Disclaimer: I do NOT own Lord of the Rings or any of it's characters. I DO
own Val, Jackie, they're friends and all their stupidity.
One day Jackie and Valerie were strolling through the park when they decided to sit down under a tree and catch up with their Lord of the Rings reading. Little did they know, as they sat there was an evil squirrel who was in the tree. It was so evil that it threw 2 acorns down on their heads and they were knocked unconscious.
They awoke in Rivendell, surrounded by elves pointing arrows at them. The girls then realized they had appeared in mid-air on Lord Elrond's lap! "Don't shoot! I'm too young to die!" wailed Jackie, while Val scanned the crowd for Legolas. She later found him but scared him away after trying to place him in a rather small jar. "Who the fuck are you?!" Aragorn questioned. "I AM NAZGUL NUMBER 5! FEAR ME!" exclaimed Val, but the elves did not fear her for she was only a 13 year old girl in a black cloak. "Uh.my name is." started Jackie, but Val interrupted her, "What?" "My name is." "Who?" "SHUT UP! Okay my name is Jackie and this is Val." Valerie smiled, "Hehehe. Hi elfies!" The elves turned away in disgust as Val proceeded to poke badgers with spoons.
That night Val and Jackie slept outside Rivendell and in the morning snuck in, stole some of Arwen's dresses, put on prosthetic ears and did each other's hair elf-like. When they looked elfie enough they "requested" to see Lord Elrond. ok it was more like demanded. Lord Elrond was in council with Bilbo Baggins for he has just arrived. Jackie pulled out her 'One Ring' and handed it to Val. "Jump old man! Jump!" squealed Val as she dangled the Ring in front of the old hobbit. It was most entertaining. After a while Bilbo, quite frustrated, stormed off crying.
Jackie bowed low, "Aaye Elrond! Oio naa elealla alasse'!" "That means 'Hail Lord Elrond! Ever is thy sight a joy!" whispered Val to the Elf Lord. Elrond looked puzzled, "Yes I knew that, I am an elf. remember??" "Uh. whatever dude, say MORDOR!" "Why do you ask such things of me?" "No reason." "Hmm. alright. Mort-tdor." The girls laughed with excitement. "Say it again!" begged Jackie, but Elrond feeling kind of embarrassed refused.
"What brings you two elves here? I have not seen you before." He said gravely. "Do you hear that Jackie?! He thinks we're elves! Aha!" "Shhh Val, don't ruin it! Ahem, I am Jaclyn and this is Valerie. You have not seen us before because. um. because." "Because we are but 30 years old!" finished Val. "30!? My word you are very young indeed!" gasped Elrond. The girls nodded in agreement. "Young but filled with wisdom from the Lady and still we have wisdom to learn" Val said bowing, trying not to laugh. "Very well, I will question you no further, its clear that you are my kin if you speak of the Lady. I am afraid though that you will have to share our guest room. we have a high visitor from Mirkwood" replied Elrond. "Who!?!?!!" the girls cried, most anxious to find out who they were bunking with. "Why Prince Legolas Greenleaf. I do hope that is alright." Val's eyes widened and Jackie let out an evil smile "Its fine" she said. They raced upstairs to the guest room only to find two extra beds already laid out. Legolas' bed was the one closest to the window, and there he was, looking out to the forest in deep thought, but the girls did not realize he was in the room!
So Val proceeded to talk to Jackie about how lovely Legolas' ass was while she un-packed what she stole from Arwen, and Jackie was laughing and agreeing. Finally Legolas stood up, "I'm glad you think so much of my 'ass' but what about the rest of me?" The girls stopped dead in their tracks; Legolas. the hottest elf. in the same room as them and he wasn't running away! He looked more angel like than elf like. maybe it was because he was wearing shiny PJ's, maybe it was from the sunset behind him, or maybe it was the new shampoo he was using. "Forgive me for startling you" he said at last. Jackie studdered, "Um. uh. Forgive us for being so rude." "Then we are at a deal? Excellent! Shall we now go to Aragorn's feast?" The girls nodded and followed the Elven Prince out the door.
One day Jackie and Valerie were strolling through the park when they decided to sit down under a tree and catch up with their Lord of the Rings reading. Little did they know, as they sat there was an evil squirrel who was in the tree. It was so evil that it threw 2 acorns down on their heads and they were knocked unconscious.
They awoke in Rivendell, surrounded by elves pointing arrows at them. The girls then realized they had appeared in mid-air on Lord Elrond's lap! "Don't shoot! I'm too young to die!" wailed Jackie, while Val scanned the crowd for Legolas. She later found him but scared him away after trying to place him in a rather small jar. "Who the fuck are you?!" Aragorn questioned. "I AM NAZGUL NUMBER 5! FEAR ME!" exclaimed Val, but the elves did not fear her for she was only a 13 year old girl in a black cloak. "Uh.my name is." started Jackie, but Val interrupted her, "What?" "My name is." "Who?" "SHUT UP! Okay my name is Jackie and this is Val." Valerie smiled, "Hehehe. Hi elfies!" The elves turned away in disgust as Val proceeded to poke badgers with spoons.
That night Val and Jackie slept outside Rivendell and in the morning snuck in, stole some of Arwen's dresses, put on prosthetic ears and did each other's hair elf-like. When they looked elfie enough they "requested" to see Lord Elrond. ok it was more like demanded. Lord Elrond was in council with Bilbo Baggins for he has just arrived. Jackie pulled out her 'One Ring' and handed it to Val. "Jump old man! Jump!" squealed Val as she dangled the Ring in front of the old hobbit. It was most entertaining. After a while Bilbo, quite frustrated, stormed off crying.
Jackie bowed low, "Aaye Elrond! Oio naa elealla alasse'!" "That means 'Hail Lord Elrond! Ever is thy sight a joy!" whispered Val to the Elf Lord. Elrond looked puzzled, "Yes I knew that, I am an elf. remember??" "Uh. whatever dude, say MORDOR!" "Why do you ask such things of me?" "No reason." "Hmm. alright. Mort-tdor." The girls laughed with excitement. "Say it again!" begged Jackie, but Elrond feeling kind of embarrassed refused.
"What brings you two elves here? I have not seen you before." He said gravely. "Do you hear that Jackie?! He thinks we're elves! Aha!" "Shhh Val, don't ruin it! Ahem, I am Jaclyn and this is Valerie. You have not seen us before because. um. because." "Because we are but 30 years old!" finished Val. "30!? My word you are very young indeed!" gasped Elrond. The girls nodded in agreement. "Young but filled with wisdom from the Lady and still we have wisdom to learn" Val said bowing, trying not to laugh. "Very well, I will question you no further, its clear that you are my kin if you speak of the Lady. I am afraid though that you will have to share our guest room. we have a high visitor from Mirkwood" replied Elrond. "Who!?!?!!" the girls cried, most anxious to find out who they were bunking with. "Why Prince Legolas Greenleaf. I do hope that is alright." Val's eyes widened and Jackie let out an evil smile "Its fine" she said. They raced upstairs to the guest room only to find two extra beds already laid out. Legolas' bed was the one closest to the window, and there he was, looking out to the forest in deep thought, but the girls did not realize he was in the room!
So Val proceeded to talk to Jackie about how lovely Legolas' ass was while she un-packed what she stole from Arwen, and Jackie was laughing and agreeing. Finally Legolas stood up, "I'm glad you think so much of my 'ass' but what about the rest of me?" The girls stopped dead in their tracks; Legolas. the hottest elf. in the same room as them and he wasn't running away! He looked more angel like than elf like. maybe it was because he was wearing shiny PJ's, maybe it was from the sunset behind him, or maybe it was the new shampoo he was using. "Forgive me for startling you" he said at last. Jackie studdered, "Um. uh. Forgive us for being so rude." "Then we are at a deal? Excellent! Shall we now go to Aragorn's feast?" The girls nodded and followed the Elven Prince out the door.