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Marissa and Ryan sat quietly in the quad. Neither of them could really recall what had brought them here. Neither of them could really picture their world before the news, before the death.
All Ryan could do was sit next to Marissa. They had been together forever as far as he could tell. He didn't know how to deal. He couldn't give Marissa the advice she needed, all he could do was support her.
"Marissa I'm so sorry" Ryan said looking at her, looking into her hoping that she would say something. Ryan had had people in his life die, go to prison and abandon him so if he knew anything it was isolation. He just didn't want her to know isolation. It's true Luke hadn't always been his favorite person, but he wasn't a bad person. He was young and naïve and had not deserved to die. Ryan had just been getting to know him better.
Marissa looked at Ryan tears pouring down her face. She didn't know how to respond. She didn't know how to tell him how she felt. She loved Ryan like she loved no one else in her life! But she also Loved Luke. Luke was her first everything, and with the title first comes a connection that is unbreakable.
"I . . . I don't . . . I've never lost anyone before." She stammered thankful her voice worked. " I . . .thank you" was all she could say. She wanted him to leave but she also wanted him to stay. She needed him but felt awkward around him. It was odd she had been with him for almost six months now and not since the night he tried to run away had she felt awkward around him.
"If you want me to go I will" Ryan whispered hoping she would say no. Hoping she would turn and embrace him. Hoping she would tell him she loved him and needed him there to confide in.
Instead he got silence. Not a hurtful silence but it hurt him anyway. She just didn't know what to say. She wanted him to stay, but she wanted to be alone. She just wasn't sure if he was capable of sitting next to her, and letting her be alone at the same time. It takes a lot of patience and understanding, and Ryan didn't always have that when it came to Luke. Oh god poor Luke.
He stood up and began to walk away slowly. Praying she would yell his name, ask him to stay, tell him she loved him. He didn't know what it was but now that Luke was dead he felt a guilty crushing weight. Now that he knew he would never really have to worry about her waking up and realizing that Ryan wasn't who she should be with Luke was, he didn't feel relieved.
He hadn't been jealous of Luke for a long time. He was secure in his relationship with Marissa, until Luke died. Luke seemed to have gained so much power through his passing. It scared Ryan. He just couldn't get the idea that she regretted these past six months with him, now that Luke was gone. He kept feeling that she wished she had spent their time together with Luke instead.
Marissa watched Ryan walk away and became frightened. She could read his demeanor, even in her own pain. But she was to focused on herself and her feelings to worry about what was going through Ryan's head. She knew if she could get her head sorted out, then and only then could she move on to Ryan's.
Ryan climbed into the Cohen's range rover and started the engine. He couldn't remember the last time he had cried. That was a lie, he didn't want to remember the last time he had cried. And right now was not the time to do it. Right now though he wanted to cry for Luke and for Marissa. He also wanted to kick him own ass, but knew that if he did that he would only have more questions to answer when he got home.