Autor: Sliver
Titel: Going in circles
Teil: 1/2
Email: sliver-sama@web.de
Pairing: Yohji x Aya
Rating: PG
Warning: OOC, a little sappy
Disclaimer: Weiß Kreuz belongs to Project Weiß. The idea is mine. I don't make any money out of this.
comment: As I'm not a native speaker there can be a few mistakes.
°~~~~°~~~~°
Going in circles
"Bye folks, I'm out. Gorgeous women don't like being left waiting."
Here we go again. I sigh and close my eyes, I don't want to see it, don't want to get hurt again. As if it would hurt less when I don't see it. See him leave, like he does almost every night, to meet with some girl he barely knows and most surely fucks anyway.
God, I hate my life.
As if this isn't bad enough, I just _know_ that, tomorrow, when he graces the shop with his appearance, he will be as funny, as charming, as adorable as ever, making my heart hurt even more. In return, I will act like a total asshole and scold him for whatever reason I can find, making him ask me what the hell is wrong with me. Why, oh why on earth do I have to go through this? Why can't I _tell_ him what's up with me? Actually, I'm a coward. Under that cold, badass exterior, I just want to run and hide. Oh, I don't mean on missions. I'm used to seeing blood and death and last choking breaths while pulling out my katana of a dying body. I even got used to the strange squishing sound it makes when I do that. It was hard work, and I wouldn't say I really got _used_ to it, but at least I do what has to be done and don't throw up afterwards anymore. This _is_ an improvement. Sort of.
But I will never get used to his beautiful, beautiful eyes. To his smile. To his most adorable long and slender fingers. And I will never grow indifferent to seeing these hands touching some random girl in inappropriate places. Like, anywhere. Why does he have to do that, anyway?? I mean, is it really that fulfilling having been in every bed from here to Sapporo? Is he trying to break some record or something?
The only thing he is breaking for sure so far is my heart. I love him. I want him to be mine, or me to be his, or whatever, as long as we are together. I want him to hold me at night, and flirt with me in this adorable way of his, and kiss me whenever the opportunity arises.
Unfortunately, that's where the coward business kicks in. I will never be able to show him how I feel, let alone tell. Imagining this scene _alone_ is scaring me out of my wits.
Okay, I'm gay. So what. That's no big deal. It is so much not a big deal, that I haven't told my co-workers about it, as I never saw and still see no reason to do so. It is my business, and my business alone, whom I spend the night with. But, as I have never told them about my sexual orientation, I have no idea how they think about it. What, if ever work up the courage to do so, if I tell him I love him and he is totally grossed out by the fact that I'm a man? Maybe he finds it revolting. I can almost see him move away a little when I sit next to him on the couch. See him look at me with that disgusted face. Realize he always stops talking when I enter a room.
Now I'm shaking so hard I have to lean on the table to keep myself steady.
I could never ever live knowing that he hates me.
As I can no longer live with having to see his ever changing girlfriends every other night.
There has to be taken action. Either I tell him what I feel for him or I try to get over him as soon as possible.
Taking into account how infatuated with him I am, neither promises to work very well.
So I will have to long from a distance, and hope that one day, one glorious day, I will leave my doubts and fears behind and just tell him, confront him with my love for him and throw myself at his mercy.
And maybe, just maybe, he will smile at me, gather me in his arms, and whisper, 'I love you too' into my ear, making me the happiest man alive.
Hey, a guy can dream, right?
°~~~~°~~~~°
Reviews, anyone?
-Sliver
Titel: Going in circles
Teil: 1/2
Email: sliver-sama@web.de
Pairing: Yohji x Aya
Rating: PG
Warning: OOC, a little sappy
Disclaimer: Weiß Kreuz belongs to Project Weiß. The idea is mine. I don't make any money out of this.
comment: As I'm not a native speaker there can be a few mistakes.
°~~~~°~~~~°
Going in circles
"Bye folks, I'm out. Gorgeous women don't like being left waiting."
Here we go again. I sigh and close my eyes, I don't want to see it, don't want to get hurt again. As if it would hurt less when I don't see it. See him leave, like he does almost every night, to meet with some girl he barely knows and most surely fucks anyway.
God, I hate my life.
As if this isn't bad enough, I just _know_ that, tomorrow, when he graces the shop with his appearance, he will be as funny, as charming, as adorable as ever, making my heart hurt even more. In return, I will act like a total asshole and scold him for whatever reason I can find, making him ask me what the hell is wrong with me. Why, oh why on earth do I have to go through this? Why can't I _tell_ him what's up with me? Actually, I'm a coward. Under that cold, badass exterior, I just want to run and hide. Oh, I don't mean on missions. I'm used to seeing blood and death and last choking breaths while pulling out my katana of a dying body. I even got used to the strange squishing sound it makes when I do that. It was hard work, and I wouldn't say I really got _used_ to it, but at least I do what has to be done and don't throw up afterwards anymore. This _is_ an improvement. Sort of.
But I will never get used to his beautiful, beautiful eyes. To his smile. To his most adorable long and slender fingers. And I will never grow indifferent to seeing these hands touching some random girl in inappropriate places. Like, anywhere. Why does he have to do that, anyway?? I mean, is it really that fulfilling having been in every bed from here to Sapporo? Is he trying to break some record or something?
The only thing he is breaking for sure so far is my heart. I love him. I want him to be mine, or me to be his, or whatever, as long as we are together. I want him to hold me at night, and flirt with me in this adorable way of his, and kiss me whenever the opportunity arises.
Unfortunately, that's where the coward business kicks in. I will never be able to show him how I feel, let alone tell. Imagining this scene _alone_ is scaring me out of my wits.
Okay, I'm gay. So what. That's no big deal. It is so much not a big deal, that I haven't told my co-workers about it, as I never saw and still see no reason to do so. It is my business, and my business alone, whom I spend the night with. But, as I have never told them about my sexual orientation, I have no idea how they think about it. What, if ever work up the courage to do so, if I tell him I love him and he is totally grossed out by the fact that I'm a man? Maybe he finds it revolting. I can almost see him move away a little when I sit next to him on the couch. See him look at me with that disgusted face. Realize he always stops talking when I enter a room.
Now I'm shaking so hard I have to lean on the table to keep myself steady.
I could never ever live knowing that he hates me.
As I can no longer live with having to see his ever changing girlfriends every other night.
There has to be taken action. Either I tell him what I feel for him or I try to get over him as soon as possible.
Taking into account how infatuated with him I am, neither promises to work very well.
So I will have to long from a distance, and hope that one day, one glorious day, I will leave my doubts and fears behind and just tell him, confront him with my love for him and throw myself at his mercy.
And maybe, just maybe, he will smile at me, gather me in his arms, and whisper, 'I love you too' into my ear, making me the happiest man alive.
Hey, a guy can dream, right?
°~~~~°~~~~°
Reviews, anyone?
-Sliver