Disclaimer: J.K.R. has the good grace to allow her fans to muck about with
her characters from time to time. -grin- Anyhoo, these characters are
hers, not mine, blah blah blah. (You know the drill)
A/N: This is the last chapter, I'm pretty sure. A big thanks to my reviewers - I really, really appreciate it. Well, hope you like the rest of it.
......
It was taunting him.
He had hoped that the door would go away. No luck.
He had tried to find a way around it, so he didn't have to look at it anymore - and ended up late for all his classes.
He tried to just not let it bother him. It wasn't working. At all.
And people were beginning to notice that the most irrepressible boy in school had turned sullen and withdrawn in the space of a day.
........
"So I say that we go down to that river this time. Do werewolves like water, Moony?"
"I guess we'll find out."
"Oh! We should get to that little cabin on the far side of Hogsmeade, too. We nearly scared that old lady to death last time! Remember the look on her face?"
The four boys were sitting around the common room fire, brainstorming for their next full moon adventure. Sirius, normally the most boisterous of the bunch sat quietly, tucked into a corner of the old sofa, drumming his fingers mindlessly on the end table, and staring into the fire. He knew that his friends were getting worried about him, but none of them really wanted to ask him what was going on. Oh, James would eventually break down and confront him, but Sirius could tell he was putting it off for as long as possible. None of them really wanted to make him angry, but James wasn't the type to postpone unpleasant things for too long.
"What do you think, Sirius?"
That was Remus, trying to draw him into the conversation. Again.
"Sure." Sirius faked a smile. "Sounds good." He couldn't quite make it sound genuine.
The other 3 boys exchanged brief glances. They all sat for a while longer, in uncomfortable semi-silence, until Remus announced that he was going to bed. Peter followed him soon after, leaving Sirius gazing into the fire, and James staring at a spot on the rug.
Seconds ticked by, until James broke the quiet.
"It's a Hogsmeade weekend tomorrow."
"Yeah, I know."
"So, you're going?"
"Of course I'm going. Why wouldn't I?"
He looked James in the eyes, challenging him to answer the question properly, but he didn't. James just nodded and headed up to bed
Sirius didn't know why he made everything so difficult for himself, why he couldn't bear to discuss his own problems with his friends. After all, he demanded complete honesty from them, always made them tell him what was going on when they were bothered by something. Why the double standard? Did he think that it had been easy for Remus to admit to being a werewolf back in first year? No, but he did, and he did it with grace. This was nothing compared to that. But.
This was just different, he told himself. It's personal. But the thought rang hollow in his mind, as he trudged up the stairs to bed.
This particular Hogsmeade weekend was a needed one for most of the students. It had been a long and bitterly cold winter so far, and the snow showed no signs of letting up anytime soon. The halls were filled with laughter and excited chatter, as more than half the school prepared to shop, eat, and finally get out of the cloistered walls of the castle for a few hours.
James, Sirius and Remus and Peter walked down to the main entrance of the castle, with what seemed to be a thousand other people, each as eager as the next to get out. Sirius had decided to make an extra effort to lighten up today, but he found it hard to keep smiling when they passed by "the door". Every time he walked by it, his breath would catch in his throat, and his chest would tighten, and today was no exception. Besides that, he was feeling more and more foolish with each passing day.
Sirius Black, afraid of a room. It really wasn't like him at all.
The walk to the village was harder than usual, but, like always, the trip was well worth it. The four boys worked their way systematically up the street, stopping in nearly every store on the way. (The only exception being a gift store that James referred to as 'silly girl heaven', which smelled like eighteen sorts of candles and seemed to house the world's biggest collection of horrible frilly pink things.)
Just being outside and away from the castle improved Sirius's mood immensely and he felt better than he could recall feeling in over two weeks, when the group of them finally made it to the Three Broomsticks and found a table.
"Hey James, look!"
Sirius elbowed his friend in the ribs, and pointed, very indiscreetly, to a pretty redhead sitting across the room.
"Yeah, so." James said, with a practiced nonchalance, the tips of his ears reddening.
Sirius smirked.
"Why don't you ask her out, again? The fiftieth time's the charm, I've heard."
James glared and gave him a good natured shove.
"Heads up." Remus mumbled, and gave a small nod to an approaching figure.
Almost imperceptibly, the four boys tensed up, immediately recognizing the figure of Severus Snape.
Snape, forbidden to tell anyone what he had found out about Remus, had instead made it his mission to get Sirius kicked out of school for good. All of them knew that if Sirius laid so much as a finger on the Slytherin, there wouldn't be another reprieve from the headmaster. Needless to say, this knowledge had made Snape a good deal bolder around the Marauders.
He stood there, with an ugly sort of smile on his face, until James spoke.
"Did it just get a whole lot uglier in here, or is it just him?"
"Oh, shove it, Potter." Snape snapped. "I just came by to see what a monster does on his day off." He leaned in closer to Remus, and sneered. "Eaten anyone lately?"
None of them answered. After weeks and weeks of this sort of thing, the four of them had decided it was best just not to respond, and instead looked blandly back at the greasy boy, waiting for his reaction.
Snape glared at them, obviously perturbed by their lack of response, and then slowly began walking away. He stopped and turned when he was directly behind Sirius, and leaned over. He lowered his voice and spoke quietly into his ear.
"Tell me, Black, how much of a bastard do you need to be for your mother to stop loving you?" He paused for a moment, and smiled.
"I was just wondering, and I figured you could tell me."
For what seemed like an eternity, there was complete silence. James allowed himself a sigh of relief, as Snape straightened and began walking away.
Suddenly, and with almost inhuman quickness, Sirius leapt out of his chair and lunged toward Snape. Without thinking, James jumped after his friend, grabbing him by the back of his robes, and pulling backward as hard as he could. Both of them stumbled back and landed hard, tangled in a heap on the bar floor, temporarily stunned.
James recovered first, and got to his feet. With his hand still clenched around a fistful of Sirius's robes, he half pushed, half dragged the other boy to the door, out into the cold evening air.
"What the hell was is wrong with you?" James hissed, pushing his friend up against the wall of the building.
Sirius said nothing, so James continued, sounding completely exasperated.
"Have you gone completely insane? If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were trying to get thrown out of school!"
Sirius gave him a hard shove out of the way.
"Leave me alone." He growled, and walked off into the growing darkness.
Sirius sat on the edge of his bed, with his hands folded in his lap. He was completely unsure of what he was supposed to do next. Wait here until his friends came back from Hogsmeade? Avoid them for as long as possible? Luckily or not, he was spared the agony of decision when the door opened. It was James.
He sat down next to Sirius and gave him a searching look.
"Care to tell me what's going on?"
"Nothing." Sirius mumbled, fidgeting slightly.
James continued to stare at him. It was obvious that he wasn't going to give up or go away until he got the answer he came for. Sirius sighed, closed his eyes, and began. He told James everything - and once he started talking, the words came easily. He finished, finally, and looked at his friend for a reaction.
James was smiling.
"Honestly, Padfoot. I really don't see what the problem is, here."
Sirius opened his mouth to protest, but James continued on.
"Has the room ever steered us wrong before? No. The way I see it, you just need to go in, find out what it's there for, and get it over with. Pretty simple really."
Sirius sputtered in disbelief. "But it's not that simple!"
"Why not?"
It was a fair question, and before Sirius could think of a suitable answer, James leapt from the bed, and began leading his friend downstairs, and out into the hallways.
The two boys stopped, in perfect unison, and looked up at the fairly benign looking door.
"Well, go on then." Said James.
"Bastard." Sirius mumbled, as he opened the door. But he was smiling, and oddly enough, not nearly as nervous as he thought he'd be. They both stepped over the threshold together.
James looked around the large room, and let out a grunt of disgust. This was the first time he'd ever "been" to Grimmauld Place., and the place didn't really inspire warmth. Sirius had always joked that if James ever showed up unannounced, he'd be hexed off the front porch before he even had the chance to knock on the door. At least, James had always assumed that his friend had been joking. Now, he wasn't so sure.
Sirius walked into the middle of the room, turned around and held out his arms.
"So, what now?"
James just shrugged, and stepped up to a small end table. He picked up a small vase and turned it over in his hands.
"What's this?"
Sirius's eyes widened, as he rushed over to the table. He plucked the vase out of his friend's hands, and set it back on the table.
"Those," he said, pausing briefly for effect, "are my great grandfather's ashes."
James raised an eyebrow. "I thought you already broke that."
"My brother did." He said, glaring. "And." He stopped for a moment. "Look, can we just go?"
"Do you feel better yet?"
"No." Sirius said, darkly. "And I'm not going to until we get out of here."
James once again plucked the urn off the table. He tossed it to Sirius, who caught it, but just barely. He stared at the small container in his hands for a long while. Finally, he unscrewed the lid and peered inside, smiling oddly.
James recognized the look of inspiration on his face instantly.
Slowly and with great relish, Sirius turned the urn upside down, watching the ashes cascade onto the sofa. He considered the empty container for a moment, then tossed it against the wall, watching it shatter. But he wasn't done yet, not nearly.
In complete silence, he worked his way around the room. He tore the paintings off the walls, and broke the legs off the antique furniture. Grabbing a lamp, he used the base as a club, denting and gouging the expensive oak walls. Then, taking each fragile, ugly heirloom off the shelves one by one, he threw them with all his might across the room, and the tinkling sound of breaking glass filled the air. He overturned the couch, and with the help of a nearby letter opener, ripped the stuffing out of each cushion.
With one final spurt of energy, he leaned on the heavy cabinet that stood by the doorway, but it wouldn't budge. He threw his weight into it again and again, but the structure remained immovable. With a frustrated kick, he turned and looked helplessly at James.
With the weight of both of them against it, the cabinet didn't stand a chance. When it hit the floor and burst, the whole room seemed to shake.
Sirius stood, calm, in the center of the ruin he had created. He gave a small nod to James.
And without another word, both boys walked back through the door, and neither looked back.
The end.
A/N: This is the last chapter, I'm pretty sure. A big thanks to my reviewers - I really, really appreciate it. Well, hope you like the rest of it.
......
It was taunting him.
He had hoped that the door would go away. No luck.
He had tried to find a way around it, so he didn't have to look at it anymore - and ended up late for all his classes.
He tried to just not let it bother him. It wasn't working. At all.
And people were beginning to notice that the most irrepressible boy in school had turned sullen and withdrawn in the space of a day.
........
"So I say that we go down to that river this time. Do werewolves like water, Moony?"
"I guess we'll find out."
"Oh! We should get to that little cabin on the far side of Hogsmeade, too. We nearly scared that old lady to death last time! Remember the look on her face?"
The four boys were sitting around the common room fire, brainstorming for their next full moon adventure. Sirius, normally the most boisterous of the bunch sat quietly, tucked into a corner of the old sofa, drumming his fingers mindlessly on the end table, and staring into the fire. He knew that his friends were getting worried about him, but none of them really wanted to ask him what was going on. Oh, James would eventually break down and confront him, but Sirius could tell he was putting it off for as long as possible. None of them really wanted to make him angry, but James wasn't the type to postpone unpleasant things for too long.
"What do you think, Sirius?"
That was Remus, trying to draw him into the conversation. Again.
"Sure." Sirius faked a smile. "Sounds good." He couldn't quite make it sound genuine.
The other 3 boys exchanged brief glances. They all sat for a while longer, in uncomfortable semi-silence, until Remus announced that he was going to bed. Peter followed him soon after, leaving Sirius gazing into the fire, and James staring at a spot on the rug.
Seconds ticked by, until James broke the quiet.
"It's a Hogsmeade weekend tomorrow."
"Yeah, I know."
"So, you're going?"
"Of course I'm going. Why wouldn't I?"
He looked James in the eyes, challenging him to answer the question properly, but he didn't. James just nodded and headed up to bed
Sirius didn't know why he made everything so difficult for himself, why he couldn't bear to discuss his own problems with his friends. After all, he demanded complete honesty from them, always made them tell him what was going on when they were bothered by something. Why the double standard? Did he think that it had been easy for Remus to admit to being a werewolf back in first year? No, but he did, and he did it with grace. This was nothing compared to that. But.
This was just different, he told himself. It's personal. But the thought rang hollow in his mind, as he trudged up the stairs to bed.
This particular Hogsmeade weekend was a needed one for most of the students. It had been a long and bitterly cold winter so far, and the snow showed no signs of letting up anytime soon. The halls were filled with laughter and excited chatter, as more than half the school prepared to shop, eat, and finally get out of the cloistered walls of the castle for a few hours.
James, Sirius and Remus and Peter walked down to the main entrance of the castle, with what seemed to be a thousand other people, each as eager as the next to get out. Sirius had decided to make an extra effort to lighten up today, but he found it hard to keep smiling when they passed by "the door". Every time he walked by it, his breath would catch in his throat, and his chest would tighten, and today was no exception. Besides that, he was feeling more and more foolish with each passing day.
Sirius Black, afraid of a room. It really wasn't like him at all.
The walk to the village was harder than usual, but, like always, the trip was well worth it. The four boys worked their way systematically up the street, stopping in nearly every store on the way. (The only exception being a gift store that James referred to as 'silly girl heaven', which smelled like eighteen sorts of candles and seemed to house the world's biggest collection of horrible frilly pink things.)
Just being outside and away from the castle improved Sirius's mood immensely and he felt better than he could recall feeling in over two weeks, when the group of them finally made it to the Three Broomsticks and found a table.
"Hey James, look!"
Sirius elbowed his friend in the ribs, and pointed, very indiscreetly, to a pretty redhead sitting across the room.
"Yeah, so." James said, with a practiced nonchalance, the tips of his ears reddening.
Sirius smirked.
"Why don't you ask her out, again? The fiftieth time's the charm, I've heard."
James glared and gave him a good natured shove.
"Heads up." Remus mumbled, and gave a small nod to an approaching figure.
Almost imperceptibly, the four boys tensed up, immediately recognizing the figure of Severus Snape.
Snape, forbidden to tell anyone what he had found out about Remus, had instead made it his mission to get Sirius kicked out of school for good. All of them knew that if Sirius laid so much as a finger on the Slytherin, there wouldn't be another reprieve from the headmaster. Needless to say, this knowledge had made Snape a good deal bolder around the Marauders.
He stood there, with an ugly sort of smile on his face, until James spoke.
"Did it just get a whole lot uglier in here, or is it just him?"
"Oh, shove it, Potter." Snape snapped. "I just came by to see what a monster does on his day off." He leaned in closer to Remus, and sneered. "Eaten anyone lately?"
None of them answered. After weeks and weeks of this sort of thing, the four of them had decided it was best just not to respond, and instead looked blandly back at the greasy boy, waiting for his reaction.
Snape glared at them, obviously perturbed by their lack of response, and then slowly began walking away. He stopped and turned when he was directly behind Sirius, and leaned over. He lowered his voice and spoke quietly into his ear.
"Tell me, Black, how much of a bastard do you need to be for your mother to stop loving you?" He paused for a moment, and smiled.
"I was just wondering, and I figured you could tell me."
For what seemed like an eternity, there was complete silence. James allowed himself a sigh of relief, as Snape straightened and began walking away.
Suddenly, and with almost inhuman quickness, Sirius leapt out of his chair and lunged toward Snape. Without thinking, James jumped after his friend, grabbing him by the back of his robes, and pulling backward as hard as he could. Both of them stumbled back and landed hard, tangled in a heap on the bar floor, temporarily stunned.
James recovered first, and got to his feet. With his hand still clenched around a fistful of Sirius's robes, he half pushed, half dragged the other boy to the door, out into the cold evening air.
"What the hell was is wrong with you?" James hissed, pushing his friend up against the wall of the building.
Sirius said nothing, so James continued, sounding completely exasperated.
"Have you gone completely insane? If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were trying to get thrown out of school!"
Sirius gave him a hard shove out of the way.
"Leave me alone." He growled, and walked off into the growing darkness.
Sirius sat on the edge of his bed, with his hands folded in his lap. He was completely unsure of what he was supposed to do next. Wait here until his friends came back from Hogsmeade? Avoid them for as long as possible? Luckily or not, he was spared the agony of decision when the door opened. It was James.
He sat down next to Sirius and gave him a searching look.
"Care to tell me what's going on?"
"Nothing." Sirius mumbled, fidgeting slightly.
James continued to stare at him. It was obvious that he wasn't going to give up or go away until he got the answer he came for. Sirius sighed, closed his eyes, and began. He told James everything - and once he started talking, the words came easily. He finished, finally, and looked at his friend for a reaction.
James was smiling.
"Honestly, Padfoot. I really don't see what the problem is, here."
Sirius opened his mouth to protest, but James continued on.
"Has the room ever steered us wrong before? No. The way I see it, you just need to go in, find out what it's there for, and get it over with. Pretty simple really."
Sirius sputtered in disbelief. "But it's not that simple!"
"Why not?"
It was a fair question, and before Sirius could think of a suitable answer, James leapt from the bed, and began leading his friend downstairs, and out into the hallways.
The two boys stopped, in perfect unison, and looked up at the fairly benign looking door.
"Well, go on then." Said James.
"Bastard." Sirius mumbled, as he opened the door. But he was smiling, and oddly enough, not nearly as nervous as he thought he'd be. They both stepped over the threshold together.
James looked around the large room, and let out a grunt of disgust. This was the first time he'd ever "been" to Grimmauld Place., and the place didn't really inspire warmth. Sirius had always joked that if James ever showed up unannounced, he'd be hexed off the front porch before he even had the chance to knock on the door. At least, James had always assumed that his friend had been joking. Now, he wasn't so sure.
Sirius walked into the middle of the room, turned around and held out his arms.
"So, what now?"
James just shrugged, and stepped up to a small end table. He picked up a small vase and turned it over in his hands.
"What's this?"
Sirius's eyes widened, as he rushed over to the table. He plucked the vase out of his friend's hands, and set it back on the table.
"Those," he said, pausing briefly for effect, "are my great grandfather's ashes."
James raised an eyebrow. "I thought you already broke that."
"My brother did." He said, glaring. "And." He stopped for a moment. "Look, can we just go?"
"Do you feel better yet?"
"No." Sirius said, darkly. "And I'm not going to until we get out of here."
James once again plucked the urn off the table. He tossed it to Sirius, who caught it, but just barely. He stared at the small container in his hands for a long while. Finally, he unscrewed the lid and peered inside, smiling oddly.
James recognized the look of inspiration on his face instantly.
Slowly and with great relish, Sirius turned the urn upside down, watching the ashes cascade onto the sofa. He considered the empty container for a moment, then tossed it against the wall, watching it shatter. But he wasn't done yet, not nearly.
In complete silence, he worked his way around the room. He tore the paintings off the walls, and broke the legs off the antique furniture. Grabbing a lamp, he used the base as a club, denting and gouging the expensive oak walls. Then, taking each fragile, ugly heirloom off the shelves one by one, he threw them with all his might across the room, and the tinkling sound of breaking glass filled the air. He overturned the couch, and with the help of a nearby letter opener, ripped the stuffing out of each cushion.
With one final spurt of energy, he leaned on the heavy cabinet that stood by the doorway, but it wouldn't budge. He threw his weight into it again and again, but the structure remained immovable. With a frustrated kick, he turned and looked helplessly at James.
With the weight of both of them against it, the cabinet didn't stand a chance. When it hit the floor and burst, the whole room seemed to shake.
Sirius stood, calm, in the center of the ruin he had created. He gave a small nod to James.
And without another word, both boys walked back through the door, and neither looked back.
The end.