Don't abandon it (my story) yet! It's not as silly as it looks! There is depth in this (somewhere). Just give me a chance!

Chapter Two – Many/some meetings

Mary Jane was apprehensive. One second she was bathing in a pond, the next second she was in the middle of nowhere. What had happened?

Well, whatever had happened, Mary Jane didn't want to stick around to find out. However, she didn't get much of a chance to choose. Because before she could study her new surroundings a little, a giant blonde had strode over and picked her up. And now she was steadily moving further and further away from the only visible sign of civilisation.

Unable to struggle free, Mary Jane looked up at her captor. She was tall and slender with long silky blonde hair. Her first impression was that she was now back home at Elizabeth's place. Her surroundings were unfamiliar but her captor seemed to fit memories.

Memories of dolls Elizabeth played with. "Barbies."

Alarmed, Mary Jane struggled harder. It wasn't possible. Her head seemed to swell up so big that Mary Jane was surprised she hadn't popped. She couldn't have shrunk could she? And how did she get from the pond back home so quick? And of all places, why Barbie land?

Then, a sudden realisation of something blatantly unobvious struck her. This Barbie was actually male. It had taken her such a long time to figure this out because he looked so girlish, but Mary Jane worked it out in the end. It was something to do with the way she was being held – very uncomfortable squashed up between her captor's palms and fingers. He couldn't have ever been with women before.

            Another thought hit Mary Jane and she resented being so slow. Barbies were always girls. Always. Boy Barbies had short brown hair and were incredibly stupid.

            This meant that her captor wasn't a Barbie, which meant (to her great relief) she hadn't shrunk, but this meant (and Mary Jane panicked again) that she was lost! She was in the middle of nowhere.

            And she was going to Rivendell, wherever that was.

The journey to Rivendell was long and tedious, and Mary Jane soon found herself bored out of her mind. The tight grip that held her was not making the trip any more pleasant.

The blonde "barbie man" (the new name she'd given her captor) did nothing but smile and Mary Jane began wondering if it were such a good idea to leave Elizabeth after all. Elizabeth may have been very rough with her, but she would never drag anyone through deserted places and smile about it.

Legolas, however, did not seem to notice any downsides to this journey. He was smiling broadly, believing ever so steadfastly that his decision to leave Mirkwood was, indeed, a very good one. As if he even had a choice.

Clutching his newfound love protectively, Legolas skipped through what he believed was sunshine. Winds blew, rain poured, the sun set and rivers appeared, but to Legolas, everyday was bright and warm.

When Legolas finally got to Rivendell, he was a real mess, but he felt very confident that he had won his love's admiration.

"Greetings!" a voice called.

Legolas looked to see a very smug elf standing a few feet in front of him. He was giving Legolas a look of utmost distaste.

"We've had many visitors today," the elf said, "are you here to speak to Lord Elrond?"

Legolas panicked. He suddenly realised that he had no reason for being here. He was only trying to impress the shoe but now that he was back in civilization, he had some explaining to do.

"Yyyyyyyyes," he said, "I…er…I have…news! I have news…to report to Elrond!"

The elf gazed at him sceptically. "Very well, may I ask your name?"

Legolas wondered if he ought to tell this guy his real name. After all, if he wasn't going to hang around, if he wanted any chance of escape, he'd have to be unnoticed.

"My name is Tr—

"Legolas!"

Cursing, Legolas looked in the direction of the evil person who'd given him away.

It was Elladan. Or was it Elrohir? He had his back to Legolas and was talking very quickly to his brother, Elrohir/Elladan. "So he asks me, 'What about Legolas?' and I said, "Well, Legolas is great at archery, he can shoot…"

So he hadn't given Legolas away after all.

"Well?" asked the elf impatiently.

"Sorry, my name is Tr—

"LEGOLAS!"

This time two hands landed on his shoulders. Reluctantly Legolas turned around to face the twins.

"Hi Legolas!" the first twin said loudly in his face.

"Hello," said Legolas rigidly.

"We were just talking about you," said the second twin, "And then Elrohir saw you turn around to us and then turn away. Why didn't you say hello?"

"Because…er…because I didn't see you."

"That's a shame," began Elrohir, "But now that you're here…"

"We can go do things!" finished Elladan.

Just then, the elf whose name hasn't been introduced yet said nastily "So, Legolas, I'll just go inform Lord Elrond that you have arrived."

"Okay…" said Legolas weakly and turned to face the two eager faces.

"Alright," said one of them, "you haven't been here for ages! What's been happening?"

Legolas thought of his many failed marriages and shuddered. "Nothing."

"Really? Well we want you to meet our foster brother!"

"Yeah, he's really really cool. He's a HUMAN!"

So Legolas followed Elladan and Elrohir who lead him to an old man.

"Legolas, meet our foster brother…ESTEL!"

Legolas stared at the old man. The old man stared back.

"Estel, this is Legolas."

So he was going to have a staring competition was he? Well, Legolas certainly wasn't going to let him win.

And so they stared.

And stared.

And stared.

Then the old man winked and burst out laughing. "Good to see you, old friend!" he grinned.

Legolas was lost. Who was this man and since when were they "old friends"?

The man came forward and embraced Legolas. "Just play along," Legolas heard him whisper.

After he let go, the old man said, "How've you been all these years?"

"Oh, not too bad," he said casually, smiling inwardly at the dazed looks on the twins' faces.

"How do you two know each other?" one asked.

"Oh we met, a couple of years ago, out west," said Estel.

The twins nodded dumbly. Legolas grinned.

In case you haven't realised (and this is for those of you who are fuming because of mistakes and out of characterness et cetera) this is a parody. I said earlier that this defies everything Tolkien wrote and I meant it. Literally.
This is an epic tale about Legolas's journey with the fellowship, that he really isn't what he appears to be. You'll see what I mean next chapter.

This story doesn't contain editing of major events of the books, simply a different view of the story. From one you've never seen before.

Anyway, if you're not bored yet, come back some other time and I might put more up.