Title: Changing Course
Chapter: Chapter Fourteen
Author: bactaqueen
Author's e-mail:
Category: New Jedi Order, Alternate Universe
Keywords: Kyp Durron, Jaina Solo, NJO
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: New Jedi Order up to Rebel Stand
Summary: Jaina Solo had a tough road back from the Dark Side after the death of her brother. In the process, according to canon, she earned Colonel Fel. But what if she hadn't? What if Kyp Durron was her redemption?
Disclaimer: "Star Wars" copyright George Lucas. Characters copyright respective owners. No profit is being made and no infringement is intended. Characters and situations inspired by the Enemy Lines duology, written by Aaron Allston, and in some cases, the situations have been modified for the purposes of this story. Again, here, no profit is being made and no infringement is intended.

Changing Course: Chapter Fourteen

Luke Skywalker, all things considered, was aging gracefully. His once-unruly blond mane was tame now and liberally peppered with gray. The years had left their mark on his face, visible in the lines across his forehead, at his eyes, and around his mouth. His eyes, however, were still an intense ice blue that held a wisdom beyond his years.

Such was the toll of single-handedly resurrecting the Jedi way. Like his sister, he had fought for the things he believed in.

Maybe it was the Skywalker curse, Jaina reflected. "Uncle Luke!"

She was still in her place at the head of the conference table. Her datapad was on, displaying her half-finished letter of intent. Iella had suggested she file it, solely for records. Zekk had left a few moments before, presumably to get some sleep. She had been alone with her paperwork and her thoughts.

The very same thoughts that forced her to question her realization of Kyp's importance in her life.

Luke smiled faintly as the door closed behind him. Jaina didn't even bother trying to shield her thoughts; Kyp excluded, Luke was the most powerful Jedi in the Order, and he was her uncle. He'd had far too many years of experience reaching her for her to hide it when something was troubling her.

"Hello, Jaina."

The younger woman stood, brushing the wrinkles out of her jump suit. "Is there something I can do for you?" She almost winced; she sounded so terribly formal.

That faint smile stayed on the Jedi Master's face. "Are you busy?"

Jaina glanced at the stack of data cards on the conference table. Her eyes shifted to the number of blinking icons on her datapad's screen that indicated activity. She gave a shrug. "Not really." She made a gesture, including the administrative work the Goddess must do. "I can do all this later. I've been given the gift of time," she added ruefully.

Luke's smile turned wry. "Wedge is thoughtful, isn't he?"

"Very," Jaina grumbled.

After a slight pause, Luke ventured, "Can we talk?"

'Here it comes.' Jaina nodded. "I think that would be a good idea."

Surprised by how easily she'd given in, Luke's brow shot up. "Should I get Mara?"

Jaina shook her head slowly. Her words came out carefully. "Not yet. I... don't think she'll be very happy with some of the things I'm going to say."

"About Kyp."

Jaina nodded, chewing on her lower lip.

Luke lowered himself into a chair. He didn't ask why she was willing to speak to him. Not only might it ruin the moment, but he thought he knew. Jaina was his niece and student, and he was the most objective mentor in her life at the moment. "What about him?"

"What about him?" Jaina repeated. With a sigh, she flopped back into her chair. "A lot, that's what. I barely know where to start."

"The beginning?" he suggested.

Jaina blew out a breath. "That's the trick, isn't it? I suppose-" She paused, lifted her eyes to meet Luke's. "You trained him."

"Yes."

"You and Dad believed in him when no one else did. Dad-I don't know, I guess he saw himself in Kyp. And you, you saw a Jedi. A powerful Jedi." Jaina frowned. "Now I do, too," she said softly.

Luke peered curiously at his niece. "You do too what?"

Jaina wasn't looking at him, she was looking past him, into her thoughts or memories. "I believe in him. I even kind of understand him." She glanced up, met her uncle's eyes. "You, too. I understand what you did for us, me and Anakin and Jacen and the others. I even-sort of-understand how you made it back from the Dark Side."

"I had my family."

Again, Jaina frowned. "The thing is, Uncle Luke, I blamed my family. Mom, Dad, you, Aunt Mara, Jacen... Anakin. I blamed by friends, too. Zekk-" She broke off and had to take a breath. "He was scared of me, you know?"

"I know."

"And Kyp was there-and he let me blame everybody. He never tried to make me believe that it was all perfectly normal and it would be easy to get over. He-when everyone else-" Her voice broke, and confusion settled over her features.

"When you pushed us all away," Luke offered quietly.

"He wouldn't leave me alone. He kept pushing back. He... stayed, when no one else did. He took-he takes-all of my abuse. He even dished some out. He made me realize that I had it all wrong-about you, about Mom, about Anakin. He helped me when no one else could. I think he's the only person who could have helped me." Jaina's gaze came up again. Her brandy-brown eyes shone with unshed tears. "I thought I never wanted to see him again, after Sernpidal. He-" She hesitated. "He betrayed me, and I thought nothing could be worse than that. Than knowing I'd been used to commit genocide. But there are worse things, and Kyp... saved me. I'm not saying the ends justify the means, Uncle Luke, I'm saying that it's got to be put in perspective."

"And it's hard to make us see."

"Not you and Dad, not really." Jaina swiped at the few tears that had escaped. The emotion was finally feeling real, and it was more than just anger and just pain. "But it's Mom and Aunt Mara..."

"They worry about you."

Jaina's laugh was abrupt and bitter. "I know."

Luke ventured a soft smile. "They can't help it."

"No." She wiped more tears away. "I don't need to be worried about."

"What do you need?"

She was silent. After a long pause, she said, "What Kyp's been giving me." She frowned.

"What is that?"

"Just... acceptance. And guidance. And he's damn stubborn." Jaina looked up. "He's as dense as a neutron star."

Luke chuckled. "Remind you of anyone you know?

Jaina sighed. "I healed him last night."

"I know." Luke waited.

"Through the bond. Uncle Luke, did we do it right?" She looked troubled.

"How is he?"

"Fine," she said. "No damage."

"You?"

Jaina had to consider. "Better than I was yesterday, I think."

Luke leaned back in his chair and spent several moments regarding his niece. "Do either of you regret it?"

She slumped a little further. "I don't know. I didn't this morning. But he... he was different this afternoon. He wouldn't look at me. He closed our link. Most of the time I don't know what he's thinking anyway."

He frowned slightly. "You haven't talked?"

"We did last night, but I don't think we got very far."

"Why not?"

Jaina just looked at him.

She reminded him eerily of her mother in that moment, as she waited for him to remember what she'd said about Kyp that might explain the difficulties she was having with him. Luke grimaced slightly and said, "What are you going to do about it?"

"I don't know." Jaina ran her hand through her hair. "What I'd like to do sometimes is just shoot him. Somehow, I don't think that will solve my problems."

Luke chuckled wryly. "That's the Han in you talking."

"Want to hear what Mom says?"

"Sure."

Jaina grinned. "The same thing. Only Mom wants me to be real diplomatic about it and distract him first."

Luke tried to kill his laughter. "Jaina."

"Sorry, Uncle Luke. Don't worry-I don't intend to act on it, it's just what I'd like to do." She tipped her head. "Don't you ever feel like that?"

"Sometimes," Luke admitted grudgingly.

"Mara does."

"More than she should. You know, I'm wondering if apprenticing you to her was the best idea."

"Probably not," Jaina conceded. "But the whole apprentice thing hasn't gone ever real well at all, has it?"

Luke considered. He thought of his own apprentices and of Kyp's; he thought of Jaina and her situation now; he thought of the Jedi from the strike team and of the Academy. "No," he mused. "I guess it hasn't."

"Maybe it was meant for peace time," Jaina suggested.

"You're all Knights in everything but name, aren't you?" Luke peered curiously at Jaina. "Do you consider yourself a Knight or an apprentice?"

"Truthfully?"

"Of course."

"A Knight. I don't think I've been an apprentice since right after Sernpidal. But Kyp is challenging that, I think."

"There's a difference between learning from someone with more experience and apprenticeship, Jaina. Remember that."

"All right."

For several long, silent moments, Luke regarded his niece. She stared right back at him. Suddenly, he grinned. "You're okay, Jaina. You're going to be okay."

"Do you think so?" Her voice sounded small.

"No. I know so."

It had been a long day. Jaina sighed as she punched in the code that would unlock her door. It had been a long, emotionally draining day, and despite how tired she was, she felt better for it.

What she wanted was a hot shower, a hot meal, and at least eight hours of uninterrupted sleep. So as her door opened and she stepped in, she pulled her comlink from one of the many pockets of her now-grimy jump suit. She thumbed it on and requested a connection to the kitchen. She placed an order for the dewback stew-the night's special-and asked that it be delivered to her room in thirty minutes.

She was assured that her meal would be ready for her. Jaina flicked off the comlink. One problem solved.

On her way to the 'fresher, Jaina left her boots and jump suit in a tangled heap near the cycler. After her chat with her uncle, she'd made her formal announcement to the base's commanding officers in a briefing organized by Wedge and Intelligence. Then she'd gone to oversee the moving of Twin Suns' ships to a corner of the special operations docking bay. They were visible but out of the way. Just as General Antilles had ordered.

Then, for old time's sake, Jaina had joined Lowie on the Sleight of Hand. She'd spent the last five hours or so tinkering around the old freighter, doing repairs that were unnecessary and testing systems that were already perfect. But it had felt good.

She ordered the shower on and adjusted the temperature. The fine needles of hot water felt good against her skin. Jaina closed her eyes and enjoyed the sensation. It was almost like a thousand tiny, knowing hands working the fatigue and tension out of her body.

After washing her hair, she shut off the water and stood there for a moment, dripping.

That's when she noticed the tiny red light blinking right above the manual water controls. Jaina moved in closer, peering at it curiously. She'd never noticed it before.

Beside the blinking light was a small button. In Basic, the word 'dry' had been printed.

Blame her curiosity. Jaina pushed the button.

Panels within the shower slid away. Nozzles appeared and oriented toward her. A clicking sound preceded the jets of warm air that hit her skin.

Jaina smiled and made a mental note to use this particular feature more often. She wouldn't drip all over the carpet anymore.

She grabbed for the towel hanging on the hook beside the shower and wrapped up in it. Dinner would be here soon, she reflected, as she crossed her bedroom to reach the closet. What she wanted was a pair of shorts and a short, sleeveless undershirt. It was more than she normally wore to bed, but since she wasn't on duty, she could afford it.

What caught her eye was that red silk dress from the Hapan state dinner. It hung there, at the other end of the closet from her flight suits and uniforms, lonely and empty. Jaina hesitated.

The dress was beautiful. A bit uncomfortable, but then, what did that really matter? She'd said it wasn't very practical. She wasn't feeling very practical.

And she hadn't played dress-up in years. She'd always hated having to dress up, but maybe, if she put on that dress and made it her own, she could learn what it was they all seemed to see in her.

Jaina's eyes darted around the room almost guiltily. There was no one to see her. No one to make fun of her. And she could take it off in a few moments, after all.

She just wanted to know how she really looked in it. That was all.

Jaina tossed the towel to the foot of her bed and tugged the dress down from its hanger. She slipped the mass of scarlet silk over her head, feeling it slide against her skin. It really wasn't so bad.

A sliding seal up the back of the dress pulled the bodice tight and laces at her waist cinched the gown. More laces ties up at the shoulders, causing the dress to leave her arms, most of her shoulders, and part of her back bare. Jaina fastened them all swiftly. She'd gotten very adept at closing and opening the intricate fasteners of Hapan gowns. The time spent under the tutelage of Ta'a Chume had not been a complete waste of her time, then.

Jaina didn't resist the urge to spin and see her skirts flare. She chuckled. She almost felt like a little girl again. Barefoot, she crossed the few feet to the full-length mirror mounted on the wall beside the closet. Originally, this chamber had hosted the spoiled wives and daughters of Imperial brass. Most amenities had been made available.

Now, the large bedchamber and attached 'fresher hosted another kind of spoiled brat. Knowing this, Jaina still smiled at her reflection.

This is what Ta'a Chume had seen. This... woman... was who Jag had seen. And Kyp, too, for that matter.

The memory of that look in his eyes rushed up. Jaina felt herself shiver. Now, she almost understood.

A chime sounded. The door. Dinner, then. Absently, Jaina called back, "It's open. Just bring it in and leave it."

In the mirror, she glanced over her shoulder as the door slid away. The man standing there, holding the tray of her food, was not a mess specialist. He wasn't even in uniform.

She felt a moment of dread before their eyes locked in the mirror.

"Jaina, we have to talk," were the first words out of Kyp Durron's mouth. They were followed closely by, "What the hell are you wearing?"

Kyp came in. The door closed behind him. Jaina turned to face him, determined not to let him decide how this meeting would play out. She grabbed a handful of the red skirts and swished them. "I thought you liked it."

"I-That's not the point." Visibly shaking himself, he moved to deposit the tray on the desk. "I wasn't expecting you to be wearing that."

"What were you expecting?"

"You in a flight suit."

'Like you.' She didn't bother to hide her small smile. 'Like always. Forget that I've come to get ready for bed.' He had his back to her, and Jaina took the moment to study him. He wore a flight suit, that not-gray, not-black one. It stretched snugly across his shoulders, but that could have been because he had them hunched. "You mean the one I've been wearing all day?"

"Yeah."

"I spent the afternoon on the Hand. It's dirty. I just took a shower. I was getting ready for bed."

"You wear that to bed?"

Jaina chuckled. "Not usually. I might make an exception tonight, though." She paused, then said, "Are we going to talk with you facing away? Or do I get to see your face?"

His shoulders rose, then settled. He turned slowly.

She gave him a smile she knew to be wry. "How do I look?"

"Don't ask me that."

"I just did."

"Don't expect an answer."

Jaina made a face at him. "Coward." She moved away from the mirror, toward the desk. She brushed past him.

Kyp flinched and stepped away.

She tried to ignore it. She tried to ignore the way it made her feel. "You wanted to talk," she reminded him, voice blandly pleasant. She scooped up the tray and headed for the bed. She settled down on the bed, folding her legs and resting the tray across her knees. She gave him a smile to match her voice and invited, "Why don't you sit down?"

Warily, he sank into the desk chair. That's when Jaina realized that though Kyp had tried to completely shut down the link between them, some things were still getting through. Uncertainty was one of those things. Jaina resisted the urge to frown. Kyp was uncertain?

"I've been thinking about what happened last night," he began. "And this morning. I think... we shouldn't continue. I'm leaving."

"You're what?"

"Leaving." His voice was steady. "You don't need me anymore. Me being here isn't helping you. And I can't let you make a mistake like-"

"Like what?" she demanded.

"Being with me."

Jaina stared at him. The uncertainty was gone, replaced by an certainty that she wasn't sure she understood. Within her, anger rose. "Oh, I get it. You're running. You're taking the easy way out. Fine." She set her face. "Go. What does it matter if you leave me, too?"

"Jaina-"

"No, you're right, Kyp. You're always right. I couldn't possibly have known what I was talking about last night when I told you I needed you."

"You were tired," he pointed out.

She nodded. "Of course. Which is why I never realized what I was saying. Or doing. Kissing you?" She scoffed. "Big mistake. Sorry you had to get roped into that." Jaina gestured absently. "And what's wrong with me? I mean, tonight I was going to tell you what I wanted. I was going to tell you what I've figured out. But I'm wrong. And you're right. The Master's always right, isn't he?"

Kyp's face hardened and his eyes darkened. "Don't make fun of me, Jaina."

She glared back at him. "Don't think you know what's best for me more than I do. You aren't my father."

Something dangerous flashed in his eyes. "I never wanted to be."

"Then stop acting like it," she snapped. "Treat me like an equal. You did before." Jaina didn't flinch from his gaze. "You are right about one thing."

"What is that?"

"We do need to talk. What we are, it's complicated."

"What do you want from me?" Frustration seeped into his voice.

Satisfied that she had caught his attention, Jaina dropped her gaze to her food. Suddenly, she just wasn't hungry. She pushed the tray off her legs and leaned forward to set it on the floor. "What are you willing to give?" she asked him.

For one long moment, he simply stared at her. His answer came as one word. "Everything."

"That's what I thought." She smoothed a hand down her leg, smoothing out the skirt. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why are you willing to give me anything and everything I want from you?"

He looked away. "I don't know."

"You do." She tipped her head to see him from a different angle. "I think you do know. I think that admitting it even to yourself is more honesty than you can bear."

Abruptly, Kyp stood up. "Why do you need to know?"

Her eyes followed his movements as he began to pace. "I don't. I want to know."

"So you just ask?" There was exasperation and something else in his voice. Maybe it was anger, though she didn't quite understand what he had to be angry about.

"It's direct," she remarked. "Are you uncomfortable?"

Kyp shot her a look that could have melted durasteel. "Am I uncomfortable?" he mocked.

"That's what I asked."

"Why bother? You already know the answer." He kept pacing.

Maybe that wasn't anger. Maybe that was frustration. Jaina gave a slight nod. "All right. What do you want from me?"

"I don't know," he repeated.

"You can't think of anything?"

"Jaina-" He shot her another look, this one brief and pained. "There's so much we have to think about."

She sighed and slid off of the bed. She watched him pace for a few moments before venturing, "How about this. Let's say that there wasn't anything else to consider." Her tone was conversational, but her words froze him.

He drew to a halt less than a meter from her.

"I'm not playing Goddess," she continued. "We aren't pilots in the same chain of command. We aren't even pilots, or officers, or whatever. We aren't Jedi, either. There is no war raging around us. You don't owe my family anything." Jaina opened her hands, palms up. "Let's sat that you and me, we're just people. What would you do about me?"

Kyp gazed at her. His eyes roved over her face, and lower. Slowly, they moved back up, and he said quietly, "I'd kiss you again."

Jaina took one step closer to him. "Do it."

He hesitated.

She resisted the urge to growl in frustration and repeated more firmly, "Do it."

His mouth touched hers. He kissed her softly, sliding his lips against hers, and the tenderness surprised her. Then he was gone.

He moved away from her to stand near the window. He faced out, staring over the jungle night. "Jaina, I'm not sure this is a good idea."

"Most things involving you, Kyp, are not good ideas." She smiled when she said it, but there was truth in her words. "That's something I learned a long time ago."

They stood in silence for longer than Jaina cared to measure. He kept his back to her, his arms crossed over his chest, as he stared into the darkness.

After a time, she took a step forward, hesitantly. "Do you want this?" she asked softly.

He started to reply. She saw the movement of his face. But she cut him off.

"Be honest. I can guarantee that if you lie to me, you will regret it. Do you want this between us? If you don't, and you can honestly say that you don't want anything more personal than what we already have, I won't push. We can just be friends and partners. But before you make a decision, I've got to say, those kisses sure don't feel like you don't want it. Maybe you're more of a spectacular actor than I thought," she added, musing.

He took his time answering, but in the end, it was what she expected. "Yes."

Jaina crossed the distance between them and slid her hands along his sides to lock over his chest. She hugged him like that, pressing close, resting her cheek against his shoulder blade.

"I want this, too."

Kyp turned and gathered her into his arms. "I guess this means I'm not leaving."

"I guess this means you're going to have to learn how to take pain."

He sighed. "Staying is difficult."

"So's honesty."

Kyp laughed. "Trap me with 'let's pretend' and make me be honest. You're getting better at this.

"Hey, I learned from the best," she countered, just before his lips descended on hers.