Author: Felicity Gemfiar
Pairing: Harry/Hermione
Genre: Angst/Romance
Rating: PG
Summary: Harry says goodbye.
Disclaimer: All characters, names, associations, and the world of Hogwarts belong to J.K. Rowling and her corporate people. This is purely for entertainment purposes with no revenue attempting to be generated.
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She clutches my hand desperately; I can see it in her eyes as the tears swell near the brim. She is so exquisite, unruly brown locks and chocolate eyes. Her rosy lips tremble, even now, as her soft fingers grasp tightly to mine.
I know the time is near. I can feel it. I only wish I had done something sooner, before this.
"Hermione," I need to let her know, all of it, even if I can taste my blood as I speak the words.
"Shh, Harry, shh. Save your strength." She whispers back to me, as if speaking too loudly would crack my armor and secrete my soul.
She tears another strip from her robes in a further attempt to staunch the flow of blood from my flank and stomach. The Strip Flesh spell that hit me did not have a counter-spell to cure the bands of tissue that were removed. It is only a matter of time.
"Hermione, it's pointless. You know it, and I know it," the slice of pain that pierced my body causes me to gasp. "Just let me, 'Mione."
I smile adoringly at her; everything she tried to hold back burst forth. Staring up to her from my position on the cold stone steps of the temple, with the golden halo of dawn framing her head, she looks like an angel or goddess. I curse myself again for not telling her sooner.
The onrush of what to say comes with such intensity, it is like one more skin peeling curse aimed at my chest. Where should I start? I haven't much time to reveal everything.
"Hermione, listen to me." I reach for her and take her beautiful face between my bloody and bruised hands. Her tears spill down her cheeks and roll over my calloused thumbs. They are so warm.
We stare at each other for several moments, moments that seemed like forever, and I swear that I can see love in her eyes, though I cannot be sure. Her watery gaze gives me the strength to continue, to tell her what I need to say.
"Hermione, I've been so stupid— " a fit of coughs interrupt my beginning.
"Oh, no, Harry, you haven't…" She stroked my face and swept back my hair, brushing lightly over my scar.
"Please, just listen for a minute, I need to tell you," the pain is building and it seems the temperature here has dropped.
"I'm sorry, Hermione, I'm sorry for everything. So many opportunities I had, to talk to you about this, give you everything you wanted, anything I had to give. I wanted you, and only you."
I break away from her face to curl her brown locks behind her ears and trace down her cheek, and neck. I brushed her delicate collarbone and feel more than see the shudder that travels the length of her spine.
"Do you remember in fifth year, when that Death Eater struck you down with the purple curse? When I watched you fall to the ground, my world fell with you. I felt so powerless; I knew nothing that could have helped you. But, all I wanted was to hold you in my arms and shower kisses all over your face." She began to cry harder when I told her this, and that desire engulfs me again; this time, I did it.
I take her in my arms and press her nearest to my dying body. I know she is trying to be gentle, to be strong, but the pain has numbed me now, and I wouldn't feel her touch to save my life.
Slowly, I shift my hands to stroke her silky hair, caress the planes of her back and hold her close. "I love you, Hermione. And I've loved you since second year, I just never realized it."
She's bawling now, rubbing the stubble on my chin, even as my blood stains her once-white robes. Pulling away, she sniffs loudly; she is even beautiful with puffy eyes and swollen nose.
She again tears at her dress and wraps the cloth around my stomach, slowing the outpouring of crimson but not really stopping it. The faint melody of morning birds sings in the background, giving a composition to Hermione's lamentation.
"You weren't stupid, Harry, I was. I should have given you the invitation. You will know how much I love you, Harry, after we get this cleaned up." She has that determined look in her coffee coloured orbs and I know it's fruitless to argue.
I draw her back in my arms; I need her warmth next to me.
Unbidden, pictures flash before my eyes: Hermione smiling at finally cracking the code for the ancient text of Goldreig; Hermione laughing at the dinner table when she was smacked with a spoonful of mashed potatoes; one night in the common room when she fell asleep in the armchair with her chin in her hand and a book open in her lap, Crookshanks twisted over her stockinged feet.
Sadly, I smile and feel my own barriers break and tears trickle down my face. Silently, the droplets fall and I continue to peruse her form with my hands.
It's becoming quite cold here; has the sun set already?
By will alone, I suppress the shivers that want to wrack my body, but she probably feels them anyway. Everything around us is still as a tomb, only the music of the songbirds hums around us, bringing new life to the death drenched atmosphere.
Withdrawing slightly, she stares into my eyes and I burn with the impulse to ravish her and the urge to scream 'I'm sorry!' But, I couldn't do either. I bring my leaded limbs up to her face once again and pull her to me; I kiss her.
Softly, our lips meet, moist and tender, just as I always wanted it to be. It feels like the kiss could last eternity, suspended in time as our lips meld together in a whirl of joy. With both of us crying, our kiss is as wet as a rainy day, even as I trace her bottom lip with my tongue.
And yet, it ends all too soon, as the pain tears me away from her again. Everything is so cold, and I can almost feel my teeth chattering.
Hermione places more pressure against my wounds, weeping melodiously but intensely.
"Stop, 'Mione. It's no use," I manage to whisper to her.
"No, it's not! You are not leaving me, I love you too much!" Her whimpers transformed into hysterical sobs.
"I never meant to hurt you; I love you, Hermione. Never forget that I love you."
The cold finally consumes me and I watch as her image blurs, bowed lips and sparkling eyes, her defined features fuzz at the seams. She becomes like a watercolour painting before me. The colours blend and mesh together in a palate of swirls and it looks as if someone dropped her image in a pond and hung it to dry. Everything melts down into a complete haze, vivid and continuous. But, the reds and greens, blues and peaches, soon fade into a dusty gray and finally turn to an all-encompassing black, leaving her alone on those stone stairs at the break of a new day.
-fin
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Author's Note: This is the song that inspired the story. I don't know what it's called, I'm sorry I can't help with that. And I couldn't find the lyrics on the web, so I wrote them myself. I apologize if they're a bit off, or completely wrong. If you know anything about it, please, e-mail me and I'll remedy it immediately. Thank you.
By Evanescence on Origins
Can you forgive me again
I don't know what I said
But I didn't mean to hurt you
I heard the words come now
I felt that I would die
It hurt so much to hurt you
Then you look at me
You're not shouting anymore
You're silently broken
I'd give anything now
To kill those words for you
Each time I say something I regret
I cry
I don't want to lose you
But somehow I know
That you will never leave me (Yeah)
Cause you were made for me
Somehow I'll make you see
How happy you make me
I can't live this life
Without you by my side
I need you to survive
So stay with me
You look in my eyes
And I'm screaming inside that
I'm Sorry
And you forgive me again
You're my one true friend
And I never meant to hurt you