Asuka could not believe it: Misato had forced her to get a job. Of all the indignities she (supposedly) suffered at home, Asuka was now made to lower herself to a common serving person at of all places, McDonalds. When she demanded that Shinji also get a job, Misato asserted that Shinji had already got one at the local music store. Asuka grouched as she wrote down a customer's order
"Yes sit, and do you want fries with that?" she asked through clenched teeth
"Okay" the man replied
[I am going to kill the person who made me work here] she vowed for the eighth time that hour.
"Come on Asuka, get the lead out" an older worker named Myuki said
"Yeah yeah" Asuka growled and went to place the order
[I wonder what that little shit Shinji is up to?] Asuka wondered
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Shinji was in his dream job: he worked in a music store, and was frequently asked about classical music and which composers he recommended and he was in charge of the shop's background music selection. He was in total bliss when a man approached him
"Excuse me young man, I'm looking for a comedian" he said
"Certainly sir, which one?" Shinji asked
"Ah, Rodney Rude, old Australian comic, crass but very funny" the man said
"Okay, I'll just input that and see if we have any" Shinji said and typed the name in and hit enter
"You ever heard him before?" the man asked
"No" Shinji admitted
"Well I highly recommend it, the, McDonalds skit is the best" he said
"If we have it, I'll borrow it and take it home" Shinji said and then took the man where the Rodney Rude CD's were
********************
Shinji was on the bus home and he was reading the lyric sheet for the McDonalds skit on the CD he borrowed and they were, well, rude. He had to laugh at the one about ordering the wrong stuff in the drive through of the various restaurants. He thought that was funny
[Oh that is a devilish idea] Shinji thought; in a rare mood of deviousness
Upon his return home, Shinji called up three people: Toji, Kensuke and Kaji and he told each one of them the same thing: meet him in town tomorrow at 1pm; when Asuka was at work. Asuka arrived home and slumped into the chair and tried to ease her aching fingers. Shinji thought it would be best to simply avoid her till tomorrow and left a note on the table that her dinner was in the over keeping warm and desert was in the fridge
[At least that moron is learning his place] she thought and went to have her dinner.
********************
1pm the next day, Shinji was at the meeting place, so was Toji. He had spent his time telling Toji about his plan. Toji spend around five minutes in total silence as he was contemplating the consequences of these actions which Shinji saw fit to undertake. Finally he asked his good friend a question
"Why?" Toji asked
"Asuka has treated me badly as you know, so I figure this is a good way to get back at her" Shinji explained
"I see" Toji thought his reasoning was logical, if not suicidal
"So: you in or out?" Shinji asked
"Well as a fellow man, I can't let you do this alone, I'm in" Toji said
"In on what, may I ask?" Kaji said as he and Kensuke approached
Shinji then told Kensuke and Kaji what he told Toji and like Toji, the both thought he was totally nuts but were willing to go ahead with the idea, if only for a bit of blokey fun that didn't involve getting into too much trouble with the law. So, they piled into Kaji's car and drove to the McDonalds that Asuka worked at.
"Hello this is Asuka; may I take your order?" she asked
"Yeah, 3 Pizza Supremes" Kensuke said
"I beg your pardon?" Asuka was surprised
"You hear me, 3 Kentucky Dinner boxes" Toji shouted
"Excuse me?" Asuka was loosing her patience
"Asuka, what do they want?" Myuki hissed
"They haven't ordered anything yet, well, nothing we sell" she said
"Yes we have" Kaji said
"No you haven't" Asuka retorted
"Are you McCalling me a McFucking McLiar?" Kaji bellowed
"No, what would you like?" Asuka asked, her anger boiling
"I'd like to order a big McSuck on me McKnob, that's what I'll McOrder" Shinji delivered the coup-de-gras line
"WHAT WAS THAT YOU PERVERTED BASTARDS" Asuka screeched
"GO!" Toji said as he saw Asuka run out towards the car
Kaji stepped on the gas and sped out of the Drive Thru at warp factor 6 to get away, all the while, they were absolutely pissing themselves with laughter and Shinji felt so liberated he leaned out of the window and screamed
"SCREW YOU ASUKA"
****************
Asuka arrived home later that day in a livid rage: she'd been fired because of what she said to the customer that had insulted her. Even with Myuki backing her story up; the boss sacked her. She tossed her now defunct uniform in the trash can and set it on fire. Feeling somewhat more relaxed Asuka went inside and again flopped on the couch. Misato noticed the termination notice in Asuka's pocket and didn't ask, she just smiled and offered her a drink.
"I'll pass Misato" Asuka growled and went to find her dinner
"Hmm; Mongolian Lamb and bed of curried rice. That sounds good" Asuka said to herself and grabbed a plate of the left over Chinese take out
As she walked to her room to eat and be miserable in peace, Asuka heard laughter coming from Shinji's room. Racked with curiosity; she pressed her ear against the door and heard the words:
"I'll go through your drive in and order a big McSuck on me McKnob, that's what I'll McOrder"
Asuka shook her head: that was the almost exact same thing that was said to her at work that day. She continued to think this over as she ate in her room
"Shinji wouldn't pull a stunt like that" she paused and looked in the direction of his room
"Would he?" she wondered
The End
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To get this fic, one has to listen to a sketch by Australian comedian Rodney Rude; it's called McDonalds and is as funny as all hell. This was inspired by that sketch
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