Travis sat down in his chair and picked up his headphones, always ready to man the control panel. He didn't much care for doing a lot of talking like the rest of Radio Free Roscoe did. It was all part of that mysterious persona he'd developed since coming to Roscoe High. People just didn't understand him so he didn't bother saying much of anything and anything that ever did come out of his mouth was usually some sort of Buddhist abstractism that nobody but him understood. The only people that even halfway understood him were the people sitting in the chairs beside him. Robbie, Ray and....
Wait, someone was missing and that person was the only female within the Radio Free Roscoe group, Lily. She'd never missed a broadcast before so this was a strange occurrence. Ray was the first to voice the concern that was on everyone's mind, which was no surprise. He'd been crushing on Lily for months and pretty much noticed every move she made as of late. "Where's Lily? It's not like her to miss a broadcast." he frowned, staring at her empty chair as if that act alone would cause her to manifest right into it.
"Self is the master of self; who else could be the master? With self well-controlled a person finds a master such as few can find." Travis murmured a random Buddha quote in his usual style, sticking his headphones on and getting them ready to go on the air as if he hadn't just said something unusual. Robbie and Ray just stared at him, not even attempting to understand the mumbo jumbo that was coming out of his mouth.
"What on earth is that supposed to mean, Travis? Can't you ever speak English?" Robbie asked him, shaking his head in dismay. He probably shouldn't have been shocked by the random spoutings anymore, but it never ceased to amaze him. "I am speaking English, Robbie. They just happen to be words that you aren't familiar with. Buddha forgives you." he murmured, flipping on the switch and putting them on air before either one of them could make another comment.
"Hello we're on the air and this is.." Travis started, glancing at the rest of them as he spoke. "Radio Free. Roscoe." Ray and Robbie finished, saying the Free part in unison since Lily wasn't there to say it herself. "Hi I'm Question Mark...and I'm wondering... Where is Shady Lane?" Robbie automatically started, getting the ball rolling. "Well, we aren't completely sure of where she is either. Shady if you're listening to this, just give us a call and let us know that you're ok. Pronto is worried sick." Robbie joked, elbowing Ray as he spoke.
Ray shot Robbie a dirty look and rolled his eyes, ignoring his offhanded comment. "Since Shady isn't here and she's an important part of Radio Free Roscoe, we're going to cut this broadcast short today. We promise to bring her back to you in one piece. You have our word on that. This is Pronto, signing off." Ray said quickly, nodding at Travis to take them off the air immediately.
"What's wrong with you Ray? We could've gone on without Lily." Robbie said, a twinge of annoyance in his voice. "No we couldn't have. Lily is an important part of RFR and it just doesn't feel right going on without her. You guys can continue if you really want to, but I'm going home." Ray muttered, grabbing his backpack from behind the desk and walking out the door. Robbie glanced at Travis and raised an eyebrow, shaking his head. "Man he's really got it bad for her. Do you think he'll ever tell her how he really feels?" Robbie asked, more to himself than to Travis.
"There is no fear for the one whose thought is untroubled, whose mind is not confused, who has ceased to think of good and bad, who is aware." Travis said, picking up his bookbag and slinging it onto his shoulders.
Robbie sighed and picked his own bookbag up, starting towards the door. "English man, English." he threw over his shoulder as he walked out the door, closing it with a resounding click behind him.
Travis glanced around the studio as he walked towards the door, smiling at the thought of all the memories he'd already made here since starting at Radio Free Roscoe. It was times like these when he was alone and reflecting that he was glad he left Cougar Radio. He never could've found a radio station as free and thought provoking as the one he was a part of now. And he'd never known a group of people as wonderful as Robbie, Ray and Lily. Sure, sometimes he felt oddly displaced from them when they made fun of his Buddhist ways and didn't understand his random babbling of Buddhist quotes but that was a small sacrifice in the grand scheme of things. They understood him better than any people he had ever met, and he knew that now he was truly home. Sometimes he was afraid that one day his dad would speak up and tell him that they were moving again, but he'd been at Roscoe High for a good four months already and his dad hadn't said a word. This was the longest he'd been in one place and he couldn't have been happier.
Travis placed his hand on the doorknob and turned it, giving the studio one last look before he walked out of it. He smiled softly to himself and closed the door, listening to the soft click of the lock behind him. He walked slowly towards home, his mind running at an increasing pace. He wondered briefly if Ray had found out where Lily was yet. He was sure that it would be the first thing Ray would do as soon as he got home. The guy was so predictable. Travis didn't really understand why guys made a fool out of themselves for crushes and dating. He'd never really dated himself because he hadn't wanted to take the time to find a girl who understood him. Most girls were superficial and only saw him for what was on the outside. They'd never be able to handle what he was on the inside, and he didn't want to take the time to like a girl and watch her turn on him when she realized just who he was. Only one girl understood him in the way that he wanted a girl to, and she was just off limits for so many reasons.
Travis turned the corner leading to his house and frowned as he saw a shape on his front porch. As he got closer he recognized the shape and was instantly relieved when he realized what it was...well, *who* it was. He walked up the walkway to his porch and ran a hand through his hair, smiling slightly as he spoke. "Lily hey. We were wondering where you were over at RFR. Are you...?" he stopped short, losing all speaking ability as Lily lifted her head to look at him. The tears flowed down her cheeks like tiny rivers, splattering her face with the small bit of mascara that she usually wore everyday.
Concern hit him like a ton of bricks and it was a strangely new feeling. He'd never seen Lily cry like this, aside from the times she got a little teary when she forced all of them to watch those sappy romance movies that she enjoyed watching. But this was different. This was raw and her face held this extreme sadness that he didn't see going away anytime soon. Whatever made her cry was a big deal, and Travis wasn't sure he wanted to find out what it was.
He laid his bookbag down on the porch step and sat down beside Lily, not really sure of what to say. He'd never been very good at the whole talking thing, not even with his friends. And especially not with girls, even if that girl was just his good friend Lily. Without a word, Lily laid her head on Travis's shoulder as the sobs racked her body. He tensed slightly as her face connected with his blue shirt, not really sure how this whole comfort thing worked. He reached a hand up hesitantly and patted her back awkwardly, clearing his throat nervously. "Lily, what's the matter?" he managed to squeeze out, not really sure of anything else to say.
Lily sobbed and buried her face into his shirt, her body shuddering with the force of it. This was bad, really bad...and he had no clue how to fix it. Why was Lily on *his* doorstep of all places? She'd been friends with Robbie and Ray since they were little kids and she'd only been friends with him for a handful of months. Shouldn't she have gone to one of them if she was having a problem? "Lily talk to me. I can't help you if you don't say something." Travis said, his voice taking on a slight desperation as he watched her cry and blubber all over his favorite blue shirt. He'd probably have mascara all over it by the time she was finished wiping her face on him.
Lily lifted her head up slowly and looked up at Travis, her face a mess of mascara, tears and redness. "It's my dad....he's..." she swallowed the lump in her throat and choked back a sob that threatened to come. If she was going to tell Travis what her deal was she'd have to calm down a bit first. "He's gone, Travis." she choked out, sitting up and wiping her face with her hands. Now that she'd gotten all the crying out for now she was going to compose herself.
"Gone? He left your mom?" Travis asked, confused as to exactly what she meant by gone. Surely she didn't mean.... "No Travis, he's dead. He died and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. I told him I hated him Travis. The last words I ever said to my father was 'I hate you.' What kind of person does that make me?" Lily said, sniffling slightly as she continued to wipe at her tear streaked face. The guilt she felt was immense, and it was doubtful that it would go away anytime soon.
The news of Lily's dad's death didn't really hit him all that hard. Death was a part of life, life was a part of death. If he didn't get anything else from his Buddhist teachings, that was it. He didn't see the need to mention the fact that her dad would probably be reincarnated and would eventually cross her path again as someone or something else. She wouldn't believe it and it was inappropriate for the moment. What else could he say? At this very moment he wished he was better at talking, for Lily's sake. "Well Buddha would say..." he started, but was instantly cut off by a shake of Lily's head.
"Dammit Travis, I don't care what Buddha has to say about this. I want to know what *you* have to say for once. Why do you close yourself off like this? Why can't you ever just say what you feel?" Lily asked him, a slight angry edge to her voice as she assailed him verbally. It was a good thing everyone in his house was gone for the weekend, or they would've certainly come out here to see what all the racket was about on their front porch step.
"What are you talking about? I'm trying my best here, Lily. Why come to me instead of Robbie or Ray? They know you a lot better than I do. They know how to say things better than I do. Why me?" he asked, looking at her closely. He was about to get answers..and he was pretty sure he wasn't going to like them.
Lily sighed and stood up, pacing around the front porch slowly as she ignored his questions. It seemed to him that she wasn't any better at talking than he was. Maybe that was why they'd become friends. They had more in common than either of them realized until this point. Without a word, Travis stood up and grabbed a hold of Lily's arm, turning her around to face him. This caught Lily off balance and she stumbled into him, almost falling off the porch. Travis wrapped his arms around her instinctively, pressing her against his body to keep her from taking a tumble. He gasped slightly as her body met his, an instant heat flushing his face.
What in the hell was this? He'd never felt a sensation like this before...especially not one caused by the girl currently pressed against him. Before he could say a word or push Lily away from him her lips brushed against his, causing a tingling sensation to travel from the place where her lips met his all the way down to his toes. Travis lifted a hand instinctively, brushing it against the soft side of her face as he angled his head, deepening the kiss with that very action. His tongue slipped out and slid across her lower lip, coaxing a small moan to escape from her throat. What on earth was he doing? He couldn't possibly be kissing Lily Randall on his front porch in broad daylight with her pressed up against him in all the right places. This couldn't be happening to him. He was surely going crazy and the downward spiral wouldn't be pretty. But the few moments before the fall were like nothing he'd ever experienced before in his life.
~*~
She'd done it. She'd kissed Travis and now there was no going back. She wasn't really sure what had compelled her to do that, but she had and she wasn't sorry about it. She'd honestly never even thought about kissing him before this very moment. Sure he was extremely attractive, but he was her friend and she didn't see her friends in that way..until now. Now Travis's tongue was sliding over her lips and that was all that mattered in that moment. Lily threaded her hands through his soft hair, opening her mouth to allow him access to the warm cavern within. Within an instant his tongue slipped between her lips, exploring every crevice as if he just couldn't get enough. A small moan escaped from his throat as he brushed his tongue against hers and his arms tightened around her, pressing her as close as a person could possibly get with clothes still intact. The kiss had turned from something soft and tentative to something passionate and sure and it excited her all the way to the tips of her toes. She'd never been kissed like this before and she'd never thought that it would be by Travis Strong of all people.
The hands resting at the small of her back slipped under her light pink tank top and rubbed the soft skin there with the tips of his fingers, causing a shudder to slide up and down her spine with every touch. It didn't much help that standing this close to him, pressed so near his body, she could smell the cologne that permeated every pore of his body. Lily drew in a deep breath and took the smell into her nose, deepening the kiss as the sweet smell of him fueled a fire in her she never knew existed. When had she gone from an innocent fourteen year old girl who could honestly care less about what the opposite sex thought of her to some hormonally charged boy crazy horndog? Was this what high school was going to be like? Did just the mere fact of entering the world of high school drama really change a person all that much? Apparently it did because she'd never felt like this before in her life.
Her hands slid from his hair to his face, stroking his cheeks lightly as she deepened the kiss allowing him even more access to her willing mouth. Sometime within the past few moments the kiss had switched from slow and tentative to deep and all-consuming. It was becoming damn near impossible to think coherently with his mouth devouring hers like it was, his tongue teasing hers with each flick and rub that it dealt her. Suddenly his hands moved from the small of her back around her waist, skimming the flat skin of her stomach with a light touch. His fingers dancing over her skin in a sensuous rhythm combined with the complete conquering of her mouth had already taken over every single bit of her senses. She'd had no idea that a boy could taste this good, could feel this good...but Travis was most certainly delicious.
Without warning Travis tore his mouth away and pressed his forehead against hers, trying his best to catch his labored breathing. "Travis...?" she murmured in confusion, keeping her eyes closed as if looking at him would be the greatest embarrassment of all. Her breathing was overly accelerated as well, her voice coming out labored and breathy. He'd completely stolen her ability to speak away in more ways than one.
"I cant do this. I can't do this to Ray." he muttered, reaching up to pull her hands away from his face and push her gently away. That was the last thing he wanted to do at that point but he knew it was the smartest. He couldn't betray Ray like that, even if Lily was interested in him, which he wasn't even sure that she was. Tragedy could do strange things to people and make them feel things that they normally wouldn't under different circumstances. That was what this was. Once the shock of her father's death wore off she'd regret what she'd done and would tell him what a mistake she'd made. He was pretty sure he couldn't handle that. *This* was why he didn't date. Why he didn't kiss girls like Lily. Why he didn't kiss girls at all period.
"Can't do what to Ray? What are you talking about? Travis, I don't like Ray that way. We're just friends." Lily sighed, reaching a hand out to touch his cheek lightly. Travis flinched, moving his face just before her hand made contact with it. He wouldn't be able to control himself if she touched him again. If she laid that soft hand on him one more time, it would be his undoing and there'd be no going back. He couldn't betray a friend. And he most definitely couldn't betray himself . He had his reasons and he wasn't going to back down from them.
"And so are we." Travis said with a silencing finality, picking up his bookbag and walking inside, closing the door in Lily's face with a soft click. As soon as he was safely inside he dropped his bag on the floor and leaned against the door, squeezing his eyes shut as he tried to push away the memory of Lily's lips upon his. Of course he'd enjoyed it. What normal teenage male wouldn't enjoy a kiss from the lovely Lily Randall? The difference between Travis and most normal teenage males was that he wouldn't act on her attractiveness and sudden willingness to kiss him in completely inappropriate ways. He'd be true to Ray's friendship, true to the solidarity of RFR and most importantly to himself, and that was all there was to it.
Wasn't it?
~*~