Copyright © 2002 by Syvia & Demon Hunter Anamae. All Rights Reserved.
Disclaimer: The few things we own are listed here; ourselves and the Narrator, and Damion, the vampire formerly known as Ah-choo. Bucky the former chipmunk was inspired by the squirrel from The Emperor's New Groove. Phoebe, the head warden, and Marie, the Sarafan Lord's daughter, belong to DHA. Touching without permission will lead to legal action. Have a nice day. :-D
Authors' notes:
*A computer screen comes online in a dark room. It bleeps twice, pauses before doing it again; immediately the door to the darkened room bursts open and in come Syvia and Anamae, dressed in black leather trench coats and wearing Ray Bands with neon striping*
Syvia- *looks at the screen* We have reviews.
Anamae- Over ten.
Syvia- You know what this means?
Anamae- That we stop doing this Matrix deal? I kinda like having the trench coat, to be honest. I don't know about the glasses but maybe I can get something else.
Syvia- *rolls eyes* No, it means that we can now proceed with Phase Two.
Anamae- There was a Phase One?
Syvia- *considers this for a moment* I don't think so, but I always wanted to say a line like that. Nope, it means that we can go over the reviews and after that, people can see what happens next to Sebastian, Kain and the phone system over in Meridian.
Anamae- So do we give the people then special cell phone numbers? Or should we all place them down as 1-800-I-Am-A-Damn-Dedicated-Fan? 514-I-Love-Nosgoth-And-All-The-People-In-It?
Syvia- *scrolls through the reviews* Hmmm... let's make it by special request. *both nod*
To Concept- Here we are and here we go. *looks at the narrator, who huffs and refuses to answer* ^_^ VladimirsAngel- *lmao* 667-(The-Neighbor-and-Frequent-Houseguest-of-the-Beast)-etc. *lol* Oh, Zofie will kill him for that. *considers* As soon as I tell her... which isn't going to be any time soon, I can tell you.
Anamae- *lol* Yes, and "Time Streamers and the women who love them" ... if they can find one for Moebius. Not with my phone she can't! *Syvia pouts* Get your own!
Syvia- But I like to mooch off you!
Anamae- *grumbles* No, it's supposed to be the other way around. I mooch off everyone else and get by doing little or no work! Discordia- Thank you! *grimaces* We can't promise anything about Janos, you know what happened last time.
Syvia- *smiles* Bucky's a handful. Literally and figuratively, but we're trying.
Anamae- *evil smile* I'll be happy to! Several hundred times. *evil laughter* Rocker Baby- *innocent look* I still have to do what the sign says! And thanks.
Syvia- Fallen Templar- *lol* No kidding. Determined too! I tried to send one of the Elder God's tentacles in the mail once... while it was still attached to him, and they tried for a good four months... until I couldn't pay them anymore and they refused to work. Thanks for the review!
Anamae- Shadowrayne- ^_^ Good one! And yes.. it would be... long. *suggestive look* Yessssssss... I could work something out...
Bucky- Squeakity squee? (D'you think he's compensating for something?)
Anamae- *frantically shushes him*
Syvia- Chalcedony Blue- Good to see you again! ^^ *Anamae steals all Syvia's Faustus plushies* Don't worry! They won't get hurt... much....
Anamae- You're lying again.
Syvia- Learned from the best. ^_^
Anamae- *blushes at the compliment* Don't worry, Chalce, they'll heal. Ratface- Thank you for the review! Yes, Kain is up in this chapter, in fact. Read on. ^_^ *hands Ratface a Mex Chicken Plushie*
Syvia- Sylvanon- *to Zephon* When she wakes up, tell her we said thanks for the reviews and give her this. *hands Zeph a Mex Chicken Plushie*
Anamae- Mourning Bloodytears- Pretty good? Pretty good? *snarls*
Syvia- Anamae, calm down, she's our #70 after all. *Anamae grumbles* Glad you're enjoying the fics. ^_^ As for the openings & endings, Anamae is quite talented, innt she? ^_^
Anamae- *bows graciously* Here's your plushie. *whips it at her head, it squeaks when it hits* And to Mourning, you receive a special bonus for being the 70th reviewer. Your Nosgoth cell (which I got for a 5 finger discount at the Glyph shop) has the call-in number 1-800-This-Phone-Was-Not-Stolen.
~..............................................Nosgoth's First Prize Fight..............................................~
Marcus was reading up a piece of poetry by Robert Frost when the doorbell of his Upper City mansion rang. Closing the book and grumbling to himself, the vampire got up and walked down the 34 steps from the third floor, then the 25 steps from the second floor down to the first floor, around the 150 foot gallery with the mirrors lining each side, then up to the front door. He opened it.
Marcus- This had better be good. I am-
Sebastian- You and your stupid prank calls.
Marcus- What? What are you talking about?
Sebastian- Maybe this will teach you. *punches Marcus in the nose*
Marcus- *muffled* But I didn't call you.
As Marcus keeled over, clutching his broken nose with both hands, Sebastian (who was still in his robe) closed the door and walked down the street. If Marcus hadn't called him, then maybe it had been Faustus instead. Racing home, Sebastian picked up the phone and dialed 001-I-AM-THE-BEST. Faustus, who was now doing push-ups - over 300 now -, grabbed the phone without looking.
Faustus- Yes? *now doing one-handed push-ups*
Sebastian- Faustus, did you call me? Be honest because I already punched Marcus and I'll do the same to you if you've done this.
Faustus- No.
Sebastian- Really?
Faustus- Why the hell would I want to call you? That last prank didn't work and I'm all out of material at the moment. Bye. *hangs up*
Sebastian- *looking at the phone* Oh damnit....
~~~
Anamae- Look, the Sarafan are still coming. Just call him again, for crying out loud!
Syvia- Alright, alright!
Anamae- Janos's life is on the line!
Syvia- I know! Yeesh. *dials again*
Sebastian- *angrily, on the phone* Who is it?!
Syvia held up a little tape recorder and, smirking, pressed play.
Kain on tape- I make a rather good prank call when I put my mind to it, don't I? *Syvia hastily presses stop*
Sebastian- Kain! It was YOU on the phone?!
Kain on tape- I'm talking to you now, aren't I?
Anamae looked in amazement at Syvia, who grinned from ear to ear, trying not to laugh. After a few traded insults, a lot of dirty language, and many unveiled threats, Sebastian vowed to find Kain and kill him. He hung up his phone and Syvia hung up Anamae's.
Anamae- ...How?!
Kain on tape- Elementary, my dear Anamae. Syvia came to me with the idea in the future, I went back to the past and asked my younger self, and he was more than content with the idea. He'll kill Sebastian and everyone will be happy.
Anamae- Uh...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sebastian quickly got into his armor, falling down the stairs and nearly tripping over his cat Mr. Whiskers as he struggled to pull on his cape. Before he left his house he checked his answering machine to see if there had been any other calls he should look into, then quickly grabbed an emery board to file his nails to their sharpest. When he met Kain, he planned to slice him up with the sharp nails that I do believe he had treated that day-
Sebastian- Watch it, narrator. Just because I'm a guy doesn't mean I can't have nice nails! And they aren't nails, they're talons!
Either way Sebastian quickly raced out of the house and down the street, then managed to climb up the water pipe to the rooftops. Looking around for Kain and a large following of Sarafan guards, Sebastian finally found the gathering. So he did what he had wanted to do for a long time: He shouted to the Sarafan from the rooftop to take a hike and then nimbly (but not very gracefully) jumped down to the ground and confronted Kain.
Sebastian- So we meet again, Kain.
Kain- What the hell happened to your voice, Sebastian?
Sebastian- There's nothing wrong with my voice. Don't make fun of me. You've always made fun of me! Stop making fun of me! *starts going berserk*
Kain- *cracking his knuckles* He must really be a woman. He PMS's like one.
~~~
Over in the Sanctuary Syvia, Anamae, Bucky, Janos, Vorador and the many wives could hear cries and screams of agony, the blaring of a Meridian police siren, a cat howl, smashing of expensive pottery, glass and other things that could be smashed.
Anamae- I believe Sebastian found Kain. *measured silence* Who wants to see the fight?
There was a silent moment as the assembled vampires, humans , animal and ancient looked at each other. Then they all vanished, leaving only the puffs of smoke from their sneakers. Within moments, the group was seated on the roof of a low building. Syvia was eating popcorn. Bucky, seated on the arm of her folding chair, also had a little bag of it.
Anamae- Hey, where'd you get that?
Syvia- The popcorn machine that the Sarafan tried to use to kill me in the first fic. *points over her shoulder at the somewhat battered piece of machinery*
Anamae- Woo-hoo! *runs over to get popcorn*
The vampires were seated in a various array of chairs, many had bottles of Blood Lite in their hands, and were shouting encouragement to Kain. Anamae noticed voices shouting the same to Sebastian and looked around.
On the neighboring rooftop there were a small group of Glyph Knights, as well as Faustus and Marcus.
Anamae- Hey Fausty, over here! *she waves excitedly*
That was a bad idea.
Anamae- Why? *smiles as Faustus waves back*
Because the Glyph Knights just noticed all the vampires and now they'll start their own fight.
Syvia- *looking over at them* Uh-oh.
Anamae- No they won't! Uh... *raises her voice out over the crowd* I'll bet money that Kain takes Sebastian out in the next fifteen minutes!
Sebastian- WHAT?
Marcus- *smirking* I'll take that bet.
Sebastian- *louder* WHAT?!?
Syvia- What the hell are you doing?
Anamae- Everyone loves gambling. And now they won't fight us since they all want to see who'll win and who exactly will get how much money! I bet $40 on Kain!
Vorador- $300 and one of my wives!
Wife- Hey! You sick, messed-up pervert!
Marcus- *with his broken nose* $550 on Sebastian! You better win, supposed friend!
Faustus- I thought you just bet that Kain would win.
Marcus- Changed my mind.
Glyph knights- All of our paychecks on Lord Sebastian! Yeah!!
Bucky- Squeeeeeee!!!!! (200 on Sebastian)
Syvia- Traitor!
Bucky- Squeaki. (Shove it)
My my, he's really got an attitude problem developing. Anyways, back to the fight. So Kain and Sebastian now had well over 10,000 gold pieces riding on this fight, and if neither won in the next 15 minutes then the orphans down the road would have it all and one new vampire mother to call their own.
Orphans- *pathetic voices* Yay.
Kain circled Sebastian, who had his claws raised in front of him. Now Kain, thinking in the superior way that all nobles tend to think - even if they were long dead - that Sebastian would attack from the front. So Kain was, of course, ready for a frontal assault and came as some surprise that he was instead kicked upside the head off to his right. He went down quickly, Sebastian standing over him.
Sebastian- Ha, how do you like that? Not so pretty now, eh?
Anamae- *from rooftop* Hey if anything Faustus is the best good-looking guy here. *pauses* Besides Janos. *pauses again* And maybe Marcus.
Kain- What about me?
Vorador- *drinking a Blood Lite* Who cares? On with the fight!
Everyone, Sarafan, vampires, humans and animal began throwing down pieces of popcorn, empty bottles and other things from the rooftops; I threw down the satellite dish that the Cabal had just bought.
Wife no.12- Hey, that was brand new!
Bite me! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kain- Alright, that's it! I have had it! I'm bringing out the chair! *reaches for a metal chair nearby*
Anamae- Sebastian, tag-team him or something!
Syvia- Oh hell no! Everyone bet on Sebastian or Kain to win. If there's another participant, the bets don't count.
Crowd- Damn...
Kain smacked the chair down on Sebastian's head. The blue-caped vampire retaliated with the satellite dish, raising cries of anguish from Vorador's many wives.
Wife no. 45- Goodbye Spice channel. *collective sigh*
The fight continued. Moebius, who had suddenly appeared, was doing the countdown. Then the fight got to the 10 second mark. Let's all count down together, shall we?
10! Kain took a punch to the kidney.
9! Sebastian got a claw in the eye.
8! Sebastian threw his scalp piece onto Kain's face and began punching him in the head.
7! Kain smashed a broken bottle into Sebastian's face
6! Sebastian nailed Kain in the kidney... with a 7 inch-long nail.
5! Kain retaliated with an industrial-strength ice pick
4! The adrenaline wore off and they both screamed loudly.
3! Sebastian threw a weak punch onto Kain's nose
2! Kain flicked Sebastian on the ear
1! They punched each other simultaneously in the stomachs and fell flat on their backs.
Everyone sat looking at them, stunned.
0! *Loud Buzzer* Everyone rubbed their ringing ears.
Anamae- Who won? *Several vampires wince because their ears still hurt*
Well, I'd have to say... neither of them.
Janos- Then that means the bets are null and void, doesn't it?
Syvia- I guess so.
Moebius- Actually- no. There was one bet for both vampires to lose.
Anamae- No kidding. Who's was it?
Moebius- *smirking* Mine.
Everyone at once- WHAT?
Marcus- That doesn't count!
Moebius- Oh, care to explain why?
Marcus- You obviously went through time, saw who would win, then came back and became the referee only because you knew you would win. Therefore as logic dictates your vote is also void!
And the crowd booed Moebius. Hell, he became Meridian's newest living bull's-eye. Faustus hit him with a piece of chimney, Marcus charmed one of the Glyph guards to fly right at Moebius, the others dog-piled on him, Syvia threw her chair.........*time passes*.......Vorador kicked him in the ribs, the wives beat the old man with their spiked purses and 16 inch heels. Anamae for the tenth time smashed the frying pan over his head and Bucky went to the washroom in the Time Streamer's hood. Oh Bucky, that took some nerve!
Bucky- Squeak.
Kain- *getting to his feet* Hey Sebastian?
Sebastian- *sitting on the curb with ice to his eye* What?
Kain- *sitting beside him* I wanna say, I am sorry...
Sebastian- *astonished* What?
Kain- I'm sorry- *smirks* that you fight like a girl.
Sebastian- *scoffs* I'm still better off than you. You look like one with those leather pants you wear.
Kain- Fine. For what it's worth I think that you beating in my face up was justice for when I threw the bottle in yours. Maybe you'll look half-way decent and now. Hell, you might even rate 'good-looking'.
Sebastian- Are you saying I was never attractive?
Kain- Well, just count the hordes of fangirls I have.
Kain waved a hand around in the empty air as if expecting the girls to appear. They didn't.
Sebastian- I will point out that every fangirl that came your way, you ate. 34 in the last town we both fought in-
Kain- Where you got drunk!
Sebastian- -and you were so gorged on blood you decided running around in nothing was a good idea. *prods at his eye* I hope this scar won't last too long.
Kain- *suddenly sobbing* You were the best friend I had, Sebastian. You, me, Faustus and Marcus were all so close!! Where the hell did it go wrong?
Hey everyone! *everyone looks up at the all-important narrator* Kain's lost it and getting all mopey! Come and see this once-in-a-lifetime event! As everyone charged over to look at the supposed ruthless vampire who was now crying, Janos kicked Moebius in the face and whistling an innocent tune, stood over Syvia and Anamae to watch this new drama unfold.
==================================
*The computer screen flickers off, then comes on again and begins to beep.*
Anamae- No, don't start. *screen beeps again* Why you little jerk! *it beeps twice more then shuts off* Motherf#$@%&!
Syvia- What was that about?
Anamae- That little *bleep* said we were cheap for asking for ten reviews and all that stuff before we update!
*Suddenly Syvia is holding in her hands a large and very sharp axe, raised high above the computer terminal. She quickly looks at the viewers.*
Syvia- Please, younger viewers and those who cannot stand to see violence done to Windows 2000 XP, turn away.
*The computer beeps once again, mournfully, then falls silent as the two girls loom over it with evil grins. The camera pans off of them, to Bucky (who is also in a trench coat), as the crunching of metal and plastic is heard and loose circuits fly across the room.*
Bucky- Scree chippity chuippa! (What? We needed a computer refrence in here sooner or later.) *evil grin* Chirpity squeeeeeee! (Hylden use Windows 98!)