Disclaimer: If anyone thinks I own any of this, that's pretty cool!
Except, I might have to introduce you to the fact that you're an idiot.
A quick little author's note – first, this is the second edition of this chapter...it needed some major revisions. I never liked the layout as it was really the first fic I had ever written. I can't tell you how angry I've been at some authors when they decide that too much is wrong with a story and simply cut it off – it doesn't hurt to put in a little bit of willpower and actually rework a chapter or two. One last thing, for those who are just starting this story now, the only plot change I made to the Mario Kart series itself is that Mario didn't race in the original Super Mario Kart for SNES – this starts during Mario Kart 64 and goes from there. I've only skipped the Mushroom Cup in the plotline because I felt it wasn't really important or useful. If you've got any questions, please feel free to drop me a line in a review or an email and I'll answer in a later mailbag! Now,
please enjoy Episode One the way I meant to write it originally.
KART CHAMPIONS
- - PART ONE - -
EPISODE I (REVISED)
"THE VACATION"
*It is a beautiful, bright Saturday morning in the Mushroom Kingdom. The Pidgets are chirping, and the first rays of the sun are just beginning to appear over the horizon in the cold air of dawn. A plumber in green overalls is outside, sipping orange juice, and admiring the scene. His name is Luigi. He never really cared for the fact that every person throughout the globe knew that name – he lived his life as normal, just as his brother had. They were simply known as the Mario Brothers to those unfamiliar with them, but those that knew them simply understood that "Mario" wasn't their last name, and it made them both angry when people thought so. Both of them had turned down the offers of massive wealth and power, and preferred to remain living just as they were. Luigi sometimes shivered at the mere thought of accepting those offers – doing so would have sold their freedom, their chances to watch moments like this. But as long as they remained as they were, nothing – NOTHING – could stop Luigi from standing outside at 6:35 in the morning. Excluding, of course, for one certain individual...instantly, the magic is shattered as a loud snort and grumble interrupt Luigi's thoughts. This is Mario – the shorter, fatter, older, lazier plumber. Soon later, a very annoyed Luigi is standing over Mario's bed with a bucket of ice-water in hand. Luigi, deciding to make the most of this opportunity, slowly begins to trickle the water onto the back of Mario's neck. Mario jerks and pulls his pillow to cover his head just as the full bucket of water falls directly onto him. Mario sits up, grumbling, as Luigi turns to go back outside. A cold, damp pillow is flung into Luigi's back, and Luigi spins around.*
Luigi: Mario! What's the deal?
Mario: Well, let's see...I was asleep, and then I wake up to you being an idiot, as always.
Luigi: Actually, I probably saved you from suffocating...you know, the bus is coming in
like an hour, so you might wanna get ready.
Mario: Yeah, and be just like you, right?
*Luigi ignores this last comment and returns outside. Mario walks groggily to the bathroom and takes a quick shower. He then remembers their arrangement for the day – Mario and Luigi had decided to take a year-long vacation at a resort island. Being rich enough to afford it, neither of them considered how boring a year at the island would be – this was good, for neither of them really knew how boring it wouldn't be, either. Today, or specifically this morning, would be the day they left for paradise.*
*Mario lazily throws his stuff into a duffel bag and zips it up. A low whistling noise is heard from outside, and Luigi calls to Mario to tell him the bus has arrived.*
*Mario straightens his overalls, slings his bag around his shoulder, and grabs his cap on the way out. There rests the Nimbus Land Bus. The Bus appears to be a giant, solidified cloud that floats gently up and down, creating the low whistle. Mario steps aboard, and glass walls about four feet high rise along the edge of the bus.*
Bus Driver: All aboard!
*The bus slowly lifts above-ground, twisting toward the sky. It is at that moment that Mario glances to his right and discovers Luigi gripping the glass and stiffly lying on the floor. He appears nearly as green as his own clothing.*
Mario: Uh, hey bro, you don't look so good...
Luigi: I don't...like...heights...
Mario: Oh yeah, just try not to think about how high up we are over the ocean – try not
to think about the terror if the engine fails and we fall...
Luigi: Shut up!
Bus Driver: Hey, what's goin' on back there? Here, why doncha watch a movie? That
oughta cheer you guys up. Why don't you pick?
Mario: *Takes a little book out of a small pouch on the floor.* Oh man, you've got Plan
Nine from Outer Space?? Run that one.
Bus Driver: Oh yeah! I was hoping you'd pick that one. It's my favorite!
Luigi: But...you'll be paying attention to...where we're going, right?
Bus Driver: Oh no...this thing seems to have a mind of its own. I just have to sit behind
the wheel so this baby stays legal!
*Luigi looks petrified at the very thought that the driver won't even be controlling the bus and where it's going.*
*But soon the awful movie begins, and Mario and Luigi laugh uproariously over it the whole trip, much to the bewilderment of the driver.*
*Time passes...the movie has ended. Luigi is bored, sitting against the glass, as Mario watches the ocean underneath.*
Bus Driver: We're passing over Yo'ster Island now! Take a look out of the right-hand
side to get a good glimpse of it!
Mario: Whoa, hey Luigi! Check this out! ...Luigi?
*Luigi had taken a look, and now lies on the floor of the bus, looking very green. Mario waves a hand in disgust and turns back to the ocean.*
*Yo'ster Island is in full view. But instead of the usual steel drum music and chatter of Yoshi-speak that normally echoes from the island, instead there is the growling of many loud motors.*
Mario: Well, either there's a crazed lumber company wreaking havoc down there, or
someone's having a little fun with some cars...I wonder if Yoshis can even
drive? Oh well...
*Marios questions are left unanswered and the bus approaches the final stop, the resort island itself! The Bus Driver directs attention to it, and they begin their landing procedure. Mario gets Luigi up from his daze, and he appears okay once again. The bus finally slows down and comes to rest just above ground level on the beach of the island.*
*Mario and Luigi hop off with their duffel bags, and the bus begins its assent to the slightly puffier clouds above. Suddenly, a voice echoes down...*
Bus Driver: Hey buddy! You forgot your hat!
*A red object floats down from the bus, and Mario catches it.*
*Luigi clears his throat, looking rather impatient.*
Luigi: I'd say you've lost your hat enough by now, wouldn't you?! You lost it way back
on that mountain ages ago and we had to go back and find it...remember? Maybe
you should start leaving your hat at the house so we won't have to go through with
that EVERY OTHER MINUTE? When will you ever learn...
Mario: *Stops and turns to Luigi.* Okay, you shut up! I wasn't the one that was turning
green all the way over here...
Luigi: Yeah? Well at least I don't copy other people's outfits!
Mario: Neither do I! I was wearing these way before...
*The two brothers instantly stop bickering as an important-looking toad in a black tuxedo approaches them and clears his throat.*
Doorman: Hello, and welcome to Grate Guy's Island Resort. We would be happy to
serve you in any way you wish. Enjoy yourselves and have a good day.
*The doorman turns on his heel and walks away with his hands clasped firmly behind his back, walking stiffly as if preparing for the worst.*
Mario: How did they know we were coming?
Luigi: Well, I at least would be pretty shocked seeing your overly-large nose come
floating out of the sky...
*Mario grasps the brim of Luigi's hat and yanks it down over his face. Luigi rights himself and they hike up the beach to the lobby. They enter through large doors and step inside the cool air-conditioned room.*
*No one is there except a smiling toadette at the front desk.*
Mario: I guess they don't get many regular people coming through here...
Luigi: Why do you say that? Because there's no one in here?
Mario: No, because of that signup sheet over there – have a look...all the rooms but one
are taken up by members of some club. Hey, it looks like Lakitu's involved...
wonder what that guy's doing now?
Luigi: And how did you notice all that while we were just walking along here?
Mario: I dunno, I guess I'm just more observant than you...
Luigi: That's a laugh...uh, hey Mario? Who's that?
*Luigi points to a small yet older-looking Koopa that enters the door and scans all the walls, as if looking for something. He sees Mario and Luigi, and then the signup sheet. His eyes go back and forth between them and the signup sheet several times. Then, suddenly, he whips out a pen and charges at them!*
Mario: Luigi, sign us quick!
*Mario reaches forward with a gloved hand and holds the running Koopa back easily.*
*Luigi scrawls his and Marios names quickly for the last room. The Koopa stops and looks up at Mario with fury in his eyes. He spits on Marios shoe.*
Koopa: Why me?! First the fat buffoon steals my kart and room reservation, and now
you two morons take the last one!! You have it in for me or somethin'? What
have I done?! I'll get you two! I will!!
*Two toad guards in black suits shove the poor koopa out the door, an effective warning never to come back.*
Luigi: Um...okay...
Mario: Well, at least we got the room...somehow I doubt that was the last weird person
we'll run into at this joint...
*The two plumbers walk up to the front desk. The toadette is no longer smiling.*
Luigi: Hello, we'd like to place a reservation for the last room?
Toadette: All right. Please select your staying plan.
Luigi: Um...sorry? What plan?
Toadette: I see you're new to this idea. You can either reserve a set amount of time for a
slight discount, or you can pay the normal sum of 500 coins by midnight for
each individual night you decide to stay. This is a bit of a hassle, but it's better
if you don't know how long you wish to stay here.
Luigi: We'll take the set-time plan. We'll be staying for a whole year, so we might as
well just pay now.
Toadette: Thank you, sirs. Here's your passkey and your value cards to buy things from
our wide variety of stores and restaurants on the island. Enjoy your stay.
Luigi: Thank you. What's the total sum, then?
Toadette: Ah, let's see...you're staying for 365 nights, then? Well let's see...at 500 a
night...yes...minus 5%...all right sirs. Your total is 173,375 coins.
Mario: ONE HUNDRED SEVENTY-THREE THOUSA...
Luigi: *Holds up a hand.* Can we write a mushroom bank note?
Toadette: Yes...make it out to "Grate Guy Recreation and Associates". Very good.
*Pulls note from Luigi.* May I have a room number, sir?
Luigi: Uh, hold on a sec... *Takes the new room passkey from the envelope and reads
the number.* Room number 908.
Toadette: Thank you. You're payed in full for your whole stay. Enjoy yourselves. Your
room is on the top floor. The stairs are down the hall that way.
*After thanking the desk manager, Luigi nearly drags Mario away from the bank note and to the stairs.*
Mario: Luigi...that note was worth...you just...GAVE...why...
Luigi: Mario, we agreed before that we'd pay it even if it was really expensive,
remember? We've got millions of coins anyway from everywhere we've
been...what's 173,375 more or less?
Mario: Yeah...yeah, I guess so...geez, how much further does this stairway go? I'm
running out of breath...
Luigi: Oh come ON! We haven't been going THAT far yet! Honestly! You just lie
around all day and you'll never get close to being healthy at all.
Mario: You be quiet. I'm just gonna sit and rest for a minute...you keep going...
Luigi: Okay, whatever you say...
*Luigi continues upstairs. Suddenly, there is the sound of someone running downstairs. There is shortly a crash, resulting in Luigi falling back down the stairs and hitting his head on the wall. A green figure tentatively steps around the corner, checking to see if Luigi's all right.*
Mario: YOSHI!! Hey! What're you doing so far from the island?
Yoshi: Mario? It's you! Man, it's been ages!
*Aside from a slightly strange accent, Yoshi had long since learned to speak perfect English. He was one of the few Yoshis that did so, only occasionally using his own native language. This had made him somewhat famous, but he didn't really care one way or the other.*
Mario: How's it going? It's been forever!
Yoshi: Fine, fine...looks like I gave Luigi a little spill there...he all right?
Mario: Yeah, he's out cold, but he probably deserved it...he's certainly been a classic
annoying brother recently, but at least now he's better than he was...
*Yoshi knows that he hasn't really been that annoying, but Mario is simply jealous of him and always has been. Yoshi doesn't bring up the subject, as he knows it will only increase the already present rivalry between the two.*
Yoshi: Annoying as usual. So I guess I'll ask – what are you doing way out here?
Mario: We decided on taking a little vacation from all the normal stuff...got kinda
boring, y'know? We came here to sort of let off some steam. So what're YOU
doin' out this far?
Yoshi: Oh, me and the club are taking a little break between races...guess you could say
we're just letting off a little steam also.
Mario: Club? What do you mean?
Yoshi: Oh! I never told you??
*Yoshi suddenly lights up with excitement.*
Yoshi: Oh man, I got in this great kart racing club last year! We go all over the world in
battle tournaments, an occasional grand prix, and practice runs! Lakitu's the
director, you've got to meet him...
Mario: Lakitu? Huh! I'd been wondering what he was up to...
Yoshi: I see you've met him! Come on, maybe I could even get you guys enrolled and
then you could race with us, and...
Mario: Whoa there, hold up a sec. We haven't even unpacked yet, and I think we'd
probably better get Luigi upstairs too...
Yoshi: Yeah...yeah, you're right, of course. All right, I'll help you guys, then. What
room did you get?
Mario: Uh, 908, if I remember right.
Yoshi: Well...that means...yeah! We're right next to each other upstairs. C'mon, I'll
help you carry Luigi, here...
*Yoshi's scaly green claws grab Luigi's legs while Mario holds his arms and piles all the luggage onto his stomach – an effective stretcher. They make their way to 908 and slump Luigi onto the bed on the left.*
Mario: Don't worry, he'll be up in awhile...
Yoshi: Man, he's heavier than I remembered...
Mario: Yoshi, for lunch he eats about a shred of lettuce. That's it. So just be glad you're
not having to carry ME up those stairs.
Yoshi: Trust me, I'm not exactly waiting for an opportunity to do that...
*Mario and Yoshi leave the room and walk back downstairs to meet Lakitu.*
Mario: Oh yeah, there was a Koopa at the entrance just a little while ago, raving about
how someone stole his kart...you know who he was?
Yoshi: Yeah, unfortunately, I do. He's always been a little odd...like he's always
thinking about something else, and he jumps with every little noise. Some theif
took his kart out from under his nose last week...too bad for him. All we know
is the guy who stole it was really fat, and wore this hideous mix of yellow and
purple...what? What is it?
*Mario sighs and shakes his head.*
Mario: Oh, I know who that is. That's Wario. You heard of him? He's always
snooping around, and he's obsessed with money. I've known him my whole life,
and he's hated me every minute of it. Weird thing is, he dresses exactly like me
except with those colors...I dunno, I'll never figure out that guy.
Yoshi: Well, that bit about being obsessed with money would explain why he came
here...see, the winner of our next grand prix gets a trophy and 8,000 coins.
Which means not only did he steal Koopa's kart, but he's probably planning on
joining the club as well...
Mario: Uh...Yoshi? Don't look behind you.
*And of course, he does. Then he jumps in surprise because not 5 inches in front of him is Wario's broad, grinning face.*
Wario: Hey, how's it going?
Mario: Just what are you doing here?
Wario: Oh, just passing through. I happened to hear from a certain someone that the
winner of a race gets...what was it? 8,000 coins? Yeah, that's why. I plan to be
joining a certain club...by the way, Mario, don't get in my way, or you'll regret
it. See you around.
*Wario disappears around the corner.*
Yoshi: So THAT'S Wario...but Lakitu will never let him join...
Mario: Trust me, he has this thing about getting his way. He'll do it somehow.
Yoshi: All the more reason to get you in as soon as possible...I was thinking, before you
unpack, why don't you go down to the desk again and see who's in 907 – your
other side?
Mario: Yeah, good idea – I think I will...be back in a sec.
Yoshi: Okay, just come by my room later on if you wanna – we'll go get lunch.
*Mario walks down the again-deserted hall to the front desk.*
Mario: Excuse me, but would you please be able to tell me who's currently in room 907?
Toadette: All right, hold for a moment please... *Turns pages in large book.* Let's
see...905, 906, 907...sir? Someone by the name of "Koopa" is currently
occupying room number 907.
Mario: Thanks...
*Mario realizes that Koopa couldn't possibly be there. He decides to go to Yoshi right away. He climbs the stairs once again, and knocks on room 909.*
Mario: Hey Yoshi, you in there?
Yoshi: Yeah, come in.
*Mario opens the door, quickly steps in, and shuts it behind him.*
Mario: Yoshi, I don't get it. She said Koopa's in 907. But that wouldn't make any sense
unless...no...
Yoshi: Unless...
Mario: Koopa said that the "fat buffoon" stole his kart and...his room reservation...
Yoshi: Oh no...
Mario: Wait a sec. *Holds up a hand and listens quietly, scrunches up eyes in
concentration. Walks silently to door.*
*Mario suddenly slams open the door and it smashes Wario in the face, who runs down the hall cursing.*
Mario: He's always snooping around. Lock your door at night, you never know when
he'll mess with you. Great, now he knows I'm next to him...what now?
Yoshi: I dunno...but you really should wake Luigi up before anything else happens.
Mario: Yeah, you're right. We'll drop by later and we can go get lunch.
Yoshi: All right, see ya then.
*Mario exits Yoshi's room and takes a look out of the large glass window to the sea. He decides to meet some of the others in his row. He heads to 910, but no one's there. He knocks on 911, and a female voice tells him he can come in.*
*He does so, and is shocked to find the princess of the Mushroom Kingdom herself lying on her bed, reading.*
Mario: I...uh...um...I...
*Peach immediately closes her book upon seeing Mario.*
Peach: Mario! I didn't think I'd see you here! How are you?
Mario: I...um...well, I'm fine, Princess.
Peach: It's all right, for now please just call me Peach...I never really cared for the
formalities anyway... *Sees Mario fumbling for words.* It's okay! My
grandmother is taking my place back at the castle so I could be in the races too.
That's why I'm just wearing normal clothes right now anyway. Anything else
would give me away...I'm just going to be a normal person for awhile.
Mario: Oh...I see. So it's all okay?
Peach: Yeah. Why don't you come in and sit for awhile, tell me what's been going on?
Mario: I don't know if I have time...
Peach: Oh come on, it's all right...
Mario: Okay. *Shuts door and sits down on bed near Peach.*
Peach: So I guess first of all, how's it going? What are you doing out here?
Mario: You know, the usual. Luigi and I thought it would be fun to take a vacation from
all the normal stuff around town.
Peach: Yeah, I know what you mean...that's part of the reason I got in this club in the
first place...I kind of get sick of the usual, you know? I get tired of this toad and
that toad bringing me papers to sign and questions to answer everyday...you've
always been more interesting to talk to... *Smiles.*
Mario: Say, would you uh, like to go get dinner tomorrow night?
Peach: Of course, that would be great!
Mario: Okay, how's 7:30 sound?
Peach: Sure, I'll meet you then!
Mario: See you...
*Mario stands and leaves Peach's room. Peach doesn't go back to reading, but instead sits and stares at the closed door in silence.*
*Mario reaches the end of the hall, and hears someone beating on bongos frantically in 912. He decides to go back to his room and wake Luigi, so he walks back to 908 and pushes open the door. Indeed, Luigi's still out cold. Mario suddenly flashes a very Wario-esque grin, and goes to the sink. He returns with a cup of ice-water. Time for sweet revenge.*
*He begins to slowly trickle it onto the back of Luigi's neck – Luigi, in reflex, throws up his arm and hits the cup of water directly into Mario's face. An angry, wet Mario heads to the bathroom to find a towel to dry off with as Luigi starts waking up.*
*Meanwhile, Yoshi is walking down the hall to Lakitu's office, planning on getting Mario and Luigi into the club. His claw-like feet scratch on the tile as he reaches the door to Lakitu's office and knocks on the door.*
*There is no answer. Yoshi knocks again. Nothing. The door is unlocked, so Yoshi enters and gets his second big surprise of the day.*
*Lakitu himself is duct-taped to the wall, gagged. His round glasses are lying on the desk along with several tools. Lakitu looks frantically at Yoshi, struggling a bit. Yoshi runs over and removes the rag from his mouth.*
Lakitu: Yoshi! Quick, see if you can get me out of this!
*Much to Lakitu's dismay, it hurts very much to have duct-tape ripped off of you. Unfortunately, it appears the only way to get him off the wall. After a few minutes of Yoshi ripping and Lakitu gritting his teeth, he is free and falls to the floor.*
Lakitu: Oh man, remind me never to duct-tape myself to the wall.
Yoshi: So what happened??
Lakitu: That guy...Wario I think it was...came in here and told me to admit him to the
club. I refused, so he said he'd tape me to the wall and...dismantle my glasses if
I didn't let him join. I still refused...I didn't really think he'd do it...
*Everyone knew that Lakitu's glasses were probably his most prized possession, but no one spoke of it.*
Lakitu: I only agreed when he actually took out tools and started trying to bend the
frames. I figured he'd just let me back down, but he just said "good choice" and
left me up on the wall. It was about an hour later that you came in...
Yoshi: Sorry I was too late...I came down to warn you about him...
Lakitu: Well, thanks at least for getting me out of that.
Yoshi: But I also came down to tell you about a couple people that you actually might
want to consider letting join...
*Lakitu rolls his eyes and begins rubbing the lenses of his glasses with his shirt, shaking his head with a sour expression.*
Lakitu: Oh no...
Yoshi: Come on, give it a chance!
Lakitu: I suppose you could give me their names at least...
*Lakitu had had at least four incompetent people nearly beg on hands and knees to join several weeks before, and it wasn't his idea of a good time to flatly refuse – it was just that he simply had no choice.*
Yoshi: Well, their names are Mario and Luigi. Either of them ring a bell?
*Lakitu drops his glasses.*
Lakitu: WHAT?! They're HERE? Why didn't you tell me before?
Yoshi: I wanted to find out first whether or not they wanted to join...so whaddya think?
Do you want to let them?
*Lakitu seems nearly ready to explode at Yoshi's honest question.*
Lakitu: I...of...YOSHI! Have you thought about the kind of publicity this would give
us?? Plus they'd probably be a big challenge for this group!
Yoshi: Yeah, okay, I thought you might not want any more racers...I understand...
Lakitu: NO!! I was referring to them being just what we need! Of course they can join!
Can they come down here?
Yoshi: Naw, not right now, but that's good that they'll be able to join – I'll tell them
tomorrow morning and leave it a surprise for now..
Lakitu: All right, and I'll talk to them later.
*Yoshi leaves and shuts the office door.*
*Meanwhile, in room 908, Mario has just finished telling Luigi all that happened after he was knocked out.*
Luigi: Man! Why do I always miss out on this stuff?
Mario: Because you're the sidekick.
Luigi: HEY!!
Mario: Heh, just kidding. Man I'm tired – we should get to bed...first I think we'd
better lock the door though...you never know when Wario might be stalking
around like he usually does...
*Mario heads to the door, shuts it, locks it, and even leans a chair against it for good measure. Mario, satisfied, heads back to the beds.*
Luigi: I call the bed on the right!
Mario: Sorry bro, but I put you on the bed on the left when you were knocked out.
Luigi: And does that mean anything at all?
Mario: Yes. Yes it does.
Luigi: Oh come on, you and I both know you just wanna sleep on that side cause the
fridge is over there! You're fatter than I am anyway!
Mario: Am not! But there's a lot more things I AM that you're not!
Luigi: Like maybe a moron?
Mario: I think a very good example of a moron is someone who copies his older
brother's clothes...
Luigi: I think I already told you that I wore this way before you did.
Mario: You're wrong! At least I'm not some kind of perfectionist like you...
Luigi: At least I have enough sense not to lose my hat...
Mario: Maybe so, but at least I...
*Mario is interrupted by a sharp, short, quick knock on the door*
Luigi: Eh...yes?
*A red-faced Toad is standing there*
Toad: Will you two please shut up? Some people would rather sleep than listen to your
endless bickering!
Mario: ...Um, ok.
*Toad slams the door and walks away, leaving Mario and Luigi glaring at each other in complete silence*
Mario: ...Perfectionist...
Luigi: ...Moron...
*Soon the resort is dark and silent. Everyone is asleep – everyone, that is, except one overweight individual with a devious grin, now tromping through the corridor. He is pointing at the doors as he passes, muttering numbers.*
Wario: 904, 905, 906, 907...
*He stops at number 908 and grasps the doorknob. Slowly, silently, he turns it, prepared to enter and wreak havoc. However, his plans are hindered only by the click that emanates from the lock that stops the knob from turning futher. Wario curses, backs up, and rams the door, trying to open it – still somehow silent. But the chair on the other side of the door holds, and Wario merely bounces off.*
Wario: Urgh...hmm...
*Wario gets a sudden plan and leaves, returning not a moment later with a match and some masking tape. He tapes the match to the bottom of the door, so that the head is resting on the rough tile floor. He then leaves, chuckling at his how devious and intelligent he is.*
*Dawn arrives...and Luigi, true to his normal routine, is up and awake with its light. Luigi sets about making breakfast, taking out 4 eggs from their bags and cracking them on the edge of a bowl. Soon, fresh breakfast arrives...and Mario, true to his normal routine, is up and awake with its scent.*
Luigi: *Shaking his head.* Mario, you're too predictable.
Mario: Mmphh. *Speaks through a mouthfull of eggs.*
*Several hours later, after Mario and Luigi are up and ready for action, there's a knock on the door. Luigi steps forward, removes the chair, unlocks the door, and swings it open. There is a "scraape" and a "fwish" that no one notices, as a candle-sized flame appears under the door. Yoshi, being who knocked, steps inside.*
*Mario stands up and goes to greet Yoshi.*
Mario: Hey, so how'd it go?
Yoshi: Well first off, Wario did wind up forcing his way into the club, I myself saw his
handiwork in Lakitu's office...second of all, the two of you were accepted
immediately! It was perfect.
Luigi: Great! So when's first practice?
Yoshi: It's going to be in three days, at 1:00 PM. Don't worry, I'll remind you guys
before it's time. You'll get karts, the whole deal. Just you wait, this is gonna be
the best thing you've ever done – trust me.
Mario: It certainly sounds fun. So who all is in this club, anyway?
Yoshi: Well, me, the two of you, unfortunately Wario, and then there's Peach, DK,
Toad, and uh, Bowser.
Mario: BOWSER?!
Yoshi: Yeah, he wanted to put himself on the "good list", if you get my meaning – plus,
he'd be able to make a name for himself in racing and even maybe get a shot at
that cash prize...
Luigi: Wow though, I'd never have expected Bowser would be involved...
Mario: Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if he and Wario become good friends.
Yoshi: Man, I'm getting REALLY hungry, and that's saying something for me
considering as I can eat at least twelve times what you can. And the smell of that
cookout isn't helping things any.
Mario: Cookout? What cookout?
Luigi: Oh geez, our door is on fire!!
Mario: What the...whoa!
*Indeed, the blaze that began only a centimeter high has now engulfed the entire wooden door. Yoshi looks at the ceiling and seems to sense what's coming next. He scrambles to grab a fire extinguisher, but too late...*
*FWOOSH!!! Every fire sprinkler in the resort's living quarters comes on simultaneously, drenching all of its inhabitants including Wario, who is no longer laughing. PA systems in the area shortly sound.*
PA Systems: ATTENTION RESIDENTS OF THE GRATE GUY ISLAND RESORT
HOTEL, PLEASE EVACUATE THE BUILDING IMMEDIATELY.
THIS IS ROUTINE AND WILL ONLY TAKE A MOMENT – WE
APOLOGIZE FOR THE INCONVENIENCE.
*The plumbers' eyes widen through the hard droplets of water. They turn to look at Yoshi, in silence. He stares back.*
Mario: Oh no...
Luigi: Hey, look at this!
*Luigi, standing where the fiery door once was, bends over and returns with a blackened, shriveled piece of wood that can only be a match.*
Yoshi: That means...this was deliberate! But who would do such a thing?
Mario: I'll give you one guess...
Yoshi: MAN, that Wario's starting to get on my nerves...we should do something...
Luigi: I dunno about you guys, but I'm interested in what he's hiding. He's always so
secretive about everything. Think about it – with the evacuation order, no one will
be here but inspectors! I say this is the perfect opportunity to do a little snooping
of our own.
Yoshi: *In silence, suddenly grins.* How do you think UP these things?
Mario: He's MY brother, what do you expect?
*Outside, commotion has begun.*
Toad: I...HATE...BEING...WET...
Peach: So that's why you came to an island resort?
Toad: Of course, your majesty.
Peach: *Rolls eyes.* Here we go again...
DK: Say, what's all this about, anyway? Why'd the sprinklers come on?
*For some reason, everyone simultaneously turns to look at Bowser.*
Bowser: What? WHAT?!
*Everyone immediately turns the opposite direction for fear of death.*
DK: Wario...you smell like...garlic?
Wario: I don't think I should even go into the things YOU smell like.
Peach: Man, I hate to think of just leaving all my stuff up there, just letting it get
soaked...hope they do something soon...
Toad: Say, where are Mario and Luigi?
DK: Yoshi's missing too.
Peach: I guess they haven't come out yet...
*Wario suddenly puts two and two together.*
Wario: Wait a sec...we left all our stuff there...all the doors are open...and those three
haven't come out yet. What am I doing?! I should be there!
*Wario races back toward the building. And meanwhile, Mario, Luigi, and Yoshi are now in Wario's room. Yoshi finds a tub of rotting garlic under his bed which could only be used for an occasional midnight snack. Coins are everywhere, and Luigi thinks about grabbing a few...*
Mario: Don't touch ANYTHING – he probably counts his money nightly.
Yoshi: Yeah, and plus you never know what diseases are stored in this room...ugh...
*Mario sights his empty desk, save for one thing – a small book in an open drawer. Mario walks through the mess on Wario's floor and picks up the book.*
Mario: Hey, you guys...I think I found his diary.
Luigi: Quick, read the latest entry...he could be back...
*Indeed, a furious, wet Wario now hurtles upstairs, flight by flight. Only seconds left until he reaches his room...*
Mario: Wow, he's been through a lot...he actually owns a castle, any of you know that?
He's had it taken over...I think...twice? It might have been three...but let's see,
he says he was teleported into a music box, he fell into a giant cavern with weird
creatures with masks, his castle was transformed into a weird alternate
dimension...wow – his stuff just goes on and on...
Yoshi: I think he's out of his mind...must be that garlic...
Luigi: Quick though, just read the latest entry! Fast!
Mario: Okay, okay...let's see...here it is. "That idiot Mario's joined some sort of secret
driving club – I happened to overhear that he's planning on stealing the trophy
and prize money!..." Hey, that's not true!
Luigi: Just read!
Mario: "It's 8,000 coins – which is really just pocket change, but even just one more
coin still makes me richer! I've been taking secret drivers' training with the
Goombas – good guys, they always back me when I get into trouble...but
anyway, I'm gonna get that trophy and cash right out from under Mario's big
nose! Bwa ha hah!"
Yoshi: Oh no! Secret training?! That's totally not fair!
Luigi: Sshh!! Someone's out there.
*They throw the diary back into the drawer.*
*The three, sopping wet, step out of Wario's room sheepishly and there, wet, fuming, and with his face contorted in fury, is Wario himself.*
Wario: *Slowly begins walking toward them.* So. Were you having fun in there? IN
MY ROOM? YOU TRYING TO PASS A LITTLE CAPER BY ME??!!
Luigi: Uh, I...er...you see, we, uh, were...we were...
*Yoshi, strangely, is the only one completely cool.*
Yoshi: Since we were a little late getting our stuff sheltered in our rooms, the fire
inspectors asked us to help check out the other rooms to make sure there wasn't
too much damage. You wouldn't happen to know what CAUSED this fire, would
you? We happened to find a burnt match down near Mario's door. You don't
know how that might have GOTTEN there, do you? You're perfectly welcome to
help us...investigate if you'd like to.
Wario: I don't know how it got there, and if I did, I certainly wouldn't help scum like
you. Keep out of other people's business. I don't care WHAT you were doing.
And if I catch you in there again, you won't be very happy. Good day.
*Wario goes down the stairs three at a time and soon disappears out through the lobby door. Mario and Luigi turn to Yoshi.*
Luigi: You're BRILLIANT!
Mario: How do YOU think up these things??
Yoshi: I only have trouble dealing with people who are too NICE. Fat, ugly, stupid
people don't pose any threat to me at all, so I'm not nervous.
Mario: You know what? I've got an idea. Wario's doing secret training for the purpose
of becoming far more experienced than us, right? Well, that's easily fixed – why
can't we ALL do secret training so we'll all be at an equal level??
*Yoshi and Luigi look at each other, then back at Mario.*
Luigi: How do YOU think up these things???
Yoshi: Mario...that's...that's perfect! If we're all at an equal level, then everything
Wario's doing to cheat will be for nothing! We should go to Lakitu as soon as
possible. Let's see...what if...what if we just did our first normal practice
tomorrow instead of in three days? We just wouldn't tell Wario, and then it
would be just like none of this happened in the first place!
Luigi: Whaddya say we go celebrate all this over some lunch?
Mario: Sounds good to me...what should we get?
Luigi: Spaghetti?
Yoshi: I'd kinda like a steak or something...or maybe five steaks...
Mario: Raviolli would be good...
Luigi: Maybe some linguini?
Yoshi: Cheeseburgers?
Mario: I know! Pizza.
Luigi: Sounds good...
Yoshi: Let's get outta here before I get any wetter. Man, I can't STAND water...
*They get on their way, hailing a cabbie from down the road.*
Mario: Yoshi, what's the most you've ever eaten? Do I want to know?
Yoshi: Hmm, let's see...
*Memories of great meals fill his mind.*
Yoshi: I think the one that topped them all was when I ordered 35 prime ribs at some
restaurant – you should have seen the waiters' expressions – but you really
should have seen them when I actually finished all of the food and still wanted
more...I think I also ordered something like five gallons of soup and four caesar
salads...Eventually I was the only one left in the restaurant because the more I
ate the more I wanted...yeah, that was a good one. I think later on I came out
with a 34 second belch.
*Luigi's mouth hangs open, as he is only used to a small salad for a meal, occasionally something a little larger. Mario simply nods in admiration.*
Mario: Sometimes I almost wish I was a Yoshi just so I could eat like that...
Yoshi: Sometimes it does get annoying because it's a tad on the expensive side, but I
really just need that much...don't worry though, I'm not very hungry this time.
Luigi: Hey you guys, we're here!
*The cab has stopped at a semi-fancy Italian restaurant. Mario pays the cabbie some quick money and they step through the doors with a rush of cool air to the smells of spicy cheese and the sound of sizzling grease.*
Yoshi: Yeah...yeah okay, now I'm hungry.
*They soon, guided by a tall man, sit at a booth near a window. After a lot of debating and arguing, they decide on three extra-large pizzas with everything on them – two for Yoshi, and one for the brothers to share.*
*Of course, sharing had never been their specialty, and this inevitably leads to a race for the most pizza. A hushed argument contines for about five minutes.*
Luigi: You always take the bigger share!
Mario: Look, while we were bickering, Yoshi's already done with one of his, and I've
already finished three slices. If you want any, just eat it!
*Mario finishes five more, leaves the rest for Luigi, and drains his full bottle of cola in four long gulps. Yoshi finishes not a moment later, while Luigi continues taking small bites – much to the annoyance of the others.*
Yoshi: *Buuurrrrpp...*
Mario: Oh yeah? *Bbuuuuurrrrrppp...*
Yoshi: You're never gonna beat me. *Bbuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrpppp...*
Mario: I'd beat you ANY day. *Buuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrpp...*
Yoshi: That was the same length as mine! We tied!
Luigi: Guys! People are starting to stare...we'd better get out of here...
Mario: Oh, fine...say what you want...you know I really won even though I didn't eat as
much as you did...
Yoshi: You'd better be quiet, or I'll eat YOU!
Luigi: You know, he probably would...
Mario: Oh, let's just get out of here.
*And they do so, much to the relief of all the customers who witnessed the event.*
Mario: Loser...
Yoshi: Liar...
Luigi: *Bbbuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrppppp....* There, that settles it – okay?!
*Mario and Yoshi are in deadly silence on the returning trip. They glare at Luigi.*
Luigi: Look, someone's organized a volleyball game... *Points across beach.* You
know, we were always pretty good at that...
Mario: More like I was always pretty good at that...
Yoshi: I was better than both of you combined!
Luigi: Now THAT'S not true.
Yoshi: I'd bet you five coins.
Mario: You're on! Show us the coins.
*Yoshi takes out several gold coins and shows them to the brothers, while Luigi holds out five from himself.*
Mario: All right, I'm the witness – the two of you shake on it.
*Luigi and Yoshi shake, both smirking. Both sides realize that since all three are massively rich from their adventures, a little bet is nothing more than fun.*
*They thank the cabbie, pay him several more coins, and exit in the direction of the game. Only Yoshi, Mario, Luigi, and Toad decide to play, as it's getting dark and most have already gone inside.*
Toad: Let's just play a quick three point game – they won't let us keep the equipment out
much longer – after one of us wins, we'll carry the points to a foosball tournament
inside. How's that sound?
Luigi: Sounds good to me...where's the ball?
Yoshi: Over there...I'll get it...
*Yoshi soon returns with the ball.*
Yoshi: Now since I happen to be holding the ball, Toad and I will serve first.
Luigi: WHAT?!
*Toad takes a position behind Yoshi, and Yoshi passes the ball to him. He holds it in both of his arms, as the ball is nearly as big as his head, tosses it up, and headbutts it over the net. It goes a surprising distance, making the Mario brothers remember that Toad is stronger than he appears.*
*Mario leaps and belts it back over the net, Yoshi following it with his eyes. Yoshi races after it, skids to a halt, and punches it in return. However, before it gets far, Luigi jumps to the top of the net and spikes it straight down on the enemy side. Toad lunges to intercept, but too late – Luigi scores a point. Yoshi's eyes narrow very slightly.*
*Mario tosses the ball into the air and launches it across the net to Toad, who reaches with both small arms and makes a short pass to Yoshi. Yoshi raises both fists and slams them into the ball, sending it sailing over once again. Mario and Luigi both stare upward as the ball tumbles down toward them. Both run to return it before it hits, but they smack into each other and fall to the ground. The ball bounces on their side. Luigi and Mario both know that there will probably be an argument after the game.*
Yoshi: One serving one...
*Yoshi flips the ball into the air and belts it again over the net. Mario passes to Luigi, who makes a strong hit in return. Toad receives it and bouces it off his own head, sending it in reverse direction. Mario rears back and makes a strong punch...so strong, that it sends the ball sailing out of bounds and into the sand.*
Luigi: Good work...
Mario: Shut it.
Toad: One more...
*Luigi spins the ball above his head and whacks it to the other side. Yoshi returns with his first headbutt of the game – and Luigi ruins it with another expert spike. Unfortunately for Luigi, Toad had been expecting another spike, and he darts down to the sand to hit it straight in the air. Yoshi runs forward and punches it back. Toad scrambles to his feet. All of Toad's work goes for nothing though, as Mario shortly returns with a hit that sends the ball to land between he and Yoshi.*
Luigi: Next point wins...
*Toad makes his second serve, which the brothers follow and return. This round lasts the longest, as both sides add a bit of extra effort. The ball streaks back and forth, and it would be difficult for the normal bystander to follow. Just when one side seems to have the upper hand, the other side takes the lead. Finally, Mario notices a sizable gap between Yoshi and Toad – this was what he'd been waiting for. He makes a powerful punch to that area, sending Yoshi and Toad running to intercept. Both are too far away, and Yoshi notices this. Using his last option, Yoshi lashes out with his long tongue and snags the ball in mid-air. He sucks his tongue and the ball back toward him, his fist ready for the final punch to end the game. He punches out...but suddenly the ball is nowhere to be seen.*
Mario: What the...where's...the ball?
Yoshi: Oh geez...I think I...might have swallowed it...
Toad: What?!
Yoshi: It's coming...any second now...there's nothing I can do...
Luigi: What is? What's coming?
*Yoshi suddenly squints his eyes in obvious pain. A moment later there is a loud POW, and a white egg with green spots appears in the sand. Yoshi picks it up.*
Toad: So, uh, is the ball...in that egg?
Yoshi: Yeah, but we're never gonna get this thing open...these are indestructable...we'll
just say you guys won, Mario...
*Yoshi tosses the egg in the air and catches it.*
Yoshi: We may as well give this to the maintenance crew – they might be able to saw it
open and get the ball back...man, I HATE it when this happens...
Mario: I'll go get the net. Go inside and set up the foosball table – I'll be there in a sec.
Luigi: Okay, see ya inside.
*Mario strings down the net and returns it to the maintenance crew. Soon later, he returns inside, cracking his knuckles, ready to play. Suddenly, something hits him.*
Mario: Oh, wait a sec...what time is it? 7:15? Okay, I gotta go – DK, you play this
game instead of me. See you guys later...
*Mario runs up the staircase as DK stands, gives Toad a menacing grin, and cracks his massive knuckles with a loud crunch. Toad cowers behind the table in terror.*
*Mario grabs his cap off his head, smooths his troublesome hair somewhat, and puts the cap back on. He knocks on Peach's door, oddly calm.*
Mario: Hey Peach, it's Mario – you ready to go?
*The door opens and all of Mario's self-confidence instantly vanishes. Peach stands in the doorway in a tight-fitting blue dress, holding back a smile at Mario's stunned expression and obvious lack of formal attire.*
Mario: Hey, um...on second thoughts...would you mind if I went and changed first?
Peach: Not at all! You look fine right now anyway though, you know...
*Mario runs back down the hall. Peach closes the door and laughs, remembering Mario's face. The entire reason she really wore her tightest dress in the first place was simply to see that reaction...*
*Minutes later, Mario shows up in a sharp-looking grey suit, an odd yet good-looking color for him. Peach and he walk down the main staircase and exit into the moonlight through the front door of the resort, followed by many stares of shock and amazement. The rattling of the foosball table goes unnoticed by Mario, as he in fact needs to focus upon breathing and walking at the same time, a task very difficult for him while he and Peach are holding hands.*
*The two had decided early on to go to a fancy seafood restaurant on the beach, so they turn into that general direction and fade into the darkness.*
*Meanwhile, in the resort, Yoshi and Toad are struggling. Luigi is crammed to the side as DK takes total control of his side, slamming the handles and sending them into wild spins that somehow always manage to fire the ball directly into the goal. The score is 3-16, as they had decided to continue to 20 when DK had won early on in the game. In fact, the only reason Yoshi and Toad had scored any points at all was because in the very beginning, DK had allowed Luigi to play the defensive position. Soon, with a final slam on the middle handle, the ball disappears.*
Toad: Where'd it go?
Yoshi: It's in the goal...
Luigi: Wow, I didn't even see it...
*DK chuckles, cracks his knuckles again, and walks back to the vending machines.*
Toad: Good game...say, where'd Mario go?
Luigi: I don't know...he's probably eating some food upstairs.
*Luigi is the only one, aside from the doorman and a couple of toads, who saw the two walk out the door, and figures it is best for the others not to know.*
Toad: Okay, I guess I'll talk to him later...I know how seriously he takes his food...
Luigi: You don't know the half of it.
*But unbeknownst to Luigi, Mario hasn't even opened his menu yet. He and Peach are simply talking about recent events with each other – having a small drink helped to calm him down enough to have a normal conversation.*
Peach: Ugh, we've been having to settle trade disputes between Ice Land and Kalimari
this past month...it hasn't been fun, either – epecially when it involves at least
245 decrees that all require my consent...a lot of people I know would give
anything to be in my position, but even though I'm not one of them, I'm not
willing or allowed to sever our family line and substitute some amateur in my
place...but enough about politics. What do you think of the racing club?
Mario: I think it's going to be really fun! Luigi and I have just joined.
Peach: Really?? Oh, that's wonderful! When is first practice again?
Mario: Well it was going to be in three days, but it's been changed to tomorrow at 1:00 -
we found out that Wario is taking secret training to get an unfair advantage, so
we figured that if we all did the same, we'd all be at an equal level. So our first
few practices are going to be Wario-free.
Peach: Well that's good news...I wasn't looking forward to that slob being even within
10 feet of me...
Mario: Oh man, it's been two hours already! Heh, do you still want to order anything?
Peach: No, actually, I'm not that hungry anymore!
Mario: Good, same here.
*This is, of course, not true – Mario's stomach rumbles just low enough that Peach can't hear it. Mario suddenly looks around.*
Mario: That's weird, everyone's gone...guess they forgot about us and closed up!
Peach: Really?
Mario: Yeah, even the waiters and cooks are gone...the lights are off and everything.
Peach: Well, I guess we've got the place to ourselves...
Mario: Yeah, but we probably shouldn't stay for long...
Peach: It's really a beautiful night out...
Mario: Yeah, it is. Well, if you want, I'll take you back to the...
Peach: Wait.
*Peach moves forward, wraps her arms around him and gives him a kiss goodnight.*
Peach: Thank you for tonight, Mario.
*Mario is now completely stunned, but manages to say a few words.*
Mario: It...it was nothing. Have a good night.
*Peach walks out of the restaurant, and Mario suddenly gasps for air, realizing that he'd forgotten to breathe for awhile.*
*Time passes, and Mario too makes his way back to his room, shuts off his light, stumbles onto his bed, and immediately falls asleep. Unfortunately, in his stupor, Mario had forgotten that he no longer had a door to lock...*
*Hours later...*
*Wario approaches room number 908, clutching a tight wad of about 40 paper towels. He emerges a few moments later, chuckling at his ingenious plan.*
*Several more hours later...there are now only two people wide awake – Peach is one of them, lying wide awake in bed – not thinking, but simply staring at the ceiling. Lakitu is the other – he sits at his desk, trying to stay awake. An unfinished diagram sits at his desk, and an oddly modified kart is seen before he files it away, pulls on his nightcap, yawns, and closes the office down for the night.*
*Luigi's eyes pop open the instant the first sunbeam of morning appears. He glances to the right and sees a snoring Mario dead-asleep in his now- wrinkled gray suit. Luigi shakes his head and sighs. He heads to the kitchen and grabs a couple eggs for breakfast. Suddenly he slips backwards and falls on the hard kitchen floor, hurting his legs. It is only then that he realizes he is lying in three inch deep water.*
*He stands, painfully, and sees to his dismay that there are about four gallons of water sitting in the sink, constantly flowing out onto the floor like a small waterfall. He then notices that the faucet is running slowly, and there is a tight wad of about 40 paper towels clogging the drain...*
*Luigi's face turns red, and he quivers with anger. Any kind of mess was always something he had detested – plus, since he knows the antagonist is Wario, he knows it couldn't have been an accident. And a minute later, as nearly always, Luigi is stuck with clean-up duty with the help of only one bucket.*
*At about 11:00, Mario sits up and sees Luigi throwing buckets of water into the now-empty sink. He feels as if he hasn't eaten in a day, and right on cue his stomach roars loudly in protest. In Mario's routine, 11:00 was not the time to eat breakfast. 11:00 was the time to be having his SECOND breakfast.*
Mario: Hey, Weege...
*Whenever Mario felt particularly annoyed at Luigi, he would call him Weege simply because he knew it was something he hated.*
Luigi: What?? I thought I told you to stop calling me that!
Mario: So...am I just gonna have to go get a doughnut downstairs, or what?
Luigi: Yes. I can't make breakfast today, because our dearest friend Wario decided to
give us a gift of a wad of paper towels! The only problem is, I believe he
somehow managed to misplace it in our drain, and just happened to leave the
faucet turned on...so for the past two hours I've been trying to drain a regular
Midas River out of our kitchen. I figured the longer you were up, the longer
you'd be hungry, so I just left you asleep.
Mario: I swear, one of these days we ought to do something like this to Wario...
Luigi: No, that would just going down to his level, although I definetely won't say he
doesn't deserve it...
Mario: Well, first practice is at 1:00 today, if I remember right...
Luigi: Wow, you actually remembered something! You must have been looking forward
to this a lot...
Mario: Just shut up.
Luigi: And I'd reccomend you get out of that suit before you go downstairs.
Mario: Yeah, well you're more forgetful than I am!
Luigi: *Bursts out laughing.*
*Mario shakes his head and leaves to go shower, while Luigi tosses the last bucket of water off the floor. It's finally clean, and Luigi is satisfied.*
*An hour later, there is a knock on the door. Luigi walks over and opens it – an excited Yoshi is on the other side.*
Yoshi: So are you guys ready to go? We should probably round up the others pretty
soon...oh, hey Mario!
Mario: Hey...Wario paid us another visit – it's lucky Luigi was here to clean it up...
Yoshi: Oh no, what did he do this time?!
Luigi: Well...we'll tell you later, okay? For now, let's get going.
Yoshi: Sounds good to me. Let's try to keep Wario from trailing us, though.
Mario: That's the idea...
*The three head to Toad's room and knock on the door*
Yoshi: Psst, Toad...! You ready?
Toad: Huh? What? Ready for what? Ooohh...um...I, uh...hold on a sec...
*A moment later, a red-faced Toad appears in the doorway.*
Mario: You forgot about it...didn't you??
Toad: No! Of course not.
*Everyone laughs at his expense.*
*The four next head to 912, the last in their row*
Toad: Hey, DK! Let's go!
DK: Coming...
*DK lumbers out, and they next backtrack to Peach's room. She joins the group, and they talk while Yoshi leads them down the stairway.*
Toad: I think that's everyone...no, we're missing two. Who are they?
Yoshi: Bowser and Wario. Bowser because we don't want to bother him and he'll
probably get there before us anyway, and Wario because he's already taking
special training. Don't tell me you forgot that too?
Toad: Oh...um...well, let's go!
*The six head for the resort docks and hop on a ferry to Koopa Troopa Beach.*
Luigi: This is really nice – do you normally take ferries from place to place?
Yoshi: If it's not too far away, we always do. Most everyone seems to like them...
Luigi: And just out of curiosity, are you some sort of moderator for this group? I sort of
get the impression that they look to you as a second director...
Yoshi: Hah! I'm about the person a director is farthest from. But I do like bossing them
around sometimes...it's kind of fun...
*They laugh and talk some more, and the ferry soon stops. The group gets off at the beach...Lakitu is waiting, and indeed is also talking to Bowser, who is already there.*
Lakitu: Okay, welcome, everyone! Glad you could make it for another year! We have
two new members with us today. Please welcome Mario and Luigi!
*All but Wario and Bowser clap and cheer.*
Lakitu: We will be going over some basic skills today for our new members and those of
you who forgot on vacation...then we'll do our first race!
*Lakitu leaves and returns with a large and boxy remote, which controls a white kart that swerves around under him*
Lakitu: First, basic driving...gas to accelerate, brake to stop, wheel to steer. I would
hope you know that much already.
*Everyone dully chants "Yes, Lakitu..." as if they had heard the speech already many times before.*
Lakitu: Good. In that case, we'll move onto special techniques. First, you can turn
around backward while stopped by holding the gas and the brake, and jerking
the wheel either left or right. *He demonstrates on the white training kart, and it
spins backward, exactly as Lakitu described* Second, you can do a special drift
turn by holding this button while driving, *Holds out a pointer and shows a
button* and you will drift through turns. If you let go of the button at about
halfway through the turn, your kart will get a boost and shoot forward at double
speed! *Demonstrates a drift turn* Next, you can back your kart up by holding
the brake for two seconds. Lastly, you can make your kart bounce by pressing
this button. *Uses the pointer to show a button next to the drift turn button*
This is handy for jumping over obstacles or bouncing very high after a long
drop – it reverses the energy you drop with. You understand?
*Everyone drones "Yes, Lakitu..." once again.*
Lakitu: Great! You'll catch on quickly. Lastly, let's go over items. See this? *Throws
a box with a question mark on it to group* This is an item box. One random
item is stored inside each one. All you have to do is grab the box as you drive
by, and check what's inside. First, you can get a mushroom. These are very
handy. You see this hole on the back of the kart? Drop mushrooms in here.
You can hold up to three...then they fall out. When you are ready to use them,
press this button. *Points out a third button on the kart* It will give your kart a
tremendous burst of speed until your mushrooms are used up. Each gives you 3
seconds of boost speed. Next is the star. Drop it in the same hole you used for
mushrooms, and press the same button you used to activate the mushrooms. It
will give your kart a shield for a limited amount of time.
Mario: How does that work?
Lakitu: I don't know, but it works. That's what's important. Anyway, you can also
collect up to three green shells. If you throw one at an opponent and it misses, it
will continue to bounce off walls and fences around the track until it does hit. If
it does, it will explode and cause your opponent to go flipping and rolling.
We've never had any injuries yet... You can also collect up to three red shells. If
you throw one and it hits, it will have the same effect as a green shell. But if it
misses, it will race through the track, following the nearest racer until it does hit.
Next up is the banana. Drop bananas on the road as obstacles. As soon as an
opponent hits one, they will spin out and stop for a moment. Next is the spiny
shell. Throw this ahead of you and it will hunt down and crash into every single
kart in the race, not including your own. When it reaches the last kart it will
explode, so watch out because the spikes will shoot off in every direction.
Luigi: OK...
*He obviously hadn't been expecting such weaponry in the races.*
Lakitu: The next and the deadliest is the lightning. Throw the model of a lightning bolt
into the item hole in your kart and press the button and your kart will shoot a
massive blast of electricity straight up. Seconds later, a lightning bolt will crash
down on every opponent in the race. They will shrink and drive very slowly for
about 15 seconds. If you run over a shrunken opponent, they will flatten and
stop until the effects of the lightning wear off. Be really, really careful with
this...we've had several injuries involving it. We have a special guest with us
today! Give him a big welcome!
*A boo appears next to Lakitu*
Lakitu: If you get a model of a ghost, put it in the item hole and press the button. It will
send out a signal which only boos can here...he will appear near you very soon.
When he does, tell him one thing you would like him to do for you. The things
he can do are to steal an item, make you invisible for a time by floating around
you, or attempt to slow down an opponent. He will disappear after he has done
what you have asked. Thank you, Boo!
*Boo disappears*
Lakitu: Did you get all that? Those're the rules of our races.
Mario: Yeah.
Lakitu: All right! Great! Now we'll issue out the karts. Pick one and only one, and sign
your name on this sheet next to the kart you chose. Mario? You're first!
Mario: *Checks paper* Let's see...I kinda like orange, but I think I'll pick red. That
looks really nice... *Signs*
Lakitu: Luigi?
*All members of the club sign the sheet. Mario picked red, Luigi picked dark green, Peach picked pink, Yoshi picked light green, Toad picked blue, DK picked yellow, and Bowser picked orange, leaving Wario with purple*
Lakitu: All right! We're all set. Let's head to the race course!
*The group heads for the track. The sun shines off the brand new karts sitting at the starting line, and a flock of seagulls flies overhead. Each person sits in their own kart*
Lakitu: All right! Remember the things I said! Ready? Three!
*Mario's hands begin to sweat under his gloves.*
Lakitu: Two!
*Mario and Luigi glance nervously between each other.*
Lakitu: One!
*Mario, then grips the steering wheel, and forces a smile for Peach.*
Lakitu: GO!!!
*Mario and his friends stamp on the gas and zoom away into the distance.*
TO BE CONTINUED...
Except, I might have to introduce you to the fact that you're an idiot.
A quick little author's note – first, this is the second edition of this chapter...it needed some major revisions. I never liked the layout as it was really the first fic I had ever written. I can't tell you how angry I've been at some authors when they decide that too much is wrong with a story and simply cut it off – it doesn't hurt to put in a little bit of willpower and actually rework a chapter or two. One last thing, for those who are just starting this story now, the only plot change I made to the Mario Kart series itself is that Mario didn't race in the original Super Mario Kart for SNES – this starts during Mario Kart 64 and goes from there. I've only skipped the Mushroom Cup in the plotline because I felt it wasn't really important or useful. If you've got any questions, please feel free to drop me a line in a review or an email and I'll answer in a later mailbag! Now,
please enjoy Episode One the way I meant to write it originally.
KART CHAMPIONS
- - PART ONE - -
EPISODE I (REVISED)
"THE VACATION"
*It is a beautiful, bright Saturday morning in the Mushroom Kingdom. The Pidgets are chirping, and the first rays of the sun are just beginning to appear over the horizon in the cold air of dawn. A plumber in green overalls is outside, sipping orange juice, and admiring the scene. His name is Luigi. He never really cared for the fact that every person throughout the globe knew that name – he lived his life as normal, just as his brother had. They were simply known as the Mario Brothers to those unfamiliar with them, but those that knew them simply understood that "Mario" wasn't their last name, and it made them both angry when people thought so. Both of them had turned down the offers of massive wealth and power, and preferred to remain living just as they were. Luigi sometimes shivered at the mere thought of accepting those offers – doing so would have sold their freedom, their chances to watch moments like this. But as long as they remained as they were, nothing – NOTHING – could stop Luigi from standing outside at 6:35 in the morning. Excluding, of course, for one certain individual...instantly, the magic is shattered as a loud snort and grumble interrupt Luigi's thoughts. This is Mario – the shorter, fatter, older, lazier plumber. Soon later, a very annoyed Luigi is standing over Mario's bed with a bucket of ice-water in hand. Luigi, deciding to make the most of this opportunity, slowly begins to trickle the water onto the back of Mario's neck. Mario jerks and pulls his pillow to cover his head just as the full bucket of water falls directly onto him. Mario sits up, grumbling, as Luigi turns to go back outside. A cold, damp pillow is flung into Luigi's back, and Luigi spins around.*
Luigi: Mario! What's the deal?
Mario: Well, let's see...I was asleep, and then I wake up to you being an idiot, as always.
Luigi: Actually, I probably saved you from suffocating...you know, the bus is coming in
like an hour, so you might wanna get ready.
Mario: Yeah, and be just like you, right?
*Luigi ignores this last comment and returns outside. Mario walks groggily to the bathroom and takes a quick shower. He then remembers their arrangement for the day – Mario and Luigi had decided to take a year-long vacation at a resort island. Being rich enough to afford it, neither of them considered how boring a year at the island would be – this was good, for neither of them really knew how boring it wouldn't be, either. Today, or specifically this morning, would be the day they left for paradise.*
*Mario lazily throws his stuff into a duffel bag and zips it up. A low whistling noise is heard from outside, and Luigi calls to Mario to tell him the bus has arrived.*
*Mario straightens his overalls, slings his bag around his shoulder, and grabs his cap on the way out. There rests the Nimbus Land Bus. The Bus appears to be a giant, solidified cloud that floats gently up and down, creating the low whistle. Mario steps aboard, and glass walls about four feet high rise along the edge of the bus.*
Bus Driver: All aboard!
*The bus slowly lifts above-ground, twisting toward the sky. It is at that moment that Mario glances to his right and discovers Luigi gripping the glass and stiffly lying on the floor. He appears nearly as green as his own clothing.*
Mario: Uh, hey bro, you don't look so good...
Luigi: I don't...like...heights...
Mario: Oh yeah, just try not to think about how high up we are over the ocean – try not
to think about the terror if the engine fails and we fall...
Luigi: Shut up!
Bus Driver: Hey, what's goin' on back there? Here, why doncha watch a movie? That
oughta cheer you guys up. Why don't you pick?
Mario: *Takes a little book out of a small pouch on the floor.* Oh man, you've got Plan
Nine from Outer Space?? Run that one.
Bus Driver: Oh yeah! I was hoping you'd pick that one. It's my favorite!
Luigi: But...you'll be paying attention to...where we're going, right?
Bus Driver: Oh no...this thing seems to have a mind of its own. I just have to sit behind
the wheel so this baby stays legal!
*Luigi looks petrified at the very thought that the driver won't even be controlling the bus and where it's going.*
*But soon the awful movie begins, and Mario and Luigi laugh uproariously over it the whole trip, much to the bewilderment of the driver.*
*Time passes...the movie has ended. Luigi is bored, sitting against the glass, as Mario watches the ocean underneath.*
Bus Driver: We're passing over Yo'ster Island now! Take a look out of the right-hand
side to get a good glimpse of it!
Mario: Whoa, hey Luigi! Check this out! ...Luigi?
*Luigi had taken a look, and now lies on the floor of the bus, looking very green. Mario waves a hand in disgust and turns back to the ocean.*
*Yo'ster Island is in full view. But instead of the usual steel drum music and chatter of Yoshi-speak that normally echoes from the island, instead there is the growling of many loud motors.*
Mario: Well, either there's a crazed lumber company wreaking havoc down there, or
someone's having a little fun with some cars...I wonder if Yoshis can even
drive? Oh well...
*Marios questions are left unanswered and the bus approaches the final stop, the resort island itself! The Bus Driver directs attention to it, and they begin their landing procedure. Mario gets Luigi up from his daze, and he appears okay once again. The bus finally slows down and comes to rest just above ground level on the beach of the island.*
*Mario and Luigi hop off with their duffel bags, and the bus begins its assent to the slightly puffier clouds above. Suddenly, a voice echoes down...*
Bus Driver: Hey buddy! You forgot your hat!
*A red object floats down from the bus, and Mario catches it.*
*Luigi clears his throat, looking rather impatient.*
Luigi: I'd say you've lost your hat enough by now, wouldn't you?! You lost it way back
on that mountain ages ago and we had to go back and find it...remember? Maybe
you should start leaving your hat at the house so we won't have to go through with
that EVERY OTHER MINUTE? When will you ever learn...
Mario: *Stops and turns to Luigi.* Okay, you shut up! I wasn't the one that was turning
green all the way over here...
Luigi: Yeah? Well at least I don't copy other people's outfits!
Mario: Neither do I! I was wearing these way before...
*The two brothers instantly stop bickering as an important-looking toad in a black tuxedo approaches them and clears his throat.*
Doorman: Hello, and welcome to Grate Guy's Island Resort. We would be happy to
serve you in any way you wish. Enjoy yourselves and have a good day.
*The doorman turns on his heel and walks away with his hands clasped firmly behind his back, walking stiffly as if preparing for the worst.*
Mario: How did they know we were coming?
Luigi: Well, I at least would be pretty shocked seeing your overly-large nose come
floating out of the sky...
*Mario grasps the brim of Luigi's hat and yanks it down over his face. Luigi rights himself and they hike up the beach to the lobby. They enter through large doors and step inside the cool air-conditioned room.*
*No one is there except a smiling toadette at the front desk.*
Mario: I guess they don't get many regular people coming through here...
Luigi: Why do you say that? Because there's no one in here?
Mario: No, because of that signup sheet over there – have a look...all the rooms but one
are taken up by members of some club. Hey, it looks like Lakitu's involved...
wonder what that guy's doing now?
Luigi: And how did you notice all that while we were just walking along here?
Mario: I dunno, I guess I'm just more observant than you...
Luigi: That's a laugh...uh, hey Mario? Who's that?
*Luigi points to a small yet older-looking Koopa that enters the door and scans all the walls, as if looking for something. He sees Mario and Luigi, and then the signup sheet. His eyes go back and forth between them and the signup sheet several times. Then, suddenly, he whips out a pen and charges at them!*
Mario: Luigi, sign us quick!
*Mario reaches forward with a gloved hand and holds the running Koopa back easily.*
*Luigi scrawls his and Marios names quickly for the last room. The Koopa stops and looks up at Mario with fury in his eyes. He spits on Marios shoe.*
Koopa: Why me?! First the fat buffoon steals my kart and room reservation, and now
you two morons take the last one!! You have it in for me or somethin'? What
have I done?! I'll get you two! I will!!
*Two toad guards in black suits shove the poor koopa out the door, an effective warning never to come back.*
Luigi: Um...okay...
Mario: Well, at least we got the room...somehow I doubt that was the last weird person
we'll run into at this joint...
*The two plumbers walk up to the front desk. The toadette is no longer smiling.*
Luigi: Hello, we'd like to place a reservation for the last room?
Toadette: All right. Please select your staying plan.
Luigi: Um...sorry? What plan?
Toadette: I see you're new to this idea. You can either reserve a set amount of time for a
slight discount, or you can pay the normal sum of 500 coins by midnight for
each individual night you decide to stay. This is a bit of a hassle, but it's better
if you don't know how long you wish to stay here.
Luigi: We'll take the set-time plan. We'll be staying for a whole year, so we might as
well just pay now.
Toadette: Thank you, sirs. Here's your passkey and your value cards to buy things from
our wide variety of stores and restaurants on the island. Enjoy your stay.
Luigi: Thank you. What's the total sum, then?
Toadette: Ah, let's see...you're staying for 365 nights, then? Well let's see...at 500 a
night...yes...minus 5%...all right sirs. Your total is 173,375 coins.
Mario: ONE HUNDRED SEVENTY-THREE THOUSA...
Luigi: *Holds up a hand.* Can we write a mushroom bank note?
Toadette: Yes...make it out to "Grate Guy Recreation and Associates". Very good.
*Pulls note from Luigi.* May I have a room number, sir?
Luigi: Uh, hold on a sec... *Takes the new room passkey from the envelope and reads
the number.* Room number 908.
Toadette: Thank you. You're payed in full for your whole stay. Enjoy yourselves. Your
room is on the top floor. The stairs are down the hall that way.
*After thanking the desk manager, Luigi nearly drags Mario away from the bank note and to the stairs.*
Mario: Luigi...that note was worth...you just...GAVE...why...
Luigi: Mario, we agreed before that we'd pay it even if it was really expensive,
remember? We've got millions of coins anyway from everywhere we've
been...what's 173,375 more or less?
Mario: Yeah...yeah, I guess so...geez, how much further does this stairway go? I'm
running out of breath...
Luigi: Oh come ON! We haven't been going THAT far yet! Honestly! You just lie
around all day and you'll never get close to being healthy at all.
Mario: You be quiet. I'm just gonna sit and rest for a minute...you keep going...
Luigi: Okay, whatever you say...
*Luigi continues upstairs. Suddenly, there is the sound of someone running downstairs. There is shortly a crash, resulting in Luigi falling back down the stairs and hitting his head on the wall. A green figure tentatively steps around the corner, checking to see if Luigi's all right.*
Mario: YOSHI!! Hey! What're you doing so far from the island?
Yoshi: Mario? It's you! Man, it's been ages!
*Aside from a slightly strange accent, Yoshi had long since learned to speak perfect English. He was one of the few Yoshis that did so, only occasionally using his own native language. This had made him somewhat famous, but he didn't really care one way or the other.*
Mario: How's it going? It's been forever!
Yoshi: Fine, fine...looks like I gave Luigi a little spill there...he all right?
Mario: Yeah, he's out cold, but he probably deserved it...he's certainly been a classic
annoying brother recently, but at least now he's better than he was...
*Yoshi knows that he hasn't really been that annoying, but Mario is simply jealous of him and always has been. Yoshi doesn't bring up the subject, as he knows it will only increase the already present rivalry between the two.*
Yoshi: Annoying as usual. So I guess I'll ask – what are you doing way out here?
Mario: We decided on taking a little vacation from all the normal stuff...got kinda
boring, y'know? We came here to sort of let off some steam. So what're YOU
doin' out this far?
Yoshi: Oh, me and the club are taking a little break between races...guess you could say
we're just letting off a little steam also.
Mario: Club? What do you mean?
Yoshi: Oh! I never told you??
*Yoshi suddenly lights up with excitement.*
Yoshi: Oh man, I got in this great kart racing club last year! We go all over the world in
battle tournaments, an occasional grand prix, and practice runs! Lakitu's the
director, you've got to meet him...
Mario: Lakitu? Huh! I'd been wondering what he was up to...
Yoshi: I see you've met him! Come on, maybe I could even get you guys enrolled and
then you could race with us, and...
Mario: Whoa there, hold up a sec. We haven't even unpacked yet, and I think we'd
probably better get Luigi upstairs too...
Yoshi: Yeah...yeah, you're right, of course. All right, I'll help you guys, then. What
room did you get?
Mario: Uh, 908, if I remember right.
Yoshi: Well...that means...yeah! We're right next to each other upstairs. C'mon, I'll
help you carry Luigi, here...
*Yoshi's scaly green claws grab Luigi's legs while Mario holds his arms and piles all the luggage onto his stomach – an effective stretcher. They make their way to 908 and slump Luigi onto the bed on the left.*
Mario: Don't worry, he'll be up in awhile...
Yoshi: Man, he's heavier than I remembered...
Mario: Yoshi, for lunch he eats about a shred of lettuce. That's it. So just be glad you're
not having to carry ME up those stairs.
Yoshi: Trust me, I'm not exactly waiting for an opportunity to do that...
*Mario and Yoshi leave the room and walk back downstairs to meet Lakitu.*
Mario: Oh yeah, there was a Koopa at the entrance just a little while ago, raving about
how someone stole his kart...you know who he was?
Yoshi: Yeah, unfortunately, I do. He's always been a little odd...like he's always
thinking about something else, and he jumps with every little noise. Some theif
took his kart out from under his nose last week...too bad for him. All we know
is the guy who stole it was really fat, and wore this hideous mix of yellow and
purple...what? What is it?
*Mario sighs and shakes his head.*
Mario: Oh, I know who that is. That's Wario. You heard of him? He's always
snooping around, and he's obsessed with money. I've known him my whole life,
and he's hated me every minute of it. Weird thing is, he dresses exactly like me
except with those colors...I dunno, I'll never figure out that guy.
Yoshi: Well, that bit about being obsessed with money would explain why he came
here...see, the winner of our next grand prix gets a trophy and 8,000 coins.
Which means not only did he steal Koopa's kart, but he's probably planning on
joining the club as well...
Mario: Uh...Yoshi? Don't look behind you.
*And of course, he does. Then he jumps in surprise because not 5 inches in front of him is Wario's broad, grinning face.*
Wario: Hey, how's it going?
Mario: Just what are you doing here?
Wario: Oh, just passing through. I happened to hear from a certain someone that the
winner of a race gets...what was it? 8,000 coins? Yeah, that's why. I plan to be
joining a certain club...by the way, Mario, don't get in my way, or you'll regret
it. See you around.
*Wario disappears around the corner.*
Yoshi: So THAT'S Wario...but Lakitu will never let him join...
Mario: Trust me, he has this thing about getting his way. He'll do it somehow.
Yoshi: All the more reason to get you in as soon as possible...I was thinking, before you
unpack, why don't you go down to the desk again and see who's in 907 – your
other side?
Mario: Yeah, good idea – I think I will...be back in a sec.
Yoshi: Okay, just come by my room later on if you wanna – we'll go get lunch.
*Mario walks down the again-deserted hall to the front desk.*
Mario: Excuse me, but would you please be able to tell me who's currently in room 907?
Toadette: All right, hold for a moment please... *Turns pages in large book.* Let's
see...905, 906, 907...sir? Someone by the name of "Koopa" is currently
occupying room number 907.
Mario: Thanks...
*Mario realizes that Koopa couldn't possibly be there. He decides to go to Yoshi right away. He climbs the stairs once again, and knocks on room 909.*
Mario: Hey Yoshi, you in there?
Yoshi: Yeah, come in.
*Mario opens the door, quickly steps in, and shuts it behind him.*
Mario: Yoshi, I don't get it. She said Koopa's in 907. But that wouldn't make any sense
unless...no...
Yoshi: Unless...
Mario: Koopa said that the "fat buffoon" stole his kart and...his room reservation...
Yoshi: Oh no...
Mario: Wait a sec. *Holds up a hand and listens quietly, scrunches up eyes in
concentration. Walks silently to door.*
*Mario suddenly slams open the door and it smashes Wario in the face, who runs down the hall cursing.*
Mario: He's always snooping around. Lock your door at night, you never know when
he'll mess with you. Great, now he knows I'm next to him...what now?
Yoshi: I dunno...but you really should wake Luigi up before anything else happens.
Mario: Yeah, you're right. We'll drop by later and we can go get lunch.
Yoshi: All right, see ya then.
*Mario exits Yoshi's room and takes a look out of the large glass window to the sea. He decides to meet some of the others in his row. He heads to 910, but no one's there. He knocks on 911, and a female voice tells him he can come in.*
*He does so, and is shocked to find the princess of the Mushroom Kingdom herself lying on her bed, reading.*
Mario: I...uh...um...I...
*Peach immediately closes her book upon seeing Mario.*
Peach: Mario! I didn't think I'd see you here! How are you?
Mario: I...um...well, I'm fine, Princess.
Peach: It's all right, for now please just call me Peach...I never really cared for the
formalities anyway... *Sees Mario fumbling for words.* It's okay! My
grandmother is taking my place back at the castle so I could be in the races too.
That's why I'm just wearing normal clothes right now anyway. Anything else
would give me away...I'm just going to be a normal person for awhile.
Mario: Oh...I see. So it's all okay?
Peach: Yeah. Why don't you come in and sit for awhile, tell me what's been going on?
Mario: I don't know if I have time...
Peach: Oh come on, it's all right...
Mario: Okay. *Shuts door and sits down on bed near Peach.*
Peach: So I guess first of all, how's it going? What are you doing out here?
Mario: You know, the usual. Luigi and I thought it would be fun to take a vacation from
all the normal stuff around town.
Peach: Yeah, I know what you mean...that's part of the reason I got in this club in the
first place...I kind of get sick of the usual, you know? I get tired of this toad and
that toad bringing me papers to sign and questions to answer everyday...you've
always been more interesting to talk to... *Smiles.*
Mario: Say, would you uh, like to go get dinner tomorrow night?
Peach: Of course, that would be great!
Mario: Okay, how's 7:30 sound?
Peach: Sure, I'll meet you then!
Mario: See you...
*Mario stands and leaves Peach's room. Peach doesn't go back to reading, but instead sits and stares at the closed door in silence.*
*Mario reaches the end of the hall, and hears someone beating on bongos frantically in 912. He decides to go back to his room and wake Luigi, so he walks back to 908 and pushes open the door. Indeed, Luigi's still out cold. Mario suddenly flashes a very Wario-esque grin, and goes to the sink. He returns with a cup of ice-water. Time for sweet revenge.*
*He begins to slowly trickle it onto the back of Luigi's neck – Luigi, in reflex, throws up his arm and hits the cup of water directly into Mario's face. An angry, wet Mario heads to the bathroom to find a towel to dry off with as Luigi starts waking up.*
*Meanwhile, Yoshi is walking down the hall to Lakitu's office, planning on getting Mario and Luigi into the club. His claw-like feet scratch on the tile as he reaches the door to Lakitu's office and knocks on the door.*
*There is no answer. Yoshi knocks again. Nothing. The door is unlocked, so Yoshi enters and gets his second big surprise of the day.*
*Lakitu himself is duct-taped to the wall, gagged. His round glasses are lying on the desk along with several tools. Lakitu looks frantically at Yoshi, struggling a bit. Yoshi runs over and removes the rag from his mouth.*
Lakitu: Yoshi! Quick, see if you can get me out of this!
*Much to Lakitu's dismay, it hurts very much to have duct-tape ripped off of you. Unfortunately, it appears the only way to get him off the wall. After a few minutes of Yoshi ripping and Lakitu gritting his teeth, he is free and falls to the floor.*
Lakitu: Oh man, remind me never to duct-tape myself to the wall.
Yoshi: So what happened??
Lakitu: That guy...Wario I think it was...came in here and told me to admit him to the
club. I refused, so he said he'd tape me to the wall and...dismantle my glasses if
I didn't let him join. I still refused...I didn't really think he'd do it...
*Everyone knew that Lakitu's glasses were probably his most prized possession, but no one spoke of it.*
Lakitu: I only agreed when he actually took out tools and started trying to bend the
frames. I figured he'd just let me back down, but he just said "good choice" and
left me up on the wall. It was about an hour later that you came in...
Yoshi: Sorry I was too late...I came down to warn you about him...
Lakitu: Well, thanks at least for getting me out of that.
Yoshi: But I also came down to tell you about a couple people that you actually might
want to consider letting join...
*Lakitu rolls his eyes and begins rubbing the lenses of his glasses with his shirt, shaking his head with a sour expression.*
Lakitu: Oh no...
Yoshi: Come on, give it a chance!
Lakitu: I suppose you could give me their names at least...
*Lakitu had had at least four incompetent people nearly beg on hands and knees to join several weeks before, and it wasn't his idea of a good time to flatly refuse – it was just that he simply had no choice.*
Yoshi: Well, their names are Mario and Luigi. Either of them ring a bell?
*Lakitu drops his glasses.*
Lakitu: WHAT?! They're HERE? Why didn't you tell me before?
Yoshi: I wanted to find out first whether or not they wanted to join...so whaddya think?
Do you want to let them?
*Lakitu seems nearly ready to explode at Yoshi's honest question.*
Lakitu: I...of...YOSHI! Have you thought about the kind of publicity this would give
us?? Plus they'd probably be a big challenge for this group!
Yoshi: Yeah, okay, I thought you might not want any more racers...I understand...
Lakitu: NO!! I was referring to them being just what we need! Of course they can join!
Can they come down here?
Yoshi: Naw, not right now, but that's good that they'll be able to join – I'll tell them
tomorrow morning and leave it a surprise for now..
Lakitu: All right, and I'll talk to them later.
*Yoshi leaves and shuts the office door.*
*Meanwhile, in room 908, Mario has just finished telling Luigi all that happened after he was knocked out.*
Luigi: Man! Why do I always miss out on this stuff?
Mario: Because you're the sidekick.
Luigi: HEY!!
Mario: Heh, just kidding. Man I'm tired – we should get to bed...first I think we'd
better lock the door though...you never know when Wario might be stalking
around like he usually does...
*Mario heads to the door, shuts it, locks it, and even leans a chair against it for good measure. Mario, satisfied, heads back to the beds.*
Luigi: I call the bed on the right!
Mario: Sorry bro, but I put you on the bed on the left when you were knocked out.
Luigi: And does that mean anything at all?
Mario: Yes. Yes it does.
Luigi: Oh come on, you and I both know you just wanna sleep on that side cause the
fridge is over there! You're fatter than I am anyway!
Mario: Am not! But there's a lot more things I AM that you're not!
Luigi: Like maybe a moron?
Mario: I think a very good example of a moron is someone who copies his older
brother's clothes...
Luigi: I think I already told you that I wore this way before you did.
Mario: You're wrong! At least I'm not some kind of perfectionist like you...
Luigi: At least I have enough sense not to lose my hat...
Mario: Maybe so, but at least I...
*Mario is interrupted by a sharp, short, quick knock on the door*
Luigi: Eh...yes?
*A red-faced Toad is standing there*
Toad: Will you two please shut up? Some people would rather sleep than listen to your
endless bickering!
Mario: ...Um, ok.
*Toad slams the door and walks away, leaving Mario and Luigi glaring at each other in complete silence*
Mario: ...Perfectionist...
Luigi: ...Moron...
*Soon the resort is dark and silent. Everyone is asleep – everyone, that is, except one overweight individual with a devious grin, now tromping through the corridor. He is pointing at the doors as he passes, muttering numbers.*
Wario: 904, 905, 906, 907...
*He stops at number 908 and grasps the doorknob. Slowly, silently, he turns it, prepared to enter and wreak havoc. However, his plans are hindered only by the click that emanates from the lock that stops the knob from turning futher. Wario curses, backs up, and rams the door, trying to open it – still somehow silent. But the chair on the other side of the door holds, and Wario merely bounces off.*
Wario: Urgh...hmm...
*Wario gets a sudden plan and leaves, returning not a moment later with a match and some masking tape. He tapes the match to the bottom of the door, so that the head is resting on the rough tile floor. He then leaves, chuckling at his how devious and intelligent he is.*
*Dawn arrives...and Luigi, true to his normal routine, is up and awake with its light. Luigi sets about making breakfast, taking out 4 eggs from their bags and cracking them on the edge of a bowl. Soon, fresh breakfast arrives...and Mario, true to his normal routine, is up and awake with its scent.*
Luigi: *Shaking his head.* Mario, you're too predictable.
Mario: Mmphh. *Speaks through a mouthfull of eggs.*
*Several hours later, after Mario and Luigi are up and ready for action, there's a knock on the door. Luigi steps forward, removes the chair, unlocks the door, and swings it open. There is a "scraape" and a "fwish" that no one notices, as a candle-sized flame appears under the door. Yoshi, being who knocked, steps inside.*
*Mario stands up and goes to greet Yoshi.*
Mario: Hey, so how'd it go?
Yoshi: Well first off, Wario did wind up forcing his way into the club, I myself saw his
handiwork in Lakitu's office...second of all, the two of you were accepted
immediately! It was perfect.
Luigi: Great! So when's first practice?
Yoshi: It's going to be in three days, at 1:00 PM. Don't worry, I'll remind you guys
before it's time. You'll get karts, the whole deal. Just you wait, this is gonna be
the best thing you've ever done – trust me.
Mario: It certainly sounds fun. So who all is in this club, anyway?
Yoshi: Well, me, the two of you, unfortunately Wario, and then there's Peach, DK,
Toad, and uh, Bowser.
Mario: BOWSER?!
Yoshi: Yeah, he wanted to put himself on the "good list", if you get my meaning – plus,
he'd be able to make a name for himself in racing and even maybe get a shot at
that cash prize...
Luigi: Wow though, I'd never have expected Bowser would be involved...
Mario: Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if he and Wario become good friends.
Yoshi: Man, I'm getting REALLY hungry, and that's saying something for me
considering as I can eat at least twelve times what you can. And the smell of that
cookout isn't helping things any.
Mario: Cookout? What cookout?
Luigi: Oh geez, our door is on fire!!
Mario: What the...whoa!
*Indeed, the blaze that began only a centimeter high has now engulfed the entire wooden door. Yoshi looks at the ceiling and seems to sense what's coming next. He scrambles to grab a fire extinguisher, but too late...*
*FWOOSH!!! Every fire sprinkler in the resort's living quarters comes on simultaneously, drenching all of its inhabitants including Wario, who is no longer laughing. PA systems in the area shortly sound.*
PA Systems: ATTENTION RESIDENTS OF THE GRATE GUY ISLAND RESORT
HOTEL, PLEASE EVACUATE THE BUILDING IMMEDIATELY.
THIS IS ROUTINE AND WILL ONLY TAKE A MOMENT – WE
APOLOGIZE FOR THE INCONVENIENCE.
*The plumbers' eyes widen through the hard droplets of water. They turn to look at Yoshi, in silence. He stares back.*
Mario: Oh no...
Luigi: Hey, look at this!
*Luigi, standing where the fiery door once was, bends over and returns with a blackened, shriveled piece of wood that can only be a match.*
Yoshi: That means...this was deliberate! But who would do such a thing?
Mario: I'll give you one guess...
Yoshi: MAN, that Wario's starting to get on my nerves...we should do something...
Luigi: I dunno about you guys, but I'm interested in what he's hiding. He's always so
secretive about everything. Think about it – with the evacuation order, no one will
be here but inspectors! I say this is the perfect opportunity to do a little snooping
of our own.
Yoshi: *In silence, suddenly grins.* How do you think UP these things?
Mario: He's MY brother, what do you expect?
*Outside, commotion has begun.*
Toad: I...HATE...BEING...WET...
Peach: So that's why you came to an island resort?
Toad: Of course, your majesty.
Peach: *Rolls eyes.* Here we go again...
DK: Say, what's all this about, anyway? Why'd the sprinklers come on?
*For some reason, everyone simultaneously turns to look at Bowser.*
Bowser: What? WHAT?!
*Everyone immediately turns the opposite direction for fear of death.*
DK: Wario...you smell like...garlic?
Wario: I don't think I should even go into the things YOU smell like.
Peach: Man, I hate to think of just leaving all my stuff up there, just letting it get
soaked...hope they do something soon...
Toad: Say, where are Mario and Luigi?
DK: Yoshi's missing too.
Peach: I guess they haven't come out yet...
*Wario suddenly puts two and two together.*
Wario: Wait a sec...we left all our stuff there...all the doors are open...and those three
haven't come out yet. What am I doing?! I should be there!
*Wario races back toward the building. And meanwhile, Mario, Luigi, and Yoshi are now in Wario's room. Yoshi finds a tub of rotting garlic under his bed which could only be used for an occasional midnight snack. Coins are everywhere, and Luigi thinks about grabbing a few...*
Mario: Don't touch ANYTHING – he probably counts his money nightly.
Yoshi: Yeah, and plus you never know what diseases are stored in this room...ugh...
*Mario sights his empty desk, save for one thing – a small book in an open drawer. Mario walks through the mess on Wario's floor and picks up the book.*
Mario: Hey, you guys...I think I found his diary.
Luigi: Quick, read the latest entry...he could be back...
*Indeed, a furious, wet Wario now hurtles upstairs, flight by flight. Only seconds left until he reaches his room...*
Mario: Wow, he's been through a lot...he actually owns a castle, any of you know that?
He's had it taken over...I think...twice? It might have been three...but let's see,
he says he was teleported into a music box, he fell into a giant cavern with weird
creatures with masks, his castle was transformed into a weird alternate
dimension...wow – his stuff just goes on and on...
Yoshi: I think he's out of his mind...must be that garlic...
Luigi: Quick though, just read the latest entry! Fast!
Mario: Okay, okay...let's see...here it is. "That idiot Mario's joined some sort of secret
driving club – I happened to overhear that he's planning on stealing the trophy
and prize money!..." Hey, that's not true!
Luigi: Just read!
Mario: "It's 8,000 coins – which is really just pocket change, but even just one more
coin still makes me richer! I've been taking secret drivers' training with the
Goombas – good guys, they always back me when I get into trouble...but
anyway, I'm gonna get that trophy and cash right out from under Mario's big
nose! Bwa ha hah!"
Yoshi: Oh no! Secret training?! That's totally not fair!
Luigi: Sshh!! Someone's out there.
*They throw the diary back into the drawer.*
*The three, sopping wet, step out of Wario's room sheepishly and there, wet, fuming, and with his face contorted in fury, is Wario himself.*
Wario: *Slowly begins walking toward them.* So. Were you having fun in there? IN
MY ROOM? YOU TRYING TO PASS A LITTLE CAPER BY ME??!!
Luigi: Uh, I...er...you see, we, uh, were...we were...
*Yoshi, strangely, is the only one completely cool.*
Yoshi: Since we were a little late getting our stuff sheltered in our rooms, the fire
inspectors asked us to help check out the other rooms to make sure there wasn't
too much damage. You wouldn't happen to know what CAUSED this fire, would
you? We happened to find a burnt match down near Mario's door. You don't
know how that might have GOTTEN there, do you? You're perfectly welcome to
help us...investigate if you'd like to.
Wario: I don't know how it got there, and if I did, I certainly wouldn't help scum like
you. Keep out of other people's business. I don't care WHAT you were doing.
And if I catch you in there again, you won't be very happy. Good day.
*Wario goes down the stairs three at a time and soon disappears out through the lobby door. Mario and Luigi turn to Yoshi.*
Luigi: You're BRILLIANT!
Mario: How do YOU think up these things??
Yoshi: I only have trouble dealing with people who are too NICE. Fat, ugly, stupid
people don't pose any threat to me at all, so I'm not nervous.
Mario: You know what? I've got an idea. Wario's doing secret training for the purpose
of becoming far more experienced than us, right? Well, that's easily fixed – why
can't we ALL do secret training so we'll all be at an equal level??
*Yoshi and Luigi look at each other, then back at Mario.*
Luigi: How do YOU think up these things???
Yoshi: Mario...that's...that's perfect! If we're all at an equal level, then everything
Wario's doing to cheat will be for nothing! We should go to Lakitu as soon as
possible. Let's see...what if...what if we just did our first normal practice
tomorrow instead of in three days? We just wouldn't tell Wario, and then it
would be just like none of this happened in the first place!
Luigi: Whaddya say we go celebrate all this over some lunch?
Mario: Sounds good to me...what should we get?
Luigi: Spaghetti?
Yoshi: I'd kinda like a steak or something...or maybe five steaks...
Mario: Raviolli would be good...
Luigi: Maybe some linguini?
Yoshi: Cheeseburgers?
Mario: I know! Pizza.
Luigi: Sounds good...
Yoshi: Let's get outta here before I get any wetter. Man, I can't STAND water...
*They get on their way, hailing a cabbie from down the road.*
Mario: Yoshi, what's the most you've ever eaten? Do I want to know?
Yoshi: Hmm, let's see...
*Memories of great meals fill his mind.*
Yoshi: I think the one that topped them all was when I ordered 35 prime ribs at some
restaurant – you should have seen the waiters' expressions – but you really
should have seen them when I actually finished all of the food and still wanted
more...I think I also ordered something like five gallons of soup and four caesar
salads...Eventually I was the only one left in the restaurant because the more I
ate the more I wanted...yeah, that was a good one. I think later on I came out
with a 34 second belch.
*Luigi's mouth hangs open, as he is only used to a small salad for a meal, occasionally something a little larger. Mario simply nods in admiration.*
Mario: Sometimes I almost wish I was a Yoshi just so I could eat like that...
Yoshi: Sometimes it does get annoying because it's a tad on the expensive side, but I
really just need that much...don't worry though, I'm not very hungry this time.
Luigi: Hey you guys, we're here!
*The cab has stopped at a semi-fancy Italian restaurant. Mario pays the cabbie some quick money and they step through the doors with a rush of cool air to the smells of spicy cheese and the sound of sizzling grease.*
Yoshi: Yeah...yeah okay, now I'm hungry.
*They soon, guided by a tall man, sit at a booth near a window. After a lot of debating and arguing, they decide on three extra-large pizzas with everything on them – two for Yoshi, and one for the brothers to share.*
*Of course, sharing had never been their specialty, and this inevitably leads to a race for the most pizza. A hushed argument contines for about five minutes.*
Luigi: You always take the bigger share!
Mario: Look, while we were bickering, Yoshi's already done with one of his, and I've
already finished three slices. If you want any, just eat it!
*Mario finishes five more, leaves the rest for Luigi, and drains his full bottle of cola in four long gulps. Yoshi finishes not a moment later, while Luigi continues taking small bites – much to the annoyance of the others.*
Yoshi: *Buuurrrrpp...*
Mario: Oh yeah? *Bbuuuuurrrrrppp...*
Yoshi: You're never gonna beat me. *Bbuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrpppp...*
Mario: I'd beat you ANY day. *Buuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrpp...*
Yoshi: That was the same length as mine! We tied!
Luigi: Guys! People are starting to stare...we'd better get out of here...
Mario: Oh, fine...say what you want...you know I really won even though I didn't eat as
much as you did...
Yoshi: You'd better be quiet, or I'll eat YOU!
Luigi: You know, he probably would...
Mario: Oh, let's just get out of here.
*And they do so, much to the relief of all the customers who witnessed the event.*
Mario: Loser...
Yoshi: Liar...
Luigi: *Bbbuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrppppp....* There, that settles it – okay?!
*Mario and Yoshi are in deadly silence on the returning trip. They glare at Luigi.*
Luigi: Look, someone's organized a volleyball game... *Points across beach.* You
know, we were always pretty good at that...
Mario: More like I was always pretty good at that...
Yoshi: I was better than both of you combined!
Luigi: Now THAT'S not true.
Yoshi: I'd bet you five coins.
Mario: You're on! Show us the coins.
*Yoshi takes out several gold coins and shows them to the brothers, while Luigi holds out five from himself.*
Mario: All right, I'm the witness – the two of you shake on it.
*Luigi and Yoshi shake, both smirking. Both sides realize that since all three are massively rich from their adventures, a little bet is nothing more than fun.*
*They thank the cabbie, pay him several more coins, and exit in the direction of the game. Only Yoshi, Mario, Luigi, and Toad decide to play, as it's getting dark and most have already gone inside.*
Toad: Let's just play a quick three point game – they won't let us keep the equipment out
much longer – after one of us wins, we'll carry the points to a foosball tournament
inside. How's that sound?
Luigi: Sounds good to me...where's the ball?
Yoshi: Over there...I'll get it...
*Yoshi soon returns with the ball.*
Yoshi: Now since I happen to be holding the ball, Toad and I will serve first.
Luigi: WHAT?!
*Toad takes a position behind Yoshi, and Yoshi passes the ball to him. He holds it in both of his arms, as the ball is nearly as big as his head, tosses it up, and headbutts it over the net. It goes a surprising distance, making the Mario brothers remember that Toad is stronger than he appears.*
*Mario leaps and belts it back over the net, Yoshi following it with his eyes. Yoshi races after it, skids to a halt, and punches it in return. However, before it gets far, Luigi jumps to the top of the net and spikes it straight down on the enemy side. Toad lunges to intercept, but too late – Luigi scores a point. Yoshi's eyes narrow very slightly.*
*Mario tosses the ball into the air and launches it across the net to Toad, who reaches with both small arms and makes a short pass to Yoshi. Yoshi raises both fists and slams them into the ball, sending it sailing over once again. Mario and Luigi both stare upward as the ball tumbles down toward them. Both run to return it before it hits, but they smack into each other and fall to the ground. The ball bounces on their side. Luigi and Mario both know that there will probably be an argument after the game.*
Yoshi: One serving one...
*Yoshi flips the ball into the air and belts it again over the net. Mario passes to Luigi, who makes a strong hit in return. Toad receives it and bouces it off his own head, sending it in reverse direction. Mario rears back and makes a strong punch...so strong, that it sends the ball sailing out of bounds and into the sand.*
Luigi: Good work...
Mario: Shut it.
Toad: One more...
*Luigi spins the ball above his head and whacks it to the other side. Yoshi returns with his first headbutt of the game – and Luigi ruins it with another expert spike. Unfortunately for Luigi, Toad had been expecting another spike, and he darts down to the sand to hit it straight in the air. Yoshi runs forward and punches it back. Toad scrambles to his feet. All of Toad's work goes for nothing though, as Mario shortly returns with a hit that sends the ball to land between he and Yoshi.*
Luigi: Next point wins...
*Toad makes his second serve, which the brothers follow and return. This round lasts the longest, as both sides add a bit of extra effort. The ball streaks back and forth, and it would be difficult for the normal bystander to follow. Just when one side seems to have the upper hand, the other side takes the lead. Finally, Mario notices a sizable gap between Yoshi and Toad – this was what he'd been waiting for. He makes a powerful punch to that area, sending Yoshi and Toad running to intercept. Both are too far away, and Yoshi notices this. Using his last option, Yoshi lashes out with his long tongue and snags the ball in mid-air. He sucks his tongue and the ball back toward him, his fist ready for the final punch to end the game. He punches out...but suddenly the ball is nowhere to be seen.*
Mario: What the...where's...the ball?
Yoshi: Oh geez...I think I...might have swallowed it...
Toad: What?!
Yoshi: It's coming...any second now...there's nothing I can do...
Luigi: What is? What's coming?
*Yoshi suddenly squints his eyes in obvious pain. A moment later there is a loud POW, and a white egg with green spots appears in the sand. Yoshi picks it up.*
Toad: So, uh, is the ball...in that egg?
Yoshi: Yeah, but we're never gonna get this thing open...these are indestructable...we'll
just say you guys won, Mario...
*Yoshi tosses the egg in the air and catches it.*
Yoshi: We may as well give this to the maintenance crew – they might be able to saw it
open and get the ball back...man, I HATE it when this happens...
Mario: I'll go get the net. Go inside and set up the foosball table – I'll be there in a sec.
Luigi: Okay, see ya inside.
*Mario strings down the net and returns it to the maintenance crew. Soon later, he returns inside, cracking his knuckles, ready to play. Suddenly, something hits him.*
Mario: Oh, wait a sec...what time is it? 7:15? Okay, I gotta go – DK, you play this
game instead of me. See you guys later...
*Mario runs up the staircase as DK stands, gives Toad a menacing grin, and cracks his massive knuckles with a loud crunch. Toad cowers behind the table in terror.*
*Mario grabs his cap off his head, smooths his troublesome hair somewhat, and puts the cap back on. He knocks on Peach's door, oddly calm.*
Mario: Hey Peach, it's Mario – you ready to go?
*The door opens and all of Mario's self-confidence instantly vanishes. Peach stands in the doorway in a tight-fitting blue dress, holding back a smile at Mario's stunned expression and obvious lack of formal attire.*
Mario: Hey, um...on second thoughts...would you mind if I went and changed first?
Peach: Not at all! You look fine right now anyway though, you know...
*Mario runs back down the hall. Peach closes the door and laughs, remembering Mario's face. The entire reason she really wore her tightest dress in the first place was simply to see that reaction...*
*Minutes later, Mario shows up in a sharp-looking grey suit, an odd yet good-looking color for him. Peach and he walk down the main staircase and exit into the moonlight through the front door of the resort, followed by many stares of shock and amazement. The rattling of the foosball table goes unnoticed by Mario, as he in fact needs to focus upon breathing and walking at the same time, a task very difficult for him while he and Peach are holding hands.*
*The two had decided early on to go to a fancy seafood restaurant on the beach, so they turn into that general direction and fade into the darkness.*
*Meanwhile, in the resort, Yoshi and Toad are struggling. Luigi is crammed to the side as DK takes total control of his side, slamming the handles and sending them into wild spins that somehow always manage to fire the ball directly into the goal. The score is 3-16, as they had decided to continue to 20 when DK had won early on in the game. In fact, the only reason Yoshi and Toad had scored any points at all was because in the very beginning, DK had allowed Luigi to play the defensive position. Soon, with a final slam on the middle handle, the ball disappears.*
Toad: Where'd it go?
Yoshi: It's in the goal...
Luigi: Wow, I didn't even see it...
*DK chuckles, cracks his knuckles again, and walks back to the vending machines.*
Toad: Good game...say, where'd Mario go?
Luigi: I don't know...he's probably eating some food upstairs.
*Luigi is the only one, aside from the doorman and a couple of toads, who saw the two walk out the door, and figures it is best for the others not to know.*
Toad: Okay, I guess I'll talk to him later...I know how seriously he takes his food...
Luigi: You don't know the half of it.
*But unbeknownst to Luigi, Mario hasn't even opened his menu yet. He and Peach are simply talking about recent events with each other – having a small drink helped to calm him down enough to have a normal conversation.*
Peach: Ugh, we've been having to settle trade disputes between Ice Land and Kalimari
this past month...it hasn't been fun, either – epecially when it involves at least
245 decrees that all require my consent...a lot of people I know would give
anything to be in my position, but even though I'm not one of them, I'm not
willing or allowed to sever our family line and substitute some amateur in my
place...but enough about politics. What do you think of the racing club?
Mario: I think it's going to be really fun! Luigi and I have just joined.
Peach: Really?? Oh, that's wonderful! When is first practice again?
Mario: Well it was going to be in three days, but it's been changed to tomorrow at 1:00 -
we found out that Wario is taking secret training to get an unfair advantage, so
we figured that if we all did the same, we'd all be at an equal level. So our first
few practices are going to be Wario-free.
Peach: Well that's good news...I wasn't looking forward to that slob being even within
10 feet of me...
Mario: Oh man, it's been two hours already! Heh, do you still want to order anything?
Peach: No, actually, I'm not that hungry anymore!
Mario: Good, same here.
*This is, of course, not true – Mario's stomach rumbles just low enough that Peach can't hear it. Mario suddenly looks around.*
Mario: That's weird, everyone's gone...guess they forgot about us and closed up!
Peach: Really?
Mario: Yeah, even the waiters and cooks are gone...the lights are off and everything.
Peach: Well, I guess we've got the place to ourselves...
Mario: Yeah, but we probably shouldn't stay for long...
Peach: It's really a beautiful night out...
Mario: Yeah, it is. Well, if you want, I'll take you back to the...
Peach: Wait.
*Peach moves forward, wraps her arms around him and gives him a kiss goodnight.*
Peach: Thank you for tonight, Mario.
*Mario is now completely stunned, but manages to say a few words.*
Mario: It...it was nothing. Have a good night.
*Peach walks out of the restaurant, and Mario suddenly gasps for air, realizing that he'd forgotten to breathe for awhile.*
*Time passes, and Mario too makes his way back to his room, shuts off his light, stumbles onto his bed, and immediately falls asleep. Unfortunately, in his stupor, Mario had forgotten that he no longer had a door to lock...*
*Hours later...*
*Wario approaches room number 908, clutching a tight wad of about 40 paper towels. He emerges a few moments later, chuckling at his ingenious plan.*
*Several more hours later...there are now only two people wide awake – Peach is one of them, lying wide awake in bed – not thinking, but simply staring at the ceiling. Lakitu is the other – he sits at his desk, trying to stay awake. An unfinished diagram sits at his desk, and an oddly modified kart is seen before he files it away, pulls on his nightcap, yawns, and closes the office down for the night.*
*Luigi's eyes pop open the instant the first sunbeam of morning appears. He glances to the right and sees a snoring Mario dead-asleep in his now- wrinkled gray suit. Luigi shakes his head and sighs. He heads to the kitchen and grabs a couple eggs for breakfast. Suddenly he slips backwards and falls on the hard kitchen floor, hurting his legs. It is only then that he realizes he is lying in three inch deep water.*
*He stands, painfully, and sees to his dismay that there are about four gallons of water sitting in the sink, constantly flowing out onto the floor like a small waterfall. He then notices that the faucet is running slowly, and there is a tight wad of about 40 paper towels clogging the drain...*
*Luigi's face turns red, and he quivers with anger. Any kind of mess was always something he had detested – plus, since he knows the antagonist is Wario, he knows it couldn't have been an accident. And a minute later, as nearly always, Luigi is stuck with clean-up duty with the help of only one bucket.*
*At about 11:00, Mario sits up and sees Luigi throwing buckets of water into the now-empty sink. He feels as if he hasn't eaten in a day, and right on cue his stomach roars loudly in protest. In Mario's routine, 11:00 was not the time to eat breakfast. 11:00 was the time to be having his SECOND breakfast.*
Mario: Hey, Weege...
*Whenever Mario felt particularly annoyed at Luigi, he would call him Weege simply because he knew it was something he hated.*
Luigi: What?? I thought I told you to stop calling me that!
Mario: So...am I just gonna have to go get a doughnut downstairs, or what?
Luigi: Yes. I can't make breakfast today, because our dearest friend Wario decided to
give us a gift of a wad of paper towels! The only problem is, I believe he
somehow managed to misplace it in our drain, and just happened to leave the
faucet turned on...so for the past two hours I've been trying to drain a regular
Midas River out of our kitchen. I figured the longer you were up, the longer
you'd be hungry, so I just left you asleep.
Mario: I swear, one of these days we ought to do something like this to Wario...
Luigi: No, that would just going down to his level, although I definetely won't say he
doesn't deserve it...
Mario: Well, first practice is at 1:00 today, if I remember right...
Luigi: Wow, you actually remembered something! You must have been looking forward
to this a lot...
Mario: Just shut up.
Luigi: And I'd reccomend you get out of that suit before you go downstairs.
Mario: Yeah, well you're more forgetful than I am!
Luigi: *Bursts out laughing.*
*Mario shakes his head and leaves to go shower, while Luigi tosses the last bucket of water off the floor. It's finally clean, and Luigi is satisfied.*
*An hour later, there is a knock on the door. Luigi walks over and opens it – an excited Yoshi is on the other side.*
Yoshi: So are you guys ready to go? We should probably round up the others pretty
soon...oh, hey Mario!
Mario: Hey...Wario paid us another visit – it's lucky Luigi was here to clean it up...
Yoshi: Oh no, what did he do this time?!
Luigi: Well...we'll tell you later, okay? For now, let's get going.
Yoshi: Sounds good to me. Let's try to keep Wario from trailing us, though.
Mario: That's the idea...
*The three head to Toad's room and knock on the door*
Yoshi: Psst, Toad...! You ready?
Toad: Huh? What? Ready for what? Ooohh...um...I, uh...hold on a sec...
*A moment later, a red-faced Toad appears in the doorway.*
Mario: You forgot about it...didn't you??
Toad: No! Of course not.
*Everyone laughs at his expense.*
*The four next head to 912, the last in their row*
Toad: Hey, DK! Let's go!
DK: Coming...
*DK lumbers out, and they next backtrack to Peach's room. She joins the group, and they talk while Yoshi leads them down the stairway.*
Toad: I think that's everyone...no, we're missing two. Who are they?
Yoshi: Bowser and Wario. Bowser because we don't want to bother him and he'll
probably get there before us anyway, and Wario because he's already taking
special training. Don't tell me you forgot that too?
Toad: Oh...um...well, let's go!
*The six head for the resort docks and hop on a ferry to Koopa Troopa Beach.*
Luigi: This is really nice – do you normally take ferries from place to place?
Yoshi: If it's not too far away, we always do. Most everyone seems to like them...
Luigi: And just out of curiosity, are you some sort of moderator for this group? I sort of
get the impression that they look to you as a second director...
Yoshi: Hah! I'm about the person a director is farthest from. But I do like bossing them
around sometimes...it's kind of fun...
*They laugh and talk some more, and the ferry soon stops. The group gets off at the beach...Lakitu is waiting, and indeed is also talking to Bowser, who is already there.*
Lakitu: Okay, welcome, everyone! Glad you could make it for another year! We have
two new members with us today. Please welcome Mario and Luigi!
*All but Wario and Bowser clap and cheer.*
Lakitu: We will be going over some basic skills today for our new members and those of
you who forgot on vacation...then we'll do our first race!
*Lakitu leaves and returns with a large and boxy remote, which controls a white kart that swerves around under him*
Lakitu: First, basic driving...gas to accelerate, brake to stop, wheel to steer. I would
hope you know that much already.
*Everyone dully chants "Yes, Lakitu..." as if they had heard the speech already many times before.*
Lakitu: Good. In that case, we'll move onto special techniques. First, you can turn
around backward while stopped by holding the gas and the brake, and jerking
the wheel either left or right. *He demonstrates on the white training kart, and it
spins backward, exactly as Lakitu described* Second, you can do a special drift
turn by holding this button while driving, *Holds out a pointer and shows a
button* and you will drift through turns. If you let go of the button at about
halfway through the turn, your kart will get a boost and shoot forward at double
speed! *Demonstrates a drift turn* Next, you can back your kart up by holding
the brake for two seconds. Lastly, you can make your kart bounce by pressing
this button. *Uses the pointer to show a button next to the drift turn button*
This is handy for jumping over obstacles or bouncing very high after a long
drop – it reverses the energy you drop with. You understand?
*Everyone drones "Yes, Lakitu..." once again.*
Lakitu: Great! You'll catch on quickly. Lastly, let's go over items. See this? *Throws
a box with a question mark on it to group* This is an item box. One random
item is stored inside each one. All you have to do is grab the box as you drive
by, and check what's inside. First, you can get a mushroom. These are very
handy. You see this hole on the back of the kart? Drop mushrooms in here.
You can hold up to three...then they fall out. When you are ready to use them,
press this button. *Points out a third button on the kart* It will give your kart a
tremendous burst of speed until your mushrooms are used up. Each gives you 3
seconds of boost speed. Next is the star. Drop it in the same hole you used for
mushrooms, and press the same button you used to activate the mushrooms. It
will give your kart a shield for a limited amount of time.
Mario: How does that work?
Lakitu: I don't know, but it works. That's what's important. Anyway, you can also
collect up to three green shells. If you throw one at an opponent and it misses, it
will continue to bounce off walls and fences around the track until it does hit. If
it does, it will explode and cause your opponent to go flipping and rolling.
We've never had any injuries yet... You can also collect up to three red shells. If
you throw one and it hits, it will have the same effect as a green shell. But if it
misses, it will race through the track, following the nearest racer until it does hit.
Next up is the banana. Drop bananas on the road as obstacles. As soon as an
opponent hits one, they will spin out and stop for a moment. Next is the spiny
shell. Throw this ahead of you and it will hunt down and crash into every single
kart in the race, not including your own. When it reaches the last kart it will
explode, so watch out because the spikes will shoot off in every direction.
Luigi: OK...
*He obviously hadn't been expecting such weaponry in the races.*
Lakitu: The next and the deadliest is the lightning. Throw the model of a lightning bolt
into the item hole in your kart and press the button and your kart will shoot a
massive blast of electricity straight up. Seconds later, a lightning bolt will crash
down on every opponent in the race. They will shrink and drive very slowly for
about 15 seconds. If you run over a shrunken opponent, they will flatten and
stop until the effects of the lightning wear off. Be really, really careful with
this...we've had several injuries involving it. We have a special guest with us
today! Give him a big welcome!
*A boo appears next to Lakitu*
Lakitu: If you get a model of a ghost, put it in the item hole and press the button. It will
send out a signal which only boos can here...he will appear near you very soon.
When he does, tell him one thing you would like him to do for you. The things
he can do are to steal an item, make you invisible for a time by floating around
you, or attempt to slow down an opponent. He will disappear after he has done
what you have asked. Thank you, Boo!
*Boo disappears*
Lakitu: Did you get all that? Those're the rules of our races.
Mario: Yeah.
Lakitu: All right! Great! Now we'll issue out the karts. Pick one and only one, and sign
your name on this sheet next to the kart you chose. Mario? You're first!
Mario: *Checks paper* Let's see...I kinda like orange, but I think I'll pick red. That
looks really nice... *Signs*
Lakitu: Luigi?
*All members of the club sign the sheet. Mario picked red, Luigi picked dark green, Peach picked pink, Yoshi picked light green, Toad picked blue, DK picked yellow, and Bowser picked orange, leaving Wario with purple*
Lakitu: All right! We're all set. Let's head to the race course!
*The group heads for the track. The sun shines off the brand new karts sitting at the starting line, and a flock of seagulls flies overhead. Each person sits in their own kart*
Lakitu: All right! Remember the things I said! Ready? Three!
*Mario's hands begin to sweat under his gloves.*
Lakitu: Two!
*Mario and Luigi glance nervously between each other.*
Lakitu: One!
*Mario, then grips the steering wheel, and forces a smile for Peach.*
Lakitu: GO!!!
*Mario and his friends stamp on the gas and zoom away into the distance.*
TO BE CONTINUED...