as he could.
It took him a few hours to sort his thoughts, to realize that Speed was wrong - it was over.
There was nothing he could do anymore - John was the boyfriend, he was the friend. It was time to step back and be there for her as a friend and nothing more. He had to let her go.
*
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you
*
The song this time is "Hanging by a moment" by lifehouse
And If anyone has any suggestions for a song - let me know, cause I'm starting to run out of ideas for lyrics - I only have one suggestion so far (thank you Yaba by the way) and I'm working on it for one of the next chapters - so if you have any ideas let me know!!!
*
Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
Chasing after you
*
They seemed to be going through the motions that morning, getting up, eating breakfast, going to work - all the time carefully avoiding making any sort of eye contact or conversation. He didn't want to force her to explain what happened last night and she didn't seem eager to provide him with an explanation.
At work he kept passing by her lab, peeking inside, trying not to crowd her but still wanting her to talk to him, wanting to be there when she finally felt like she could talk to him.
But Erik soon realized that that moment wasn't coming.
In fact - it seemed like she was going out of her way to avoid him.
When they sat together at the morning staff meeting she placed herself at a chair as far away from him as possible, even when she was talking to him about a case she made sure to look at anyone else but him.
By evening he was starting to feel something he never thought he would feel towards Calleigh - he actually began to get angry.
*
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
*
He made his way to his apartment at the end of the day, all the while thinking about the night before.
Why had she come to him? If she didn't want to talk to him about what was going on why did she appear at his apartment in the middle of the night? What was she crying last night? And what was John's part in all this?
His heart and mind were spinning in ten different directions - on one hand he couldn't forget the way her body felt as it was pressed against his on the couch. How right it seemed to have his arms around her, to hold her.
On the other hand he couldn't help to feel a little bit used - was that all she wanted from his? A warm body? Someone to hold her and not ask any questions?
As he reached his front door he suddenly realized that she was sitting on his doorstep.
*
Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation
You take all of me now...
*
Just like he did the night before he let her in without saying a word, but somehow she could fell that something was different - she knew that it wasn't going to be like last night. Tonight there would be questions, tonight she would have to explain - but for some reason the possibility of having to explain everything to him didn't mortify her the way it had with John.
"I wanted to thank you" she started, her voice cracking a bit. God she hated being so weak. "About last night, you were really there for me and I appreciate it"
"Well that's what friends are for, right?" he tried to sound nonchalant, to hid how much it pained him to say these words
She smiled and sat down, telling him everything. About her dad getting arrested, about John finding out, about what John said when she went to his house. He sat down and listened quietly, not daring to break the flow of her speech, afraid that if he cut her off she would stop talking. His heart skipped a beat when she told him about John feeling that she was using him - a thought that passed through his own mind several minutes before.
"The horrible thing" she finished, tears forming in her eyes "Is that I think on some level he was right. I don't let people in, I don't allow people to help me. I was using him in a way - I wasn't telling him anything and..."
"And what?"
"And I needed it" she sighed "I wanted to sleep with him because it made me feel again, it gave me one feeling I could control, one feeling that I knew was right"
He knew that what he was going to say next was going to cause him a lot of pain. For a moment he could almost picture the devil and the angel inside him arguing about it. But this was Calleigh, and no matter what he felt for her, she was his friend first - he owed her the truth.
"There's only one thing I can think of Callegih" he finally told her "And that is that I'm not the one who needs to hear this"
*
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
*
She stayed for a few more hours after that. They took out a few beers and talked, sitting on the couch with her feet on his lap like they had done a hundred times before. She had to admit she was doing most of the talking. She felt so comfortable with him - she told him about how sick she was of taking care of her father, and how she had no idea what to do with him, or how to deal with him.
By the time she was ready to leave, she was feeling more relaxed than she had been in days.
"You have to start letting people in" Erik told her right before she was ready to go "And I'm not talking just about John. You're not alone Call' - you have me and Speed and Horatio and Alexx. You need to start talking to someone"
"I thought I just did" she teased and he blushed slightly.
*
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you
*
The next day she marched into the police station right to John's desk, the closer she got the more she could feel her courage slipping away.
But she wouldn't turn back - no matter what the consequences - she had to do this.
It was time to stop running.
*
There's nothing else to lose
There's nothing else to find
There's nothing in the world
That can change my mind
There is nothing else
There is nothing else
There is nothing else
*
They walked outside and got some coffee, walking along in the bright sunny morning.
"I never meant to use you John" She said after telling him all there was to know about the situation with her father "I hope you realize that. I just needed to feel, and when we had sex that first night - that was the first time I felt something clear and non confusing in a long time. Being with you, sleeping with you, was something that I could control"
"you can't control me Calleigh" some anger was still evident in his voice
"I know that" she sighed "and I'm sorry I did this..."
There was a few moments of silence before he asked quietly "What happens now?"
She looked at him sadly for a moment before replying "I don't know"
*
Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
Chasing after you....
*
Erik watched her closely when she came into the lad later that day. He knew she went over to talk to John and he was wondering how it went.
A part of him wanted it to go well, but the other part of him wanted it to go horribly wrong.
That realization hit him hard! - was he actually hoping something bad would happen to her? Was he actually hoping for something that would cause her pain?
He went back to his lab and tried to lay low - avoiding everybody as much as he could.
It took him a few hours to sort his thoughts, to realize that Speed was wrong - it was over.
There was nothing he could do anymore - John was the boyfriend, he was the friend. It was time to step back and be there for her as a friend and nothing more. He had to let her go.
*
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you
*