Whew, I'm sorry to have kept you guys waiting for so long, but I didn't have enough time to get to it. Now I've got HOLIDAYS I can finish this story in a million ways… What will it be? Oww and I will post the first 8 chapters in HTML format because of the triple dots that don't show up. I'll post one a night (thihi… I'm cheating) so you readers will have less troubles reading… ^.^

Final Breakdowns and Still Doubting

Chapter 18

Kikyo shot. Inuyasha saw the pink light coming closer and closer. It was as in a dream. Slowly the arrow came closer. Inuyasha relived history again. He saw Kikyo looking at him, the same hatred in her eyes… As if it was yesterday… Yesterday…

*Kagome… I can't give up now… I can't die on you now! Not now, when I've realised the true things that matter and mattered before…*

Suddenly he felt the shards in his arm. Without thinking he moved his arm in front of himself. Was it the Tama that had controlled him? Or did he just act in disparity? The only thing that matters is that the arrow didn't hit him. It disappeared in his arm…

"What!!! This can't be happening… Seriously! I've guarded you for so long! I died protecting you! And this is what I get?!"

"Are you talking 'bout me?"

"You were burned with me, my last try to protect you from evil. To make you sure your power wouldn't help wrong intentions!"

Inuyasha noticed she talked to the Shikon. She didn't notice the things that were happening around her anymore. She was blinded by rage, blinded because the things didn't go her way.

*Did she talk to it before? When she was lonely? Did she see it as a person, as if it had a soul? This is getting weird. I never thought she would suffer so much from being lonely. I thought she was like me. Strong, bold and hard to be friends with. But she suffered real hard. She's more like Kagome. They are so much alike. Outside… but inside too…*

"What did I do that I have to live like this!!!!!!!!"

"Kikyo! Kikyo! Listen to me! Kikyo!" Inuyasha shaked her. She just yelled up into the air, as if there was some higher power she blamed everything on.

"Kikyo, listen to me! LISTEN TO ME!" Suddenly he slapped her in the face. She calmed a bit and stared sheepishly into the depths of nothingness.

"Kikyo… You should rest in peace, not relive your life again and again. That's not right. You'll eventually get a circle you'll relive again and again. There is nothing to change in your past life. You can't turn back time and start over again."

"But I must… I need to live… Because I never had a life… Except guarding the stupid jewel!"

"Kikyo… It all went terribly wrong, but you can't do anything about it. There is nothing to be done about it. You'll only feel more and more pain, because you can't turn things right. Please don't be like this and rest for once…"

"I won't… I can't… I will… I should change it… I must…"

"Kikyo… You can't like the way things have been since that old witch has revived you. You have to face it… You are dead. The true Kikyo is dead. She has to rest… Think about yourself… I'll have to force you when you don't want to go…"

Inuyasha went of, back to the others. He had lots to think about. Kagome, Kikyo and how the were alike. They seemed alike from the outside, but when he got to know Kagome, it seemed the differed a lot… But know it seemed they were almost exactly alike. With online one difference… Their openness towards friends. Kagome showed her true self… Kikyo didn't. That's why it seemed the only bond was that they were relatives, as could be seen with the eyes… Inuyasha felt more an more guilty, because he understood Kikyo… She didn't want things to go this way…

*Kikyo… I hope you'll take the decision yourself… 'Cause I don't know if I'll be willing to force you with the power of the Tama…*

Finally he got to the hut of Kaede. The others were sitting as before. He realised he hadn't been of for a long time.

"Inuyasha? I thought you took of?" a puzzled Miroku asked.

"I ran into Kikyo."

"You did? I'm glad I see you standing here!" Sango vowed.

"Why does everything has to be this complicated?" he said while getting down against the corner wall.

"You'll get through it, Inuyasha. Stay yourself and you'll survive the maze…"

"But the maze has so much different exits…"

"You will choose the right one, Inuyasha. I'm sure of that."

"But how can I be sure of that, I made to much mistakes."

"Listen to your heart and think it over. You'll know best what is the choice to make."

"Yeah… Whatever…"

~*~

Kikyo still sat on her knees, breathing heavily. Even the jewel betrayed her. Even a neutral thing rejected her and treated her like she was a bad guy. Like she had bad intentions with the jewel. Was living wrong for her? Was it evil for her to live? She didn't understand why the jewel protected Inuyasha. Why would it protect someone who was half youkai, which equals half evil? Did it choose for…Kagome?

Did it choose for her?

Did it choose for Inuyasha?

Did it feel she wasn't good enough?

Did it feel Inuyasha had to be with Kagome…?

Like she had felt that…

…from the very beginning…

~*~

Well, what do you think? It's a bit short, but I'm having a little problems to tell my ideas in detail, and not in to long chapters. I expect the next chapter to be a bit longer as normal, so I had to stop it here. Anyway, you know I like reviews… I had figured to say here that I had more chapters then reviews… But then I got so much reviews I didn't have more chapters then reviews… So I'm happy… But there is no limit to reviews! So please do! And, you might know I'm a girl from the Netherlands, 13.5 years (I'm very proud of the .5) and I'm 157 cm long… Why do I tell you? Because I like to email with one of you readers! I think it will be fun, I mean, most of my friends don't even know what 'anime' or 'manga' is… -_-' Pretty hard to talk about the latest series… So if you feel I might be a nice friend… Tell me in a review and I'll email you!!! YAY!!! Last warning… I can be pretty annoying if I like something… Do you recall jumping around the room, dancing and shouting, for example: 'Kazana!!!' or 'Kaze no Kizu!!!' ? Then you should email me! Then we can get weird together… -_-'