Stayin' With You Chapter Eight: Running Away
Sara heard the baby cry again. It was the third time in four hours. Sara was exhausted. She got up from her bed and trudged through the apartment to the next room where the nursery was. Baby Joseph was screaming so loud, Sara knew the neighbors could hear.
She picked him up and cradled him. He started to calm down a little bit as she sat down in the rocking chair and began to hum a lullaby to him. Sara was so tired she could hardly think straight. She needed Grissom. She had spent so much time with the baby at home, that she forgot which direction to go when she went to the grocery store. Grissom was trying his best to be at home, but he would be asleep during the day, leaving Sara to take of the baby.
The apartment was a mess. Clothes and dishes piled up, and the playpen and bassinet took up most of the space in the living room. They needed a larger place to live. Sara felt claustrophobic and shut in. It had been a while since she had been outside, by herself. She could take Joseph with her, but she had an overwhelming fear of him being out in the crazy world, with the insane people that roamed it.
When Joseph went back to sleep, Sara placed him back in his crib and looked lovingly upon him. She stroked his chubby cheek. Sara couldn't help but giggle. He had chubby cheeks like Grissom.
Sara noticed that it was stuffy in his room.
Maybe that's why he's so grouchy tonight, she thought to herself.
She opened a window and a soft breeze immediately cooled the room.
The bed welcomed her and enveloped her in comfort. She was getting ready to fall asleep, but a gust of wind scared her. She went back to Joseph's room and closed the window to a crack. She went back to bed. Sara longed for a little peace and quiet. She hadn't seen Grissom much, not enough to even have a decent conversation with him. They argued most of the time now, so when he left for work, it was a relief to both of them.
It had been two months, and Sara was beginning to feel regret. She felt that she was inadequate. She felt that she couldn't meet the baby's needs. Joseph needed his father, and it hurt Sara when she realized that she had given up so much, and Grissom was sacrificing little. He was trying to support them, but Sara felt that his need to support them was driving them apart.
She was beginning to wonder if she made the right decision in having a baby with him. She felt anger and resentment toward Grissom.
***
"Gil, where the hell are you?" Sara asked in a rage. "You were supposed to be home three hours ago! You say you're going to come home, then you stay late, and you don't call," she said as she slammed dishes into the sink. "I can't do this by myself Grissom!"
"Honey, I know," Grissom said. "I promise you, I'll be home in a couple of hours."
"No! I need you here now!" Sara yelled into the phone. "You need to come and take care of your son. Listen to him! He's crying for you, Gil!"
"What do you want Sara?" Grissom asked into the phone rather agitated. "There's only one of us working right now, and we're barely making it with the baby. I can't just leave whenever I feel like it."
"I want you to come home to your family," Sara cried.
"Sara, I'll be home soon," Grissom sighed.
"Gil? Gil?"
He hung up on her. Sara hung up the phone and threw it across the room making the baby cry harder. Sara turned back to the dishes, trying to concentrate, but she couldn't with the baby's screaming and her cell phone ringing over and over.
"Shut up, shut up!" She whispered to herself as she covered her ears.
Sara started to cry hysterically as she went to her bedroom. She threw things haphazardly into a bag. She took all the cash she had out of her purse and her credit and debit cards and shoved them into her pocket. She took her jacket and her keys. She'd had enough. She couldn't stand it anymore. She had to get away.
Joseph kept on crying. Sara cried harder as she touched his cheek, which was red from crying so much.
"Daddy will take care of you," she said. She leaned down and kissed his tiny cheek. "I love you."
She called Grissom's cell phone and placed it next to the screaming baby. Sara walked out.
***
Grissom rushed home, worried about Sara and his screaming son. He felt bad that he treated Sara so coldly. He hadn't been giving neither she nor the baby enough of his time. He was trying to support the both of them, and while he was focused on that, he lost sight of his family.
His heart was pounding as he fumbled with the key to his apartment. When he walked in, he immediately assisted his son.
"I'm sorry buddy," he said. "I'm sorry. I love you."
He held his son close. He could find no signs of Sara.
"Sara!" He called. No answer. "Sara!"
She had gone, and she left the baby alone for God only knew how long. He felt anger rising within him at first, then he realized that he had pushed her to her limit. Sara was not expendable. She could only do so much, and he just realized that. He sat down on the couch with Joseph and with the several loads of laundry that piled up.
He took out his cell phone and called Sara's number. The ringing sounded a little too close. Grissom knew then that Sara had not taken her cell phone. She didn't take her purse or her pager either. He did not fear that she had been kidnapped or anything. She just left.
"Well, it looks like it's just you and me buddy," he whispered to the now sleeping baby.
***
Sara was relieved to finally get on the highway. She didn't know where she was going exactly, but she was just glad to have a change of scenery and open air. She had a full tank of gas and plenty of pocket change.
She wasn't even twenty minutes outside the city limits when she began to worry about Grissom and the baby. He was probably scared to death when she left the phone next to Joseph. That was the only way she would know that he would come home immediately.
Sara was so tired, she felt herself beginning to go off road. She needed to stop and rest somewhere.
She saw a sign for a bed and breakfast near Lake Mead. She turned into the driveway and drove through the pathway through the woods. She saw a large southern mansion surrounded by tall willows. She pulled into what looked like a parking lot.
She got her things and went inside to check in. No one was at the desk and she rang the bell. She felt herself falling over because she was so tired. She blacked out.
"Miss…Miss, are you okay?" A woman asked.
Sara opened her eyes and focused in on her surroundings. She was at the bed and breakfast.
"Oh, I uh," she started quietly. "Was trying to check in, but I'm exhausted. Is there any room?"
"Of course there is sweetheart, and we'll fix you up in a jiffy," the woman said in a deep southern accent. "Poor thing, you have got to get some rest. What's your name?"
"Uh, Sara, Sara Sidle," she said.
"Sara…Sidle," the woman repeated as she assigned a room. "Okay, I'll have Jim come and take you to your room."
Sara couldn't remember much of anything when she woke up several hours later. She was in a rather large bedroom with it's own bathroom. She noticed that it was evening. She sighed and rolled over and went back to sleep. It felt so good to hear silence. She didn't have to worry about the baby, or hear him crying. There were no dishes to wash, and no clothes to fold. The best part of all was no Grissom. She didn't want to see him. She just wanted him to take care of his son.
She sighed as she rolled over onto her now flat belly. Sara thought back to that night. Giving birth to Joseph was the single most painful experience in her life, and she was sure that she wouldn't want to do that again for the rest of her life. Even though it was painful, the end was result was worth a thousand labors. She loved her son fiercely, and she hated to leave him the way she did, but she had to get away. She could hardly take care of the baby correctly. On one occasion, she ended up drinking baby formula that she had prepared for Joseph. She was that tired.
After that, she just gave up. She focused all of her efforts on the baby, and then herself afterward. That was okay, but she didn't even have enough time to relax and calm herself before the baby cried again. Sara sighed as she relaxed into the fluffy white bed. It was much more comfortable than the bed she and Grissom possessed. She began to wonder how Grissom and Joseph were doing. She hoped that Grissom knew what her was doing. Only Sara knew all of Joseph's quirks. She knew every cry, every need. Sara grinned as she fell into a restful sleep.
***
Grissom was now beginning to understand Sara's frustration. Joseph cried every few hours, breaking Grissom's sleep, and keeping him from doing work. He didn't know whether the baby was hungry, or just wanted some attention.
Grissom picked up his son out of the crib. "What's the matter buddy?" Grissom asked. "You can't possibly be hungry," he sighed as he brought the baby into his bedroom. "Do you give mommy this much grief everyday?"
By now, the baby had stopped crying. Joseph was wide awake at two in the morning.
"You're just like your mommy," Grissom said. "I hope you didn't inherit her inability to sleep well."
The baby just cooed and a small grin appeared on his face.
***
Sara woke up feeling refreshed. For once, her sleep was not interrupted by Joseph's screams.
She looked over at the clock. It was one o'clock in the afternoon. She wiped her eyes of sleep and stretched. The soft glow of sunlight made Sara feel even more serene. She got up and she noticed that she was still in the clothes she wore when she left. Sara felt dirty and she went into the bathroom. She sighed at how big the bathroom was. It had a deep bathtub that was just calling her. She opened up the bag she had mercilessly packed. She took out her hygiene bag and went back into the bathroom.
Bath salts, bubble baths, and shampoos lined the large sink, at her disposal. She smelled each one. She ran some water for a bath. While the water was running, she looked at her figure in the mirror while brushing her teeth. She was a bit chunky in certain areas. That had to go. Once the baby started sleeping at night, she would get a membership at a gym. Other areas, she noticed, needed a few improvements. Her hair was just a mess. She hadn't had the time to straighten it, or do anything with it at all. She hadn't been taking good care of her fingernails, or toenails for that matter. Her face was a wreck.
When the bath was drawn, she stared at her body in the mirror, and she grimaced.
She stepped gingerly into the tub and let the hot water and the scent of magnolia relax her. Her muscles began to relax and then she closed her eyes in relief. Never had she felt so undone before. She couldn't recall a time when she actually just got away.
After she finished pampering herself, she went down stairs to the lobby. The place was nice, and it was quiet. Just what she needed to recoup. She thought about calling Grissom, but decided against it. This was going to be her time, and she knew that Grissom wasn't worried about her anyway. He knew what she needed and hopefully, he understood that.
"Are you feeling better?" She heard a woman's voice ask from behind her.
Sara turned around. "Um, yeah, much."
"I'm glad," the woman said. "I'm Francis Grumberland. I own this place."
"Hi nice to meet you," Sara said. "I'm Sara Sidle."
"I know," she said. "You poor thing. You were so exhausted yesterday that you collapsed. My husband Jim had to carry you upstairs to your room. Let me guess," she paused. "You're a city gal aren't ya?"
"Kind of," Sara admitted.
"Oh," Francis said with a brilliant smile. "I can always tell."
Sara smiled. "Do you mind, if I go outside for a while?"
"No darlin'," she said. "You can do whatever you choose. I can make you some supper later, if you like."
"Thanks," Sara said gratefully.
Sara walked around the back and then headed to the lake. It was so calming and tranquil. Everything looked different, even smelled different. She became in tune to what she had taken for granted for many years.
Sara's thoughts drifted to her son. She didn't regret having him, but she realized that she was responsible for another human being until he was old enough to take care of himself. She didn't even realize having a baby took so much time and effort. She put her career on hold for Joseph. She knew she would eventually have to quit; after the hit and run, she was never the same mentally, and she knew that she was suffering from postpartum depression as well. The doctors told her that she was manic depressive and that she needed medication, but Sara had not taken the meds. She convinced herself that she was fine, but deep down, she knew she had issues to deal with. She couldn't just keep running away from her problems like she was doing now.
As the sun began to go down, Sara began her walk to the B&B. Her parents still owned their B&B and it was getting more business than ever. They offered to help out with the baby, but she declined their offer. She wasn't really that close to her parents, and she never asked them for anything. She told them about the baby the day she found out she was pregnant. They were overjoyed. They promised that they would come out and see their grandson before the Christmas holidays.
Sara entered the B&B through the back door. The smell of fried chicken permeated the air. Sara was a strict vegetarian, but since having Joseph, she didn't care much about what she ate, resulting in her gaining a bit of weight.
"You came just in time Sara," Jim said. "My wife makes a mean supper of fried chicken and mashed potatoes."
"I'm sure she does," Sara said with a smile.
Sara found it rather odd to be eating around a table. Usually she and Grissom ate on the couch.
"I'll say prayer," Jim said solemnly.
Sara complied by bowing her head and closing her eyes.
"Dearest Lord in Heaven," he started. "Thank you for being so merciful to us and our family. We ask that you bless this food for our nourishment and satisfaction Lord. Amen."
"Amen," Sara and Francis said in unison.
Sara was very hungry. She ate rather quickly.
"So Sara," Francis started. "What brought you out here?"
Sara took another sip of tea before starting. "I just had a baby, and uh, I kind of broke down," she said.
"What did you have?" Jim asked.
"A boy," Sara answered with pride. "His name is Joseph Michael."
"That's a good name," Jim said. "A boy needs a strong name."
Sara nodded in agreement and continued. "Well, I've just been kind of stressed lately, so I came here."
"You left your newborn alone?" Francis asked in shock.
"No! No, I would never do that!" Sara exclaimed. "No, his father is with him."
Francis and Jim breathed a sigh of relief. "For a second there we thought you were a child abuser."
"No, I put people like that in jail," Sara said. "God, no I would never do that to my boy. I love him so much. Here's a picture of him."
She took out a picture of Joseph and handed it to Francis.
"OH," she gasped. "He's a handsome young man. Honey look."
Jim nodded. "He looks like a Joseph Michael," he said. "Who's the lucky guy?"
Sara was amazed at how intrusive they were, yet it also surprised her how open she was being with them.
"A wonderful man named Gil Grissom," Sara said.
"Honey, what are you doing out here?" Francis asked. "You should be at home with your family. You should hear how in love you are right now. I know that things are tough, but you just have to get past it."
"I know," Sara said. "I know."