Copyright © 2002 by Syvia & Demon Hunter Anamae. All Rights Reserved.
Disclaimer: The few things we own are listed here; ourselves and the Narrator. Bucky the former chipmunk was inspired by the squirrel from The Emperor's New Groove. Some of the jokes from this fic were inspired by Robin Hood: Men in Tights. We don't own that movie or stuff in it either.
Anamae- *looks up at the legal garbage above* Yadda yadda yadda. We have no money anyway- and why the hell would anyone care to begin with? I mean, seriously- who gives a-
Insane Prisoner- Language!
*Anamae and Syvia have currently set up shop on a rooftop belonging to a building that is none other than the Eternal Prison. Anamae and Syvia... well, Anamae is (Syvia is afraid of heights) dangling her feet over the edge while dropping rocks into the sea below. Syvia is edging nervously away from the prisoners while trying to hold the letters in her sleeve-covered hands. Anamae is flapping the sleeves of her straightjacket and making cawing sounds.*
Syvia- Okay... Fallen Templar & Discordia voted 'yay'-
Anamae- And they were the only ones who voted at all...
Syvia- So here's the first letter. *looks at it, turns to Anamae* You read it. *shoves the letter at her*
Anamae- Um, okay. To Evelin the Winged- that was barely a review, but thanks for the thought... I think.
Syvia- To Concept of a Demon- Oooooh, curses. Well, I've had enough of those in the last week. :-p Here's the next chapter. ^_^
Anamae- To Fallen Templar- We aim to please... sometimes. *evil smirk*
Syvia- To Rocker Baby- *lol* ^_^ Poor Sebastian. Hey- we're not after him. You'll like his appearance in upcoming chapters!
Anamae- Well... considering what happens to him, maybe she won't. *watches the NC-kisses* *raises eyebrows, both girls grin*
Syvia- Oh- money? Yes please! Would be greatly appreciated. :-D
Anamae- To Morbid Knight- What? What did I do that was so mean?! *pouts*
Syvia- Sorry about your finger, MK. I'll be looking for your fan fics. ^_^
Anamae- To Anima Flamma- *giggles* I had fun. *grins* According to Rocker Baby, Sebastian is off limits, but she's right Janos is still around. ^_^
Syvia- I don't want a guy! I'm perfectly happy without one. To VladimirsAngel- *grins* Thanks for the review, hon. I always love to read them!
Anamae- And next we have- GoT- Peter, why don't you just... give her what she wants? *grimaces*
Syvia- Discordia- It did both! Thanks and thanks again. ^_^
Anamae- Plink- Because you are a very, very smart person. *evil grin*
The Running of the Chickens
So Syvia wanted to go get into trouble, which was one of the many things she knew how to do quite well without taking any classes on the subject.
Syvia- Damn straight. *looks around* So what can I do?
She suddenly saw, and Bucky also quickly noticed, a group of Sarafan warriors doing nothing. Or at least, in her mind they were doing nothing. Although, they also might have thought they were doing nothing. Or they might have thought they were doing something, while they were actually doing nothing. It's hard to tell.
Bucky- Squee? (Huh)
Don't bother, Bucky. You'll bust a brain vessel.
Glyph Knight 1- Hey, uh- we're not exactly Sarafan.
You aren't?
Glyph Knight 2- Yeah, we're also called Glyph Knights!
Syvia- You're not very good at identifying soldiers of the different eras, are you Narrator?
Whatever! Moving on. Syvia got something of a weird plan inside her head, when it finally got out of her head, she took up a grass skirt from nowhere, and adding some Hawaiian music from the boom box she took out of the plot hole, Syvia began to do a belly dance. *cue the Arabian/Hawaii music mix* She danced back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. Hey, what exactly is the point of this Syv?
Syvia- To distract the Glyph Knights.
Well Syvia was certainly doing that. The soldiers had just come off of shore leave and they wanted to be entertained. So hell, they weren't complaining when they saw Syvia doing a rather risque, scandelous and NC-17 dance.
Glyph Knight 1- You got that right. *begins to cheer*
Syvia- Not working quite the way I'd planned... *stomps her foot* I thought they'd be annoyed, not excited. *Syvia turns and walks away, leaving the boom-box*
The Knights began to groan as they saw the girl walk off, then hit upon the brilliant idea that if they paid her, maybe she wouldn't mind turning a few more dances for them and all that stuff. So they scoop up the sound system and began to chase after her.
Syvia- *hears the music grow louder, starts to walk faster* Narrator?
What?
Syvia- You're evil.
Hey girl, I'm just keeping this plot going! *Syvia begins to run away from the 7 Sarafan warriors* With a shriek about how her plan hadn't turned out the way it should have (for her anyways) Syvia ran down the Meridian streets, faster and faster, finally jumping on the trolley with led from the Slums all the way up to the Upper City. Still in the ridiculous grass skirt-
Syvia- *ripping it off* Screw the skirt!
-without the skirt now, Syvia ran into the Church where there were services being held for some noble that had just gotten killed. It was a very nice funeral until she burst through the doors, tipped over the candles and set the carpet aflame. Then to add insult to injury, as the Sarafan came in as the mourners and clergy were trying to put out the fire, and with Hawiian music playing, they all tried to beat out the flames. Syvia opened up the casket, tipped out the body of said noble, and jumped in to hide from the warriors.
Bucky was, at this moment, chirping madly as he hoisted a fire hose in his little hands and tried to put out the blaze. Everyone else was running away...except the Bishop, who had gotten run over by the people fleeing and was unconscious. Bucky gave up the idea of saving the Church and dragged the old man outside, saving him and all of that stuff. However... he had forgotten the boom box, which melted into a puddle of plastic.
Oh, he also forgot about Syvia.
Syvia- *voice muffled inside the coffin* What's going on out there? It's getting hot in here! Helllllllooooooooooooo! Someone? Anyone?! Narrator!
But I will not be saying what happens next, only leaving it at a climax opening for me to take up after I finish eating my lunch. *microwave dings* My soup's ready! ^_^
Syvia- Soup? Soup?! I'm trapped in this thing and all you can do is go get your frickafrakin soup?!
Back. *sip, talking with mouth full* Syvia banged on the coffin lid, shouting at the top of her lungs. Bucky was still outside, trying to rouse the Bishop, and somehow didn't notice his absent mistress.
There was, however, one person who did hear the girl's shouting.
Syvia- Oh thank god.
The nobleman, who had been faking his own death, was now a vampire, and was up and about.
Syvia- What?!
He whisked the lid off the coffin and pulled the girl out, but they were still surrounded by fire. Well- out of the frying pan, as they say.
Fledgling- That's not really funny. I need some help here, human lady.
Syvia- What?
Fledgling- You seem like an important figure in this situation-
Help me out and I'll repay you in any way I can!
Oh? Anything? And in any way?!
Syvia- *dangerous look* Don't even think it.
What? He's cute?
Syvia- Well he's about to be a cute pile of ashes! What do we do?
What do you usually do? You could almost see the light bulb go off over Syvia's head. The girl whipped out a plot hole, into which she and the vampire jumped.
Meanwhile... back at Faustus' house.... Anamae had dressed up in a skimpy black silk nightgown with spaghetti straps. It was slit up the sides all the way to her hips, upon which she had pulled black nylons. Over the whole outfit she wore a see-through waist length robe. Her hair was down and her makeup was on. ...Where did you get all that stuff?
Anamae- ^_^ Plot hole.
*sighs* I should have known.
Anamae- *looks at her hair* I need to dye it again... *shrugs* anyway-
Anamae knocked softly upon Faustus'oak coffin. It was six and a half feet long, four feet wide and two feet tall. That's pretty big...
Anamae- Faustus is big.
...I'm enjoying all the perverted meanings available from that statement. I'm looking in a thesaurus right now to find all the possible meanings that come from that statement! I'm-
Anamae- Oh be quiet! Fausty... are you doing anything important?
Faustus- *grumbles softly*
Anamae- *smoldering voice* Fausty, it's your Slaanesh. She wants to play.
Faustus- *muffled* Oh really?
He opened the lid of his coffin and gave Anamae a sultry grin. The vampire hunky-boy sat up, lifted the girl into his coffin and closed the lid on them. Giggling could be heard.
Anamae- *muffled* Mmmm...
Faustus- ohhhhhhhhh...
At this moment- back at the church...
The Bishop was finally awake, and Bucky had finally remembered Syvia. The brave little squirrel attempted to go back inside the blazing church, but the Bishop held him back, and they sadly watched the building burn to the ground. Stunned and horrified, Bucky sat in front of the church for two straight hours before trudging slowly back to Faustus' home.
Bucky didn't know how he was going to break the news to Anamae. hell, maybe if he just ran away from it all and act like none of this had ever happened, then he wouldn't be blamed for this....riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.
Bucky- Squeakkkitity! (Shut up!)
So he went back to Faustus' house, not quite sure how to tell Anamae that her friend was well, dead. As the squirrel entered the house below the house (you know, the true house and all that stuff) Bucky Faustus' coffin. It was... well... rocking.
Bucky- Chippp? (Now?)
Well, when a coffin is rocking, you don't come a'-
Bucky- *chitters angrily at the narrator* (Don't even say it!)
Hey, they don't wanna be disturbed. Why ruin a good thing, eh? *Bucky glares* Oh right, the whole Syvia death thing, eh? Umm, we can tell them when they get up.
So, sad and cold of heart, Bucky went out to find some flowers and a decent headstone for Syvia. The headstone read:
She ran away and was burned today / At least now she is / A beautiful pile of ashes *pile of ashes picture at the end of the verse*
Meanwhile, in transit through the plot hole-
Syvia and the fledgling fell out of the plot hole and into....
Syvia- The Canyons of Meridian?
Yup, looks like it. And it was also the national chicken racing competition. See, what happens is that a bunch of people race down the canyons, following by bloodthirsty Mexican Chickens. Something like the running bulls in that Spanish town of... what's its name?
Syvia- *staring open-mouthed at the Narrator*
Fledgling- Pamplona?
That's it! ^_^ But you can get killed and all that...anyway Syvia, aren't you going to introduce yourself to the vamp?
Syvia- *still dazed* My name is Syvia. And you?
Fledgling- Ah-choo.
Syvia- 'Bless you.
Ah-choo- No, that is my name; Ah-choo. I am Ah-choo.
Syvia- *looks oddly at him* .....*thinking* We need to get him a new name.
Just then, the first faint clucking of bloodthirsty Mexican chickens filled the air, their cries echoing down the canyon walls. Get ready to run, people!!!!!
Syvia- Bloodthirsty chickens. Blood-freaking-thirsty chickens.
Syvia kept muttering this as she ran at top speed down through the canyon with Ah-choo right beside her. ...We really should get him a new name.
Syvia- I can't believe you've done this to me!
What?
Syvia- Why the canyons?
I don't always make up the news, you know. Sometimes I only report it.
Ah-choo- On second thought... I think I'll save my thanks for whoever gets me out of this mess.
Syvia- What-ever.
They continued to run, the sinister clucking of a hundred bloodthirsty chickens right behind them and about three dozen Nosgothians. Someone gasped as they caught sight of a sign which read 'dead end ahead'.
The runners who hadn't seen it yet- What?!
Random runner- Oh, you didn't know? We're all here courtesy of the Sarafan Lord. He stands at the end of the track and watches the chickens rip everyone to pieces once we get there.
Syvia- *to the Author* Why the hell didn't anyone tell me this earlier?!
I didn't want to upset you.
Syvia- You Moron! I'm running towards certain death and you didn't want to upset me?!?
Swearing most creatively as they came in sight of the dead end and the Sarafan Lord, standing atop the canyon wall, Syvia pulled out an enormous plot hole and threw it against the wall. She looked up at the Hylden and smirked.
Syvia- Hey, green-eyes! Say hi to your master Hashy for me!
And making a rude gesture, she jumped into the plot hole. The rest of the runners exchanged odd looks, but decided the black hole would probably be less painful than a bunch of man-eating chickens, and followed her.
The chickens clucked their way towards the dead end, a few falling into the plot hole as it closed, and, finding their prey escaped, turned on each other. The Sarafan Lord grimaced at the lack of show before deciding that, while not the same, the chickens were pretty entertaining. He then *grimaces* resolved to find the girl who'd insulted him. Oh, this doesn't sound good.
Back at Faustus' place, the coffin creaked open, revealing a vampire in black silk boxers, curled up with a panty-hose-less Anamae. They looked relaxed, refreshed, and more than a bit rumpled. *smirks*
Anamae sat up with a smile and noticed Bucky. She saw the squirrel's forlorn expression and instantly knew something bad had happened.
Anamae- Of course. *sighs* Something always has to go wrong or no one would be reading this fic!
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Syvia- There we have the second chapter. ^_^
Anamae- Edited & edited & posted. 10 reviews to see just where Syvia ended up.
Syvia- *grimaces* It's not good.
Anamae- But it is funny! :-D So see her in yet more trouble and pain and then people, you would really enjoy the book Nosgoth: People and their Misery. *points to the cover* See, that's Syvia getting run down by a-
Syvia- AHH! I thought I burned all the copies! *grabs the book and tucks it away* 10 reviews!