Pre-lude
Willow sighed as she sat herself down on the park bench. She winced as she rolled her neck a couple of times. It had been a hectic couple of weeks, with Glory being around...and Dawn...Willow's heart saddened at the thought of the poor girl. Finding out her whole life...has been a lie...and with her mom being sick.... That poor poor girl.
The playground was Willows special place. She didn't let anyone know she was here at times. She needed to be alone, to think. Sometimes, it seemed that everything was pushing against her that the fate of the world partially lie in her hands. Well, that wasn't too far off, but she didn't have it as bad as Buffy. Or Dawn. She sighed.
"What's wrong, little one?" Willow jumped a little at the sentence. She turned around to find herself looking at a pair of very friendly hazel eyes. She stammered
"N-n-nothing is wrong. Why would anything be wrong? Is there anything here that would highlight wrongness? I think not!" The man smiled at redheads babble.
"There's nothing to be afraid of, little one. I'm not going to hurt you. You just looked lost and lonely, and I thought you could use some company, some one to talk to" He smiled his most friendly smile at the redhead "If it makes it any better, we won't use our names," Willow still looked skeptical and uncertain. He put his hand through his hair
"Of course you wouldn't want to. What I was to expect...living on a hellmouth…you're BOUND to be skeptical of anyone coming up to you...asking you if you needed to talk." Willows eyes were wide, when she finally spoke "Y-y-you know about the Hell mouth? Then, how...why...what are you?" She finally managed to say. The man chuckled, a friendly, rich sound
"Little one, I know many things. and other things, i do not know. But, i do know I will not hurt you. I am only here to help. I am here so you can tell me your story, tell me why your eyes are haunted be unseen demons, why you are so mis-trustful of strangers." Willows eyes their normal size, and she nodded. The man was not surprised, because people seemed to trust me more then normal people. But, then again, no one was very normal at this place. Willow spoke
"Ok, you want to here my story? Here it is. It is the story of Willow Ann Rosenburg, daughter of Ira and Shelia Rosenburg, Witch and friend of the Vampire Slayer."
--
Part 1.
--
Willow began to tell this strange man her story.
She started from the time that she and Xander formed the 'We hate Cordelia Club', to the time that she realized Xander wouldn't ever think of her as a 'girl' only as 'Will'. Her eyes were shining, her voice choked as she remembered how she felt
"I just remember being in class,3rd period, i think listening to Jesse tell one of his 'jokes of the day', and staring at Xander. Then, I noticed how he looked at Harmony, and Amy, and even CORDELIA. There was something in his eyes that was never there when he looked at me. There was a feeling of jealousy that ran over me, then. Realization. I realized, he would NEVER look at me how he looked at practically every other female on the planet.
"That's when I knew. That's when i knew i would never have him, he would never be mine, never be mine to hold, to comfort, to kiss,...to love..." She heard her voice catch. She hung her head She was over Xander, and she knew it. She just didn't like relieving the pain all of it had caused her. The stranger seemed to sense her grief and didn't say something for a minute, only watched her re-live it. After a few moments, she started again.
"Then Buffy came"
--
Part 2.
--
The guy raised an eyebrow "Buffy?" Willow nodded
"The Vampire Slayer. At first, i thought she was one of Cornelia's 'followers' ,she seemed so unreal, beautiful...radiating confidence and....power. She also seemed mysterious, like she had a secret to hide." She let out a bitter laugh" And she did, alrite. a BIG secret"
"Did I tell you Jesse got turned to a vamp? No? Well, he did. One of my Best friends, turned into one
of my worst enemies. Did I tell you Xander was the one to kill him? The one to send his best friend to hell. The one to last see his face as it turned into dust. He lost a bit of his innocence right then and there.
How I wish i could have taken that blow for him!!! It hurts...Xander...sweet Xander...having to live through that. A part of him that never knew he could kill his best friend. He knows better know. he knows He can never get the innocence back ," a tear rolled down her face as her face clenched "Neither of us can. We lost that part, and we will NEVER GET IT BACK" she shook a little, but gained composure.
She told the stranger about Angel and Buffy. He saw how her eyes got sympathetic and her eyes misted over when she told him about their Forbidden Love. Slayer and Vampire. How it could never happen. He noticed how she felt her friends emotions, how she was in tune with them. That's how true friends are, they feel your pain.
She told him about Cordelia and Xander. Her eyes had mixed emotions when she spoke of the betrayal she
felt at her best friends excursion. "Xander was my best friend. Cordelia was my worst enemy. and they were kissing. Goddess.....CORDELIA. And XANDER. KISSING! It just hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt so....betrayed. and wounded. he chose his worst enemy over his BEST FRIEND. It made me feel so low...so unwanted. I almost couldn't bear it"
But, that wasn't the end of her love life woes. Oz.
"Oz was my first boyfriend. My first love. Well, returned love. Xander never really loved me more then
a sister. Maybe i never really loved him. Maybe I only thought I did because in truth, he was my best friend and the only guy that ever really looked at me besides Jesse. Even then, he was more by my side then Jesse was, so, i imagined myself in love with him, because he was the only one i really could see myself with. Maybe if I had more friends when I was younger, this whole Xander mess could have been avoided. Well, more guy friends anyways."
"Back to Oz. Oz was.....special. He was the first guy to look at me and see more then just a shy red-head
with a weird sense of style. Even in an Eskimo suit, he couldn't stop thinking about me. He was so sweet..... And I hurt him.
"Xander discovered he had some lust for me. And....you never get over something like what I had for Xander. well, you never forget it anyways. But...at homecoming....we...kissed." Willow said that with such shame, such GUILT, you would have thought she did more then just KISS. But....By nature, anyone could tell Willow was a kind person, not wanting to hurt anyone, especially her boyfriend. But, she did...and you could tell it hurt.
"Oz eventually forgave me. But, poor Xander...Cordelia never forgave him. She cared for him...you could tell. But, that isn't the worst that happened. Nope, not by far" Her voice shook, but something in his eyes told him what he was about to hear had hurt her more then anything ever had.
"It happened one night.....I was coming over to see Oz...bring him some breakfast," her smile was vague, but had a hysterical note to it ,"I felt bad 'cause last night I had gone all clingy girlfriend on him, and wanted to make it up." her smiled had left...but something worse had replaced it "I called his name a couple of times...figured he was still asleep. Then, I heard a noise. I figured Oz was just waking up and all...so I was happy I might give him a surprise. As I walked down the stars.. I had faint notion something was wrong. I just brushed it off though....i shouldn't have done that. Cause it might have prepared me for the sight that entered my eyes when i went down that last step."
"Oz. Naked. with another WOMAN." Willow shook with each word, tears boiling in her eyes "Or should I say, a she-wolf. A fucking she-wolf WHORE! He slept with a WHORE over his girlfriend. He chose some woman he's known only weeks over me. his girlfriend. That WHORE," The red-heads frame shook with pent-up rage and anger, tears were running down her face, the emotions in her eyes terrible. 'God, had she been holding this all in?' the man thought. He waited till she stopped. After that little attack, her voice was quiet, subdued, but held rage in it.
"So many things ran in my head when I saw them. Why? Because she was a wolf? No, I didn't buy that. Sure they had a biological urge...and quite possibly it was something deeper, but it was also was something else, something not about HER, but about me. Maybe I wasn't enough. Maybe we weren't meant to be. I'm not sure I'm into all this soul mate stuff. But, then I could be wrong.
"Personally, i think he just didn't love me enough. No doubts that he loved me....he DID love me. But not enough. He didn't love me enough to ignore the attraction to the other wolf. He didn't love me as much as I loved him, i see that now. He never would be able to return that. We just weren't meant for each other," she had calmed down, but there were still tears. This time, they weren't enraged tears, they were tears of understanding and acceptance. Accepting that she and the wolf weren't meant to be together. that she and the wolf couldn't have what she wanted. The man studied her more closely. She was so more then she let on.
"He left after that. 'Cause, his little toy decided to kill me, but he killed her. But then he went after me. He left because he didn't want to hurt me," a pause, then a laugh ," Ha, didn't want to hurt me? What did he think leaving me would do? Didn't he know it would hurt me? I guess not. or else he would be here, right now. Holding me.," her voice now held a slightly dreamy quality, and her eyes looked far-away, visiting a far away land. But, all to quickly, she was pulled into reality. the reality where boyfriends leave you, hurt you, where your friends betray you and where you're hunted in the night.
"But...I found someone new. I thought I could never get over him, that my life died when he left. My heart nearly broke in two, I couldn't breathe. couldn't see. couldn't...survive. But then...Tara came," Willows mouth had a slight smile on it. The guy did a double take
"Tara?"
--
Part 3
--
Willow left "You sound surprised. cause I have a girlfriend? Well, hey, people change. I really didn't realize how much I loved her until Oz came back. He came back....wanted to make it work. Wanted us to...well, be a 'us'. It was then I realized I truly moved on.
"Tara is so sweet. She's a witch too...but there's more to her. We get along so well....we just fit each other perfectly. Its not about Women and Women, witch and witch, its nothing along that. Labels don't mean anything when your in love. Just look at Buffy and Angel.
"Vampire and Vampire Slayer. Yes, it was a blow on their relationship, but they still loved each other. No matter what they say, no matter what, they never really let it get to them.
"Its true when they say love knows no boundaries. Gender, age, color, popularity, labels, heck, even something like Vampire and Slayer doesn't stop that cupids arrow. It strikes you, right in the heart. Like a stake , it just gets to you, and once its hit its target, your gone. Your in love, and nothing can stop that. Nothing stops you from being with that person, boundaries are forgotten. Just you and that one special person.
"There are ways you notice your in love, ya know? Like...just watching that person do the slightest thing makes you smile, or it spell bounds you. Nothing stops you from being with them, any differences are gone. You just need to be with them, need to see them smile, laugh, cry, frown,...you just need them. Or you might go crazy. You notice their little quirks. Like how they're nose raises when they smile. Or how their eyes light up when they sense friendship," her voice was quiet, but filled with delight.
"You notice that when their in a bad mood, how their voice changes. Your sensitive to their moods, to their feelings, just...to...them. You'll do anything for that love. To hold on to it. Love makes you do the wacky. We need love, no matter what some people say. If we didn't have love, then what's the point of living?
"Really. If you didn't have someone who actually cared if you went on living, then why bother? That's why we live. To be in love, to feel that warmth and acceptance. To know that people care for you. To know that you living here has a purpose. To want to live."
--
Part 4.
--
Willow rose. It was time for her to go. She gave the strange man a uplifting smile
"Would I be breaking some forbidden law if I asked you for your name?," the man chuckled
"Actually, little one, I'd rather not tell you. Its time for me to retire. I have some business to tend to," then, just like that, he vanished. into thin air, before Willow could utter a complaint. She frowned
"Uh. Well, that was rude. ," she turned around to head back to her house, feeling as though she just had a huge weight lifted off of her. She didn't see those hazel eyes watching her from behind the trees. The man smiled, then returned though the leather bound book in his hands:
Watcher Diaries-
The Slayer and her Lacerates 95-?
Confessions 2...
Willow Anne Rosenburg
Willow sighed as she sat herself down on the park bench. She winced as she rolled her neck a couple of times. It had been a hectic couple of weeks, with Glory being around...and Dawn...Willow's heart saddened at the thought of the poor girl. Finding out her whole life...has been a lie...and with her mom being sick.... That poor poor girl.
The playground was Willows special place. She didn't let anyone know she was here at times. She needed to be alone, to think. Sometimes, it seemed that everything was pushing against her that the fate of the world partially lie in her hands. Well, that wasn't too far off, but she didn't have it as bad as Buffy. Or Dawn. She sighed.
"What's wrong, little one?" Willow jumped a little at the sentence. She turned around to find herself looking at a pair of very friendly hazel eyes. She stammered
"N-n-nothing is wrong. Why would anything be wrong? Is there anything here that would highlight wrongness? I think not!" The man smiled at redheads babble.
"There's nothing to be afraid of, little one. I'm not going to hurt you. You just looked lost and lonely, and I thought you could use some company, some one to talk to" He smiled his most friendly smile at the redhead "If it makes it any better, we won't use our names," Willow still looked skeptical and uncertain. He put his hand through his hair
"Of course you wouldn't want to. What I was to expect...living on a hellmouth…you're BOUND to be skeptical of anyone coming up to you...asking you if you needed to talk." Willows eyes were wide, when she finally spoke "Y-y-you know about the Hell mouth? Then, how...why...what are you?" She finally managed to say. The man chuckled, a friendly, rich sound
"Little one, I know many things. and other things, i do not know. But, i do know I will not hurt you. I am only here to help. I am here so you can tell me your story, tell me why your eyes are haunted be unseen demons, why you are so mis-trustful of strangers." Willows eyes their normal size, and she nodded. The man was not surprised, because people seemed to trust me more then normal people. But, then again, no one was very normal at this place. Willow spoke
"Ok, you want to here my story? Here it is. It is the story of Willow Ann Rosenburg, daughter of Ira and Shelia Rosenburg, Witch and friend of the Vampire Slayer."
--
Part 1.
--
Willow began to tell this strange man her story.
She started from the time that she and Xander formed the 'We hate Cordelia Club', to the time that she realized Xander wouldn't ever think of her as a 'girl' only as 'Will'. Her eyes were shining, her voice choked as she remembered how she felt
"I just remember being in class,3rd period, i think listening to Jesse tell one of his 'jokes of the day', and staring at Xander. Then, I noticed how he looked at Harmony, and Amy, and even CORDELIA. There was something in his eyes that was never there when he looked at me. There was a feeling of jealousy that ran over me, then. Realization. I realized, he would NEVER look at me how he looked at practically every other female on the planet.
"That's when I knew. That's when i knew i would never have him, he would never be mine, never be mine to hold, to comfort, to kiss,...to love..." She heard her voice catch. She hung her head She was over Xander, and she knew it. She just didn't like relieving the pain all of it had caused her. The stranger seemed to sense her grief and didn't say something for a minute, only watched her re-live it. After a few moments, she started again.
"Then Buffy came"
--
Part 2.
--
The guy raised an eyebrow "Buffy?" Willow nodded
"The Vampire Slayer. At first, i thought she was one of Cornelia's 'followers' ,she seemed so unreal, beautiful...radiating confidence and....power. She also seemed mysterious, like she had a secret to hide." She let out a bitter laugh" And she did, alrite. a BIG secret"
"Did I tell you Jesse got turned to a vamp? No? Well, he did. One of my Best friends, turned into one
of my worst enemies. Did I tell you Xander was the one to kill him? The one to send his best friend to hell. The one to last see his face as it turned into dust. He lost a bit of his innocence right then and there.
How I wish i could have taken that blow for him!!! It hurts...Xander...sweet Xander...having to live through that. A part of him that never knew he could kill his best friend. He knows better know. he knows He can never get the innocence back ," a tear rolled down her face as her face clenched "Neither of us can. We lost that part, and we will NEVER GET IT BACK" she shook a little, but gained composure.
She told the stranger about Angel and Buffy. He saw how her eyes got sympathetic and her eyes misted over when she told him about their Forbidden Love. Slayer and Vampire. How it could never happen. He noticed how she felt her friends emotions, how she was in tune with them. That's how true friends are, they feel your pain.
She told him about Cordelia and Xander. Her eyes had mixed emotions when she spoke of the betrayal she
felt at her best friends excursion. "Xander was my best friend. Cordelia was my worst enemy. and they were kissing. Goddess.....CORDELIA. And XANDER. KISSING! It just hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt so....betrayed. and wounded. he chose his worst enemy over his BEST FRIEND. It made me feel so low...so unwanted. I almost couldn't bear it"
But, that wasn't the end of her love life woes. Oz.
"Oz was my first boyfriend. My first love. Well, returned love. Xander never really loved me more then
a sister. Maybe i never really loved him. Maybe I only thought I did because in truth, he was my best friend and the only guy that ever really looked at me besides Jesse. Even then, he was more by my side then Jesse was, so, i imagined myself in love with him, because he was the only one i really could see myself with. Maybe if I had more friends when I was younger, this whole Xander mess could have been avoided. Well, more guy friends anyways."
"Back to Oz. Oz was.....special. He was the first guy to look at me and see more then just a shy red-head
with a weird sense of style. Even in an Eskimo suit, he couldn't stop thinking about me. He was so sweet..... And I hurt him.
"Xander discovered he had some lust for me. And....you never get over something like what I had for Xander. well, you never forget it anyways. But...at homecoming....we...kissed." Willow said that with such shame, such GUILT, you would have thought she did more then just KISS. But....By nature, anyone could tell Willow was a kind person, not wanting to hurt anyone, especially her boyfriend. But, she did...and you could tell it hurt.
"Oz eventually forgave me. But, poor Xander...Cordelia never forgave him. She cared for him...you could tell. But, that isn't the worst that happened. Nope, not by far" Her voice shook, but something in his eyes told him what he was about to hear had hurt her more then anything ever had.
"It happened one night.....I was coming over to see Oz...bring him some breakfast," her smile was vague, but had a hysterical note to it ,"I felt bad 'cause last night I had gone all clingy girlfriend on him, and wanted to make it up." her smiled had left...but something worse had replaced it "I called his name a couple of times...figured he was still asleep. Then, I heard a noise. I figured Oz was just waking up and all...so I was happy I might give him a surprise. As I walked down the stars.. I had faint notion something was wrong. I just brushed it off though....i shouldn't have done that. Cause it might have prepared me for the sight that entered my eyes when i went down that last step."
"Oz. Naked. with another WOMAN." Willow shook with each word, tears boiling in her eyes "Or should I say, a she-wolf. A fucking she-wolf WHORE! He slept with a WHORE over his girlfriend. He chose some woman he's known only weeks over me. his girlfriend. That WHORE," The red-heads frame shook with pent-up rage and anger, tears were running down her face, the emotions in her eyes terrible. 'God, had she been holding this all in?' the man thought. He waited till she stopped. After that little attack, her voice was quiet, subdued, but held rage in it.
"So many things ran in my head when I saw them. Why? Because she was a wolf? No, I didn't buy that. Sure they had a biological urge...and quite possibly it was something deeper, but it was also was something else, something not about HER, but about me. Maybe I wasn't enough. Maybe we weren't meant to be. I'm not sure I'm into all this soul mate stuff. But, then I could be wrong.
"Personally, i think he just didn't love me enough. No doubts that he loved me....he DID love me. But not enough. He didn't love me enough to ignore the attraction to the other wolf. He didn't love me as much as I loved him, i see that now. He never would be able to return that. We just weren't meant for each other," she had calmed down, but there were still tears. This time, they weren't enraged tears, they were tears of understanding and acceptance. Accepting that she and the wolf weren't meant to be together. that she and the wolf couldn't have what she wanted. The man studied her more closely. She was so more then she let on.
"He left after that. 'Cause, his little toy decided to kill me, but he killed her. But then he went after me. He left because he didn't want to hurt me," a pause, then a laugh ," Ha, didn't want to hurt me? What did he think leaving me would do? Didn't he know it would hurt me? I guess not. or else he would be here, right now. Holding me.," her voice now held a slightly dreamy quality, and her eyes looked far-away, visiting a far away land. But, all to quickly, she was pulled into reality. the reality where boyfriends leave you, hurt you, where your friends betray you and where you're hunted in the night.
"But...I found someone new. I thought I could never get over him, that my life died when he left. My heart nearly broke in two, I couldn't breathe. couldn't see. couldn't...survive. But then...Tara came," Willows mouth had a slight smile on it. The guy did a double take
"Tara?"
--
Part 3
--
Willow left "You sound surprised. cause I have a girlfriend? Well, hey, people change. I really didn't realize how much I loved her until Oz came back. He came back....wanted to make it work. Wanted us to...well, be a 'us'. It was then I realized I truly moved on.
"Tara is so sweet. She's a witch too...but there's more to her. We get along so well....we just fit each other perfectly. Its not about Women and Women, witch and witch, its nothing along that. Labels don't mean anything when your in love. Just look at Buffy and Angel.
"Vampire and Vampire Slayer. Yes, it was a blow on their relationship, but they still loved each other. No matter what they say, no matter what, they never really let it get to them.
"Its true when they say love knows no boundaries. Gender, age, color, popularity, labels, heck, even something like Vampire and Slayer doesn't stop that cupids arrow. It strikes you, right in the heart. Like a stake , it just gets to you, and once its hit its target, your gone. Your in love, and nothing can stop that. Nothing stops you from being with that person, boundaries are forgotten. Just you and that one special person.
"There are ways you notice your in love, ya know? Like...just watching that person do the slightest thing makes you smile, or it spell bounds you. Nothing stops you from being with them, any differences are gone. You just need to be with them, need to see them smile, laugh, cry, frown,...you just need them. Or you might go crazy. You notice their little quirks. Like how they're nose raises when they smile. Or how their eyes light up when they sense friendship," her voice was quiet, but filled with delight.
"You notice that when their in a bad mood, how their voice changes. Your sensitive to their moods, to their feelings, just...to...them. You'll do anything for that love. To hold on to it. Love makes you do the wacky. We need love, no matter what some people say. If we didn't have love, then what's the point of living?
"Really. If you didn't have someone who actually cared if you went on living, then why bother? That's why we live. To be in love, to feel that warmth and acceptance. To know that people care for you. To know that you living here has a purpose. To want to live."
--
Part 4.
--
Willow rose. It was time for her to go. She gave the strange man a uplifting smile
"Would I be breaking some forbidden law if I asked you for your name?," the man chuckled
"Actually, little one, I'd rather not tell you. Its time for me to retire. I have some business to tend to," then, just like that, he vanished. into thin air, before Willow could utter a complaint. She frowned
"Uh. Well, that was rude. ," she turned around to head back to her house, feeling as though she just had a huge weight lifted off of her. She didn't see those hazel eyes watching her from behind the trees. The man smiled, then returned though the leather bound book in his hands:
Watcher Diaries-
The Slayer and her Lacerates 95-?
Confessions 2...
Willow Anne Rosenburg