How to Get Expelled
By: Akira
Rating: PG-13 (for minor language)
A/N: I guess I should say that I own nothing at all, that`s safest!
Chapter Two - potions and catastrophes
Angélique sat at the head of the potions classroom. She was early, very early. Her chin propped up on her hand, she sat thinking of the house she was sorted into. Her father was furious when he found out, but Dumbledore seemed very much amused by the whole event. "Strange." She thought. " 'very strange."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Flashback * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
" You want me to put zat on my 'ead..but look at it. It'z dirty and musty and hideous!!" she shook her head from side to side, red curls bouncing on her shoulders.
" Zere iz no way I am going to put zat on my 'ead. Uh un, I want a new one. I refuze." She stated folding her arms over her chest.
" Angélique darling.......mon ange." Her father said approaching her. " You've caused enough trouble for a day......put the hat on and sit down." He said sternly.
Angélique was about to say something, but she noticed the tone he was using and knew her father meant business. With a big huff and a quiet puff, she finally sat on the stool in front of her, but not before she spat out. "merde!"
She gingerly placed the hat on her head, hoping that she wouldn't catch any diseases it might be hiding.
After a few moments of being told of her many assets, personality traits, values, faults and so on the hat finally shouted: "Gryffindor!"
" What, she's.....what.....*Angélique!*" Snape shouted, as though it was her fault. He was going white, very white, more pale than usual but his eyes were burning hell as they bugged from his sallow skin. Angélique actually sat in fear for a moment. " Papa....?" she quivered. Realisation dawned, Gryffindor was her fathers` bane, that was where the `Boy-Who-Would- Not-Die was.......life was oh so sweet, " Iz there something wrong?" she batted her eyes sweetly smiling up at him.
She could hear her father mumbling obscenities to himself. " I knew it, I knew I should have never brought her here......of all the houses she had to be sorted in......" he paused for a moment silently cursing the dirty hat she'd thrown to the floor, "Gryffindor....." a look of horrified disbelief appeared in his face. Angélique thought he was going to faint. It wouldn't have been a first. He took one last, long, hatefully loathing look at his daughter and stormed out of the room black robes fluttering in his wake.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * End of Flashback * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Back in the potions lab students began assembling themselves into class and taking seats, as far away from Angélique as they could. She noticed they were avoiding her as if she were some form of the plague but the strong willed Beauxbaton student didn't seem to mind. She was off in her own world thinking of what her friends back at her school were doing, oh how she wished she could be flying right now, out on the Quidditch pitch of -her- school, with -her- friends in -her- robes instead of being caught here with Malfoy throwing paper wads at the back of her head. Draco made a nasty comment, and another wad lodged itself in her hair. She growled and caught "Go back to your world, frenchie." Coming from her cousins` mouth.
She flipped her hair, not letting her temper run away and decided to handle this with wit- seeing as the blond bastard who sat behind her had none. Angélique turned, nose in the air and asked: "oh what iz the matter Drakie? Papa didn't give you anyzing very satisfying last night? Or iz your arze `urting because of all zat pounding?"
The class, about to burst into laughter held it`s breath as Snape decided to walk in at that very moment. His eyes drifted from his nephew back to his daughter and he gave a great sigh before decided it best to ignore what he`d just heard in light of making it worse.
He then noticed that every student in the class had seated themselves at least ten yards away from his daughter as she sat like an island in the middle front of his class. It was so bad, in fact, that he noticed seat- sharing and that Potter was sitting in Weasley`s lap.
" Ten points to every Gryffindor who finds the courage to be seated next to the abomination I call my daughter." Chaos. There wasn't a single person who didn't try to squeeze him (or her) self to a seat next to Angélique.
" Papa.I.Cannot.breathe.." Angelique whined, face going white from lack of oxygen. Snape sighed, irritated that this was the second time in two minutes that he`d done so, " very well you will each receive ten points, now take a seat -alone Miss Patil- and leave Angelique some space to breathe."
Angélique took a deeply melodramatic gulp of air and looked to her right and then to her left. She recognized a few of the faces there by her and was please to say she could name them as well. To her right was Hermione Know-it-all Granger with Ron Weasley at her elbow. To her left she found herself face to face with none other than the Boy-Who-Lived.
Smiling triumphantly and flashing a victorious grin at her father she quietly took out a few things from her bag, a box, a book, some silk....... the ever-expanding pile seemed to go on forever, piling higher and higher. To Harry's great dismay, she started piling things on -his- desk and them Hermiones` as well. But the pile kept growing. The class snickered as Angelique had to stand up in order to see the blackboard where her father stood, writing their assignment on the board.
" Oh, Papa." She called, waving over the huge stack of things she had piled there. Snape turned around, a look of disdain on his face and he swept his hand over her mess and asked, "Angelique, what are you doing?"
"Unpacking my zings Papa."
"What -is- all of this, child?"
"Oh Papa, you silly goose, you left a few zings behind before you left ze ozer day and I zought you might need zem!" she walked behind the chairs in her row and then in front so she had a direct path up the two stairs to her fathers desk. She picked up the first item and walked it right past her father to drop it on the wooden monstrosity where he piled his work. " Now ere we go, I cannot believe you forgot zese, your favourite boxer shorts, yes.ze gold and red onez.." Snapes face fell as he realized that the harmless looking pile of silk and boxes on his daughters desk were magicked to look ordinary but the minute she touched them turned into what they really were, things that didn`t belong to him!
Angelique, oblivious to her fathers` shock (or so she pretended) picked up another item and tossed it to her cousin who caught it deftly, "Oh and ere Drakie you almost forgot your 'Arry Potter onez..we all know how you moan for him at night."
The whole class, captivated and snickering, was wondering what was to come next, while Draco shot daggers towards his cousin as he pulled out his wand and hexed the boxers to oblivion. " Oh, papa, while I waz out shopping I got you condoms, not just any condoms...Oh no, only ze best for my Papa. Here are ze latex for the anal sex your enjoy so much and look flavoured ones! Now uze zese ones only for ze oral, zey break easy and heaven forbid your get nasty infections, yes? I do not want you catching any dizeazez, what with you being such a sex kitten and all......" She dropped the (several large) boxes up into the air towards her father`s desk where they landed lightly to sit with his lingerie. Snape was so red in the face that a tomato would have looked pink.
"Oh look Papa, Draco's favourite...........vanilla !" She exclaimed pulling out a small white tube of lubricant. She stole a glance towards her cousin who was now running his brain trying to find an appropriate hex to use.
Angélique then proceeded by blowing a soft kiss towards her cousin causing him to become more and more angry by the minute, fury raging in his eyes. She wondered if she could make them pop out of his head, if she tried hard enough, maybe she could........... //Let's finds out!// she thought.
Turning to her father she flashed him her million dollar smile.
Feeling inspired Angelique placed a large stack of books near the condoms, "Here Papa, you forgot these as well.....your 'PlayWitch' magazines.....you know, for when Draco no longer inspires you to rise to your full *potential*! We all know how he `as `is off dayz!".
She knew she had everyone's undivided attention, just what she`d been searching. Taking her time she slowly pulled out a white box with pink frills adorned around it, she pulled off the lid languidly, stepping up beside her father who was so outraged with shock he hadn`t moved in a minute. She reached in and pulled a few items out, "Papa I know how you like to have fun in your beloved, sanctimonious boudoir, so I brought you a few zings, you know sex toys......is zat what you call them?" she lifted one up, "Oh yes, how could I forget your dildo....for taking it up the arse when Malfoy is `aving problems getting up for you, you know? Ah, I hear you all ze time in summer when you talk at breakfast about how easily you get aroused when you probe yourself." Her eyes met Dracos and didn`t let go as she took out green and silver padded hand cuffs and a whip. "And! Oh, Draco" she said, "don't zink Papa doesn`t mention your forays into ze land of ze naughty also. I know you like it wiz blood and pain! So, I brought you a few gifts too for not only your enjoyment but my father's as well, I `heard about `ow kinky you get when Papa brings out ze whip to spank you with..........Oh yes how you love to squeal like a girl when my Papa gives it to you long and-!" But Angélique never got the chance to finish her sentence.
Draco threw himself over two rows of desks at his cousins throat, hands outsretched and ready to strangle. His finger gripped, catching her collar but there was a sharp pull from behind and he went toppling to the floor brought down by none other than Harry Potter himself.
"Don't even think about it Malfoy, you'll not lay a finger on your cousin!"
there was a tussle in which Ron pulled at Harry`s robes and Crabbe caught Malfoy by the arm to pull them back to standing upright between desks. Draco glared at Harry m who met his gaze in retaliation.
"Oh yeah Potter?" he spat, "And what are you going to do about it?"
Harry`s fist tightened in answer. Draco drew himself up to his full height, raising an eyebrow in challenge. Harry pulled his arm back, the blond staring him down. Just as he let his fist fly- "Petrificus" Severus yelled, shooting the spell towards the two boys and effectively freezing them. Harry's fist hovered mere centimetres away from Draco's nose, Draco stood, a look of supreme shock on his face as if thinking //is Potter really stupid enough to use -physical violence- against me in CLASS?//
Only the eyes of the two statues could be seen moving.
"Ooh Papa, do it again, do it again! You actually used your wand outzide of ze bedroom......ooh and look Papa you caught Malfoy wiz `is mouz open just ze way you like it........though you may `ave to levitate yourself somehow to get ze right height......... and look Papa, I `ave a knight in shining armour and itz `Arry Potter himself, how cute!"
Angélique now stood with her hands clapped together in front of grinning lips, her black eyes now dancing with delight.
"Angélique I have never been more ashamed of you as I am now........why would you do such things?" Angelique opened her mouth but he stopped her answer with a direct wave of his hand, "Don't answer, it was a rhetorical question, I *know perfectly well* why." he snarled to his daughter. "I may not be able to ground you seeing as how I am but your teacher under these circumstances but I certainly -can- give you a detention." Snape now stood thinking for a moment meeting his daughter's gaze, "And since you seem to enjoy the company of Harry Potter so much you shall spend your detention with him this evening- report to -FILCH- for detention." Snape with the simple flick of his wrist, released the two boys causing Harry`s fist to slam into Malfoy`s face. A large crunch resounded from the bones breaking in Malfoys nose.
"Malfoy go to directly to see Madam Pomfrey, and Harry due to your act of violence as I'm sure you've already heard you will be serving detention with my daughter Angélique.......Oh and Harry do make sure she arrives on time, if not I will have to remove house points. Class dismissed everyone- OUT NOW!".
By: Akira
Rating: PG-13 (for minor language)
A/N: I guess I should say that I own nothing at all, that`s safest!
Chapter Two - potions and catastrophes
Angélique sat at the head of the potions classroom. She was early, very early. Her chin propped up on her hand, she sat thinking of the house she was sorted into. Her father was furious when he found out, but Dumbledore seemed very much amused by the whole event. "Strange." She thought. " 'very strange."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Flashback * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
" You want me to put zat on my 'ead..but look at it. It'z dirty and musty and hideous!!" she shook her head from side to side, red curls bouncing on her shoulders.
" Zere iz no way I am going to put zat on my 'ead. Uh un, I want a new one. I refuze." She stated folding her arms over her chest.
" Angélique darling.......mon ange." Her father said approaching her. " You've caused enough trouble for a day......put the hat on and sit down." He said sternly.
Angélique was about to say something, but she noticed the tone he was using and knew her father meant business. With a big huff and a quiet puff, she finally sat on the stool in front of her, but not before she spat out. "merde!"
She gingerly placed the hat on her head, hoping that she wouldn't catch any diseases it might be hiding.
After a few moments of being told of her many assets, personality traits, values, faults and so on the hat finally shouted: "Gryffindor!"
" What, she's.....what.....*Angélique!*" Snape shouted, as though it was her fault. He was going white, very white, more pale than usual but his eyes were burning hell as they bugged from his sallow skin. Angélique actually sat in fear for a moment. " Papa....?" she quivered. Realisation dawned, Gryffindor was her fathers` bane, that was where the `Boy-Who-Would- Not-Die was.......life was oh so sweet, " Iz there something wrong?" she batted her eyes sweetly smiling up at him.
She could hear her father mumbling obscenities to himself. " I knew it, I knew I should have never brought her here......of all the houses she had to be sorted in......" he paused for a moment silently cursing the dirty hat she'd thrown to the floor, "Gryffindor....." a look of horrified disbelief appeared in his face. Angélique thought he was going to faint. It wouldn't have been a first. He took one last, long, hatefully loathing look at his daughter and stormed out of the room black robes fluttering in his wake.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * End of Flashback * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Back in the potions lab students began assembling themselves into class and taking seats, as far away from Angélique as they could. She noticed they were avoiding her as if she were some form of the plague but the strong willed Beauxbaton student didn't seem to mind. She was off in her own world thinking of what her friends back at her school were doing, oh how she wished she could be flying right now, out on the Quidditch pitch of -her- school, with -her- friends in -her- robes instead of being caught here with Malfoy throwing paper wads at the back of her head. Draco made a nasty comment, and another wad lodged itself in her hair. She growled and caught "Go back to your world, frenchie." Coming from her cousins` mouth.
She flipped her hair, not letting her temper run away and decided to handle this with wit- seeing as the blond bastard who sat behind her had none. Angélique turned, nose in the air and asked: "oh what iz the matter Drakie? Papa didn't give you anyzing very satisfying last night? Or iz your arze `urting because of all zat pounding?"
The class, about to burst into laughter held it`s breath as Snape decided to walk in at that very moment. His eyes drifted from his nephew back to his daughter and he gave a great sigh before decided it best to ignore what he`d just heard in light of making it worse.
He then noticed that every student in the class had seated themselves at least ten yards away from his daughter as she sat like an island in the middle front of his class. It was so bad, in fact, that he noticed seat- sharing and that Potter was sitting in Weasley`s lap.
" Ten points to every Gryffindor who finds the courage to be seated next to the abomination I call my daughter." Chaos. There wasn't a single person who didn't try to squeeze him (or her) self to a seat next to Angélique.
" Papa.I.Cannot.breathe.." Angelique whined, face going white from lack of oxygen. Snape sighed, irritated that this was the second time in two minutes that he`d done so, " very well you will each receive ten points, now take a seat -alone Miss Patil- and leave Angelique some space to breathe."
Angélique took a deeply melodramatic gulp of air and looked to her right and then to her left. She recognized a few of the faces there by her and was please to say she could name them as well. To her right was Hermione Know-it-all Granger with Ron Weasley at her elbow. To her left she found herself face to face with none other than the Boy-Who-Lived.
Smiling triumphantly and flashing a victorious grin at her father she quietly took out a few things from her bag, a box, a book, some silk....... the ever-expanding pile seemed to go on forever, piling higher and higher. To Harry's great dismay, she started piling things on -his- desk and them Hermiones` as well. But the pile kept growing. The class snickered as Angelique had to stand up in order to see the blackboard where her father stood, writing their assignment on the board.
" Oh, Papa." She called, waving over the huge stack of things she had piled there. Snape turned around, a look of disdain on his face and he swept his hand over her mess and asked, "Angelique, what are you doing?"
"Unpacking my zings Papa."
"What -is- all of this, child?"
"Oh Papa, you silly goose, you left a few zings behind before you left ze ozer day and I zought you might need zem!" she walked behind the chairs in her row and then in front so she had a direct path up the two stairs to her fathers desk. She picked up the first item and walked it right past her father to drop it on the wooden monstrosity where he piled his work. " Now ere we go, I cannot believe you forgot zese, your favourite boxer shorts, yes.ze gold and red onez.." Snapes face fell as he realized that the harmless looking pile of silk and boxes on his daughters desk were magicked to look ordinary but the minute she touched them turned into what they really were, things that didn`t belong to him!
Angelique, oblivious to her fathers` shock (or so she pretended) picked up another item and tossed it to her cousin who caught it deftly, "Oh and ere Drakie you almost forgot your 'Arry Potter onez..we all know how you moan for him at night."
The whole class, captivated and snickering, was wondering what was to come next, while Draco shot daggers towards his cousin as he pulled out his wand and hexed the boxers to oblivion. " Oh, papa, while I waz out shopping I got you condoms, not just any condoms...Oh no, only ze best for my Papa. Here are ze latex for the anal sex your enjoy so much and look flavoured ones! Now uze zese ones only for ze oral, zey break easy and heaven forbid your get nasty infections, yes? I do not want you catching any dizeazez, what with you being such a sex kitten and all......" She dropped the (several large) boxes up into the air towards her father`s desk where they landed lightly to sit with his lingerie. Snape was so red in the face that a tomato would have looked pink.
"Oh look Papa, Draco's favourite...........vanilla !" She exclaimed pulling out a small white tube of lubricant. She stole a glance towards her cousin who was now running his brain trying to find an appropriate hex to use.
Angélique then proceeded by blowing a soft kiss towards her cousin causing him to become more and more angry by the minute, fury raging in his eyes. She wondered if she could make them pop out of his head, if she tried hard enough, maybe she could........... //Let's finds out!// she thought.
Turning to her father she flashed him her million dollar smile.
Feeling inspired Angelique placed a large stack of books near the condoms, "Here Papa, you forgot these as well.....your 'PlayWitch' magazines.....you know, for when Draco no longer inspires you to rise to your full *potential*! We all know how he `as `is off dayz!".
She knew she had everyone's undivided attention, just what she`d been searching. Taking her time she slowly pulled out a white box with pink frills adorned around it, she pulled off the lid languidly, stepping up beside her father who was so outraged with shock he hadn`t moved in a minute. She reached in and pulled a few items out, "Papa I know how you like to have fun in your beloved, sanctimonious boudoir, so I brought you a few zings, you know sex toys......is zat what you call them?" she lifted one up, "Oh yes, how could I forget your dildo....for taking it up the arse when Malfoy is `aving problems getting up for you, you know? Ah, I hear you all ze time in summer when you talk at breakfast about how easily you get aroused when you probe yourself." Her eyes met Dracos and didn`t let go as she took out green and silver padded hand cuffs and a whip. "And! Oh, Draco" she said, "don't zink Papa doesn`t mention your forays into ze land of ze naughty also. I know you like it wiz blood and pain! So, I brought you a few gifts too for not only your enjoyment but my father's as well, I `heard about `ow kinky you get when Papa brings out ze whip to spank you with..........Oh yes how you love to squeal like a girl when my Papa gives it to you long and-!" But Angélique never got the chance to finish her sentence.
Draco threw himself over two rows of desks at his cousins throat, hands outsretched and ready to strangle. His finger gripped, catching her collar but there was a sharp pull from behind and he went toppling to the floor brought down by none other than Harry Potter himself.
"Don't even think about it Malfoy, you'll not lay a finger on your cousin!"
there was a tussle in which Ron pulled at Harry`s robes and Crabbe caught Malfoy by the arm to pull them back to standing upright between desks. Draco glared at Harry m who met his gaze in retaliation.
"Oh yeah Potter?" he spat, "And what are you going to do about it?"
Harry`s fist tightened in answer. Draco drew himself up to his full height, raising an eyebrow in challenge. Harry pulled his arm back, the blond staring him down. Just as he let his fist fly- "Petrificus" Severus yelled, shooting the spell towards the two boys and effectively freezing them. Harry's fist hovered mere centimetres away from Draco's nose, Draco stood, a look of supreme shock on his face as if thinking //is Potter really stupid enough to use -physical violence- against me in CLASS?//
Only the eyes of the two statues could be seen moving.
"Ooh Papa, do it again, do it again! You actually used your wand outzide of ze bedroom......ooh and look Papa you caught Malfoy wiz `is mouz open just ze way you like it........though you may `ave to levitate yourself somehow to get ze right height......... and look Papa, I `ave a knight in shining armour and itz `Arry Potter himself, how cute!"
Angélique now stood with her hands clapped together in front of grinning lips, her black eyes now dancing with delight.
"Angélique I have never been more ashamed of you as I am now........why would you do such things?" Angelique opened her mouth but he stopped her answer with a direct wave of his hand, "Don't answer, it was a rhetorical question, I *know perfectly well* why." he snarled to his daughter. "I may not be able to ground you seeing as how I am but your teacher under these circumstances but I certainly -can- give you a detention." Snape now stood thinking for a moment meeting his daughter's gaze, "And since you seem to enjoy the company of Harry Potter so much you shall spend your detention with him this evening- report to -FILCH- for detention." Snape with the simple flick of his wrist, released the two boys causing Harry`s fist to slam into Malfoy`s face. A large crunch resounded from the bones breaking in Malfoys nose.
"Malfoy go to directly to see Madam Pomfrey, and Harry due to your act of violence as I'm sure you've already heard you will be serving detention with my daughter Angélique.......Oh and Harry do make sure she arrives on time, if not I will have to remove house points. Class dismissed everyone- OUT NOW!".