WASTED - By Tanx
This is just a short fic about when the HP characters get drunk . . .very drunk . . .for the first time. Hilarious results and some weird-ass love triangles. Oh and don't forget Malfoy's lap dance for Ronny! (They're drunk, not gay. Lol.)
'Where are we going again, Malfoy? I think you forgot to tell us that minor detail!' Said Hermione Granger, biting her short fingernails in anticipation.
'That's for me to know and you to . . .oh to hell with that. I'm getting you all wasted! Shouted Draco, laughing with glee.
'Oh no you're not! Exams are in a week, I don't know why I even agreed to this!' Hermione yelled back at him.
'This is exactly why I dragged you guys here. You're all so fucking uptight and you need to get fucking wasted and lose fucking control.'
'Well I'm all for losing fucking control.' Said Ron anxiously, taking a little skip.
'Here we are. The Leaky Cauldron exit.'
'Uh . . .Malfoy, sweetie. Why are we at the exit? Shouldn't we be at . . .the entrance?' Said Ginny Weasley, scratching her chin.
'No love. We're going to a MUGGLE bar! Woot!' Malfoy did a little skip in the air. 'That way we can get completely and utterly off our faces and no'one will know the hell we are!'
'Let's just drink butterbeer. It's so lovely on a cold night don't you agree? Harry? You agree, don't you?! Harry!' Hermione pulled on Harry's arm in disgust.
'Hell with that idea. I'm with Malfoy on this one!'
The five 16 year old's entered the dark muggle world.
'Hmm . . .anyone know what 'CD's' are? Or 'compu . . .computters?! Why would anybody want to spend that strange amount of money on a great grey box?' Said Ron, without the slightest idea what was going on.
'Never mind those. I have my eye on that place, beside it.' Said Malfoy, pointing at a modern, dark building.
'Little Fishy club for 18's and over.' What on earth is a "little fishy" when it's at home?' asked Ginny.
'It's just club name. I'm more worried about how we can get in. . .' Said Malfoy.
Simultaneously, everybody's heads turned to Hermione.
'Oh no. No no no! I am NOT gonna . . .'
*Half an hour later*
Hermione was seen in the distance, puffing, carrying three small bottles and a packet of white cards.
'Got 'em.' She shouted from far away.
'Here.' She said when she arrived where the group had remained while she was away. 'Three ageing potions. Each one has enough for two people. I couldn't sneak enough bottles from Snape's office so I had to get em' from the kitchens.'
'So THAT'S what took you so long!' Said Ginny, anxiously.
'Well if you don't want them that's fine with me! I'll juts go put them in that huge grey thing over there holding garbage.'
'It's called a bin, Hermione.'
'I know that! I only said that coz' that is what YOU called it when you first saw it!'
Ginny shut up.
'Now. As I was saaaaaying . . .three over-sized ageing potions and five ID cards, courtesy of the wonderful Fred and George.(Ron glowed with pride.) 'Oh yes Ron, I'm afraid there weren't any people to choose from with red hair, but I did find you this . . .'
She handed Ron the card and Ron's eyes bulged and he screamed.
'That's my father when he was a boy! I refuse to have thi . . .'
'That's all I could get. It's the only photo I could find on such short notice!'
Ron took the card and scowled some more.
*Half an hour later*
'She won't accept my money! Is there something wrong with it?!' Said Ginny anxiously.
'Oh my god. That's because you have to give her muggle money you stupid dill.' (Ginny looked outraged.) 'I'll get them!' Malfoy heaved himself from the square table in the cubicle they'd asked for.
Malfoy approached the desk and placed his order. Then he did something very strange. He took the assistant's hand in his and started stroking it.
'Oh god. He's trying that line on her.'
'What line? Said Harry, ogling at Ginny.
'The one he tried on me a year ago. He takes your hand, strokes it gently and says 'Where I come from, this is how we have sex.'
'Ack!' Said Hermione, rolling her eyes.
Malfoy arrived at the table slipping a white notice with numbers on it into his jean pocket. He was also holding a tray on his right hand, which held about twenty small glasses with clear liquid inside them.
'I thought the whole point of this was that we got drunk, not had to piss all night.' Said Ron, laughing.
'Yeah I didn't ask for water. God, Draco is that all you could afford? And look how small the amounts are!'
Draco nearly dropped the tray he was laughing so hard.
'No you asses, this is vodka!'
'OOOOOOOOH' Said everyone, except for Hermione, who was coming back from outside.
'Sorry guys just needed some air. It's bloody boiling in here! Oh water, great!' She said, grabbing a small glass.
She tossed one down her throat.
'Weird muggle water.'
She shrugged her shoulders and tossed another.
Then another.
And four more.
* * * A/N - OMG! HAHAHA! I can't wait to write the next chappie. I promise in the next one you will see horrible drunk antics and that ever so special lap dance you've been looking forward to! Review!
Love,
TanX
PS: How do you get Hermione drunk? Serve her vodka and say it's water!
This is just a short fic about when the HP characters get drunk . . .very drunk . . .for the first time. Hilarious results and some weird-ass love triangles. Oh and don't forget Malfoy's lap dance for Ronny! (They're drunk, not gay. Lol.)
'Where are we going again, Malfoy? I think you forgot to tell us that minor detail!' Said Hermione Granger, biting her short fingernails in anticipation.
'That's for me to know and you to . . .oh to hell with that. I'm getting you all wasted! Shouted Draco, laughing with glee.
'Oh no you're not! Exams are in a week, I don't know why I even agreed to this!' Hermione yelled back at him.
'This is exactly why I dragged you guys here. You're all so fucking uptight and you need to get fucking wasted and lose fucking control.'
'Well I'm all for losing fucking control.' Said Ron anxiously, taking a little skip.
'Here we are. The Leaky Cauldron exit.'
'Uh . . .Malfoy, sweetie. Why are we at the exit? Shouldn't we be at . . .the entrance?' Said Ginny Weasley, scratching her chin.
'No love. We're going to a MUGGLE bar! Woot!' Malfoy did a little skip in the air. 'That way we can get completely and utterly off our faces and no'one will know the hell we are!'
'Let's just drink butterbeer. It's so lovely on a cold night don't you agree? Harry? You agree, don't you?! Harry!' Hermione pulled on Harry's arm in disgust.
'Hell with that idea. I'm with Malfoy on this one!'
The five 16 year old's entered the dark muggle world.
'Hmm . . .anyone know what 'CD's' are? Or 'compu . . .computters?! Why would anybody want to spend that strange amount of money on a great grey box?' Said Ron, without the slightest idea what was going on.
'Never mind those. I have my eye on that place, beside it.' Said Malfoy, pointing at a modern, dark building.
'Little Fishy club for 18's and over.' What on earth is a "little fishy" when it's at home?' asked Ginny.
'It's just club name. I'm more worried about how we can get in. . .' Said Malfoy.
Simultaneously, everybody's heads turned to Hermione.
'Oh no. No no no! I am NOT gonna . . .'
*Half an hour later*
Hermione was seen in the distance, puffing, carrying three small bottles and a packet of white cards.
'Got 'em.' She shouted from far away.
'Here.' She said when she arrived where the group had remained while she was away. 'Three ageing potions. Each one has enough for two people. I couldn't sneak enough bottles from Snape's office so I had to get em' from the kitchens.'
'So THAT'S what took you so long!' Said Ginny, anxiously.
'Well if you don't want them that's fine with me! I'll juts go put them in that huge grey thing over there holding garbage.'
'It's called a bin, Hermione.'
'I know that! I only said that coz' that is what YOU called it when you first saw it!'
Ginny shut up.
'Now. As I was saaaaaying . . .three over-sized ageing potions and five ID cards, courtesy of the wonderful Fred and George.(Ron glowed with pride.) 'Oh yes Ron, I'm afraid there weren't any people to choose from with red hair, but I did find you this . . .'
She handed Ron the card and Ron's eyes bulged and he screamed.
'That's my father when he was a boy! I refuse to have thi . . .'
'That's all I could get. It's the only photo I could find on such short notice!'
Ron took the card and scowled some more.
*Half an hour later*
'She won't accept my money! Is there something wrong with it?!' Said Ginny anxiously.
'Oh my god. That's because you have to give her muggle money you stupid dill.' (Ginny looked outraged.) 'I'll get them!' Malfoy heaved himself from the square table in the cubicle they'd asked for.
Malfoy approached the desk and placed his order. Then he did something very strange. He took the assistant's hand in his and started stroking it.
'Oh god. He's trying that line on her.'
'What line? Said Harry, ogling at Ginny.
'The one he tried on me a year ago. He takes your hand, strokes it gently and says 'Where I come from, this is how we have sex.'
'Ack!' Said Hermione, rolling her eyes.
Malfoy arrived at the table slipping a white notice with numbers on it into his jean pocket. He was also holding a tray on his right hand, which held about twenty small glasses with clear liquid inside them.
'I thought the whole point of this was that we got drunk, not had to piss all night.' Said Ron, laughing.
'Yeah I didn't ask for water. God, Draco is that all you could afford? And look how small the amounts are!'
Draco nearly dropped the tray he was laughing so hard.
'No you asses, this is vodka!'
'OOOOOOOOH' Said everyone, except for Hermione, who was coming back from outside.
'Sorry guys just needed some air. It's bloody boiling in here! Oh water, great!' She said, grabbing a small glass.
She tossed one down her throat.
'Weird muggle water.'
She shrugged her shoulders and tossed another.
Then another.
And four more.
* * * A/N - OMG! HAHAHA! I can't wait to write the next chappie. I promise in the next one you will see horrible drunk antics and that ever so special lap dance you've been looking forward to! Review!
Love,
TanX
PS: How do you get Hermione drunk? Serve her vodka and say it's water!