A/N: Hi everyone! This is my first angsty R fic so please be kind... Dont
flame, just stop reading if its not your cup of tea. Most will think the
characters are out of character but I feel its more reality based.. I guess
more JADED. So hope you like, r/r only constructive encouragement. Let me
know if I should continue it. =)
"Whispers of lies and deceit, as our bodies do meet. Can you feel my heart beat?
Or is cold like yours?"- Original Poem
Her breathing was eratic as she felt her head crash against the towering headboard. She could feel him tense as he drove into her with reckless abandonment. She shuttered as her release came quickly before his and she felt his body still- over hers as the moment began to die out....
His eyes met hers with warmth and signs of some sort of admiration she had never really noticed before. It had been like this between them for the last few months. She had always been scared that after having sex with him, it would go.. slowly but surely his awe for her would vanish. Now, she knew that wasn't the case. He was her first and most likely last. What an unusual element it was that he would know her in a way no other man would but she would only be a number from his endless list of sexual encounters....
She gulped hard and made it a point to push back the feeling of uncertainity she was encountering at the present moment. It would always come when she contemplated the true meaning of their bizarre relationship.... Afterall, it was only a few months before that she was engulfed with a notion of a dream like reality that simply wasn't fact. Deep down, Haley knew she loved him. How could she not? His love for her was the first of its kind and she spent most of her hours convincing herself of her divine luck. But somewhere in the midst of it all she wondered how in the hell she had allowed herself to slowly slip away from her true identity....
Fast paced life had done a number on her and most of the time she tried to live in denial. Parties became her extra ciricular activity of choice and when she wasn't intoxicated, she spent most of her time being a trophy on display. His arm was always securely wrapped around her making some sort of twisted statement of "entitled property" and she always hated seeing the disappointment engrained on the face of her ex-best friend, Lucas.
Ex-best friend.
Those words were never words she thought she would utter regarding her friendship with Lucas. She would love to have taken all the blame for it but the reality of it all was he had allowed their friendship to dwindle as much as she had. Ironically they were so much alike now; both lost souls entrapped in a world unlike the one they had always known before. He had changed as well, mabye not as drastically... but change had occured.
He wasn't the same anymore....
His style was the first to go. The look of a loner didn't appeal to his new high strung girlfriend and he had begrudingly embraced more "hip" styles. He also stopped going to the court and any friendships he had there were now just distant memories.... Since they both ran in the same social circle, avoiding each other was never an option but any past bond they had once had was now obselete. It had bothered the rest of the group that they were so close... mostly, just Peyton and Nathan....
So for the sake of everyone else's comfort, they had made it a point to keep distance between them. She still worked at the cafe but he was always not around when she was there. The constant phone calls stopped all together and idle chit chat was all that remained and only in the presence of their significant others....
It was the lie they both had embraced; never really understanding the full impact of it. Not until now.
---
"You happy?"
Haley shrugged out of her current state of contemplation and stared silently at the wall before her. She could feel the warmth of his breath on her back as he strummed his fingers lazily on her hipbone. A minute seemed to go by and then another before she finally spoke...
"Yeah... of course I am."
It was ironic that he was asking her this now when in the beginning of their relationship she had been so obsessed with his happiness. Sometimes she would wake up in a cold sweat wondering when the day would come when he'd realize his mistake and break-up with her. All that time she never really thought about her own happiness, she just always assumed it was there....
She felt him stop strumming his fingers and she felt the softness of his lips on her ear as he kissed her and turned over on his own side.
"I love you, James."
Haley forced her eyes to shut as a single tear began to fall down her cheek. She wiped it away with trembling fingers as she vowed to herself she would make it work regardless of the cost she might pay in the long run...
"I love you, Scott."
As night descended on both of them and sleep began to overtake her senses, she wondered to herself if he really knew the truth....
If the realization had yet dawned on Nathan that when Haley said " I love you, Scott" not only was she talking about him but also his brother, Lucas.
A/N: Okay might be kind of cheesy, okay REALLY cheesy but hopefully it will expand into a good story. Just a word of warning it is somewhat Haley/Lucas pairing but I am toying with the idea of in the end, bringing it full circle back to her and Nathan. Guess time will tell. By the way, its pretty dark/angsty and it won't change anytime soon, so just thought I'd let ya know. =) R/Review ASAP!
"Whispers of lies and deceit, as our bodies do meet. Can you feel my heart beat?
Or is cold like yours?"- Original Poem
Her breathing was eratic as she felt her head crash against the towering headboard. She could feel him tense as he drove into her with reckless abandonment. She shuttered as her release came quickly before his and she felt his body still- over hers as the moment began to die out....
His eyes met hers with warmth and signs of some sort of admiration she had never really noticed before. It had been like this between them for the last few months. She had always been scared that after having sex with him, it would go.. slowly but surely his awe for her would vanish. Now, she knew that wasn't the case. He was her first and most likely last. What an unusual element it was that he would know her in a way no other man would but she would only be a number from his endless list of sexual encounters....
She gulped hard and made it a point to push back the feeling of uncertainity she was encountering at the present moment. It would always come when she contemplated the true meaning of their bizarre relationship.... Afterall, it was only a few months before that she was engulfed with a notion of a dream like reality that simply wasn't fact. Deep down, Haley knew she loved him. How could she not? His love for her was the first of its kind and she spent most of her hours convincing herself of her divine luck. But somewhere in the midst of it all she wondered how in the hell she had allowed herself to slowly slip away from her true identity....
Fast paced life had done a number on her and most of the time she tried to live in denial. Parties became her extra ciricular activity of choice and when she wasn't intoxicated, she spent most of her time being a trophy on display. His arm was always securely wrapped around her making some sort of twisted statement of "entitled property" and she always hated seeing the disappointment engrained on the face of her ex-best friend, Lucas.
Ex-best friend.
Those words were never words she thought she would utter regarding her friendship with Lucas. She would love to have taken all the blame for it but the reality of it all was he had allowed their friendship to dwindle as much as she had. Ironically they were so much alike now; both lost souls entrapped in a world unlike the one they had always known before. He had changed as well, mabye not as drastically... but change had occured.
He wasn't the same anymore....
His style was the first to go. The look of a loner didn't appeal to his new high strung girlfriend and he had begrudingly embraced more "hip" styles. He also stopped going to the court and any friendships he had there were now just distant memories.... Since they both ran in the same social circle, avoiding each other was never an option but any past bond they had once had was now obselete. It had bothered the rest of the group that they were so close... mostly, just Peyton and Nathan....
So for the sake of everyone else's comfort, they had made it a point to keep distance between them. She still worked at the cafe but he was always not around when she was there. The constant phone calls stopped all together and idle chit chat was all that remained and only in the presence of their significant others....
It was the lie they both had embraced; never really understanding the full impact of it. Not until now.
---
"You happy?"
Haley shrugged out of her current state of contemplation and stared silently at the wall before her. She could feel the warmth of his breath on her back as he strummed his fingers lazily on her hipbone. A minute seemed to go by and then another before she finally spoke...
"Yeah... of course I am."
It was ironic that he was asking her this now when in the beginning of their relationship she had been so obsessed with his happiness. Sometimes she would wake up in a cold sweat wondering when the day would come when he'd realize his mistake and break-up with her. All that time she never really thought about her own happiness, she just always assumed it was there....
She felt him stop strumming his fingers and she felt the softness of his lips on her ear as he kissed her and turned over on his own side.
"I love you, James."
Haley forced her eyes to shut as a single tear began to fall down her cheek. She wiped it away with trembling fingers as she vowed to herself she would make it work regardless of the cost she might pay in the long run...
"I love you, Scott."
As night descended on both of them and sleep began to overtake her senses, she wondered to herself if he really knew the truth....
If the realization had yet dawned on Nathan that when Haley said " I love you, Scott" not only was she talking about him but also his brother, Lucas.
A/N: Okay might be kind of cheesy, okay REALLY cheesy but hopefully it will expand into a good story. Just a word of warning it is somewhat Haley/Lucas pairing but I am toying with the idea of in the end, bringing it full circle back to her and Nathan. Guess time will tell. By the way, its pretty dark/angsty and it won't change anytime soon, so just thought I'd let ya know. =) R/Review ASAP!