That night, at dinner, I was so nervous. I didn't know how to start.
"Mom, Dad? I have something to tell you."
"Yes dear?" my mom asked me, not really paying attention.
"I've been going to a support group for gay teens for a few months now. I…I'm a lesbian."
"Pass the potatoes, June," my dad told my mom.
"Here you go," she replied, handing them to him.
I was baffled. Didn't they hear me? Were they just going to ignore what I said?
"Did…Did you guys hear me?"
"Ellie," my mother said, calmly, "You obviously don't know what you're talking about. You're just a teenager, how could you know this about yourself?"
"You're mother's right," my dad agreed.
"I know what I'm talking about," I replied, quietly. "I'm a lesbian."
"You're too young to know!" my mother said, sharply.
"How old were you when you started dating boys? 14? 15? You knew then that you were straight. Well, I'm 16, and I know I like girls. I'm a lesbian."
"Young lady, you have no idea what you're talking about. You are to stop talking about this foolishness at once. I want to hear no more about this, understand?" my dad demanded.
"May I be excused?" I asked.
"Yes. And you may go up to your room as well."
"Thanks, but no. I'll see you later."
I waited for them to stop me. I prayed they would stop me. I wanted them to care about where I was going, but they just sat there eating, like nothing had happened. I couldn't believe them! Didn't they care for me at all?
I ran out of the house, sobbing. My parents, who were supposed to love me unconditionally, had, in effect, sent me a clear message. They didn't love me. They loved their idea of who I should be, but not me. They never loved me.
I didn't know where to go. I couldn't go back home, I just couldn't after storming away. My mind jumped to Lindsey. She would help me.
I walked the few blocks over there, and, still sobbing, I rang her doorbell. She answered, with a smile that fell clear off her face when she saw mine. "El! What's the matter?"
"I'm a lesbian."
"But why is that a problem?" she asked, confused.
"Because my parents can't love a lesbian," I said, crying harder.
She looked at me, with a terrible look on her face. She hugged me, hard, and said, "Don't worry El, it'll be okay. I'm here, I'll always be here." She led me inside, and sat me on the couch. Her mom walked in. I loved Mrs. Appleman. Every time I came over, she had something nice to say, and she was so funny, and so caring. Right away, when she saw me, she did the motherly thing.
"Ellie!" she said. "What's the matter?"
I tried to tell her. But I couldn't get the words out. Lindsey explained for me. Instead of looking upset for me, she looked angry. "Ellie," Mrs. Appleman told me, sharply, "There is nothing wrong with you. You are no less loveable then you were yesterday. Don't let anyone make you think differently."
I nodded, still crying softly.
"Well," Mrs. Appleman said, a little brighter, trying to cheer me up. "As you'll be needing a place to crash for a day or so, why not stay here? We have plenty of room, and it's the weekend, so you don't have to worry about school. We'll make it a girls day in, how does that sound?"
I nodded again, not crying anymore. It was amazing how Mrs. Appleman could make me feel better.
"I'll call your parents, and let them know where you are."
"They won't care," I told her bitterly.
"I'll let them know anyway. Why don't you and Lindsey head up to Lindsey's room? You can have a nice talk. I'll order some pizza, and let you know when it gets here, ok?"
"Great mom, thanks!" Lindsey said, taking me up to her room.
"Mom, Dad? I have something to tell you."
"Yes dear?" my mom asked me, not really paying attention.
"I've been going to a support group for gay teens for a few months now. I…I'm a lesbian."
"Pass the potatoes, June," my dad told my mom.
"Here you go," she replied, handing them to him.
I was baffled. Didn't they hear me? Were they just going to ignore what I said?
"Did…Did you guys hear me?"
"Ellie," my mother said, calmly, "You obviously don't know what you're talking about. You're just a teenager, how could you know this about yourself?"
"You're mother's right," my dad agreed.
"I know what I'm talking about," I replied, quietly. "I'm a lesbian."
"You're too young to know!" my mother said, sharply.
"How old were you when you started dating boys? 14? 15? You knew then that you were straight. Well, I'm 16, and I know I like girls. I'm a lesbian."
"Young lady, you have no idea what you're talking about. You are to stop talking about this foolishness at once. I want to hear no more about this, understand?" my dad demanded.
"May I be excused?" I asked.
"Yes. And you may go up to your room as well."
"Thanks, but no. I'll see you later."
I waited for them to stop me. I prayed they would stop me. I wanted them to care about where I was going, but they just sat there eating, like nothing had happened. I couldn't believe them! Didn't they care for me at all?
I ran out of the house, sobbing. My parents, who were supposed to love me unconditionally, had, in effect, sent me a clear message. They didn't love me. They loved their idea of who I should be, but not me. They never loved me.
I didn't know where to go. I couldn't go back home, I just couldn't after storming away. My mind jumped to Lindsey. She would help me.
I walked the few blocks over there, and, still sobbing, I rang her doorbell. She answered, with a smile that fell clear off her face when she saw mine. "El! What's the matter?"
"I'm a lesbian."
"But why is that a problem?" she asked, confused.
"Because my parents can't love a lesbian," I said, crying harder.
She looked at me, with a terrible look on her face. She hugged me, hard, and said, "Don't worry El, it'll be okay. I'm here, I'll always be here." She led me inside, and sat me on the couch. Her mom walked in. I loved Mrs. Appleman. Every time I came over, she had something nice to say, and she was so funny, and so caring. Right away, when she saw me, she did the motherly thing.
"Ellie!" she said. "What's the matter?"
I tried to tell her. But I couldn't get the words out. Lindsey explained for me. Instead of looking upset for me, she looked angry. "Ellie," Mrs. Appleman told me, sharply, "There is nothing wrong with you. You are no less loveable then you were yesterday. Don't let anyone make you think differently."
I nodded, still crying softly.
"Well," Mrs. Appleman said, a little brighter, trying to cheer me up. "As you'll be needing a place to crash for a day or so, why not stay here? We have plenty of room, and it's the weekend, so you don't have to worry about school. We'll make it a girls day in, how does that sound?"
I nodded again, not crying anymore. It was amazing how Mrs. Appleman could make me feel better.
"I'll call your parents, and let them know where you are."
"They won't care," I told her bitterly.
"I'll let them know anyway. Why don't you and Lindsey head up to Lindsey's room? You can have a nice talk. I'll order some pizza, and let you know when it gets here, ok?"
"Great mom, thanks!" Lindsey said, taking me up to her room.