Title: Changing Course
Chapter: Chapter Ten
Author: bactaqueen
Author's e-mail:
Category: New Jedi Order, Alternate Universe
Keywords: Kyp Durron, Jaina Solo, NJO
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: New Jedi Order up to Rebel Stand
Summary: Jaina Solo had a tough road back from the Dark Side after the death of her brother. In the process, according to canon, she earned Colonel Fel. But what if she hadn't? What if Kyp Durron was her redemption?
Disclaimer: "Star Wars" copyright George Lucas. Characters copyright respective owners. No profit is being made and no infringement is intended. Characters and situations inspired by the Enemy Lines duology, written by Aaron Allston, and in some cases, the situations have been modified for the purposes of this story. Again, here, no profit is being made and no infringement is intended.

Changing Course: Chapter Ten

Pyria peeked over the eastern horizon, sending lances of sunlight to pierce the night. Deep indigo bled into purple; purple faded into crimson; crimson became red, became gold, and finally, became the blue dawn sky. Stars ceased to exist to the naked human eye. Pyria cleared the treetops and light stabbed the low-hanging fog.

Jaina was alone with the dawn. She sat cross-legged atop a blocky duracrete housing. Air-circulation machinery vibrated beneath her, but she didn't mind. Being alone with natural life made her uneasy now. She welcomed the reminder of technology.

This place reminded her of Yavin Four. The heat. The humidity. The dangers lurking in the jungle beyond. The childhood friends around her and the other Jedi only helped to support the illusions.

But Jacen was gone. And just remembering that made the dream shatter into a billion shards. Borleias was not Yavin Four. Yavin Four was no longer home. Life would never be the same again. Happiness... Jaina wasn't sure she believed in happiness anymore. And she was alone.

Jaina closed her eyes and took a deep, slow breath. Zekk, Lowie, Kyp. Three faces flashed past her mind's eye. They didn't want her to be alone. They were making an effort to connect with her. Han, Leia, Luke, Mara. Four more faces, more feelings. Her family. With Ben, all that was left. They cared about her, they loved her, but she couldn't bear their hope. Jacen was as dead as Anakin. That was all there was to it. Why couldn't they accept it? Why did Leia have to keep twisting the blade, insisting that Jacen was alive?

'He's my twin. I felt him die. He's gone. What do I have left?'

A noise from somewhere behind her surprised Jaina. She turned and found Tahiri standing there in front of the door that led to the narrow stairway. The blonde girl froze, looking like an animal caught in a hunter's scope. She stared with wide eyes at Jaina.

Jaina stared back. Here was her little brother's best friend. Someone else who had lost so much in the last year. Parts of herself, her best friend, her first love. They should have had a kinship. But Jaina didn't think she could help the girl anymore than the other way around; Tahiri was too much of a reminder of what might have been.

'Might-have-beens are a waste of time.'

"I didn't know anyone else came up here," Tahiri said, taking a few steps forward.

"You shouldn't lie to Jedi if you want to be believed," Jaina countered, turning away from her guest to stare out over the jungle. She hoped Tahiri would get the point.

She didn't. Tahiri continued forward, one step at a time. "I thought we could talk?"

Jaina almost asked, "About what?" but she knew the answer. Instead, she said, "I'm not really in the mood, Tahiri."

"So you do know who I am." There was a sort of contemplation in her voice. "That's good. I was beginning to believe you didn't know who anyone was."

Jaina sent the younger girl a sidelong look. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"You've cut yourself off, Jaina." Tahiri crept ever closer.

"So?"

"You need help."

Jaina narrowed her eyes. "I don't need this talk from a fifteen-year-old."

"You need it from someone," Tahiri argued. "You're not the only one who lost someone, Jaina. Jacen and Anakin meant something to us, too."

Jaina tensed. "I know."

"Do you? Because it doesn't seem like it. It seems like you believe Jaina Solo's the only person in this galaxy."

Tahiri was standing next to the duracrete casing. Jaina glanced at her. The girl was small, and she seemed even smaller for the invisible weight that crushed her. The scars across her forehead were a startling contrast to the rest of her perfect face. Her green eyes were full of pain Jaina understood and didn't want to.

"Tahiri... I'm sorry." She'd been saying that a lot lately.

"Are you? For what?"

Jaina looked away. What was she sorry for? "A lot."

"Are you just sorry, or do you intend to do something about it?"

Her gaze slid sharply back to her companion. "Excuse me?"

"You've hurt a lot of people, Jaina. And they were already hurting before you got to them. But you can make it better. All you have to do is reach out-and they'll be ready for you. You'll be connected again, and you'll hurt a lot less."

Jaina shook her head. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Your parents. They lost their sons, and they may as well have lost their daughter."

"Tahiri-" Jaina began darkly.

"Listen to me! Your father has lost both of his sons, and so has your mother. Leia believes Jacen is still alive-"

Jaina winced.

"-And for her sake, your father believes her. It's killing him, but he's there for her."

"Mother can't accept that they're gone," Jaina said flatly.

"Is that it? Or are you just not willing to believe?"

"What's the difference?" Jaina pushed her hair away from her face irritably. "Believing won't bring Chewbacca back. It won't bring Anakin back. Jacen's dead-they're all dead. I have no desire to open up those wounds on the basis of maybe and let the universe administer acid. No, Tahiri. I'm not willing to believe." Jaina glared out at the world in general.

"Not even for your mother?"

"She can fool herself just fine. She doesn't need my help."

"She loves you, Jaina," Tahiri said softly. "She misses you. She needs you."

"She told you this?" Jaina demanded.

"She doesn't have to." Tahiri reached out and laid a hand on Jaina's arm. "She's worried about you."

"That's a mother's right, I suppose."

"What about her other rights?" Tahiri pressed. "Why don't you try, Jaina? It can be so easy..."

"Why do you care so much? She isn't your mother. In fact, if she was, you'd probably feel the same."

"Everyone makes mistakes."

'Mothers shouldn't.' "Yeah. And they should have to live with them."

"Do you really believe that?" The pain from Tahiri's eyes had bled into her voice.

It tore at something inside Jaina. That fueled her anger. She jumped down off the housing and started for the door. "Yes, I do," she said shortly. "I have to live with mine."

Just before the door slammed shut behind her, Jaina heard Tahiri call, "I forgive you."

Jaina felt the weight of Kyp's gaze as she entered the conference room, late as usual. She didn't need to be told that her shields were leaking. So she sent him a glare and strode to the head of the conference table and dropped her datapad. It crashed. She had everyone's attention.

"It's business as usual today," Jaina said, her voice just loud enough to carry to the other end of the conference table. Voort "Piggy" saBinring and his Wraith partner, Sharr Latt, sat at that end, both of them munching on pastries from the tray the kitchen provided for briefings. Her gaze slid from them to the rest of her pilots: the Jedi, including Ganner, only a temporary member. He was filling in for Ovir Salassar, who was spending the week in the infirmary in quarantine.

The rest of his flight sat to either side of him. Tany Elocin was a native of Coruscant, a tall woman with olive skin and dark blonde hair. She was the only surviving member of her former squadron. They had flown cover for one of the many refugee ships fleeing Coruscant.

Nelean'ersiv was a blue-skinned Twi'lek. She, like Tany, was an original member of Twin Suns. Before following Luke Skywalker, Nelea had been the second officer in an A-wing unit, out of the Rebel Dream. Both women were hardened veterans of this war, both of them reliable pilots. Jaina was grateful they'd stayed on when Luke had surrendered command.

Kale Darden was from Toprawa and one of the last two non-Jedi. He sat directly across the table from Tany, watching Jaina with eerie blue eyes. To his right-and Jaina's left-sat his wing mate, Jen de Fesdo, a native of Adumar. Jen had transferred over from Blackmoon Squadron, special request. For whatever reason, he was here, and a good pilot.

All of them veterans. All of them part of a functional fighting unit. Jaina felt a surge of pride that managed to squelch the rest of her lingering anger.

"Operation Starlancer is test-firing. We're going to escort Vehicle One up to coordinates and keep the enemy off her back. General Antilles is launching a few private ships in conjunction. We're sort of a distraction." Jaina gave a wry smile. "So nice to be needed, isn't it?"

A few laughs met her question, and Jaina felt herself relax. This was safe. Safer than family.

She looked around the table. "Rules of engagement are the same as last time: fire only if fired upon, engage only if engaged first. If they want to look, we can't stop them. Any questions?" Each pilot met her eyes in turn, and she gave them all a grin. No one asked any questions. "Good, then. We launch at 0900. I'll see you in the hangar at 0800. Dismissed."

As her pilots rose and shuffled out, Jaina sank into the chair and activated her datapad. She had requisitions requests to sign off on, mission parameters to examine, and the new, modified rules of engagement to look over. Administrative paperwork. Even with the New Republic practically under martial law, the bureaucrats were having their way.

She suddenly understood why her father hated being a general.

The conference room's door slid shut with a hydraulic hiss. She was alone. With a deep sigh, Jaina sat back in her chair and began to close her eyes, intending to spare a moment and take a break from it all.

Except she wasn't alone. Kyp sat unmoving in the same seat he'd occupied the whole time, four chairs down on her left. He was watching her carefully, dark eyes shrewd, face hard.

"I know it's a sign of power to be able to hide your presence," Jaina began, trying to conceal the weariness in her voice, "and I really am amazed that you can just turn it on and off at will. But I'm not in the mood for games today, Kyp."

He was silent. Jaina got the feeling she was being scrutinized. She had the sneaking suspicion that she'd been through a similar situation, but couldn't remember when. She waited.

"Where'd you take off to the other day?" he asked at length.

Jaina frowned. "Why? Are you my father now, too?"

Something passed through Kyp's eyes. Something Jaina had seen on Hapes. Something that she wasn't sure about. "No. Just curious."

"I needed to think. I had to get away."

"With Zekk?"

What was that slide of darkness at the edges of her awareness? "He's an old friend. I don't have to justify myself to you."

Kyp shrugged. "No, you don't. But this Jedi squadron was your idea, Jaina, and playing favorites hurts the bond more than it hurts us. If you want this to work, you have to give me as much as you're giving Zekk."

Jaina looked away. He was right and she knew it. "I'm more comfortable with Zekk than I am with you," she said quietly.

Kyp smiled. "That's better for me and worse for Zekk than you think. I don't want you to be comfortable with me, Jaina, I just want you to trust me."

'Do you have any idea how hard that is? It's what we've been preaching all along, but it hasn't gotten us anywhere. You're just as uneasy as I am.' "Always playing up to your role, aren't you?"

"You have me confused with the other good-looking Jedi. I'm not playing." He gave her that smile again.

"What do you want from me?" Her voice was uncharacteristically soft.

Kyp frowned momentarily. "Just give me as much as you're giving Zekk," he said simply. "Trust me. I won't let you fall again. I won't let you slide."

"You'll try. I know." Jaina stared down at the tabletop. "I appreciate it."

Kyp stared curiously at her for several moments. Absently, he drummed his fingers on the table. Finally, he asked, "Jaina, do you want to talk about something?"

Jaina's head came up and she rolled her eyes. "Do I want to talk about something? Do I need to talk?" Her voice was slightly mocking. She changed tones as she said, "Why don't you people get it? If I wanted to talk, you'd know it. No, Kyp, I don't need to talk, and I'd really appreciate it if you wouldn't ask me again. You of all people should understand!"

"Understand what?"

"Me! Let me ask you this." Jaina leaned forward and stabbed a finger in his direction. "Do 'you' want to talk?"

Kyp tipped his head to the side and gave her puzzled look. "About what?"

Jaina nodded firmly. "Exactly. What do we possibly need to talk about?"

"I don't know."

"Then why the hell did you ask?"

Kyp shook his head. "You seem like something's bothering you."

"You think?" Jaina slumped back in her chair.

He knew it was sarcasm and a rhetorical question. He still answered. "I do, actually. Are you going to tell me what's wrong or will I need to guess?" His voice was patronizingly sweet.

Jaina shot him a look. "I don't know. You tell me."

"What's up, Jaina? Is something bothering you?"

"Yes."

"What?"

Jaina sighed. "I'm not sure."

Kyp stared. "You mean I've been taking this abuse because you don't know?" He shook his head wonderingly. "Do you realize that you're the only person I'll take this from?" He pushed himself up from the chair and glanced at her as he started out. "I'll see you later."

Jaina watched him go. When the door had closed behind him, she said to the empty room, "You, Kyp. You and the rest of my life."

Kyp left the conference room shaking his head. Conversations with Jaina were becoming increasingly odd, and he wasn't sure why. He could barely remember the last time they hadn't fought. He knew when it was-before they'd gotten to the Jedi base-but he couldn't actually remember the conversation. He sighed. 'I took for granted that we understood each other.'

And he was getting too old to make the mistake of taking too many things for granted.

He turned the corner, intending to find the cafeteria and get breakfast. The Wraiths had a tendency to monopolize the snack trays during briefings.

And Jaina. Kyp's mind turned back to the subject of his "apprentice." She'd been spending a lot of time with Piggy and Sharr, developing her role as Goddess. Lowie was taking on more and more of the responsibilities of running the squadron.

It made a certain amount of sense, he supposed. But he still felt just a little put out. He was the one with command experience, but Jaina wasn't taking advantage of that. She was falling back on old friends. And pushing him as far away as he was keeping her.

Not that it wasn't fair. But it still bothered him more than it should have.

He sighed again. His life had been a lot less complicated before he'd gotten himself involved with Jaina. And he had a sneaking suspicion that this was a flight through the void compared to what was to come.

Someone landed a hand firmly on his back. A familiar voice said, "She gets it from her mother."

Kyp glanced over to find Han Solo smiling at him.

"The slave-driving habits," Han clarified, misunderstanding Kyp's look. "She gets it from her mother. Is she letting you get any sleep?"

"Not really," Kyp admitted.

Han nodded knowingly. "All I can say is good luck. Heading for the mess hall?"

Kyp smiled faintly. "They don't ever send enough pastries to the briefings. Piggy, Sharr, and Ganner eat them all. No one else even gets to see the tray."

"Hey, just be glad she's letting you eat at all!" Han leaned in and lowered his voice conspiratorially. "One time, Leia didn't let her cabinet eat for a whole week. They decided not to tax basic foodstuffs."

Both men chuckled. Kyp took the moment to study his friend surreptitiously. When had Han gotten so old? His once-chestnut hair was now liberally streaked with gray, and the two-day's growth of beard fared no better. Wrinkles at his eyes, forehead, and mouth indicated as many times of stress and worry as of happiness.

Kyp supposed that if he were to really pay attention to the mirror in the morning, his reflection wouldn't be much different. Where had the time gone?

"Where's Leia?" he asked as they entered the big dining bay. It bustled with standard breakfast activity. In one corner, Kyp spotted his squad mates. He returned Alema's wave, but made no move to join them.

"She and Mara are working out Ben's care arrangements," Han answered. "We're taking the kid to Shelter, along with Wedge's girls and some of the other base kids. Leia and Luke think they'll be safer there."

"So you're the private freighter we're distracting the Vong for," Kyp mused.

As they moved to the back of the breakfast line, Han shot Kyp a sidelong glance. "The Twins are running interference?"

"Huh? Oh, no, we're part of the main task force. Starlancer is test-firing today."

"Ah." Han took the tray of breakfast gruel and fruit that the kitchen worker offered. He said, "Sometimes I wonder about Wedge."

"Oh?" Kyp accepted another tray and followed Han to an empty table.

"Yeah. I mean, the kid's great at his job, no doubt. But not everything he does makes a whole lot of sense." Han dropped into a spindly, uncomfortable looking chair.

Kyp took the chair's mate. It was uncomfortable. "That could be treason, you know."

"Hey, he's the one who started a mutiny way back when. Besides, we both know, and Wedge knows, that if he asked us to fly through a supernova I'd do it. Because he has a plan."

"Always?" Kyp tried a spoonful of the gruel. Not too bad, he decided.

"Almost. If he doesn't have a plan, he's got a damn good bluff. Jaina learned that from him as much as me. How is my daughter, by the way?"

Kyp froze. "She isn't talking to you?"

"Nope." Han slurped his breakfast. "She ain't talking to her mom, either. They say you're the only one she's talking to."

"Not anymore," Kyp muttered.

Han leaned across the table. "Look, kid, I'm worried about my little girl. Is there anything I need to know?"

For long moments, Kyp eyed Jaina's father. His friend. "I think she's going to be okay," he said at last.

"Yeah?" But there was an edge in Han's voice, in his eyes. It warned, 'Lie to me or hurt my daughter and you're going to wish you'd never been born.'

"I hope so."

Han was silent as he stared at Kyp. Those eyes seemed to bore through his soul. "That the best you got, kid?"

"It's the best I can give."

"Then I guess it'll have to do, won't it?"

"Yeah." Kyp felt himself slump. He wanted to give Han more-the man was hurting, and Jaina was his little girl as well as his last child. After everything, Han deserved more than his pessimism. "She's come a long way, you know," he began hesitantly. "And she wasn't as far gone as I was. She-she's even letting me help her. And when we aren't yelling at each other..." 'She almost lets me in.'

"Yeah?"

Kyp sighed. "Yeah."

Han nodded. He said, "Thanks."

Leia glanced up as her husband entered the sleeping quarters Wedge had assigned them.

"Did you talk to her?" she asked. She was laying folded flight suits in a large, shapeless duffel bag. It was a far cry from the packing she'd once done as a princess and as a president. She paused to watch Han.

"No."

"Oh." Disappointed, she went back to packing.

"I talked to Kyp."

Leia froze. "Kyp?"

Han crossed the room and flopped down on the bed. He tucked his arms under his head and nodded at his wife. "Uh-huh. Had breakfast with him. He seemed kind of confused when I found him."

"Confused," Leia repeated.

"He was thinking. He was frowning. He'd just come out of the briefing, but he was the last, besides Jaina. Came out a few minutes after everyone else."

"He did."

Han eyed his wife. "Hey, sweetheart, what's wrong?"

Leia sank to the edge of the bed, near the foot. "I'm worried about her, Han."

He pushed himself up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. He scooted closer and touched her shoulder. "I know, honey. We all are."

She closed her eyes tightly. "I'm really worried about her," she said softly. "She's vulnerable, Han, no matter how hard she's gotten. She's hurting. And I don't trust Kyp."

"He won't hurt her, honey," Han said gently, enfolding his wife in a hug.

"Do you believe that? After what he's done?"

"He made mistakes. He's trying to make up for them."

Leia's arms went around him. "But do you really believe it? This is your daughter you're gambling here."

He kissed the top of her head. It nearly killed him to see her like this. So broken. So lost. "Yeah, I do. He loves her, Leia."

She jerked away. Her head snapped up. "What?" Maybe it was outrage. Maybe it was anger. More than surprise colored her voice.

"He loves her."

Leia's eyes narrowed. "Did he tell you this?"

Han smiled, easy. She was so pretty when she was angry. "Nah. But what kind of father would I be if I'm so blind I can't see when a man's in love with my daughter?"

"You don't seem worried about this." Leia's voice was dark.

He shrugged. "I would be. But I don't think he'll do anything."

Her face screwed up in an expression of complete confusion. Eloquently, she asked, "Huh?" and he knew he'd surprised her. It was a small victory.

"He loves her, right? But I don't think he'll do anything about it 'cause of me and Luke and what he thinks you and Mara feel about him. He knows he's hurt her, and he knows he doesn't deserve her. So he'll be her friend. 'Cause he thinks that's all he can be."

"You certainly seem to have this one figured out."

Han shrugged again. "I know him. Now, if that Fel kid even thinks of laying hands on her..."

Leia laughed. "I was beginning to lose faith, dear."

Han wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. "She's my little girl. I want her safe. Kyp will protect her, even from himself. If he doesn't... I've learned some effective torture methods in my time."

She snuggled closer. "Me, too. Can I help?"

He leaned to kiss her. "Sure, honey. You can hold him down."

Jaina wandered aimlessly. She had a half hour before she had to be in the docking bay. Wedge had canceled the commanders' meeting. She didn't want to go back to her quarters. She didn't want to run into anyone she knew. She felt restless. So she wandered.

Something to take apart might have been nice. But the base could spare nothing that might interest her, and Danni Quee had kidnapped the Trickster for research. Jaina sighed. She didn't know what was wrong, and she didn't like it.

The pressure was building. She could feel it. Inside her, in the air, in the Force. But she didn't know what it was building up to. And that bothered her, too.

Nothing was clear anymore. She felt as if she were surrounded by fog. She couldn't see.

Jaina rounded the corner, too fast, and ran into someone. She looked, and there lay her mother, sprawled on the floor.

"Mother!"

"Jaina." Leia picked herself up and dusted off the seat of her flight suit. "Running from something?"

"Bad thoughts," Jaina said dismissively. Her gaze darted around, taking in the corridor but no details. "I didn't see you there."

Leia noticed that she didn't apologize. "That's my fault. I didn't know anyone else ever came to this wing."

Jaina forced herself to settle down. Slowly, her gaze raked the hall, lingering on the details. The placards beside the doors. The colors. The designs painted on the walls. Understanding dawned. "Oh," she said aloud.

A few of the successful Alderaan experiments had survived, and they were kept here in this wing. Plants, small animals, insects, even some living rocks. Jaina understood why her mother was alone here, though she didn't quite understand why she was drawn.

And she didn't have the foggiest clue as to what to say.

Neither, it seemed, did Leia. "Yes," was all she said.

Mother and daughter stood in awkward silence in the large hall, both of them fidgeting. Jaina could think of nothing to say. Leia could think of nothing that sounded natural.

After too long, Jaina blurted, "I have to go!" And she turned and fled the way she'd come.

Leia stared at the spot from which her daughter had disappeared and cursed another missed opportunity. She was getting too old for those. And so was Jaina.