XENA, A WARRIOR PRINCESS NAMED XENA
Scene 1. Setting: The Art Gallery of Ontario
*Stephanie and Stephie are in the AGO, looking at ugly modern art, that doesn't make any sense. But before they know it, the Beast walks in...*
Stephanie- Look at this crappy piece of modern art! It's really quite ugly!
Stephie- Whoa, it kind of looks like something off of Xena: Warrior Princess! Ah...she's my hero! I mean uhh...yes, yes it is very ugly! Isn't is upside down?
*As they make their intelligent remarks, Ms. Revens aka the Beast, walks toward them, with an angry look on her face*
Ms.Revens- Excuse me, did I just hear you make an ignorant comment?! Maybe if you knew something about this piece you might learn to appreciate it!
*She storms out angrily*
Stephanie- Argh...she gets me so mad!
*Stephanie begins to pound on the wall in a fit of rage, and an artifact falls off the shelf. It crashes to the floor and a tiny scroll falls out. Stephie notices right away and picks it up*
Stephie- Delta BEDMAS Omega Beta Pi R squared? Hmmm wonder what that
means?
*A HUGE flash of light and the Stephanie's enter a space time continuum*
Scene II. Setting: Mount Olympus
*The Stephanie's travel back to Ancient Greece, and are on Mount Olympus. They seem disoriented and quite confused*
Stephie- Where...where are we?
Stephanie- I, I....I don't know...I think we travelled back in time!
Stephie- Time travel? Dude, that stuff must've been strrrrrong...
Stephanie- Ok, this must be real since I don't do drugs and sin like you. Stephie- Remeber the Greek pot we saw? This reminds me of a carving I saw on the side of one.
Stephanie- (says very seriously) You're right! Wow, you're really intelligent when you want to be...Ok, so essentially we've concluded that we're stuck in the past...right?
Stephie- Right! But...hey, who's that over there?
*The Stephanie's squint into the distance and see a figure running toward them*
Liz- Hey guys, it's me Liz! I'm glad to see some people from the present, err...um future! I've been stuck here for about fiddy days...and it hasn't been that bad either! So, you read that scroll too, eh?
Steph- Yes, it seems to be that whoever reads out that inscription on the ancient Greek scroll gets sent through the space time continuum. And according to Hollywood movies, all we need to do is find the same artifact, read the inscription and then BAM, BOOM, Baby we're home! Either that, or find a continuum transfunctioner, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power. ZOLTAN!
Stephanie- Uh, right...I think we might be here for a while, so I suggest that we get some bearings on where we're located. I hesistate to move from this place since this is where the flash occured...but we have to get a move on and find some food, water and a way to get home.
Liz- In the mean time, there's a tavern down the road! Let's go! They have...water...among other beverages...
Stephie- I'm with Liz...BEEEEER!!! Ale! Ale! Ale!
Liz and Stephie begin to chant, "BEER, BEER!"
Stephanie- Shut up you fools! We must remain calm! Wait, what am I saying? Alcohol, no parents or school for miles, or milleniums rather...LET'S GO GET SAUCED!!
Liz- Get sauced? What are you talkin 'boot? I am beyond SAUCED! I've been stone drunk for the past fiddy days!
Stephie - To the tavern!
Scene III. Setting: The Tavern
*Stephie and Liz are stumbling around in the bar, while Stephanie is having an intellectual conversation with Plato*
Stephanie- Listen Plato, the world IS round! Ugh...
Stephie- (addressing her two friends) Can I get you anything from the bar, ladies? Single malt scotch? Rum and coke? Shot of Vodka? A nice, refreshing Budweiser? (holds up bottle of Budweiser for advertising)
Stephanie- No thanks.
Liz- Nah, I'm set! (holds up her own beer)
Stephie- (Walks over to bar, takes several shots of just about everything) You know what Grecian people could use??? Karaoke!!
*Liz and Stephie pick up their glasses and break out into song, after a verse of Copa Cabana, Stephie stumbles and knocks into a painting of Zeus*
Stephie- Oh man I'm sorry! Hey wait...it's you! You know Zeus, you think you're all "Godly and mighty" with your lightning bolts, well you know what...I've got news for you (passes out)
*After Stephie passes out, the real Zeus appears, looking mighty pissed*
Liz- (speaking to Stephanie) Dude that's Zeus! (Now addressing Zeus) Man, you're bigger in person, and so much more attractive! Ahh...(sighing lovingly)
Zeus- Who dares to challenge me? Show your face!
Liz- It was her...(points past Stephanie to Stephie who has passed out)
*Zeus walks over to Stephanie and aims a lightning bolt at her face*
Zeus- Are you the mortal she speaks of?
Stephanie- Sooth, I am not. I am but an innocent bystander! Do me....no harm!
Zeus- I ignore your plea, worthless mortal! Havoc, havoc!!!
*The girls cower in the corner and then Xena barges in, knocking down the door*
Narrator- For a moment the girls were frightened for their lives. But, then came Xena. A warrior princess to save the day. Her name was....XENA!
Xena- What mortal requires my portection? Oh. it's you Zeus. I might have known. If anyone has fun terrorising innocent, drunken civilians, it's you. You have come to have some fun have you? Well, I'm here to put a damper on your party. You'd better leave now or I'll make you regret that you ever threw lightning bolts. AYYYYYYEEEEEEEEE!!
Zeus- I'll leave, but only because I already find this mortal dump a bore. Besides, the smell is intoxicating.
*Zeus dissapears*
Stephie- I guess it's time for me to convieniently awake from unconciousness, a.k.a drunken stupor.
Liz- Well, stupor is as stupor does.
*Stephie walks over to the bar, picks up a jug of beer, and notices that there are words written on it*
Stephie- Omega BEDMAS Delta Pi R squared.
Suddenly there is a flash and all 3 are back in the AGO*
Stephanie- Whoa, that was weird!
Liz- Whoa, that was cliche!
Stephie- Yes but I saved the day!!
*Ms. Revens walks in at that moment*
Ms. Revens- Stephie are you drunk on a school trip?
Liz- What are you talking 'boot? She saved our lives!! Alcohol saved us!
Ms. Revens- That's it! I am calling your parents immediately.
*Just then Zeus appears and decapitates Ms. Revens, giggles and dissapears*
Stephanie- Wow that was gruesome...
Stephie- Ah, yes, but we learned a valuable lesson...
Liz- And that is?
Stephie- uh, that is...hey, is that Noam Chomsky?
Liz- Oh my, it is...and he's so much more attractive in person!
*Noam Chomsky walks over to the girls*
Noam- Yes girls, we did learn a valuable lesson today. We learned that "Propoganda is to a democracy what the bludgeon is to a totalitarian state."
Girls- Oh that Noam. He's such a gnome. (corny laughs)
A/N- just incase anybody was wondering fiddy=fifty and Stupor is as Stupor does is my line and my line alone.........muahhahahahahhhhhhh also feel free to repeat that Noam is such a gnome as many times as you like.......fun innit?
Disclaimer: I don't own Xena, the AGO(although that would be pretty dang cool), Dude Where's My Car, Budweiser, Copa Cabana, Noam Chomsky or any Greek Gods...they all belong to whomever they are supposed to legally belong to...I do however own the Stephanie's and they are my slaves...I also like to think that I own myself(Liz)...that is all.
Scene 1. Setting: The Art Gallery of Ontario
*Stephanie and Stephie are in the AGO, looking at ugly modern art, that doesn't make any sense. But before they know it, the Beast walks in...*
Stephanie- Look at this crappy piece of modern art! It's really quite ugly!
Stephie- Whoa, it kind of looks like something off of Xena: Warrior Princess! Ah...she's my hero! I mean uhh...yes, yes it is very ugly! Isn't is upside down?
*As they make their intelligent remarks, Ms. Revens aka the Beast, walks toward them, with an angry look on her face*
Ms.Revens- Excuse me, did I just hear you make an ignorant comment?! Maybe if you knew something about this piece you might learn to appreciate it!
*She storms out angrily*
Stephanie- Argh...she gets me so mad!
*Stephanie begins to pound on the wall in a fit of rage, and an artifact falls off the shelf. It crashes to the floor and a tiny scroll falls out. Stephie notices right away and picks it up*
Stephie- Delta BEDMAS Omega Beta Pi R squared? Hmmm wonder what that
means?
*A HUGE flash of light and the Stephanie's enter a space time continuum*
Scene II. Setting: Mount Olympus
*The Stephanie's travel back to Ancient Greece, and are on Mount Olympus. They seem disoriented and quite confused*
Stephie- Where...where are we?
Stephanie- I, I....I don't know...I think we travelled back in time!
Stephie- Time travel? Dude, that stuff must've been strrrrrong...
Stephanie- Ok, this must be real since I don't do drugs and sin like you. Stephie- Remeber the Greek pot we saw? This reminds me of a carving I saw on the side of one.
Stephanie- (says very seriously) You're right! Wow, you're really intelligent when you want to be...Ok, so essentially we've concluded that we're stuck in the past...right?
Stephie- Right! But...hey, who's that over there?
*The Stephanie's squint into the distance and see a figure running toward them*
Liz- Hey guys, it's me Liz! I'm glad to see some people from the present, err...um future! I've been stuck here for about fiddy days...and it hasn't been that bad either! So, you read that scroll too, eh?
Steph- Yes, it seems to be that whoever reads out that inscription on the ancient Greek scroll gets sent through the space time continuum. And according to Hollywood movies, all we need to do is find the same artifact, read the inscription and then BAM, BOOM, Baby we're home! Either that, or find a continuum transfunctioner, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power. ZOLTAN!
Stephanie- Uh, right...I think we might be here for a while, so I suggest that we get some bearings on where we're located. I hesistate to move from this place since this is where the flash occured...but we have to get a move on and find some food, water and a way to get home.
Liz- In the mean time, there's a tavern down the road! Let's go! They have...water...among other beverages...
Stephie- I'm with Liz...BEEEEER!!! Ale! Ale! Ale!
Liz and Stephie begin to chant, "BEER, BEER!"
Stephanie- Shut up you fools! We must remain calm! Wait, what am I saying? Alcohol, no parents or school for miles, or milleniums rather...LET'S GO GET SAUCED!!
Liz- Get sauced? What are you talkin 'boot? I am beyond SAUCED! I've been stone drunk for the past fiddy days!
Stephie - To the tavern!
Scene III. Setting: The Tavern
*Stephie and Liz are stumbling around in the bar, while Stephanie is having an intellectual conversation with Plato*
Stephanie- Listen Plato, the world IS round! Ugh...
Stephie- (addressing her two friends) Can I get you anything from the bar, ladies? Single malt scotch? Rum and coke? Shot of Vodka? A nice, refreshing Budweiser? (holds up bottle of Budweiser for advertising)
Stephanie- No thanks.
Liz- Nah, I'm set! (holds up her own beer)
Stephie- (Walks over to bar, takes several shots of just about everything) You know what Grecian people could use??? Karaoke!!
*Liz and Stephie pick up their glasses and break out into song, after a verse of Copa Cabana, Stephie stumbles and knocks into a painting of Zeus*
Stephie- Oh man I'm sorry! Hey wait...it's you! You know Zeus, you think you're all "Godly and mighty" with your lightning bolts, well you know what...I've got news for you (passes out)
*After Stephie passes out, the real Zeus appears, looking mighty pissed*
Liz- (speaking to Stephanie) Dude that's Zeus! (Now addressing Zeus) Man, you're bigger in person, and so much more attractive! Ahh...(sighing lovingly)
Zeus- Who dares to challenge me? Show your face!
Liz- It was her...(points past Stephanie to Stephie who has passed out)
*Zeus walks over to Stephanie and aims a lightning bolt at her face*
Zeus- Are you the mortal she speaks of?
Stephanie- Sooth, I am not. I am but an innocent bystander! Do me....no harm!
Zeus- I ignore your plea, worthless mortal! Havoc, havoc!!!
*The girls cower in the corner and then Xena barges in, knocking down the door*
Narrator- For a moment the girls were frightened for their lives. But, then came Xena. A warrior princess to save the day. Her name was....XENA!
Xena- What mortal requires my portection? Oh. it's you Zeus. I might have known. If anyone has fun terrorising innocent, drunken civilians, it's you. You have come to have some fun have you? Well, I'm here to put a damper on your party. You'd better leave now or I'll make you regret that you ever threw lightning bolts. AYYYYYYEEEEEEEEE!!
Zeus- I'll leave, but only because I already find this mortal dump a bore. Besides, the smell is intoxicating.
*Zeus dissapears*
Stephie- I guess it's time for me to convieniently awake from unconciousness, a.k.a drunken stupor.
Liz- Well, stupor is as stupor does.
*Stephie walks over to the bar, picks up a jug of beer, and notices that there are words written on it*
Stephie- Omega BEDMAS Delta Pi R squared.
Suddenly there is a flash and all 3 are back in the AGO*
Stephanie- Whoa, that was weird!
Liz- Whoa, that was cliche!
Stephie- Yes but I saved the day!!
*Ms. Revens walks in at that moment*
Ms. Revens- Stephie are you drunk on a school trip?
Liz- What are you talking 'boot? She saved our lives!! Alcohol saved us!
Ms. Revens- That's it! I am calling your parents immediately.
*Just then Zeus appears and decapitates Ms. Revens, giggles and dissapears*
Stephanie- Wow that was gruesome...
Stephie- Ah, yes, but we learned a valuable lesson...
Liz- And that is?
Stephie- uh, that is...hey, is that Noam Chomsky?
Liz- Oh my, it is...and he's so much more attractive in person!
*Noam Chomsky walks over to the girls*
Noam- Yes girls, we did learn a valuable lesson today. We learned that "Propoganda is to a democracy what the bludgeon is to a totalitarian state."
Girls- Oh that Noam. He's such a gnome. (corny laughs)
A/N- just incase anybody was wondering fiddy=fifty and Stupor is as Stupor does is my line and my line alone.........muahhahahahahhhhhhh also feel free to repeat that Noam is such a gnome as many times as you like.......fun innit?
Disclaimer: I don't own Xena, the AGO(although that would be pretty dang cool), Dude Where's My Car, Budweiser, Copa Cabana, Noam Chomsky or any Greek Gods...they all belong to whomever they are supposed to legally belong to...I do however own the Stephanie's and they are my slaves...I also like to think that I own myself(Liz)...that is all.