26. Force Amelia to eat, despite her wishes...
Amelia: I am really quite full, thank you. No more for me... Me: Now, now...open up, Amelia...you've got only two more pieces of cake to finish...* serves her a very large wedge of cake * Amelia: As I said...no thank you. *closes her mouth entirely*
Me: * sighs in resignation * All right, I didn't want to have to do this...but, well, you leave me no other choice. *pinches her nose closed, until Amelia has to open her mouth to breathe, which is when I stuff a forkful of cake into her mouth *
Amelia: * chewing * Why have I got the feeling that this is the beginning of yet another very bad day?
Me: Sorry, don't have a clue *serves up another forkful of cake* Come on now, Amelia, open wide...
Amelia: *sighs*
27. Allow Amelia and Jim the joys of experiencing of a private bagpipe concert...
Jim: Yikes! What's that guy doing, anyway...killing a cat? This is the worst thing I've ever heard!
Amelia: * wincing * Do refrain from talk of killing felines, Mr. Hawkins. Though I do sympathize with you. Now, Jim, which would is the worst...this bagpiper or
the he's chose to play the theme from that Teletubbie show you so enjoy?
Jim: * grimacing * Pick one...
Introduce both Jim and Amelia to the wonderful theme music of "Winnie the Pooh"...over and over again
Amelia: * scowls as she finds herself humming along * Blasted bear! I can take cannon fire with more aplomb than this repetitive racket!
Jim: * shrugs, not really minding the music * Don't worry, ma'am...it's got to end, right? Sooner or later. Amelia: * grimaces as the songs starts...again * It's the later that's concerning me, Mr. Hawkins...
29. Give Amelia a job as a kindergarden teacher, but one with laryngitis...
Amelia: *thinking* Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts,
THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS. (I know that this comes from "Finding Nemo" but it was so cool that I had to use it)
30. Introduce Amelia to my little brother...
Little Bro: Wow! Is that Captain Cornelia? *points at Amelia*
Me: *laughs* Oh, yeah...that's her.
Amelia: *scowling* My name is Captain Amelia, just so you know, young man.
Little Bro: And, I care...why?
Me: Tell you what, I'll give you ten thousand buck, if you do to her what you do to me. Sound like a deal? Little Bro: Hmm. Okay. I'll be back in a couple hours. *begins to anoy Amelia*
Me: * After a few hours, he returns * Here you go, Bro. 10 grand. *gives him the money*
Little Bro: Easy money. Gotta go, Sis. *walks away*
Amelia: * wincing and muttering * Has he gone yet?
Me: Yes, Cornelia.
Amelia: Oh, my but you are the funny one, you are.
31. Have Jim and Amelia dress like ordinary teens and then have them attend my class...
Teacher: So...you're Amelia and Jim, are you? I am soo delighted to finally meet you both.
Amelia and Jim: Er...thank, I think.
Teacher: Now come along...we must get to class Teacher: *once inside the classroom* You may go about your tasks, children.
Amelia: I say, my friend...is this woman joking? *looking at all the tasks*
Me: * shaking my head * Afraid not...
Teacher: *coming towards us* How are you doing? Do you need help?
Me: No, thank you. *teacher then walks away*
Jim: * to me * Who needs help with this? This stuff is child's play!
Teacher: * to Jim * I can appreciate that you want to talk about the task at hand, but you just can´t make so much noise.
Amelia: I beg your pardon, my friend, but what precisely is wrong with her?
Me: She was educated as a kindergarden aunt. I have no idea at all as to how she managed to get a job as a junior high school teacher...
32. Transform Amelia into a teenage human girl.
Amelia: * blinks, stunned * What have you done to me? I can't see clearly, my hearing's gone for naught, and I must of developed a head cold as I cannot smell hardly anything at all. Am I dying?
Jim: Nope. You've just become a human girl is all, Captain...
Amelia: * scowls *Yes? Make your point, Mr. Hawkins. I haven't time to dilly-dally!
Jim: Well, Captain...humans don´t have as nearly the senses that felinids do.
Amelia: *sarcastically* No! Oh, my...what a surprise! I do thank you, Mr. Hawkins, for that most illuminating insight of yours. Now, somebody...change me back! Me: * giggling * This is just too much fun!
33. Grant Jim full access to Amelia's private diary...
Amelia: *Panicking, gesturing wildly with her hands* Oh no! No, no, no, no! Not my diary! Give that to me...instantly, I say!
Me: *grin, giving Jim her diary* Here you are, Jim! Enjoy!
Jim: *looks on a very angry Amelia, then me* Um, she can´t do anything to me now, can she?
Amelia: * with fierce indignation * Says who, Mr. Hawkins?
Me: Now, now, Amelia...do you really want to kiss Silver again?
Amelia: I was afraid you'd say that. Very well then...I won´t say a thing.
Me: Very wise, Amelia.
Jim: * busting out laughing *Oh, man! This stuff is too good!
Amelia: * instantly suspicious * What are you reading?
Jim: October the 5th.
Amelia: * blushing bright red * Oh God...please let this end...
Me: You needn't worry, Amelia. He'll forget most of what he reads after a few years...
34. Dose both Jim and Amelia with ten spoonfuls of cod-liver oil...
Amelia: * shudders * Ugh! Dreadful stuff, that! Oh, goodness...I do think that I am going to be sick...
Jim: Hey, Captain...trust me, I know exactly how you feel!
Me: * frowning * Oh, just stop all the complaining! You've only got nine more spoonfuls to go...
Amelia and Jim: *making faces* Urg
35. Allow Silver give Amelia a pedicure and a manicure...
Amelia: *Sighing* She hates me...I don't know precisely why, mind you...but she does absolutely hate me...
Me: Oh, don't talk nonsense, Amelia. I like you...really, I do.
Silver: Don´t yeh worry now, Cap'n, I'll be quick as I can about it, so I will.
Amelia: Much as it pains me to say this to you, Silver...thank you so much for your consideration.
Silver: Ah now...lass, you're welcome, so you are...
36. Give Amelia a tattoo that reads "I love pirates"...
Amelia: * glares at tatto, then me * I hate you. I really, truly do hate you.
Me: Maybe so...but are you saying that because you don't like the tattoo itself out where folks can see it, or what it says? Jim: * being considerate * Don't worry, Captain. I know a way we can hide that tattoo.
Me: Yeah, under a long-sleeve a t-shirt! *starts to laugh*
Jim: *holding a angry Amelia who's trying to reach me* Easy, Captain! Amelia: Release me immediately, Hawkins, or I shall pretend that you're her twin brother!
Jim: Come on, Captain! Calm down...she's not worth going to jail.
37. Assign Amelia the task of writing lines...
Me: All right, Amelia, here we go. You shall write "I forgive every pirate" 10,000 times. Please note that each second you waste trying to protest or not writing will result in your Legacy receiving one scratch. Am I clear?
Amelia: *nods her defeat, but scowls nonetheless*
(A few hours later)
Jim: * watching Amelia massage her hand * So how goes the lines, Captain?
Amelia: Sorry, Mr. Hawkins, but I deign to talk about that subject.
Me: Nicely done, Amelia!
38. Transform Amelia into herself at three months old, giving her care over to Silver. (Please note: Everything Amelia says are really thoughts, as she can't really speak now, can she?)...
Amelia: * muses, sitting in her crib * Very well then. I have before me quite the dilemma. Just who do I wreak my retribution upon first...Silver or that blasted girl?
Silver: Ah now, lass...here are your milk *Takes out a baby bottle full of milk*
Amelia: Dilemma solved. I have my answer.
39. Rework the RLS Legacy to look like a pirate ship...
Amelia: *thinking, yet seething as she looks upon her ship* Mustn't lose your temper, old girl. That wretched girl is simply not worth it.
Me: Hmm...might this be a bad time to tell you that I can read minds?
Amelia: * grins, directing a glare my way * Perhaps... Jim: Come on now, Captain...don't worry...the Legacy will be good as new before you know it...
40. Relocate Jim inside a gay bar...
Jim: * slaps an admirer's hand * Hey! Get your fingers away from me, or you're gonna lose 'em, pervert!
Me: * grinning * Having fun yet, Jim?
Jim: As a matter of fact, no! But, I'm not going to crack. No way!
Me: * arching an eyebrow * Oh, really? Not even if I tell Amelia just were you are this moment, even? Jim: * aghast * You wouldn't dare! * his face pales *
Me: * laughs * Oh? Just watch me! *Walks out*
Jim: * again slaps the hand of his new "friend" * HEY! I told you to keep your bloody hand to yourself!
41. Perform stunts on Jim's solar surfer that he couldn't dream of doing...while he watches...
Me: Woo hoo! That was so easy! Even a first year surfer could do that!
Amelia: *holding Jim back* Now now, Mr. Hawkins, we'll have none of that! That wretch simply isn't worth your effort, Jim!
Jim: * struggles * Lemme go! She is so so dead!
Amelia: I am really quite full, thank you. No more for me... Me: Now, now...open up, Amelia...you've got only two more pieces of cake to finish...* serves her a very large wedge of cake * Amelia: As I said...no thank you. *closes her mouth entirely*
Me: * sighs in resignation * All right, I didn't want to have to do this...but, well, you leave me no other choice. *pinches her nose closed, until Amelia has to open her mouth to breathe, which is when I stuff a forkful of cake into her mouth *
Amelia: * chewing * Why have I got the feeling that this is the beginning of yet another very bad day?
Me: Sorry, don't have a clue *serves up another forkful of cake* Come on now, Amelia, open wide...
Amelia: *sighs*
27. Allow Amelia and Jim the joys of experiencing of a private bagpipe concert...
Jim: Yikes! What's that guy doing, anyway...killing a cat? This is the worst thing I've ever heard!
Amelia: * wincing * Do refrain from talk of killing felines, Mr. Hawkins. Though I do sympathize with you. Now, Jim, which would is the worst...this bagpiper or
the he's chose to play the theme from that Teletubbie show you so enjoy?
Jim: * grimacing * Pick one...
Introduce both Jim and Amelia to the wonderful theme music of "Winnie the Pooh"...over and over again
Amelia: * scowls as she finds herself humming along * Blasted bear! I can take cannon fire with more aplomb than this repetitive racket!
Jim: * shrugs, not really minding the music * Don't worry, ma'am...it's got to end, right? Sooner or later. Amelia: * grimaces as the songs starts...again * It's the later that's concerning me, Mr. Hawkins...
29. Give Amelia a job as a kindergarden teacher, but one with laryngitis...
Amelia: *thinking* Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts,
THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS. (I know that this comes from "Finding Nemo" but it was so cool that I had to use it)
30. Introduce Amelia to my little brother...
Little Bro: Wow! Is that Captain Cornelia? *points at Amelia*
Me: *laughs* Oh, yeah...that's her.
Amelia: *scowling* My name is Captain Amelia, just so you know, young man.
Little Bro: And, I care...why?
Me: Tell you what, I'll give you ten thousand buck, if you do to her what you do to me. Sound like a deal? Little Bro: Hmm. Okay. I'll be back in a couple hours. *begins to anoy Amelia*
Me: * After a few hours, he returns * Here you go, Bro. 10 grand. *gives him the money*
Little Bro: Easy money. Gotta go, Sis. *walks away*
Amelia: * wincing and muttering * Has he gone yet?
Me: Yes, Cornelia.
Amelia: Oh, my but you are the funny one, you are.
31. Have Jim and Amelia dress like ordinary teens and then have them attend my class...
Teacher: So...you're Amelia and Jim, are you? I am soo delighted to finally meet you both.
Amelia and Jim: Er...thank, I think.
Teacher: Now come along...we must get to class Teacher: *once inside the classroom* You may go about your tasks, children.
Amelia: I say, my friend...is this woman joking? *looking at all the tasks*
Me: * shaking my head * Afraid not...
Teacher: *coming towards us* How are you doing? Do you need help?
Me: No, thank you. *teacher then walks away*
Jim: * to me * Who needs help with this? This stuff is child's play!
Teacher: * to Jim * I can appreciate that you want to talk about the task at hand, but you just can´t make so much noise.
Amelia: I beg your pardon, my friend, but what precisely is wrong with her?
Me: She was educated as a kindergarden aunt. I have no idea at all as to how she managed to get a job as a junior high school teacher...
32. Transform Amelia into a teenage human girl.
Amelia: * blinks, stunned * What have you done to me? I can't see clearly, my hearing's gone for naught, and I must of developed a head cold as I cannot smell hardly anything at all. Am I dying?
Jim: Nope. You've just become a human girl is all, Captain...
Amelia: * scowls *Yes? Make your point, Mr. Hawkins. I haven't time to dilly-dally!
Jim: Well, Captain...humans don´t have as nearly the senses that felinids do.
Amelia: *sarcastically* No! Oh, my...what a surprise! I do thank you, Mr. Hawkins, for that most illuminating insight of yours. Now, somebody...change me back! Me: * giggling * This is just too much fun!
33. Grant Jim full access to Amelia's private diary...
Amelia: *Panicking, gesturing wildly with her hands* Oh no! No, no, no, no! Not my diary! Give that to me...instantly, I say!
Me: *grin, giving Jim her diary* Here you are, Jim! Enjoy!
Jim: *looks on a very angry Amelia, then me* Um, she can´t do anything to me now, can she?
Amelia: * with fierce indignation * Says who, Mr. Hawkins?
Me: Now, now, Amelia...do you really want to kiss Silver again?
Amelia: I was afraid you'd say that. Very well then...I won´t say a thing.
Me: Very wise, Amelia.
Jim: * busting out laughing *Oh, man! This stuff is too good!
Amelia: * instantly suspicious * What are you reading?
Jim: October the 5th.
Amelia: * blushing bright red * Oh God...please let this end...
Me: You needn't worry, Amelia. He'll forget most of what he reads after a few years...
34. Dose both Jim and Amelia with ten spoonfuls of cod-liver oil...
Amelia: * shudders * Ugh! Dreadful stuff, that! Oh, goodness...I do think that I am going to be sick...
Jim: Hey, Captain...trust me, I know exactly how you feel!
Me: * frowning * Oh, just stop all the complaining! You've only got nine more spoonfuls to go...
Amelia and Jim: *making faces* Urg
35. Allow Silver give Amelia a pedicure and a manicure...
Amelia: *Sighing* She hates me...I don't know precisely why, mind you...but she does absolutely hate me...
Me: Oh, don't talk nonsense, Amelia. I like you...really, I do.
Silver: Don´t yeh worry now, Cap'n, I'll be quick as I can about it, so I will.
Amelia: Much as it pains me to say this to you, Silver...thank you so much for your consideration.
Silver: Ah now...lass, you're welcome, so you are...
36. Give Amelia a tattoo that reads "I love pirates"...
Amelia: * glares at tatto, then me * I hate you. I really, truly do hate you.
Me: Maybe so...but are you saying that because you don't like the tattoo itself out where folks can see it, or what it says? Jim: * being considerate * Don't worry, Captain. I know a way we can hide that tattoo.
Me: Yeah, under a long-sleeve a t-shirt! *starts to laugh*
Jim: *holding a angry Amelia who's trying to reach me* Easy, Captain! Amelia: Release me immediately, Hawkins, or I shall pretend that you're her twin brother!
Jim: Come on, Captain! Calm down...she's not worth going to jail.
37. Assign Amelia the task of writing lines...
Me: All right, Amelia, here we go. You shall write "I forgive every pirate" 10,000 times. Please note that each second you waste trying to protest or not writing will result in your Legacy receiving one scratch. Am I clear?
Amelia: *nods her defeat, but scowls nonetheless*
(A few hours later)
Jim: * watching Amelia massage her hand * So how goes the lines, Captain?
Amelia: Sorry, Mr. Hawkins, but I deign to talk about that subject.
Me: Nicely done, Amelia!
38. Transform Amelia into herself at three months old, giving her care over to Silver. (Please note: Everything Amelia says are really thoughts, as she can't really speak now, can she?)...
Amelia: * muses, sitting in her crib * Very well then. I have before me quite the dilemma. Just who do I wreak my retribution upon first...Silver or that blasted girl?
Silver: Ah now, lass...here are your milk *Takes out a baby bottle full of milk*
Amelia: Dilemma solved. I have my answer.
39. Rework the RLS Legacy to look like a pirate ship...
Amelia: *thinking, yet seething as she looks upon her ship* Mustn't lose your temper, old girl. That wretched girl is simply not worth it.
Me: Hmm...might this be a bad time to tell you that I can read minds?
Amelia: * grins, directing a glare my way * Perhaps... Jim: Come on now, Captain...don't worry...the Legacy will be good as new before you know it...
40. Relocate Jim inside a gay bar...
Jim: * slaps an admirer's hand * Hey! Get your fingers away from me, or you're gonna lose 'em, pervert!
Me: * grinning * Having fun yet, Jim?
Jim: As a matter of fact, no! But, I'm not going to crack. No way!
Me: * arching an eyebrow * Oh, really? Not even if I tell Amelia just were you are this moment, even? Jim: * aghast * You wouldn't dare! * his face pales *
Me: * laughs * Oh? Just watch me! *Walks out*
Jim: * again slaps the hand of his new "friend" * HEY! I told you to keep your bloody hand to yourself!
41. Perform stunts on Jim's solar surfer that he couldn't dream of doing...while he watches...
Me: Woo hoo! That was so easy! Even a first year surfer could do that!
Amelia: *holding Jim back* Now now, Mr. Hawkins, we'll have none of that! That wretch simply isn't worth your effort, Jim!
Jim: * struggles * Lemme go! She is so so dead!