The words on the pages weren't English, or any other human language for that matter. Humans couldn't even begin to dream of the vast complexity of the symbols, never mind what they represented. Odd that a race as stupid as the elves could create and use something as complex as Thrainian.
Apollo was fluent in Thrainian, but the symbols meant nothing to him
as he flipped through the thin book. Even though they blurred together
on the pages in front of his unfocussed eyes, he knew what they said. Eh
knew the whole book by rote.
'It is improper etiquette to eat your host or another guest' was there,
alongside 'cursing, hexing, or otherwise magicking a teacher in any way
that should cause lasting harm is punishable by detention'. A guide and
rule book that the Wildmoor teachers had thoughtfully compiled. Actually,
all they'd done was read through Artemis's records – and his own, he allowed
– and turned their escapades into 'don't's. But as they rarely pulled the
same thing twice, they needn't have bothered. Although neither of the twins
had ever eaten a sentient being before. Perhaps Thor had.
The whole booklet was summed up nicely on the cover. 'Behave Yourself', it had been thoughtfully entitled. Now, thanks to Artemis's careful minstrations, it read 'Pee Yourself'. She'd altered hers too, but it said 'be' not 'pee'. It was, she had explained, an excellent way out of trouble. Now she had only to say that she was doing as the book instructed.
Lacking time to do much to the other students' books, Artemis had, with Ares's help, altered them all to read 'have rose BY elf'. Why they bothered he'd never know.
Sick of starting at the Thrainian, he reached down beside his bed and grabbed a random book. He might as well get some idea of what he had to study this year. 'When Bad To Find Artemis The Fantastic', the cover told him. Flipping through, it proved to be 'Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them'. Frustrated, he threw it down and grabbed another one. 'Dance and Divition'. She'd misspelled division and lost a V somewhere along the way, but coming up with anagrams for all his books must have been difficult. Where did she find the time?
"How's it coming?" Ron asked, coming in. Apollo threw the book at him, still flat on his back on the bed. Ron's work as Keeper had greatly improved his reflexes; he caught it easily.
"Dance and division?" Ron asked. "Never heard of it. Division's spelt
wrong, though."
"Tell me something I don't know. It was Artemis who changed it."
"From?"
"Advanced Divination. She did it to all my books."
"Why?" Ron sounded skeptical, amused, and vaguely like that was the
stupidest thing he'd ever heard. IUT probably was.
"Bored, probably." He tossed Ron a copy of 'have rose BY elf' he'd
stolen from Velma. Ron looked at it a minute before opening to a random
page and reading;
"If you must transfigure a fellow student, be sure they are still able to attend classes. Failure to do so will result in detention."
Harry, who had just walked in, read over Ron's shoulder, "Students must
not keep large or overly dangerous creatures in public areas. Pets are
to be kept in your rooms. No exceptions." HE looked skeptically at Apollo.
"What is this?"
"School rule book."
"Mind if I hold on to this?" Ron asked. "I want to show the twins."
"Go ahead."
"Pee Yourself?" Harry asked, sighting the book under the bed.
"Artemis got at it."
"Ah." Harry wasn't all that surprised. Apollo had told him enough about his sister that very little should surprise him. "Why does she do all of this?"
Apollo shrugged. "She's Artemis. She always…" he froze. "Has a reason,"
he finished in a strangled voice. Then, "Ares!"
The summoning magic of the elves was a little like the Floo network
of the wizards, except that no fireplaces or powders were needed. You just
said the person's name, and an image of them appeared. Ares flickered into
existence in the bare space between the beds, holding a pool cue. Apollo
knew his friend and Artemis had loved the game since they'd wandered into
a human pub and learned how to play it, but he had never really understood
what they saw in it. Or how they'd managed to get hold of a table here.
But, considering who he was dealing with, perhaps he shouldn't be surprised
at anything anymore.
"What's up man?" Ares asked, a smile on his face.
"You, and Artemis…" unable to continue, Apollo held up the picture of his girlfriend he normally kept with him. Someone – two guessed who – had drawn a curly mustache, goatee, glasses and horns on the siren girl, who tried to hide behind the frame but who seemed unable to.
"Calm down," Ares said, still grinning. "You'll have an apoplexy."
"I can't have an apoplexy," Apollo snapped, momentarily sidetracked. "I'm an elf, by Drow."
Ares's face contorted momentarily at the swear, and Apollo reflected that perhaps it hadn't been the best choice in oaths. He'd catch it from Artemis later for using it, of that he was sure. She'd forbidden him to, and with excellent reason, but just then he didn't care. "You can't be angry either, but you seem to be making a good show of it," Ares replied. He was smiling again, and if it was a bit forced, well, that was the way of the world.
"Why?" Apollo demanded through gritted teeth. "What has she ever done
to you?"
"Well, it's more the fact that she exists," Ares said thoughtfully.
"Oh, and she pissed Artemis off."
"I don't care what Artemis thinks. It's my relationship, and she can
just butt out. You tell her that."
"She heard you just fine."
"She's there with you, is she? Well listen to me, Artemis. I don't care
what you think of my girlfriend. You just butt out."
"She says the goat horns are an insult to Ian," Ares told him.
"Tell her I'm glad she's split up with that fucking devil, but she's
not to take it out on me." Artemis had dated the goat horned demon boy
for a few months. Oddly, she hadn't been allergic to him. Apollo hadn't
liked him at all, though.
"She can hear you, remember."
Apollo sighed. You just couldn't win with Artemis. Or Ares, but that was mostly because Artemis was with him. "Whatever. Want to meet in the library?" At least they could go over their assignment from the teachers at Wildmoor, maybe get it done early.
Ares toasted him with a butterbeer bottle. "Sorry, man. I'm too busy
snogging your little sister senseless." He terminated the link, leaving
Apollo to yell at empty air.
"You bastard. Leave my sister alone."
There was silence in the door for a minute before Apollo heard the other
two boys release held breath. "Man," Ron said quietly, "and I thought I
was protective of my little sister. Isn't he your best friend?"
Apollo glared at him. "So what? He has no right to do anything to her."
"Have you considered that maybe he wasn't?" Hermione stood in the doorway, leaning on the door frame. She was a nice, sensible girl, and Apollo rather liked her. He just wished Artemis could be more like her. "He knows how to piss you off, that's for sure."
"'Mione, maybe this isn't the best time…" Harry started to protest.
"No really," Hermione insisted. "He was just trying to annoy you. He's a Slytherin, after all." She said it like it settled the matter.
Apollo took a deep, calming breath. "Hermione, you have to be the craziest
girl I know," he said at last.
"Since you are, without a doubt, the craziest man in the world," Ron
said, "I'd say that's a compliment."