Regrets.
Neo
Two sporks become two people, a bowl becomes their ship. Small hands play across the metal table top, BC's impromptu toys make little tapping sounds.
She moves, reaches across the table for another spork. Neo stretches his arm around and retrieves it for her.
Brown eyes look up, then she looks back to the utensil in his open palm. She curls his fingers over it.
"What is it?" He asks her, one arm around her in his lap.
"Person."
"A Jack?" a lesson in real world terminology.
"Copper."
"Coppertop."
"Yes."
"Where are they?"
She frowns delicately, searching for the correct word. "Cage."
"A cage?"
BC pulls his fingers tighter around the spork. He can feel every imperfection in the cool metal.
"Trapped in the cage," she elaborates in the curious Zion inflection that has no accent.
"What cage?" he asks, more than a little afraid of the answer.
She closes her eyes for a second, breathing in slowly. "The Matrix."
His fingers loosen. "Can I let the person go?"
"Yes. Free." The coppertop is withdrawn from their cage, and placed in the care of the crew on the Tin Bowl. All three lie down, apparently to sleep.
Neo sits still, hugging his daughter against him as she lays her head against his chest.
Worry lines are beginning to show in his face.
Cages. How can he save so many people when he can't find the lock on the door, let alone the key?
Everything has been piling up lately, the incident with Nanu, Cunningham, Wolf, Pirate and Gavin fighting, the Lafayette . . .
Why had he gone there? It's one of many questions, questions that flit around his mind like moths beating themselves to death inside a jar. What had happened to Nanu? Why had Cunningham stayed to talk, and why had Neo listened? What had possessed him to accept another fumbling teenager on board, when there were others more useful than Wolf? Why were Pirate and Gavin at each other's throats? Why had he taken Pirate on board at all? What were the subtitles that hummed at the edge of hearing whenever Pirate and Nanu were in the room together? Was that bizarre connection the reason Gavin hated Pirate so much? Could something have happened to Nanu while she was zoned out that changed the way things were among them all?
BC wriggles, Neo blinks and looks down at her. Eyes that mirror his stare back at him. She sees beyond him, it seems, reads what lies beneath his shields. She has the same air about her that Nanu carries, that of knowing more than she should, and understanding far beyond her boundaries.
She cuddles closer to him, as if sensing his half-fear of her. He rocks her slightly, more to comfort himself than his child.
"Daddy."
"Hmm?"
A small cool hand reaches up to touch his cheek, but stops at his neck, over the pulse below his jaw. She leans into him, and he feels his heartbeat begin to slow.
"BC – "
"Close your eyes. See."
. . . the world fades from him, steel dissolving into blue sky sunshine and cloud . . .
She shows him.
Nanu
As Nanu re-screws a steel panel into the wall, her breath catches. Achi touches her arm,
"What is it?"
Nanu's eyes clear, "Nothing."
Achi doesn't push the question.
Nanu steadies the screwdriver.
. . . Neo . . .
She blinks, trying to focus.
. . . Raven . . .
The tool slips, scoring a long scratch in the wall.
. . . I'm not Juno . . .
The edge of the 'driver nears her hand.
. . . Let go . . .
It cuts, slashing across her knuckles. She's pressing so hard, but doesn't notice.
. . . I'll hold you . . .
. . . Let go of me! . . .
. . . No! . . .
Blood spills.
"Nanu, what is it?"
. . . come back . . .
"Wrap this around your hand, it's alright."
. . . You promised me . . .
A voice. Pirate.
"Where did you come from?"
"It's not a very big ship," he takes her hand, leading her down the hall.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm the medic numbskull, what do you think I'm doing?"
"But Achi – "
"Can finish fixing that wall on her own. She's not as clumsy as you."
"I'm not clumsy," she's aware that her words are slurring.
He laughs, pulling her through the infirmary doorway. "Why else would you almost cut off your hand?"
Dazed, she looks down at her left hand, at the blood seeping through the cloth.
"I did what?"
Hands around her waist heft her up onto one of the bunk beds. He grins at her again, "Just go back to sleep, silly goose."
She sits there, trying to collect her wits. She'd been fine five minutes ago, what had happened to her? There'd been voices, words, memories teeming through her head. Neo, and Raven.
And BC.
"Where's Bobcat?" she asks.
"Dunno, why?" Pirate unties the rag, then dabs across the cut with cotton wool and something that stings.
"No reason." With the onset of pain her mind begins to clear. BC must have been thinking about what had happened the other day. But the thoughts had the odd lilt that she associated with Neo. It makes no sense.
Pirate smooths a strip of sterile bandage over her cut. The corner of the screwdriver must have dug deeper than she'd thought, for him to take this sort of care. Another bandage goes over the first.
She studies him, listening. He's verging on hyper sensitive, and she can tell that he's holding back, keeping from listening to her. To him her hands feel warm as he wraps the bandage around her knuckles, and smooth.
Nanu tries not to fidget. She knows full well what Pirate is thinking, and she also knows she'll have to put some stop to it. They're crewmates, they have to face each other every day, and they can't afford to get too awkward over this.
And of course, she's with somebody else.
"Pirate," she keeps her voice steady.
"Mm?" he only meets her eyes briefly, turning his back and going to put away the antiseptic liquid.
"We're friends right?"
His shoulders tense. She sees the tattoos ripple as he forces muscles to relax. "Sure we're friends."
That's not enough for you, is it? It won't ever be.
She bows her head. A heaviness settles in the back of her throat, like a swallow of something cold and wet and tasting stale.
I'm so sorry Pirate.
"Thanks for patching up my hand," she says aloud, sliding off the bunk. He nods, not looking at her.
Nanu fights an urge to reach out her hand and trace the tattoos along the lines of his neck. But she doesn't. He deserves so much better than . . . .this.
***