KART CHAMPIONS
- - PART TWO - -
EPISODE V
"THE GRAND PRIX: PART 1 - GRIDLOCK"
DK: You guys ready?
Bowser: Let's blow this place!
*They gun the engines and zoom out of the shed*
*Mario's suddenly rumbles, and everyone looks at it. Then the rumbling stops*
*Everyone but Bowser and Wario just stops and stares at the kart*
Yoshi: Uh, I'm sure it's nothing, you guys. Let's go!
*They snap out of it, and drive to the starting line in a side road that leads to the main highway. Even early in the morning, it is filled with cars and trucks*
Lakitu: You guys ready?! Remember, it's always the best to get a good start on your
first race!! OK! Get READY!!!
*Mario remembers the Snifit back in the forest clearing and his words echo around Mario's mind...*
*"You must turn back! Turn back now, before you find out what it is I am warning you of!!!" The group's engines roar*
Lakitu: 3!!!
*"Evil, evil plots – dark matters are at work, here!"*
Lakitu: 2!!!
*"The longer you stay, the more you endanger your life and others!!"*
Lakitu: 1!!!
*"And you MUST NOT PARTICIPATE IN THE RACE!!!"*
Lakitu: *With a wild-eyed expression* GO!!!!!!!!
*Mario hesitates for a second, then grits his teeth and slams on the gas*
*The kart shoots forward, but then makes a grinding noise, spins backward, and with a bright flash and a loud sharp BANG, explodes in a fiery shockwave*
*The crowd gasps in anticipation. Everyone immediately stops their karts and spins around to see what happened*
*All that remains is a flaming pile of disintegrated wreckage*
*Everyone is silent, their breath held. But no one emerges. Suddenly, an object floats down from the sky and lands next to the wreckage*
*The scorched remains of Mario's hat...*
*Silence for moments*
Lakitu: ...Oh my god...
Luigi: Uh, hey, Mario? You can come out now...
DK: Oh, geez...Mario?! Are you in there?!?
*But nothing moves*
Peach: *Sobbing quietly in her kart*
Yoshi: Mario! MARIO! *Walks over and gingerly throws away a piece of the
wreckage. Kicks the rest aside*
*Empty*
*Suddenly, another object comes down from the sky...*
Luigi: Hey you guys! Look up there!!
*Everyone glances upward*
*Coming down from the sky is an odd shaped, scorched, and dented metal chair. Someone is in it, but they can't see who it is...finally, they see. It's Mario in an ejection seat with a parachute!*
*Everyone begins cheering – MOST everyone.*
Lakitu: Mario! You're all right!
Mario: Uh...yeah... *Passes out*
Luigi: Geez, why does this stuff always happen to him?!
DK: I dunno, but I'd say it's about time we owed Yoshi an apology!
Yoshi: Woah...I guess that really DID happen!!
Peach: Yeah, Yoshi. It's fine. Tell us what you remembered! This time we'll believe
you no matter how dumb it sounds! We've gotta find out who's behind this.
Yoshi: OK, you guys. Here is exactly everything I saw. I left the training room because
I had to use the restroom. Suddenly, I noticed a mail Koopa coming down in the
distance! I got curious – no one else should be out here!
DK: Yeah? Go on.
Yoshi: I took a closer look, and noticed it was heading for the kart shed! There had to be
someone in there to take the message. Anyone in there aside from us would
probably be messing with the karts! I ran over there, and just before I made it, I
saw Bowser and Wario...
Lakitu: That's IT! I KNEW you two were behind this!!
Yoshi: No no no! They were going into the training room. They couldn't have been in
the kart shed. They were never anywhere near it! So it wasn't them.
Luigi: So then what happened?
*Mario wakes up and starts listening*
Yoshi: I heard some stuff, but it doesn't matter. Anyway, I went up to the shed and
opened the door. Mario's kart was opened up, and these Goombas were ripping
stuff out and putting new things in – moving things. And GUESS WHO WAS
SUPERVISING THEM??
Peach: Who? Who was it??
Yoshi: KAMMY KOOPA!!
*Everyone gasps*
Mario: I thought he was gone a couple of years ago!
Yoshi: Guess not. And then something hit me – knocked me out. When I woke up,
well...I was at the training room. That's when I told all you guys the first time.
Peach: Doesn't Kammy have some sort of allegiance with YOU, Bowser?!
Bowser: Eh? Yeah, but I lost contact with him years ago...
Mario: So we still don't have a lead...
Yoshi: Hmm...oh wait a minute! Yeah we do! Remember? Bowser said he came 10
minutes after we did! But when I saw him going in the room, we'd already been
there a couple of hours!!
DK: Oh yeah...I DO remember that!
Bowser: I swear you're wrong about that! We did come just about 10 minutes after you!
You must have been too tied up in those games to notice!
Luigi: Yeah, very CONVENIENT for you, eh Bowser? Well then, we still don't have a
lead on who might have done this...
Yoshi: Hmm...oh! I remember something else! When I heard Wario and Bowser talking
when they were going in, all I heard were the words, "Hired someone." Couldn't
they have just HIRED Kammy to do the job? Then it would look like they really
DIDN'T do it at all!
Lakitu: AH! And what do you have to say about THAT, Bowser?! ...Bowser??
*Indeed, both Bowser and Wario are gone*
Luigi: Hey, I wonder where they went...
Latiku: Huh...well, I guess he's off the hook this time. But he'd better not try a stunt like
THAT again. Him OR Wario. You're awfully lucky, you know, Mario. They
almost got you killed...
Mario: Well, I'll be on the lookout. I take it all this means the race is suspended? Or are
we still doing it?
Lakitu: Of COURSE we're still doing it!
Mario: But how am I gonna race??
Lakitu: Uh...um...be right back!
*Leaves quickly*
Mario: Well, I'm sure glad THAT'S over...
Toad: I can't wait for the race!
Mario: Yeah, probably just because they NAMED it after you!
Toad: You've got to admit, it is a pretty catchy name...
*Suddenly Wario and Bowser show up*
Bowser: Oh, hey you guys.
Yoshi: Very NICE how you disappeared like that!
Wario: Yes, it's one of my greatest...
Bowser: SSHH!!! We don't know what you're talking about. We didn't hire anyone!
Luigi: Well, who else could have sent a message to Kammy??
Wario: We don't even know where to contact him. Besides, only Bowser knew him!
And I've never even SEEN him! Although I bet he's got a lot of money...
Toad: Well, Lakitu let you off the hook this time, but he says you'd better not try
anything like this ever again! You too, Wario.
*Right then, Lakitu comes back, panting*
Lakitu: Here's our solution!
*Lakitu is controlling the white training kart under him with the remote*
Mario: All right! OK, I'll use that.
Lakitu: OK, everyone get lined up again!
*Now the traffic is even heavier along the roads, as the incident took up a lot of time*
*Lakitu gets everyone ready*
Lakitu: OK, you guys, this is it! Get READY!!!
*Mario revs up his new engine, which runs great!*
Lakitu: 3!!!
*Luigi gets a determined look on his face*
Lakitu: 2!!!
*Bowser looks daggers at Mario, who glares back defiantly*
Lakitu: 1!!!
*Peach looks back at Mario for a moment*
Lakitu: *With another wild-eyed expression* GO!!!!!!!
*The karts zoom forward, and swerve left into the main freeway*
Toad: YA-HOO!!
*Toad zooms by a supply truck and it blares its horn in protest*
Lakitu: *Yelling after them* Remember to look for the special box with the map!!!
*Then his voice fades away*
*Mario races forward, past Bowser and Wario, who apparantly have just dropped back to talk about something*
Mario: *Approaches Yoshi* HEY YOSHI!!!
Yoshi: WHAT??
*They have to yell over the traffic noise*
Mario: BOWSER AND WARIO ARE UP TO SOMETHING!!!
Yoshi: WHAT??
Mario: I SAID, BOWSER AND WARIO ARE UP TO SOMETHING!!!!!
Yoshi: NOT AGAIN...!
Mario: I KNOW!!! WE'LL FIND OUT SOON ENOUGH...!!
Yoshi: TAKE THIS!!!! *Throws a green shell backwards*
Mario: *Presses "bounce" and jumps over it* HEY YOSHI!!!
Yoshi: WHAT??
Mario: LOOK BACK HERE!!!
*Yoshi looks back, and runs into the back of a small sedan. He tumbles over and over, and accidentally drops a red shell which slams into him and explodes*
Mario: HA HAH!!! SEE YOU LATER!!!
*Mario now approaches Luigi*
Luigi: YO MARIO!!!
Mario: WHAT??
Luigi: YOU HUNGRY??!!
Mario: UM...I SUPPOSE SO...WHY?!
Luigi: THEN...EAT THIS!!!
*Luigi throws a banana into Mario's kart and it goes spinning into the wall*
Mario: Ow...that hurt...
*Suddenly, a semi speeds around the corner and straight for Mario!*
*Just as it is about to hit him, Mario presses bounce, and lands on the windshield of the big truck! The horn blares and the driver swerves. Mario drives the kart up further and stops on top of the semi. The semi is moving faster than the rest of the cars and karts, and it is invincible to the normal items!*
DK: HA HAH!!! HEY MARIO!!! WATCHA DOING UP THERE??!!
Mario: GETTING FIRST PLACE!!!! AH HA HAH HAH!!!!
*The semi moves ahead*
*Suddenly, a big blast of electricity shoots from the sky onto the kart. Someone used a lightning! Hundreds of volts shoot through Mario's body and kart, and he is shocked momentarily. Soon, when he gets his bearings, DK, Peach, and Yoshi have once again passed him*
*The next row of item boxes approaches...*
*As Mario zooms by, he grabs the one on the left*
*Inside, he finds three green shells*
*He tosses them far ahead onto the top of the semi he fell off of*
*DK and Yoshi are going around a curve in the track ahead, and the semi is as well. When the semi turns, the shells slide off, into DK and Yoshi*
DK: Aaaahhhh!!!
*Mario drives ahead, past DK and Yoshi who are tumbling into the side of the freeway*
*And what are Wario and Bowser doing?*
*They have stopped, and pulled over a lumber truck. Wario threatens the man, and is able to steal 5 boards. Wario and Bowser lay the boards so that they are a ramp, leading over the central divider in the freeway. They drive over the ramp, and are instantly in first and second with a big lead! They just skipped a large piece of track by going over the ramp. The current places are, from first to last, Wario, Bowser, Luigi, Peach, Mario, Toad, Yoshi, DK*
*Mario is attempting to get ahead of Peach*
*Peach suddenly throws a red shell backwards*
*Mario has a star ready, but right as he is about to use it, Boo appears and steals it!*
*The shell hits him and he tumbles into seventh place, behind Toad and Yoshi*
DK: OR MAYBE NOT GETTING FIRST PLACE, MARIO!!!
Mario: DK!!!
DK: WHAT??!!
Mario: SHUT UP!!!
DK: NO!! WHY DON'T YOU??!! *Throws a green shell*
Mario: *Dodges* NO!!
DK: *Throws a red shell* YES!!
Mario: *Dodges and zooms toward the wall so the shell still misses* NO!!!
DK: *Drops back behind Mario and throws a spiny shell!* YES!!! AH HA HA HA!!
Mario: *Dodges, but spiny shells are impossible to miss*
*The shell slams into Mario's kart and it explodes. Two of the spines hit the kart, denting it slightly. The shell zooms ahead searching for the person in first*
*As Mario lands, he slams into the boards Wario and Bowser had set up. By chance, they happen to land lined up on the other side of the road, leading over the divider on THAT side*
Mario: Oh, man...now I'm in last...
*He passes the finish line*
Lakitu: HEY MARIO!! SECOND LAP!!! YOU'VE GOTTA PULL IT TOGETHER!!!
*Mario races by, around the corner*
*Now, the current places are (from first to last): Bowser, Wario, Peach, Toad, Luigi, DK, Yoshi, Mario. Mario now catches up to Yoshi*
Yoshi: HEY MARIO!! YOU ALL RIGHT??
Mario: YEAH, SURE!! ASIDE FROM THE FACT THAT I'M IN LAST PLACE!!!
*Neither of them has an item, so they can continue their conversation*
Yoshi: DID YOU FIND OUT WHAT THEY WERE UP TO??
Mario: WHO??
Yoshi: WARIO AND BOWSER, OF COURSE!!!
Mario: OH...! NO, I NEVER SAW ANYTHING!!!
Yoshi: OH, OK!!
*They now approach the next item box row*
*Mario checks inside, and sees he got a banana*
*He tosses it toward Yoshi, who promptly blocks it by activating a star*
Yoshi: NICE TRY!!!
*They drive and talk for a while longer. Mario attempts to hit Yoshi several more times, but Yoshi blocks every time. Two minutes later, they both pass the finish line once again. Now they are on their last lap, still in 7th and 8th*
*Wario and Bowser now approach the board bridge*
Wario: HERE'S OUR BRIDGE!!!
Bowser: Funny, I thought it was on the other side of the road...
Wario: WHAT???
Bowser: HUH?! OH, NOTHING!!!
*They zip over the bridge onto the next road*
*Mario passes Yoshi and approaches DK*
Mario: HEY DK!!!
DK: WHAT??!!
Mario: THAT THING, WITH THE SHELLS??!! THAT JUST WAS NOT COOL!
DK: OH, I'M DEEPLY HURT!!! OK THEN, LET'S DO IT AGAIN!!!
*DK throws a green, red, and spiny shell all at the same time*
Mario: NO!!!
*DK didn't think it through, though – spiny shells can only go forward, so the spiny shell shoots on out of sight. The green and red shells collide with each other and explode, but Mario is close enough to the force of the blow that he still is blown backward, flipping and tumbling*
DK: HA HA HAH!!!
Mario: AAAHHHHH!!!
*Yoshi and DK zip ahead into the distance*
*Mario is now in sixth by a long long distance*
*Why?*
*Because Wario and Bowser are now driving along a straight, deserted road in the middle of nowhere. Wario glares at Bowser*
Wario: So NOW what are we gonna do??
Bowser: Uh, I guess turn around...
Wario: OK...let's go then, you idiot!!
*Bowser glares menacingly at Wario and Wario shuts up*
*Back to Mario...*
*During Mario's flipping and tumbling, he fell down through a hole on the side of the road. This lead him to a dark, underground cave. Here, after he gets his bearings, he notices a bright red item box!*
Mario: I found the SPECIAL BOX!!! *Drives over and grabs it* All right!!! There's
the map. Wow, there's a really short way to the finish line right from here!
*Slams on the gas, turns into one of the tunnels, and fades into darkness*
*Now Luigi is in first, followed very closely by Peach and Toad. All three are fighting for first place. Then comes Yoshi, DK, Mario, Wario, and Bowser. The finish line is just one minute away...*
Toad: Get OUTTA MY WAY!!!
Luigi: Buzz off, twerp!!
Peach: Now, let's not be mean. Why don't you both just back down and let me win?
Toad: Offer denied, your majesty.
Peach: Stop calling me that!!
Toad: Why of course, YOUR MAJESTY!!!
Luigi: If she is "your majesty," doesn't that make you her slave?
Toad: No, it doesn't!
Peach: Yes, it does!!
Toad: No, it doesn't!!!
Peach: YES, it DOES!!!
Toad: NO, it DOES NOT!!!
*While the two argue, Luigi slips ahead and pulls around the corner*
Toad: HEY! Luigi's GETTING AWAY!!
*Peach and Toad zoom forward to continue fighting for first*
*Mario, meanwhile, is lost in the underground maze*
Mario: Now, what way was I supposed to go again??
*Mario stops and once again checks the map*
*When Mario looks up again he suddenly realizes that he doesn't know where he is on the map or even what direction he's pointing in*
Mario: Oh, geez...where am I?!
*Mario suddenly notices that there is a compass on the dashboard of the kart*
Mario: Hey, cool! OK, I'm going south. But I thought I was going west! And I think
I'm supposed to go north...hmm...
*Mario is facing three passages*
Mario: Let's see...eenie, meeny, miney, moe. Catch a tiger by the...oh forget it, I'll go in
that one over there. *Turns the kart and races inside*
*Outside, Peach has managed to get first. They are approaching the finish line...suddenly, a green shell streaks for Peach. It collides, and explodes, and Peach goes tumbling end over end over the finish line*
Peach: Yes!! I won!! I WON!!! All right! Ow...
*Now Toad is approaching the line*
Toad: OK, no Mario anywhere this time! Second place isn't so bad. All right!
*Suddenly Mario bursts from a hole in the ground and zooms across the finish line*
Toad: What the...NO!!! You stupid little...gaaahhhh!!!
*While Toad raves, Luigi also passes the finish line*
Toad: No! NO!!
*Right as Yoshi is about to as well, Toad zips in and finally gains fourth place*
*Yoshi zooms across the line for fifth, and DK gets sixth*
*The group waits for Wario and Bowser, but they don't show...*
*They wait 30 minutes...*
*An hour...*
*Lakitu continually assures a complaining Toad that they will be along soon enough...*
*An hour and a half...*
*Finally, the two zoom around the corner, right next to each other. They are both ramming each other back and forth, fighting for first*
Lakitu: Go go go go go...!!
*Wario pulls ahead at the last second*
Lakitu: Aaaaannndd...Wario gets seventh place, leaving Bowser with last!
Congratulations on a wonderful race, you guys! Oh, for those of you that got
fifth or below, you didn't get any points, but whoever got zero first is still ahead.
Basically, this means that, for instance, if you got sixth place, Mario, and Toad
got eighth, you would still be ahead of Toad in the standings even though your
scores would be the same.
Yoshi: Oh, OK, I was wondering about that. *Snickers at DK*
Lakitu: And also congratulations to Mario who found the special box with the map!
Toad: Really? Wow, where was it?
*Mario explains everything he saw*
Mario: ...So acutally DK, if you hadn't hit me with those shells, you and Yoshi would
have gotten fourth and fifth and I would have gotten sixth! So, it's really all
thanks to you!
DK: Mario, be quiet. You're an idiot.
*The group laughs at DK's expense and gets into the bus for a nice long sleep on the way back to the resort*
*The time passes, the sun rises higher, and the group wakes up, aside from DK, who is snoring loudly*
Toad: Huh, so he falls asleep instantly but can't wake up...interesting...
*They watch DK for a while but eventually become bored and Yoshi remembers he has a deck of playing cards with him. Everyone sits up and they start to play Blackjack. Since they're Yoshi's cards, he gets to be the dealer*
*Yoshi passes out the cards, and everyone looks at them*
Toad: Hit me!
*Yoshi reaches over and punches Toad in the stomach*
Toad: Ouch! Very funny...um, "give me another card," then.
*Yoshi hands him his card*
Toad: Stay.
Luigi: Stay.
Mario: Stay.
Wario: Hit me.
*Yoshi hands him his card*
Wario: Hit me.
*Yoshi hands him another*
Wario: Hit me.
*Yoshi hands him still another*
Wario: Hit me.
*Everyone sighs in exasperation*
*Bowser leans over and whispers something in Wario's ear*
Wario: Ooohhh...is that right? 21? ...OK I bust. NO!! All that beautiful money...
DK: Wario, we're not playing with real money...
Wario: But still...oh well.
*Wario drops his cards and everyone can see he has 57 total*
Luigi: I bet 50.
*Everyone throws in their chips*
Mario: I'll meet your 50, and raise you 100.
Toad: Uh, um...I fold.
*The rest toss in their chips*
Bowser: Stay.
Yoshi: Stay.
DK: Hit me.
*Yoshi hands him a card*
DK: *Checks, adds* Stay.
Yoshi: OK, you guys, let's see your cards!
*Peach and Yoshi have 18, Mario has 19, and Luigi and Bowser have 20*
Yoshi: What about you, DK?
*DK drops his cards on the table and everyone can see a jack and an ace*
Everyone: Aww...
DK: Heh heh heh!! *Pulls in all the chips*
Wario: *Sighs* My profits going to a gorilla...
Yoshi: Wario, they WEREN'T REAL!!
Wario: But still...
Yoshi: OK, let's do one more round.
*Passes out the cards*
Mario: Stay. I'll bet 10.
*Everyone throws in the chips*
Bowser: I'll meet your 10, and raise you 200!
*Everyone groans, and throws in the chips*
Luigi: Hit me.
*Gets the card*
Luigi: Stay.
Wario: Hit me.
*Gets card*
Wario: Hit me.
*Gets another card*
Wario: Stay.
Peach: I'll bet 25.
Toad: Uh, um...I fold.
*Everyone laughs and tosses in the chips*
Yoshi: Stay.
DK: Hit me.
*Gets card*
Yoshi: OK, everyone, show your cards...
*Mario, Luigi, and DK are tied at 18. Peach, Wario and Yoshi are tied at 19, and Bowser gets 20. Bowser chuckles maniacally and slides the chips toward him*
Bowser: Geh heh heh...
Yoshi: Oh well.
Luigi: Hey look! There's where we're landing!
*Yoshi packs the cards away, and the bus driver collects the chips*
Peach: Good, we don't have to hike through the jungle or something like last time...
*The bus lands softly and everyone jumps from the bus and heads for the resort*
*When they reach the lobby, they notice that the scoreboard has been placed up on the wall inside. Peach is listed first, with a bright number 9. Then Mario with 6, Luigi with 3, Toad with 1, and then Yoshi, DK, Wario, and Bowser with 0 but listed in that order*
Luigi: Cool, I wonder when they put that up...?
Toad: Great! Now we can see our scores.
Lakitu: Yo Mario! C'mere a minute.
Mario: Huh? Oh, OK.
*Mario enters Lakitu's office and shuts the door*
Mario: Yeah?
Lakitu: You're fine with everything that happened today, right? You're OK?
Mario: Oh, yeah. Sure!
Lakitu: OK, 'cause you can skip the next race if you want – I'll put in your average...
Mario: No! That's not fair to everyone else. No, I'm gonna race. Besides, it's fun!
Lakitu: OK then. Come back into the back room in here – I've got something for you.
*Mario opens the door and steps inside. He stares in surprise*
*A shiny brand new kart sits in the center. It is red, just like his old one – but this has the fresh smell of new rubber tires and a comfy padded seat. It doesn't have one scuff or mark...it is completely perfect in all aspects*
Mario: W-wow!!! Hey, that's great, Lakitu! Thanks a lot!
Lakitu: No problemo. Anyways, you might wanna get back to the group. Don't tell
anyone about the kart! By the way, tell everybody out there that the next race
we're doing is tomorrow, way up north at Frappe Snowland. This one's gonna
be really tough...you guys better be prepared. The radar says that it's going to be
snowing up there, fifteen degrees below zero. Get some winter clothes! It's
gonna be a lot different than here at the resort...
Mario: Cool! OK, I'll go tell.
*Mario leaves the office*
*He then heads up to the floor where most everyone is staying and calls everyone out*
Mario: Hey, you guys!
*Everyone eventually comes out of their rooms to hear what Mario has to say*
Yoshi: Hey, Mario! What is it?
Mario: We've got another race tomorrow for the grand prix.
Peach: Already? Wow! Where is it?
Mario: Frappe Snowland!
Toad: All right!
Mario: Lakitu says it's gonna be fifteen below zero and snowing up there...we'd better
get some winter clothes.
Luigi: Maybe we should all just go over to the clothes store now?
Yoshi: Sounds good to me! Let's get outta here.
*The group leaves and heads for the island clothing store*
Peach: Oh, wow! This place is huge...
*They shop around the store for a while*
Mario: Hey, that one looks good... *Grabs red coat*
*Everyone finally decides what they want and pay for it. They wait, annoyed at Peach, who continues changing her mind and choosing something else. Finally they force her to stay with what she has. Yoshi, Wario, Bowser, and DK decide they're fine and don't need any. Everyone leaves, goes back to the resort lobby and heads up the stairs to their rooms*
Luigi: Hey Mario?
Mario: Yeah?
Luigi: I just have this feeling...
Mario: ...Yes?...
Luigi: Well, it seems like whenever we're doing a race, Wario and Bowser always do
something to attempt to mess things up. Just be really careful this time, in case
they've got something ELSE up their sleeves...
Mario: Yeah, I know. This one's gonna be really fun, though. You ever raced in snow
at sub-zero?
Luigi: No, you?
Mario: Well actually yes, but not in a kart – it was up on that mountain, remember? That
big penguin in the cottage at the top? The cottage was the entrance to that big
sledding course inside the mountain. That was really fun...but anyway, there's
hardly any traction at all – it's really hard, and you can go a lot faster.
Luigi: Huh – sounds hard. I bet Bowser is gonna have the toughest time of everyone.
Mario: And he probably deserves it.
Luigi: DK too... *Yawns* ...Man I'm tired! Let's get some sleep.
Mario: OK. *Leaps on bed, snaps off light* See you tomorrow, Luigi.
*Night falls*
*Much later ---*
*Luigi gets up and stretches. It's 5:30 in the morning. He goes about his normal activities – he pulls on his suit, and heads to the kitchen to make breakfast*
*He grabs a pan and sets it on the floor to his right – he then pulls the garbage bin up and places it to his left. He holds two eggs in his left hand, and a cleaver in his right. He pulls up a knife rack and sets it on the floor in front of him*
*Then, he tosses the eggs over his head to his right and the cleaver over his head to the left. As he throws the cleaver, he gives it a slight spin. The cleaver smacks into the eggs and neatly cracks both shells. The shells bounce off the cleaver into the garbage bin, the cleaver lands neatly in the knife rack, and the eggs land dead-center in the pan*
*He flips the pan up into his hands with his shoe, not spilling any egg, and backward-frisbee-tosses the pan up onto the stove. He changes the temperature and sets about putting away the garbage bin and the rack*
*The noise wakes Mario up and he comes to see what is going on*
Mario: Yo Luigi, watcha doing? It's 5:35. What're you doing, making breakfast?
*Yawns and rubs his eyes*
Luigi: Uh huh. You know, you're pretty lazy. You always miss the best part of the day!
Mario: Because it isn't exactly... *Yawns* ...day yet.
Luigi: Ah, gimme a break. You could just go back to bed and fix cold ravioli later, you
know – but I'm gonna have eggs and cinnamon toast!
*Mario remembers the quality and expertise of Luigi's cooking and quickly changes his mind about going back to bed*
Mario: On second thoughts – maybe I am awake enough.
Luigi: Good – there's a first time for everything. *Smirks at his older brother and turns back to the stove and the eggs*
*Mario strains to keep his eyes open and sits back down. He is slowly drifting back to sleep...suddenly, Luigi turns to face Mario, the eggs forgotten. Mario instantly wakes. An evil grin begins to set on Luigi's face. Then he begins to split open, as if he is a costume and a zipper is being opened from the inside! And indeed, this is the truth. "Luigi" falls to the floor in a heap, and out steps none other than Bowser himself!*
*Mario jumps out of his chair in surprise, and stumbles backward. He soon gets his bearings, and brings himself to face his arch-enemy*
Mario: BOWSER! Just WHAT are you doing here?!
*Bowser just laughs maniacally*
Mario: What have you done with Luigi?!
Bowser: Oh, now wouldn't you like to know?
*Suddenly, the door opens and Peach steps in*
Mario: Peach! Look out! Bowser's up to something!
*Peach splits in the same fashion and Ludwig Von Koopa steps out of the rumpled costume! He smirks at Bowser and Bowser turns back to face Mario*
Mario: And Peach! *Mario stands up and the chair clatters to the floor* Just what are
you up to, Bowser? You'd better talk!
Bowser: *Snorts in laughter* Mario, you're so predictable. You look hilarious when
you act defensive, and you always act defensive when something happens to
Peach. She's FINE. So just calm down.
Mario: But where ARE they?!
Bowser: Actually, they've been right here the whole time! We were going to play a
prank on you but you ruined everything!
*Peach and Luigi step out from behind furniture and look disgusted*
Luigi: Aww, man! That stinks! You ruined EVERYTHING, Mario!
Peach: I know, but you ALWAYS do that, don't you?
Mario: Peach, I...
*Peach just holds up her hand in disgust*
Peach: Hold it. Mario, not to be rude, but shut up. You're so annoying all the time!
You should work on that. C'mon Bowser, let's go get lunch. My treat. Luigi,
you wanna come?
Luigi: Sure!
Peach: Everyone's going...everyone except Mario, that is.
*Peach gives one final glare at Mario and slams the door. Mario is left in silence – listening to Peach, Bowser and Luigi conversing and laughing as they walk away*
*Ludwig runs out the door yelling after them:*
Ludwig: Hey, you guys! Wait for me!
*The door slams again and Mario looks at the floor in silence*
*Then...Mario wakes up*
*The real Luigi is still cooking eggs and toast, no one went anywhere, and Peach, Ludwig and Bowser were never there*
Mario: Whoa – sorry Luigi, I musta fallen asleep. Hold on a sec...
*Mario checks behind the furniture, just to make sure*
Luigi: You know, Mario, sometimes I wonder what kind of dreams you have when you
fall asleep...I mean, the thing with the lasagna, the whole weird Subcon thing,
and now something involving a sofa and a table or something with furniture...
Mario: No, trust me, Luigi – you DO NOT want to know.
Luigi: Hmm – it's probably for the better. I bet at least one per week involves Peach...
Mario: Oh, shut up and make breakfast.
*Luigi has just finished making breakfast when Mario's eyes widen as he looks down at his watch and remembers*
Mario: Luigi! We have to leave in TEN MINUTES!
Luigi: Uh huh. Guess why I woke up at 5:30?
Mario: Because you ALWAYS wake up at 5:30.
Luigi: Well, you'd better get ready fast then, huh?
*Mario races through his morning – takes a quick shower, redresses, grabs his hat, packs for the trip, and wolfs down breakfast. Through it all, Luigi is lying on the couch watching TV and boredly flipping channels*
Luigi: Ahh, ready to go?
Mario: I'm ready to shove you into the mailbox if you don't stop doing that. Let's get
outta here fast!
*Luigi slowly stands up and yawns. He brushes off his overalls and heads out the door to the hall with Mario*
Mario: Hey, Yoshi! You ready to go?
Yoshi: Yeah! This is gonna be great. Let's go get Toad – everyone else is waiting
outside for us.
*They walk over to Toad's door*
Yoshi: HEY TOAD! LET'S GET OUTTA HERE!
Toad: Eh? Why? Where are we going?
Yoshi: *Quickly glances at Mario* We're kind of going to Frappe Snowland now!!
Toad: HUH?! OH!! Oh! I forgot all about that! Hold on a minute...
*They do, and soon a panting Toad shows up at his door, blushing*
Yoshi: You forgot?!
Toad: No! I just...er...I...um...was really bored and fell asleep.
Yoshi: That's all right, Toad – your secret's safe with us!
Mario: *Snorts with laughter*
Toad: Heeeyyyy...you're not gonna tell anyone, are you??
Mario: Why no, of course not! We wouldn't do something like THAT!
Toad: Hmm...
*They head out to the beach where everyone is waiting in a large group, next to the Nimbus Land Bus*
Mario: The bus AGAIN?
Lakitu: Yeah, they're the cheapest, and plus your price isn't included – for some reason
you can ride it for free...besides, the company just pays for all our fares anyway.
Luigi: Hmm...oh well. At least they have in-flight movies.
Yoshi: Luigi, think about it. The kind of movies they have in there – remember? Just
last month they showed "Plan 9 From Outer Space," and that was rated "Bob-
omb" in Paragoomba Digest Ratings last year – they normally don't rate a movie
that low...
Mario: Luigi! Plan 9 From Outer Space! We were there when they played that! Yeah,
Yoshi – they played that when Luigi and I were on the way to the resort.
Yoshi: Huh. So how was it?
*Mario just stops and looks at Yoshi*
Luigi: Yoshi, I think you can kind of guess the answer to that on your own. At least I'm
finally used to this thing – I was really afraid of heights for awhile...
Mario: We noticed...
Yoshi: C'mon now, gimme a break. You are too still afraid of heights!
Luigi: Yoshi, you know what? I think you...
*His argument is cut off by Lakitu*
Lakitu: All right you guys! Board the bus. One at a time, please! *He says this as DK
and Yoshi start pushing each other forward*
*The bus lifts into the sky and the driver turns North. They are in for a long, cold ride to Frappe Snowland for their next race*
TO BE CONTINUED...
- - PART TWO - -
EPISODE V
"THE GRAND PRIX: PART 1 - GRIDLOCK"
DK: You guys ready?
Bowser: Let's blow this place!
*They gun the engines and zoom out of the shed*
*Mario's suddenly rumbles, and everyone looks at it. Then the rumbling stops*
*Everyone but Bowser and Wario just stops and stares at the kart*
Yoshi: Uh, I'm sure it's nothing, you guys. Let's go!
*They snap out of it, and drive to the starting line in a side road that leads to the main highway. Even early in the morning, it is filled with cars and trucks*
Lakitu: You guys ready?! Remember, it's always the best to get a good start on your
first race!! OK! Get READY!!!
*Mario remembers the Snifit back in the forest clearing and his words echo around Mario's mind...*
*"You must turn back! Turn back now, before you find out what it is I am warning you of!!!" The group's engines roar*
Lakitu: 3!!!
*"Evil, evil plots – dark matters are at work, here!"*
Lakitu: 2!!!
*"The longer you stay, the more you endanger your life and others!!"*
Lakitu: 1!!!
*"And you MUST NOT PARTICIPATE IN THE RACE!!!"*
Lakitu: *With a wild-eyed expression* GO!!!!!!!!
*Mario hesitates for a second, then grits his teeth and slams on the gas*
*The kart shoots forward, but then makes a grinding noise, spins backward, and with a bright flash and a loud sharp BANG, explodes in a fiery shockwave*
*The crowd gasps in anticipation. Everyone immediately stops their karts and spins around to see what happened*
*All that remains is a flaming pile of disintegrated wreckage*
*Everyone is silent, their breath held. But no one emerges. Suddenly, an object floats down from the sky and lands next to the wreckage*
*The scorched remains of Mario's hat...*
*Silence for moments*
Lakitu: ...Oh my god...
Luigi: Uh, hey, Mario? You can come out now...
DK: Oh, geez...Mario?! Are you in there?!?
*But nothing moves*
Peach: *Sobbing quietly in her kart*
Yoshi: Mario! MARIO! *Walks over and gingerly throws away a piece of the
wreckage. Kicks the rest aside*
*Empty*
*Suddenly, another object comes down from the sky...*
Luigi: Hey you guys! Look up there!!
*Everyone glances upward*
*Coming down from the sky is an odd shaped, scorched, and dented metal chair. Someone is in it, but they can't see who it is...finally, they see. It's Mario in an ejection seat with a parachute!*
*Everyone begins cheering – MOST everyone.*
Lakitu: Mario! You're all right!
Mario: Uh...yeah... *Passes out*
Luigi: Geez, why does this stuff always happen to him?!
DK: I dunno, but I'd say it's about time we owed Yoshi an apology!
Yoshi: Woah...I guess that really DID happen!!
Peach: Yeah, Yoshi. It's fine. Tell us what you remembered! This time we'll believe
you no matter how dumb it sounds! We've gotta find out who's behind this.
Yoshi: OK, you guys. Here is exactly everything I saw. I left the training room because
I had to use the restroom. Suddenly, I noticed a mail Koopa coming down in the
distance! I got curious – no one else should be out here!
DK: Yeah? Go on.
Yoshi: I took a closer look, and noticed it was heading for the kart shed! There had to be
someone in there to take the message. Anyone in there aside from us would
probably be messing with the karts! I ran over there, and just before I made it, I
saw Bowser and Wario...
Lakitu: That's IT! I KNEW you two were behind this!!
Yoshi: No no no! They were going into the training room. They couldn't have been in
the kart shed. They were never anywhere near it! So it wasn't them.
Luigi: So then what happened?
*Mario wakes up and starts listening*
Yoshi: I heard some stuff, but it doesn't matter. Anyway, I went up to the shed and
opened the door. Mario's kart was opened up, and these Goombas were ripping
stuff out and putting new things in – moving things. And GUESS WHO WAS
SUPERVISING THEM??
Peach: Who? Who was it??
Yoshi: KAMMY KOOPA!!
*Everyone gasps*
Mario: I thought he was gone a couple of years ago!
Yoshi: Guess not. And then something hit me – knocked me out. When I woke up,
well...I was at the training room. That's when I told all you guys the first time.
Peach: Doesn't Kammy have some sort of allegiance with YOU, Bowser?!
Bowser: Eh? Yeah, but I lost contact with him years ago...
Mario: So we still don't have a lead...
Yoshi: Hmm...oh wait a minute! Yeah we do! Remember? Bowser said he came 10
minutes after we did! But when I saw him going in the room, we'd already been
there a couple of hours!!
DK: Oh yeah...I DO remember that!
Bowser: I swear you're wrong about that! We did come just about 10 minutes after you!
You must have been too tied up in those games to notice!
Luigi: Yeah, very CONVENIENT for you, eh Bowser? Well then, we still don't have a
lead on who might have done this...
Yoshi: Hmm...oh! I remember something else! When I heard Wario and Bowser talking
when they were going in, all I heard were the words, "Hired someone." Couldn't
they have just HIRED Kammy to do the job? Then it would look like they really
DIDN'T do it at all!
Lakitu: AH! And what do you have to say about THAT, Bowser?! ...Bowser??
*Indeed, both Bowser and Wario are gone*
Luigi: Hey, I wonder where they went...
Latiku: Huh...well, I guess he's off the hook this time. But he'd better not try a stunt like
THAT again. Him OR Wario. You're awfully lucky, you know, Mario. They
almost got you killed...
Mario: Well, I'll be on the lookout. I take it all this means the race is suspended? Or are
we still doing it?
Lakitu: Of COURSE we're still doing it!
Mario: But how am I gonna race??
Lakitu: Uh...um...be right back!
*Leaves quickly*
Mario: Well, I'm sure glad THAT'S over...
Toad: I can't wait for the race!
Mario: Yeah, probably just because they NAMED it after you!
Toad: You've got to admit, it is a pretty catchy name...
*Suddenly Wario and Bowser show up*
Bowser: Oh, hey you guys.
Yoshi: Very NICE how you disappeared like that!
Wario: Yes, it's one of my greatest...
Bowser: SSHH!!! We don't know what you're talking about. We didn't hire anyone!
Luigi: Well, who else could have sent a message to Kammy??
Wario: We don't even know where to contact him. Besides, only Bowser knew him!
And I've never even SEEN him! Although I bet he's got a lot of money...
Toad: Well, Lakitu let you off the hook this time, but he says you'd better not try
anything like this ever again! You too, Wario.
*Right then, Lakitu comes back, panting*
Lakitu: Here's our solution!
*Lakitu is controlling the white training kart under him with the remote*
Mario: All right! OK, I'll use that.
Lakitu: OK, everyone get lined up again!
*Now the traffic is even heavier along the roads, as the incident took up a lot of time*
*Lakitu gets everyone ready*
Lakitu: OK, you guys, this is it! Get READY!!!
*Mario revs up his new engine, which runs great!*
Lakitu: 3!!!
*Luigi gets a determined look on his face*
Lakitu: 2!!!
*Bowser looks daggers at Mario, who glares back defiantly*
Lakitu: 1!!!
*Peach looks back at Mario for a moment*
Lakitu: *With another wild-eyed expression* GO!!!!!!!
*The karts zoom forward, and swerve left into the main freeway*
Toad: YA-HOO!!
*Toad zooms by a supply truck and it blares its horn in protest*
Lakitu: *Yelling after them* Remember to look for the special box with the map!!!
*Then his voice fades away*
*Mario races forward, past Bowser and Wario, who apparantly have just dropped back to talk about something*
Mario: *Approaches Yoshi* HEY YOSHI!!!
Yoshi: WHAT??
*They have to yell over the traffic noise*
Mario: BOWSER AND WARIO ARE UP TO SOMETHING!!!
Yoshi: WHAT??
Mario: I SAID, BOWSER AND WARIO ARE UP TO SOMETHING!!!!!
Yoshi: NOT AGAIN...!
Mario: I KNOW!!! WE'LL FIND OUT SOON ENOUGH...!!
Yoshi: TAKE THIS!!!! *Throws a green shell backwards*
Mario: *Presses "bounce" and jumps over it* HEY YOSHI!!!
Yoshi: WHAT??
Mario: LOOK BACK HERE!!!
*Yoshi looks back, and runs into the back of a small sedan. He tumbles over and over, and accidentally drops a red shell which slams into him and explodes*
Mario: HA HAH!!! SEE YOU LATER!!!
*Mario now approaches Luigi*
Luigi: YO MARIO!!!
Mario: WHAT??
Luigi: YOU HUNGRY??!!
Mario: UM...I SUPPOSE SO...WHY?!
Luigi: THEN...EAT THIS!!!
*Luigi throws a banana into Mario's kart and it goes spinning into the wall*
Mario: Ow...that hurt...
*Suddenly, a semi speeds around the corner and straight for Mario!*
*Just as it is about to hit him, Mario presses bounce, and lands on the windshield of the big truck! The horn blares and the driver swerves. Mario drives the kart up further and stops on top of the semi. The semi is moving faster than the rest of the cars and karts, and it is invincible to the normal items!*
DK: HA HAH!!! HEY MARIO!!! WATCHA DOING UP THERE??!!
Mario: GETTING FIRST PLACE!!!! AH HA HAH HAH!!!!
*The semi moves ahead*
*Suddenly, a big blast of electricity shoots from the sky onto the kart. Someone used a lightning! Hundreds of volts shoot through Mario's body and kart, and he is shocked momentarily. Soon, when he gets his bearings, DK, Peach, and Yoshi have once again passed him*
*The next row of item boxes approaches...*
*As Mario zooms by, he grabs the one on the left*
*Inside, he finds three green shells*
*He tosses them far ahead onto the top of the semi he fell off of*
*DK and Yoshi are going around a curve in the track ahead, and the semi is as well. When the semi turns, the shells slide off, into DK and Yoshi*
DK: Aaaahhhh!!!
*Mario drives ahead, past DK and Yoshi who are tumbling into the side of the freeway*
*And what are Wario and Bowser doing?*
*They have stopped, and pulled over a lumber truck. Wario threatens the man, and is able to steal 5 boards. Wario and Bowser lay the boards so that they are a ramp, leading over the central divider in the freeway. They drive over the ramp, and are instantly in first and second with a big lead! They just skipped a large piece of track by going over the ramp. The current places are, from first to last, Wario, Bowser, Luigi, Peach, Mario, Toad, Yoshi, DK*
*Mario is attempting to get ahead of Peach*
*Peach suddenly throws a red shell backwards*
*Mario has a star ready, but right as he is about to use it, Boo appears and steals it!*
*The shell hits him and he tumbles into seventh place, behind Toad and Yoshi*
DK: OR MAYBE NOT GETTING FIRST PLACE, MARIO!!!
Mario: DK!!!
DK: WHAT??!!
Mario: SHUT UP!!!
DK: NO!! WHY DON'T YOU??!! *Throws a green shell*
Mario: *Dodges* NO!!
DK: *Throws a red shell* YES!!
Mario: *Dodges and zooms toward the wall so the shell still misses* NO!!!
DK: *Drops back behind Mario and throws a spiny shell!* YES!!! AH HA HA HA!!
Mario: *Dodges, but spiny shells are impossible to miss*
*The shell slams into Mario's kart and it explodes. Two of the spines hit the kart, denting it slightly. The shell zooms ahead searching for the person in first*
*As Mario lands, he slams into the boards Wario and Bowser had set up. By chance, they happen to land lined up on the other side of the road, leading over the divider on THAT side*
Mario: Oh, man...now I'm in last...
*He passes the finish line*
Lakitu: HEY MARIO!! SECOND LAP!!! YOU'VE GOTTA PULL IT TOGETHER!!!
*Mario races by, around the corner*
*Now, the current places are (from first to last): Bowser, Wario, Peach, Toad, Luigi, DK, Yoshi, Mario. Mario now catches up to Yoshi*
Yoshi: HEY MARIO!! YOU ALL RIGHT??
Mario: YEAH, SURE!! ASIDE FROM THE FACT THAT I'M IN LAST PLACE!!!
*Neither of them has an item, so they can continue their conversation*
Yoshi: DID YOU FIND OUT WHAT THEY WERE UP TO??
Mario: WHO??
Yoshi: WARIO AND BOWSER, OF COURSE!!!
Mario: OH...! NO, I NEVER SAW ANYTHING!!!
Yoshi: OH, OK!!
*They now approach the next item box row*
*Mario checks inside, and sees he got a banana*
*He tosses it toward Yoshi, who promptly blocks it by activating a star*
Yoshi: NICE TRY!!!
*They drive and talk for a while longer. Mario attempts to hit Yoshi several more times, but Yoshi blocks every time. Two minutes later, they both pass the finish line once again. Now they are on their last lap, still in 7th and 8th*
*Wario and Bowser now approach the board bridge*
Wario: HERE'S OUR BRIDGE!!!
Bowser: Funny, I thought it was on the other side of the road...
Wario: WHAT???
Bowser: HUH?! OH, NOTHING!!!
*They zip over the bridge onto the next road*
*Mario passes Yoshi and approaches DK*
Mario: HEY DK!!!
DK: WHAT??!!
Mario: THAT THING, WITH THE SHELLS??!! THAT JUST WAS NOT COOL!
DK: OH, I'M DEEPLY HURT!!! OK THEN, LET'S DO IT AGAIN!!!
*DK throws a green, red, and spiny shell all at the same time*
Mario: NO!!!
*DK didn't think it through, though – spiny shells can only go forward, so the spiny shell shoots on out of sight. The green and red shells collide with each other and explode, but Mario is close enough to the force of the blow that he still is blown backward, flipping and tumbling*
DK: HA HA HAH!!!
Mario: AAAHHHHH!!!
*Yoshi and DK zip ahead into the distance*
*Mario is now in sixth by a long long distance*
*Why?*
*Because Wario and Bowser are now driving along a straight, deserted road in the middle of nowhere. Wario glares at Bowser*
Wario: So NOW what are we gonna do??
Bowser: Uh, I guess turn around...
Wario: OK...let's go then, you idiot!!
*Bowser glares menacingly at Wario and Wario shuts up*
*Back to Mario...*
*During Mario's flipping and tumbling, he fell down through a hole on the side of the road. This lead him to a dark, underground cave. Here, after he gets his bearings, he notices a bright red item box!*
Mario: I found the SPECIAL BOX!!! *Drives over and grabs it* All right!!! There's
the map. Wow, there's a really short way to the finish line right from here!
*Slams on the gas, turns into one of the tunnels, and fades into darkness*
*Now Luigi is in first, followed very closely by Peach and Toad. All three are fighting for first place. Then comes Yoshi, DK, Mario, Wario, and Bowser. The finish line is just one minute away...*
Toad: Get OUTTA MY WAY!!!
Luigi: Buzz off, twerp!!
Peach: Now, let's not be mean. Why don't you both just back down and let me win?
Toad: Offer denied, your majesty.
Peach: Stop calling me that!!
Toad: Why of course, YOUR MAJESTY!!!
Luigi: If she is "your majesty," doesn't that make you her slave?
Toad: No, it doesn't!
Peach: Yes, it does!!
Toad: No, it doesn't!!!
Peach: YES, it DOES!!!
Toad: NO, it DOES NOT!!!
*While the two argue, Luigi slips ahead and pulls around the corner*
Toad: HEY! Luigi's GETTING AWAY!!
*Peach and Toad zoom forward to continue fighting for first*
*Mario, meanwhile, is lost in the underground maze*
Mario: Now, what way was I supposed to go again??
*Mario stops and once again checks the map*
*When Mario looks up again he suddenly realizes that he doesn't know where he is on the map or even what direction he's pointing in*
Mario: Oh, geez...where am I?!
*Mario suddenly notices that there is a compass on the dashboard of the kart*
Mario: Hey, cool! OK, I'm going south. But I thought I was going west! And I think
I'm supposed to go north...hmm...
*Mario is facing three passages*
Mario: Let's see...eenie, meeny, miney, moe. Catch a tiger by the...oh forget it, I'll go in
that one over there. *Turns the kart and races inside*
*Outside, Peach has managed to get first. They are approaching the finish line...suddenly, a green shell streaks for Peach. It collides, and explodes, and Peach goes tumbling end over end over the finish line*
Peach: Yes!! I won!! I WON!!! All right! Ow...
*Now Toad is approaching the line*
Toad: OK, no Mario anywhere this time! Second place isn't so bad. All right!
*Suddenly Mario bursts from a hole in the ground and zooms across the finish line*
Toad: What the...NO!!! You stupid little...gaaahhhh!!!
*While Toad raves, Luigi also passes the finish line*
Toad: No! NO!!
*Right as Yoshi is about to as well, Toad zips in and finally gains fourth place*
*Yoshi zooms across the line for fifth, and DK gets sixth*
*The group waits for Wario and Bowser, but they don't show...*
*They wait 30 minutes...*
*An hour...*
*Lakitu continually assures a complaining Toad that they will be along soon enough...*
*An hour and a half...*
*Finally, the two zoom around the corner, right next to each other. They are both ramming each other back and forth, fighting for first*
Lakitu: Go go go go go...!!
*Wario pulls ahead at the last second*
Lakitu: Aaaaannndd...Wario gets seventh place, leaving Bowser with last!
Congratulations on a wonderful race, you guys! Oh, for those of you that got
fifth or below, you didn't get any points, but whoever got zero first is still ahead.
Basically, this means that, for instance, if you got sixth place, Mario, and Toad
got eighth, you would still be ahead of Toad in the standings even though your
scores would be the same.
Yoshi: Oh, OK, I was wondering about that. *Snickers at DK*
Lakitu: And also congratulations to Mario who found the special box with the map!
Toad: Really? Wow, where was it?
*Mario explains everything he saw*
Mario: ...So acutally DK, if you hadn't hit me with those shells, you and Yoshi would
have gotten fourth and fifth and I would have gotten sixth! So, it's really all
thanks to you!
DK: Mario, be quiet. You're an idiot.
*The group laughs at DK's expense and gets into the bus for a nice long sleep on the way back to the resort*
*The time passes, the sun rises higher, and the group wakes up, aside from DK, who is snoring loudly*
Toad: Huh, so he falls asleep instantly but can't wake up...interesting...
*They watch DK for a while but eventually become bored and Yoshi remembers he has a deck of playing cards with him. Everyone sits up and they start to play Blackjack. Since they're Yoshi's cards, he gets to be the dealer*
*Yoshi passes out the cards, and everyone looks at them*
Toad: Hit me!
*Yoshi reaches over and punches Toad in the stomach*
Toad: Ouch! Very funny...um, "give me another card," then.
*Yoshi hands him his card*
Toad: Stay.
Luigi: Stay.
Mario: Stay.
Wario: Hit me.
*Yoshi hands him his card*
Wario: Hit me.
*Yoshi hands him another*
Wario: Hit me.
*Yoshi hands him still another*
Wario: Hit me.
*Everyone sighs in exasperation*
*Bowser leans over and whispers something in Wario's ear*
Wario: Ooohhh...is that right? 21? ...OK I bust. NO!! All that beautiful money...
DK: Wario, we're not playing with real money...
Wario: But still...oh well.
*Wario drops his cards and everyone can see he has 57 total*
Luigi: I bet 50.
*Everyone throws in their chips*
Mario: I'll meet your 50, and raise you 100.
Toad: Uh, um...I fold.
*The rest toss in their chips*
Bowser: Stay.
Yoshi: Stay.
DK: Hit me.
*Yoshi hands him a card*
DK: *Checks, adds* Stay.
Yoshi: OK, you guys, let's see your cards!
*Peach and Yoshi have 18, Mario has 19, and Luigi and Bowser have 20*
Yoshi: What about you, DK?
*DK drops his cards on the table and everyone can see a jack and an ace*
Everyone: Aww...
DK: Heh heh heh!! *Pulls in all the chips*
Wario: *Sighs* My profits going to a gorilla...
Yoshi: Wario, they WEREN'T REAL!!
Wario: But still...
Yoshi: OK, let's do one more round.
*Passes out the cards*
Mario: Stay. I'll bet 10.
*Everyone throws in the chips*
Bowser: I'll meet your 10, and raise you 200!
*Everyone groans, and throws in the chips*
Luigi: Hit me.
*Gets the card*
Luigi: Stay.
Wario: Hit me.
*Gets card*
Wario: Hit me.
*Gets another card*
Wario: Stay.
Peach: I'll bet 25.
Toad: Uh, um...I fold.
*Everyone laughs and tosses in the chips*
Yoshi: Stay.
DK: Hit me.
*Gets card*
Yoshi: OK, everyone, show your cards...
*Mario, Luigi, and DK are tied at 18. Peach, Wario and Yoshi are tied at 19, and Bowser gets 20. Bowser chuckles maniacally and slides the chips toward him*
Bowser: Geh heh heh...
Yoshi: Oh well.
Luigi: Hey look! There's where we're landing!
*Yoshi packs the cards away, and the bus driver collects the chips*
Peach: Good, we don't have to hike through the jungle or something like last time...
*The bus lands softly and everyone jumps from the bus and heads for the resort*
*When they reach the lobby, they notice that the scoreboard has been placed up on the wall inside. Peach is listed first, with a bright number 9. Then Mario with 6, Luigi with 3, Toad with 1, and then Yoshi, DK, Wario, and Bowser with 0 but listed in that order*
Luigi: Cool, I wonder when they put that up...?
Toad: Great! Now we can see our scores.
Lakitu: Yo Mario! C'mere a minute.
Mario: Huh? Oh, OK.
*Mario enters Lakitu's office and shuts the door*
Mario: Yeah?
Lakitu: You're fine with everything that happened today, right? You're OK?
Mario: Oh, yeah. Sure!
Lakitu: OK, 'cause you can skip the next race if you want – I'll put in your average...
Mario: No! That's not fair to everyone else. No, I'm gonna race. Besides, it's fun!
Lakitu: OK then. Come back into the back room in here – I've got something for you.
*Mario opens the door and steps inside. He stares in surprise*
*A shiny brand new kart sits in the center. It is red, just like his old one – but this has the fresh smell of new rubber tires and a comfy padded seat. It doesn't have one scuff or mark...it is completely perfect in all aspects*
Mario: W-wow!!! Hey, that's great, Lakitu! Thanks a lot!
Lakitu: No problemo. Anyways, you might wanna get back to the group. Don't tell
anyone about the kart! By the way, tell everybody out there that the next race
we're doing is tomorrow, way up north at Frappe Snowland. This one's gonna
be really tough...you guys better be prepared. The radar says that it's going to be
snowing up there, fifteen degrees below zero. Get some winter clothes! It's
gonna be a lot different than here at the resort...
Mario: Cool! OK, I'll go tell.
*Mario leaves the office*
*He then heads up to the floor where most everyone is staying and calls everyone out*
Mario: Hey, you guys!
*Everyone eventually comes out of their rooms to hear what Mario has to say*
Yoshi: Hey, Mario! What is it?
Mario: We've got another race tomorrow for the grand prix.
Peach: Already? Wow! Where is it?
Mario: Frappe Snowland!
Toad: All right!
Mario: Lakitu says it's gonna be fifteen below zero and snowing up there...we'd better
get some winter clothes.
Luigi: Maybe we should all just go over to the clothes store now?
Yoshi: Sounds good to me! Let's get outta here.
*The group leaves and heads for the island clothing store*
Peach: Oh, wow! This place is huge...
*They shop around the store for a while*
Mario: Hey, that one looks good... *Grabs red coat*
*Everyone finally decides what they want and pay for it. They wait, annoyed at Peach, who continues changing her mind and choosing something else. Finally they force her to stay with what she has. Yoshi, Wario, Bowser, and DK decide they're fine and don't need any. Everyone leaves, goes back to the resort lobby and heads up the stairs to their rooms*
Luigi: Hey Mario?
Mario: Yeah?
Luigi: I just have this feeling...
Mario: ...Yes?...
Luigi: Well, it seems like whenever we're doing a race, Wario and Bowser always do
something to attempt to mess things up. Just be really careful this time, in case
they've got something ELSE up their sleeves...
Mario: Yeah, I know. This one's gonna be really fun, though. You ever raced in snow
at sub-zero?
Luigi: No, you?
Mario: Well actually yes, but not in a kart – it was up on that mountain, remember? That
big penguin in the cottage at the top? The cottage was the entrance to that big
sledding course inside the mountain. That was really fun...but anyway, there's
hardly any traction at all – it's really hard, and you can go a lot faster.
Luigi: Huh – sounds hard. I bet Bowser is gonna have the toughest time of everyone.
Mario: And he probably deserves it.
Luigi: DK too... *Yawns* ...Man I'm tired! Let's get some sleep.
Mario: OK. *Leaps on bed, snaps off light* See you tomorrow, Luigi.
*Night falls*
*Much later ---*
*Luigi gets up and stretches. It's 5:30 in the morning. He goes about his normal activities – he pulls on his suit, and heads to the kitchen to make breakfast*
*He grabs a pan and sets it on the floor to his right – he then pulls the garbage bin up and places it to his left. He holds two eggs in his left hand, and a cleaver in his right. He pulls up a knife rack and sets it on the floor in front of him*
*Then, he tosses the eggs over his head to his right and the cleaver over his head to the left. As he throws the cleaver, he gives it a slight spin. The cleaver smacks into the eggs and neatly cracks both shells. The shells bounce off the cleaver into the garbage bin, the cleaver lands neatly in the knife rack, and the eggs land dead-center in the pan*
*He flips the pan up into his hands with his shoe, not spilling any egg, and backward-frisbee-tosses the pan up onto the stove. He changes the temperature and sets about putting away the garbage bin and the rack*
*The noise wakes Mario up and he comes to see what is going on*
Mario: Yo Luigi, watcha doing? It's 5:35. What're you doing, making breakfast?
*Yawns and rubs his eyes*
Luigi: Uh huh. You know, you're pretty lazy. You always miss the best part of the day!
Mario: Because it isn't exactly... *Yawns* ...day yet.
Luigi: Ah, gimme a break. You could just go back to bed and fix cold ravioli later, you
know – but I'm gonna have eggs and cinnamon toast!
*Mario remembers the quality and expertise of Luigi's cooking and quickly changes his mind about going back to bed*
Mario: On second thoughts – maybe I am awake enough.
Luigi: Good – there's a first time for everything. *Smirks at his older brother and turns back to the stove and the eggs*
*Mario strains to keep his eyes open and sits back down. He is slowly drifting back to sleep...suddenly, Luigi turns to face Mario, the eggs forgotten. Mario instantly wakes. An evil grin begins to set on Luigi's face. Then he begins to split open, as if he is a costume and a zipper is being opened from the inside! And indeed, this is the truth. "Luigi" falls to the floor in a heap, and out steps none other than Bowser himself!*
*Mario jumps out of his chair in surprise, and stumbles backward. He soon gets his bearings, and brings himself to face his arch-enemy*
Mario: BOWSER! Just WHAT are you doing here?!
*Bowser just laughs maniacally*
Mario: What have you done with Luigi?!
Bowser: Oh, now wouldn't you like to know?
*Suddenly, the door opens and Peach steps in*
Mario: Peach! Look out! Bowser's up to something!
*Peach splits in the same fashion and Ludwig Von Koopa steps out of the rumpled costume! He smirks at Bowser and Bowser turns back to face Mario*
Mario: And Peach! *Mario stands up and the chair clatters to the floor* Just what are
you up to, Bowser? You'd better talk!
Bowser: *Snorts in laughter* Mario, you're so predictable. You look hilarious when
you act defensive, and you always act defensive when something happens to
Peach. She's FINE. So just calm down.
Mario: But where ARE they?!
Bowser: Actually, they've been right here the whole time! We were going to play a
prank on you but you ruined everything!
*Peach and Luigi step out from behind furniture and look disgusted*
Luigi: Aww, man! That stinks! You ruined EVERYTHING, Mario!
Peach: I know, but you ALWAYS do that, don't you?
Mario: Peach, I...
*Peach just holds up her hand in disgust*
Peach: Hold it. Mario, not to be rude, but shut up. You're so annoying all the time!
You should work on that. C'mon Bowser, let's go get lunch. My treat. Luigi,
you wanna come?
Luigi: Sure!
Peach: Everyone's going...everyone except Mario, that is.
*Peach gives one final glare at Mario and slams the door. Mario is left in silence – listening to Peach, Bowser and Luigi conversing and laughing as they walk away*
*Ludwig runs out the door yelling after them:*
Ludwig: Hey, you guys! Wait for me!
*The door slams again and Mario looks at the floor in silence*
*Then...Mario wakes up*
*The real Luigi is still cooking eggs and toast, no one went anywhere, and Peach, Ludwig and Bowser were never there*
Mario: Whoa – sorry Luigi, I musta fallen asleep. Hold on a sec...
*Mario checks behind the furniture, just to make sure*
Luigi: You know, Mario, sometimes I wonder what kind of dreams you have when you
fall asleep...I mean, the thing with the lasagna, the whole weird Subcon thing,
and now something involving a sofa and a table or something with furniture...
Mario: No, trust me, Luigi – you DO NOT want to know.
Luigi: Hmm – it's probably for the better. I bet at least one per week involves Peach...
Mario: Oh, shut up and make breakfast.
*Luigi has just finished making breakfast when Mario's eyes widen as he looks down at his watch and remembers*
Mario: Luigi! We have to leave in TEN MINUTES!
Luigi: Uh huh. Guess why I woke up at 5:30?
Mario: Because you ALWAYS wake up at 5:30.
Luigi: Well, you'd better get ready fast then, huh?
*Mario races through his morning – takes a quick shower, redresses, grabs his hat, packs for the trip, and wolfs down breakfast. Through it all, Luigi is lying on the couch watching TV and boredly flipping channels*
Luigi: Ahh, ready to go?
Mario: I'm ready to shove you into the mailbox if you don't stop doing that. Let's get
outta here fast!
*Luigi slowly stands up and yawns. He brushes off his overalls and heads out the door to the hall with Mario*
Mario: Hey, Yoshi! You ready to go?
Yoshi: Yeah! This is gonna be great. Let's go get Toad – everyone else is waiting
outside for us.
*They walk over to Toad's door*
Yoshi: HEY TOAD! LET'S GET OUTTA HERE!
Toad: Eh? Why? Where are we going?
Yoshi: *Quickly glances at Mario* We're kind of going to Frappe Snowland now!!
Toad: HUH?! OH!! Oh! I forgot all about that! Hold on a minute...
*They do, and soon a panting Toad shows up at his door, blushing*
Yoshi: You forgot?!
Toad: No! I just...er...I...um...was really bored and fell asleep.
Yoshi: That's all right, Toad – your secret's safe with us!
Mario: *Snorts with laughter*
Toad: Heeeyyyy...you're not gonna tell anyone, are you??
Mario: Why no, of course not! We wouldn't do something like THAT!
Toad: Hmm...
*They head out to the beach where everyone is waiting in a large group, next to the Nimbus Land Bus*
Mario: The bus AGAIN?
Lakitu: Yeah, they're the cheapest, and plus your price isn't included – for some reason
you can ride it for free...besides, the company just pays for all our fares anyway.
Luigi: Hmm...oh well. At least they have in-flight movies.
Yoshi: Luigi, think about it. The kind of movies they have in there – remember? Just
last month they showed "Plan 9 From Outer Space," and that was rated "Bob-
omb" in Paragoomba Digest Ratings last year – they normally don't rate a movie
that low...
Mario: Luigi! Plan 9 From Outer Space! We were there when they played that! Yeah,
Yoshi – they played that when Luigi and I were on the way to the resort.
Yoshi: Huh. So how was it?
*Mario just stops and looks at Yoshi*
Luigi: Yoshi, I think you can kind of guess the answer to that on your own. At least I'm
finally used to this thing – I was really afraid of heights for awhile...
Mario: We noticed...
Yoshi: C'mon now, gimme a break. You are too still afraid of heights!
Luigi: Yoshi, you know what? I think you...
*His argument is cut off by Lakitu*
Lakitu: All right you guys! Board the bus. One at a time, please! *He says this as DK
and Yoshi start pushing each other forward*
*The bus lifts into the sky and the driver turns North. They are in for a long, cold ride to Frappe Snowland for their next race*
TO BE CONTINUED...