~~Warning/Disclaimer~~
Kingdom Hearts doesn't belong to me - that honor remains under Squaresoft and Disney. They have full rights to each character, sadly. -_-;; I make no money off this…just some twisted pleasure. Mwahahaha.
Rated R for basic angst, and some unrequited love…kinda. This is the last chapter—all that's left now is the epilogue. Should come fast…e_e;; Lyrics, btw, are from "Speculum" by Adema….godammed good song.
*smirk* Enjoy, and review, please!
Bind to Thee
:five:
:: If I would have known ::
:: I can't say what I would have done ::
:: If you could forgive ::
:: I'd like to rest with you someday::
Sora discovered the fate of Ithian no more than minutes after learning the effects of the spell laid upon Riku. Despite his attention being focused onto Riku, a fierce burning anger ignited into joy at the Council's word that Ithian, obsidian collar upon his neck, would suffer the fate he had intended for Riku. The dark-haired bastard would be reduced to a mumbling slave, fit for the lowest work and regarded with the utmost disgrace. Sora found himself savagely thrilled that Ithian would be aware for the rest of his life just exactly how he had fallen.
He wasn't surprised to find there was a part of him that was horrified at his reaction. No one deserved that fate, not even Ithian—but he couldn't argue that it was effective. Not when the man had intended horrible things for someone very dear to him.
All of this emotion, hatred and vicious sense of justice passed through his mind while the Council escorted the collared Ithian away, emotions that left him in the wake of something cold and bitter. He sat upon the dusty earth, Riku's unconscious head cradled in his lap, and smoothed away the stray silver tendrils. Miruki had assured him that the Council would wish to see him soon, perhaps even help him with Riku…but… with the rush of battle gone, his mind had calmed into fuzzy shock. To him, Riku looked as if he was doing no more than taking an unorthodox nap in the middle of a city.
A tiny cringing part of him was very worried.
~He's not.~ he reminded himself. ~He's not sleeping. He's not Riku…~
And he wanted to deny it. He wanted to scream out that it was a lie, a trick, that Riku was only resting, that he would open his eyes and smile like he used to—
A part of him knew better. Riku wouldn't be himself until they found the undoing…and Sora also knew that with Belnak dead…
The reverse would be all but impossible. Riku might never be the same.
Sora ached inside at the thought, bleeding through a cracked heart as he sat upon the dusty earth and tried to think.
~//~
Two days later, in the midst of traveling through the multicolored inner-space with the Gummi ship, Riku opened his eyes. He seemed perfectly healthy in that makeshift bunk, fine in mind and body—
Except for the missing spark that made him really Riku, and not just another person. Sora could tell by looking down upon him just how far his friend was gone. He fled from the scene, spitting out a hasty order for Riku to "Stay there!" before the silver-gilt boy could follow.
It seemed that Riku would follow him without question. It seemed that he would also follow an order without question.
~He's your slave, remember? He'll do just about anything for you….~
Sora stared with unseeing eyes at the space between his upraised knees, chin digging into his forearms in an effort to distract his mind—
But the image of Riku as he slipped from the makeshift bed to kneel upon the floor of the ship wouldn't leave his mind. A Riku that kneeled to him, head bowed and arms bent at exact angles to his shoulders, and a waiting expression on his face. Nothing of the old Riku…
…only a slave, awaiting his master's orders.
~It's too hard, I can't do this! I can't I can't I can't—!~
He jumped when the cargo door opened in a swish and twisted his head around in panic. If it was Riku, he didn't know what he'd do—
But it wasn't. Only a small white fowl stood there, glaring around impatiently. Sora exhaled shakily. "Oh…Donald. Hey."
The male hmphed and waddled his way. "What are you doing out here—hiding?"
Sora looked around guiltily. "Well," he started. He was surrounded by crates, half-hidden under a draping tarp, and all but invisible from the exit. "Yeah…"
Donald pulled himself up onto a crate to make eye-contact, seating himself with a finicky ruffling of his feathers. "He's waiting in your room. Wouldn't say a word to us, only sat there, waiting. Not the same kid I saw in the Third District…so the spell…"
"Makes him think he's my slave," Sora said to himself. He squeezed his eyes shut and slid a palm over his face, shuddering. Donald waited silently, arms crossed. "I don't know what to do!" he confessed in a stressed whisper. "How the hell do I deal with this! He's supposed to be my friend, not my slave! I can't—I can't do this, Donald!"
"It could be worse," Donald mused quietly. "He could have thought Ithian was his master. You, at least, won't abuse him in any way."
"Yeah," Sora said, but his turmoil didn't stop twisting inside of him. ~This is all my fault! I shouldn't have dragged it out with Ithian, I could have done something! I could've stopped it!~ "So what should I do?"
"I don't know," Donald said after a moment. "I spoke with the Council before we left. They told me his mind is there, but buried under Belnak's spellwork. Tampering with it, trying to break it with anything, it might damage Riku…it would be best to let this run its course."
"Huh," Sora laughed shortly. "The Council told me they couldn't do anything either…'Spells and mage-work are very different, very delicate,' " he mimicked. "'We're very sorry that this had to happen, we're very sorry for your loss'—goddamn it…they were, too. I could see it. I can't even hate them for this…"
"Then we'll deal with Riku and find a way to break it," Donald said matter-of-factly. "So stop hiding and go see how bad the damage is."
Sora bit his lip, going cold in his middle. "I—" ~I don't want to see him like that!~ But he knew that wouldn't work, not with Donald, and sighed instead. "…okay…"
A feathered hand pushed at his shoulder. "Go," Donald said more gently. His face was still stern, as was his attitude, but Sora knew him better than he thought. For Donald to have sought him out to reassure him was a sign that the fowl was worried, and concerned about this unexpected situation.
It helped a bit to know this.
Sora finally stood, nodding more to himself as he twitched nervously at his clothes. Then he inhaled a steadying breath, and made his way to the exit.
~//~
He was shaking by the time he made it to the small cabin he and the other two shared. He had left Riku kneeling on the floor there, and a part of him wondered if Riku would still be kneeling, commanded to stay….
~Won't know until I open the door,~ he thought, and still hesitated.
After a moment, Sora reached out, swallowing with a dry throat as his fingers brushed the open-switch. A swish of displaced air signaled the door's slide to the left, and he stood in the entrance.
A curious sun-kissed face turned his way, as if expecting someone—~Me,~ Sora thought—and sea-colored eyes widened. Riku was kneeling near the center of the small room, working his way through a small and messy pile of clothing. He was folding them neatly and stacking them within a box as though the mundane effort soothed him, as if it were habit to do so.
At the sight of Sora, however, the shirt he held fell from his grasp and Riku twisted smoothly on his haunches until he faced the direction of the door. Wordlessly, he bowed deeply, his forehead nearly touching the clean metal floor.
Sora felt his gut clench so hard he couldn't speak right away. The fair-haired boy didn't move, didn't dare look up, the lines of his arms shivering. Sora stood, frozen with shock.
~Is…he afraid of me?~ the brunette thought finally. ~…is that part of the spell?~
"Riku?" he whispered. His hands were fidgeting uselessly against the hem of his shirt, tugging and folding. ~What do I do? How do I talk to him?~ Riku didn't move—instead, with the sound of Sora's voice he flinched, pressing closer to the floor.
~What did I do?~ Sora thought in bewilderment. ~He is afraid of me…~
"Riku…get up, Riku. I…" he watched the boy pause. "W-what's wrong?" ~Is it because I ran off?~
Riku pushed himself down even further, eyes downcast, and didn't respond.
"Answer me!" Sora cried. "Why are you afraid of me! What did I do?"
Riku whispered something that the brunette could barely hear. "…displeased you, master."
~no…nonono…~ Sora felt his hands tighten so hard upon the hem of his shirt it threatened to rip. "W-what? No!" ~Okay, okay, calm down—~ the boy thought, trying hard to keep his heart from falling through the floor.
It took him two tries to get his voice to work without the tremor. "You didn't—I mean, you haven't displeased me. And stop bowing! You don't have to bow to me!"
~He has to follow my orders, right?~ Sora thought in alarm. ~So I can order him to stop doing that, right?~
It was apparently so.
Riku straightened slowly, not quite shaking but not quite calm, and sat with his feet tucked under him, his back straight and face resolutely turned towards the floor. "Yes, master," he murmured.
Sinking to the floor with his back against the door, Sora rubbed a hand over his face. "Look…I'm not going to hurt you or yell at you. I just…I just want…"
~I want you back!~
Sea-colored eyes flickered at him when he sighed. "Master?" Riku ventured.
~…but it's not you anymore…~
Sora finally cracked his eyes open and peered at him, exhaling slowly. "Don't call me that, please," he whispered painfully. "I want you to call me Sora."
Riku ducked his head into a half-bow. "Of course, ma…Sora. I will address you properly."
"Okay…" Sora breathed. ~Now what?~
Riku gave him one of those quick darting glances from behind his hair, the twitch of his fingers and the mild press of his lips indicating that he was curious about something.
"You can talk if you want. I mean, ask if you have a question," Sora said after waiting several minutes. "I…I want you to tell me what you think, okay?"
There was a tiny nod, and Riku smoothed the jeans over his knees. "S-Sora…do you have other rules for me to follow?" he whispered in a tiny voice. "I want you to be pleased with me."
~I…I'm so tired,~ Sora thought absurdly. "Don't call me Master, don't bow to me…um, I want you to be honest and tell me what you think no matter what….but that's about it…if I think of something else, I'll let you know…"
Again, Riku darted an uncertain glance at him. "Then…what are my duties, m—Sora?"
~Duties? I have to give him stuff to do, too?~ Sora blinked. "Like, cleaning? Or cooking?"
Riku nodded slowly. "Is that what you'd like?"
"No, no—um. Well. I don't know," the brunette whispered. "Uh…what sort of things do slaves do?"
Riku inhaled slightly, a tiny line of concentration furrowed his brow, and began to recite, "A slave must obey all orders, wishes, desires of the Master. A slave, if ordered, should be able to provide every possible care and must never raise a hand against their master. A slave must always speak in soft tones, and must never look the Master in the eye, for it is forbidden. A slave is less than nothing compared to the Master, and such actions are condemned. Above all things, a slave is not equal."
~Good god….~ Sora thought in disbelief. ~If I tell him to kill himself, he will! If I…if I tell him anything…he'll do it…~
Sky-blue eyes narrowed with the realization. "I want you to forget that," Sora stated. "That is not how I want you to behave. Am I clear?"
"M-Master?" Riku breathed, suddenly terrified. "Then how—"
"I want you to call me Sora! I want you to not be frightened of me and I want you to look me in the eye and not be afraid to laugh and tell me what you're thinking and—" Sora exhaled again, shaking. "I don't care if you clean or cook or whatever, if it makes you feel better—just…I want you to…"
~To what?~ he asked himself, trailing off. ~I don't even know what I want from him!~
"Well, the rest we'll work out later…" He looked up to see wide sea-green eyes staring at him, an expression of consternation and surprise flashing in their depths. "Is that okay with you?"
It took Riku a long time to muster the courage to nod, slightly. Sora smiled at him, bittersweet and empty inside, and wondered what he was supposed to do next now that the basics were established.
~//~
Two days later they docked the Gummi ship into the Traverse exit dock and stepped through the doors. An uneasy feeling of skewed normalcy had settled down around them, making everyone jumpy and cross as they tried to keep their act up. Sora tried hard to ignore it, tried hard to think of more positive things and not on the way Riku was so quiet now. He looked past the entrance, taking in the bright and almost painful array of lights, the half-shouted words of people and the general city noise.
Traverse town was never a quiet place. There were too many people in one place, too many things to do and not enough time in the day to get it all done. The people varied their hours of the day and it always seemed busy, always lively and active with recent travelers and unfamiliar faces. Business, food, pursuit of pleasure to erase the nightmares—no, Traverse town was never quiet.
Sora glanced behind him to see Riku standing nervously, a hidden awe in his eyes as he stepped through the doors and took in the surroundings. In his controlled memories he had known nothing but the desert, nothing but the heat and the sands, and Sora could guess all to well at his surprise. He wondered, idly, if the real Riku would have been as awed as this one.
If the real Riku had been as awed as he was during those first few days, discovering it really was a different world.
~Maybe Merlin can help us,~ he thought with a trickle of doubt. ~But…if those other mages couldn't…what can he do?~
"Come on," Donald muttered from behind him, and shouldered his way through. "You're in the way and I'm hungry. Stop standing around like fools, and move."
Sora blinked, realized with a cold shiver that he had been staring pensively over his shoulder at the silver-gilt boy for sometime. "Yeah, um, yeah. Let's go," he said, pulling his gaze away and rubbing his neck awkwardly.
They moved into the bustle and quiet energy of the people, past the doors leading to the Third District and the small cozy inn, past the gold-lit shop windows and the people standing at the walls. No one spoke when Donald took the lead. Sora slipped back beside Goofy, and despite himself, noticed how Riku kept almost exactly one meter between them no matter how often Sora switched his pace. The boy carried a bag in his hands, something Sora hadn't thought about at the time; Riku's actions had made it clear that he wouldn't shirk any duty he thought was necessary. Sora didn't have the heart to tell him it was pointless.
A part of him had loosened to see the tiny hint of a smile on Riku's face when he had appeared with the bag.
The group had moved past the flowered square and up to the stairs that led to Cid's shop when the last thing Sora expected to happen—something he had accounted on far in the future—actually happened.
A high and surprised voice called his name, familiar and a touch more mature than his memories gave credit for. "Sora?"
The Keywielder looked up automatically, and his eyes fell upon a slim and pretty redhead perched at the top of the steps just to the right of the building. She seemed stunned to see him, one hand pressed to the brick in a steadying effort.
"Kairi?" he said, feeling suddenly horribly numb. "Kairi, what are you doing here?"
"I came to see you," she said, smiling, eyes fixed only on him. Then she was flying down the stairs with a laugh and open arms. "Sora—you stupid bum, where have you been?"
~Riku, what about Riku?~ Sora thought in panic. He didn't have time to look around before the girl was in his arms, hugging tightly. He wondered, as he hugged back, what she would say when she saw him. What everyone would say when they saw him.
"Sora?" Kairi questioned when he didn't respond as quickly as normal. "Are you okay?"
~Don't worry about it now…~ Leaning back, he smiled down at Kairi. "I've been busy," he answered tiredly. "You know that."
"But you stayed away so long this time," the girl chided. "I know you're trying to find Riku and the King, but who's going to look after you?" she laughed, hands squeezing his arms. "But I forgive you—I'm just glad you're back!"
~Shit,~ Sora thought distinctly. "Kairi, I—" he began. Then he took a breath, shoving away the thought ~Are you going to tell her what you did? Tell her how you freed him?~ and swallowed. "Kairi, I found him. He's here…but he's…"
The redhead regarded him oddly, hesitant dawning recognition in her eyes. "Sora…what are you…"
Then she looked past him at a flicker of movement and her eyes widened.
"He's not Riku," the brunette whispered finally, uselessly.
Kairi gasped, moving in a halting jerky way as if she wanted to run to the boy waiting several feet away but couldn't make herself move. "Riku," she breathed. A hand fluttered around her throat.
Sora turned his head to watch her step forward. "Wait, Kairi—" but she didn't seem to hear him. He watched her take a second step in Riku's direction, a Riku that stood there with eyes averted and hands clasping the bag nervously. The other boy was carefully keeping his body still, peeking out from behind the curtain of his hair.
"Riku, it's you, isn't it? Riku?" the girl took a step further.
~Not here, not in this place, it's not supposed to be here!~ Sora thought painfully. He caught at her arm before she could move past him. "Kairi," he said forcefully, voice catching. "Stop it, it's not…it's not our Riku."
~…not mine…~
Large blue eyes peered at him as Kairi glanced back, sending daggers of pain deep into his heart at the confusion there. "I don't understand," she said slowly. "What are you saying?"
"Something happened," Sora hedged. "But we can talk about it somewhere else…please Kairi!" he whispered.
"No, what's going on? What's wrong—" she frowned terribly and stared at him. "What's wrong with Riku? Sora, answer me!"
Sora let her shake him with her fists twisted in his shirt. He knew he looked guilty and pained and forced out the words. "Kairi, please. Can we take this inside?"
In response to his words she gave him a stubborn look he knew too well and opened her mouth—but Sora couldn't let her start. ~Not here,~ he thought. He scowled, turning on his heel and cut her off as he brushed past.
"Sora!" she cried angrily, when he got no more than three steps.
Freezing into place, Sora had to force himself not to turn and look back. Tension crackled soundlessly around him—and then he spoke. "Riku. Go and wait with Donald."
Kairi glanced over to see Riku edge past her, murmuring "Yes, Sora," and carefully looking at the floor in front of him. He trotted up the stairs past Sora and disappeared around the corner.
After he was gone, Sora slumped in place with a weary sigh, somehow giving off a broken sense while managing to still stand. "Kairi…"
She darted forward, grabbing his arm and pulling him around to look him in the face. "Tell me what's going on!" she insisted. "That's Riku, right? What's wrong?"
Shaking his head, Sora closed his eyes. "…it's Riku. It is him. But…it's not. He's got this spell on him and it's all my fault…and I was so mad at him—but now he's…"
Kairi let her arm fall away as Sora's voice slipped a notch, and she saw the tears gathering in his eyes.
"Oh, Kairi…I don't know what to do…he's been spelled to be my slave…"
~//~
Leon eyed the quiet silver-gilt boy seated discreetly in the corner. Despite his probing glances and repeated deliberate movements—a moment of pacing, crossing his arms and clearing his throat—the boy refused to respond. Leon crossed his arms and frowned, determined to keep the upper hand and maintain the one-sided stare.
Finally, exasperated, the dark-haired man asked "Who's that?"
The duck raised his head and waved a piece of bread. "That's Riku."
Leon raised a brow and tilted his head to the side. "Riku…as in that Riku? As in the one Sora's after?"
Donald nodded and smacked Goofy's hand away from his plate. "That's right. We found him on the desert world."
Leon eyed the boy again, noting the edged silence and waiting posture. He could tell that the boy was aware of everything around him…just unresponsive. Sea-colored eyes didn't rise from the floor, and despite any questions Leon could ask, he had the suspicion Riku wouldn't answer. The taller man frowned, and ran a hand through his hair. "So what's wrong with him?"
Donald and Goofy exchanged a look before the fowl said, "Well, Sora'll have to explain that."
"And where is—"
Someone shouted outside the door, a scraping angry sound. "—don't care if you do believe that! It's a lie—it's just not possible!"
The door slammed open and Kairi strode through, her face red and tear-streaked. She glanced about in a furious and hysteric way.
"Kairi!" another called, angry and helpless. Leon recognized Sora's voice amid the door cracking against the wall. "Don't you dare—"
She ignored him, her eyes falling on Riku, and she hitched a breath. "Riku!" she cried, walking to him so quickly that she stumbled and fell to her knees in front of him. The boy flinched but didn't raise his head, even as she raised hands to touch him.
"Riku, look at me!" Kairi commanded, but the other boy only turned his face away. "Tell me it's not true—it's all a joke, right? Riku?"
Sora appeared in the doorway, hugging himself and staring inside as Kairi tried to make Riku look her way. The brunette clenched his jaw when he saw where she was before meeting Leon's gaze with agonized eyes.
"Riku, please—it's all a joke—you're not really—you're not really his—" Kairi clasped him by the upper arms, forcing his pale face to hers. He regarded her uneasily with his lower lip caught between his teeth, and flickered a glance to Sora as if to check that it was okay to do so.
"Would someone tell me what's going on?" Leon remarked. "Before everyone starts to cry?"
Sora entered the room and shut the door. No one spoke as the Keywielder sighed and sank into the nearest chair, setting his head down on his arms. Kairi sat back on her haunches, wiping her face with shaking hands.
Riku moved for the first time since his arrival, standing to slide past the girl. He knelt next to Sora, his hands moving effortlessly to put a glass of water and a bowl in front of Sora. Then he leaned to ladle stew into the dish, sliding a plate of bread near Sora's right hand. He moved without words, without asking a single thing.
Everyone watched with expressions of various disbelief and shock. Donald shook his head sadly in the corner of his vision when Sora opened his eyes. Kairi gave a muffled breathless gasp behind him as Riku sank back into his kneeling position, head bent and waiting.
"Thank you, Riku," Sora replied wearily. "Go ahead and eat—I know you're hungry."
"Sora?" Leon replied cautiously, as Riku nodded and reached for his own bowl. "What the hell happened?"
The brunette cleared his throat, and began to speak. He told them in a muffled voice about the Tournament. About fighting blindfolded and defeating Riku without knowing it was him. He explained what he knew of the slave system, of Ithian's corruption. He gave a detailed version of the banquet, and seeing Riku walk down the stairs. He talked about Miruki's help and the mage Belnak, and the final terrible fight where Riku's mental enslavement had occurred.
For a long time after he finished speaking there was silence. Sora drew in a breath, tasting dust and stew and watched Riku set his empty bowl upon the table. Riku didn't seem conscious of the fact that Sora had been talking about him. There was no recognition in his sea-colored eyes at the names or descriptions.
"So…what do we do?" Kairi spoke tremulously. "How do we fix him?"
Sora closed his eyes against the glance that Riku threw him, against the smile in his alien expression. "I don't know yet," he replied. "I just…don't know…"
~//~
It took about eight days for everyone to come to terms with Riku's state of mind and just exactly what it meant when his devotion to Sora was obvious and the fact that there wasn't anything to be done. They stopped asking Sora if he was okay and Sora, in return, stopped hiding in his room. After the ninth day Kairi managed put aside her perpetual misery and speak to Riku, growing slowly attached to him, this new Riku who was quiet and introverted.
Sora, upon noticing this, couldn't decide if he was jealous of her ability to adapt, or just jealous of her. No one really knew how intimate he had been with Riku before all of this—and he wasn't going to tell them. It wasn't something to be shared, or shown.
He wasn't even sure of what it had been, back in that dusty room with its tentative pleasure.
But he couldn't quite admit to himself that it bothered him to see Kairi talking to Riku in gentle tones, helping him with the minor chores he set for himself and being the odd companion—Riku didn't seem to mind it at all—but…Sora didn't know why he was bothered. The sight of Riku smiling to Kairi became superimposed over a memory of the old Riku rolling his eyes. It was too difficult for him to stop comparing the old Riku with the new one, and tallying up the difference. Seeing the two of them bend their heads together for a private talk…it hurt him, seemed false and wrong to him..
~It used to be me sitting like that, talking privately…~
~I'll never be able to do that…not unless I find out a way to fix him…~
~//~
On the ninth day Sora discovered why his clothes were turning up cleaned and mended, and why there was breakfast ready every morning, no matter the time he woke.
It took him an hour of carefully constructed orders—instructions that wouldn't contradict anything else he had said—to make sure that Riku stopped slipping out of his bed during the night to follow other hidden impulses.
By the end of the hour Sora was shaking, and left the room before he could finish his last sentence when Riku slipped to his knees, bowing and whispering apologies.
A flash of the old Riku was whispering through his memories, laughter and bright wicked smiles as if to mock him, to mock what Riku had become…It disappeared only after Sora ventured through the Third district in search of distraction.
Without it, he knew he'd be screaming.
~//~
Twelve days after their return, when Sora was to the point where he was finally finding his balance between orders and requests, of asking and trying not to fall into the ease of having someone there to do everything—he heard a polite knock on the door and a voice asking, "Sora, can I talk to you for a bit?"
Craning his head to look over his bare shoulder, Sora saw Kairi leaning on the edge of the doorway. He shrugged and slipped the shirt over his head to finish dressing. "Sure, Kairi. What's up?"
Her eyes flickered to where Riku was seated, folding clothes and to all appearances ignoring them, and her lips thinned. Her eyes looked dark and regretful, but determined. Sora recognized that look and felt a funny sort of dread hit his middle, clogging his throat.
"Sora…can I talk to you alone?" she repeated, emphasizing her words with a frown.
The brunette raised a brow at that, and shrugged again. "Not a problem. Riku—would you go and sit outside until we're done?"
"Yes, Sora," Riku replied instantly, smiling. He set the folded shirt away in the small drawer. A moment later he rose, nodding a polite hello to Kairi, and vanished into the hall.
"So what's up?" Sora repeated when he was sure Riku was a good distance away.
Kairi edged into the room and folded her arms, the door shutting behind her. "It's been about two weeks, Sora. Have you figured out what you want to do about Riku?"
~…it's one of those talks,~ Sora thought tiredly and stopped himself from making a face. "You know as well as I do that it's not that easy, Kairi."
"No, but at least I'm not treating him like a slave!" the redhead exclaimed, unexpectedly. "I've seen you—you're ordering him around and not even caring that it's Riku! Our friend! You haven't even tried to look for a way to fix him, have you!?"
Sora was too appalled at her words to register the gleam of tears in her eyes. He gaped at her, blinking. ~I'm…treating him like a slave?~ "That's not true," he whispered. "Kairi, you know that's not true!"
"Isn't it?!"
"No!" Sora made a sound of frustration and tugged at his hair. "Dammit, Kairi, I can't believe this!"
"Maybe you don't even realize it, but I see it all the time!" Kairi said. She glanced at him with something akin to pity, crossing her arms over her blouse and sighing. "Look, Sora…I know it's hard…but all I've seen is Riku jumping to do your bidding…I didn't want to bring this up, but he's my friend too!"
Sora stared at her, unable to recognize her in that moment. "Would you listen to me for a minute? I'm not thinking Riku's better off as a slave! I want him back more than anyone, Kairi, you know that!"
~Tell her why…tell her why…~
She didn't meet his eyes. "I don't know you anymore, Sora," Kairi replied in a whisper. "You've changed."
"Oh, for god's sake," Sora muttered. ~There's nothing I can say when she's in a mood like this…~
He sighed, turning away from her to start the hunt for his socks. "Alright, alright! I won't treat him like a slave, okay? I'll be extra nice and everything…just…go do something for a while and leave me alone…"
"Do you promise?" Kairi replied. "I want your word, Sora."
"I promise," Sora spat obligingly, feeling the words dust themselves on his tongue and fall flat on the air. She didn't appear to notice his tone.
~Tell her…~
"Okay. I'll hold you to that…" the redhead smiled faintly. Without another word she turned and opened the door, slipping outside.
Sora sighed and fell flat onto the bed. "Why me?" he muttered, and covered his face with a pillow.
~//~
The thirteenth day was nothing but a nerve-wracking hell, as Sora avoided everyone and tried to keep Riku sitting down and resting for once to keep Kairi off his back.
It didn't work, he discovered, when Riku began to watch him with uneasy eyes. When Riku finally snapped back into a full-slave mindset and dropped to his knees during dinner, Sora disappeared into the shadows of the Third district until the clock spat out a time of 11:16 a.m., a full four hours after he had walked out the door.
When he came back, exhausted and dirty, Riku was waiting next to his bed, asleep and kneeling.
~//~
Fifteen days after they had returned to Traverse town, Sora found himself on the roof of the shop, staring up through the smog of light to the stars beyond, mystified as how they managed to twinkle on despite everything. He didn't know how long he had been there, comfortably lodged between the slant of the roof and the wide chimney. It was quiet and somehow a step away from everything, even though it was merely twenty feet up or so…it felt far away. That was all that mattered.
~…what am I going to do about Riku?~ a thought insisted to the distant Sora. ~You can't just let him stay like this…~
Sora closed his eyes and rubbed at his forehead. "I know that," he muttered to himself. "I know. I just…can't do anything right now…there's nothing I can do."
"Sora?"
Sora didn't open his eyes. "Yes, Riku?" He heard scuffling, and a slight scraping. Tremors against the shingles told him Riku had hoisted himself onto the rooftop.
"Is Sora okay?" came the quiet reply.
"Kinda…" Sora cracked one sapphire eye open and turned his head. "Is something up? You don't usually follow me out…"
Riku settled back against the roof, hugging his knees. His hair slid over his face as he looked out into the skyline. "Sora seemed…to need company."
"Yeah, well…I guess I do," Sora replied softly. "How is the rebuilding go? I know Kairi mentioned something about having you help out…"
"The Second district is almost repaired. It will be a few more days, but most of the difficult stuff is finished…We'll be hauling away the debris from the broken towers tomorrow." There was a sliding glance full of a secret emotion Sora couldn't decipher. Riku spoke, "Is Sora going to come and watch?"
Sora let himself smile faintly. "Maybe…"
They sat in silence as Riku arranged himself into a more comfortable position, looking up as Sora did into the night sky. He was sitting close enough that Sora could feel the heat of his body and the faint spicy scent that was simply Riku. Close enough to spark a trilling memory of dusky shadows and sun-kissed skin—
"Sora?" Riku asked after a moment of this silence, voice subdued. "Who is Riku?"
Staring at him in shock and jarred from his unwanted thoughts, Sora felt himself slip slightly on the tiling. "What? What did you say?"
The silver-gilt boy traced a finger along a fold of his trousers at the top of his knee. "…I want to know who Riku is…he seems very important to Sora and…I am curious…" A hesitant glance told Sora volumes how uneasy he was, questioning the Master and being so forward.
~But…you're Riku…~ Sora thought slowly. ~…and yet, you're not…~
~How do I explain this?~ Sora cleared his throat, sitting up and resting his head on his knees. "Riku…is a person I am looking for. We were friends since childhood and when…when I got the Keyblade, we were separated. After everything, I started going through the worlds to find him…"
Riku watched him with lowered lids, listening and watching quietly.
~I miss you…~ "He is my closest friend, and I miss him very much…"
"…I am very sorry for Sora," Riku whispered finally. "Sora must have loved this Riku very much."
Sora closed his eyes, smiling and shrugged, throat tight with pain and forgotten emotion. "I did…I do. He is very special."
The silver-haired boy nodded once, shyly, and his voice dropped to a whisper. "I see. To preserve the memory of Riku, you have decided that I am in his place. I feel…flattered…that Sora would give me such an honor…"
"But I'm not—" Sora caught his words, looking at him, really looking and seeing the pride, the gleam of pleasure in the eyes. ~I'm not trying to replace you…~
But it wouldn't do to say those words because this Riku wouldn't understand. Sora let his sadness flutter away in a sigh. "In a way, Riku…you are him. Just…different, now. And I'm glad you're here…I'm glad I found you," he whispered as he turned his head to catch a glimpse of a smile from behind the silver curtain of hair, his insides shaking at the sight.
"…I am glad to be with Sora," the boy replied, attention focused on the threads of his trousers. A tinge of red slowly colored his cheeks and he was smiling a smile that only Sora had seen before…Riku's secret smile.
~I'm going to find a way to fix you, I swear it, Riku. I'm going to find a way…~ Sora thought feeling fierce and determined and angry all at once. ~It doesn't matter how long it takes…I'll find a way…~
They sat there for a moment, neither able to look at the other. Finally, Sora stood and stretched, craned his neck to peer along the roof before he looked down at the still-seated Riku with a smile. "Come on, let's go inside," Sora said to him. "It's getting cold."
~//~
Riku was gone from the pallet in the corner by the time Sora woke the next morning. Flat on his stomach, Sora looked to see the sandals missing from their customary place by the door. He rolled over and sat up, yawning. ~He must have gone to the Second district already,~ he thought, rubbing at his face.
~Might as well get up,~ Sora thought. He stretched, kicking the sheet back and rolling out of the bed to land on his feet. He headed for the bathroom.
Fifteen minutes later he emerged, hair damp and a towel slung around his shoulders and clad in a pair of loose jeans. He took only a moment to dress in an inconspicuous shirt, throwing on his dark vest and crown-chain and slipped into his shoes. Then he was out the door and trotting down the stairs.
The walk to the Second district was uneventful. It was a rare hour between shifts, where everyone was either sleeping or eating a meal inside their home. No one was on the streets as the Keywielder jogged by. He enjoyed the feeling of exercise and silence, of exertion pulling his muscles as he passed through the doors. If anyone had been around, they would have seen the slight smile and relaxed air about him. They would have seen Sora.
But Sora didn't notice any of this as he came to a stop just past the exit into the Second district, and nearly tripped over a pile of wood scraps. He saw twisted metal heaped off to another right, and a bin of broken plaster bits and garbage lined up neatly next to them both. Sora scratched his head, blinked twice and looked around.
~Guess he wasn't kidding when he said they were doing the garbage today…~
~Speaking of Riku…where is he?~ Sora tugged a hand through his hair and scanned the small crowd for a familiar mop of silver hair. Two blocks down there were people pulling down the broken siding, and a pair cleaning up the glass from the streets. A woman was carefully wiping down the windows of the refurnished buildings, and a group of men relocating the scaffolding set to another building that was in obvious need of repair.
~…but no Riku,~ he thought, a frown creasing his forehead. Sora settled back against the wall and watched the clean-up crew work for a while, hoping to spot a familiar face.
~There's Kairi,~ he thought, recognizing a flash of the tied-back red hair. She was moving down the line of workers, smiling and looking as pretty as usual. Sora rolled his eyes at the sight, fond and annoyed all at once. ~Where's Riku? He's gotta be around here…~
Kairi laughed, the sound audible to Sora despite the distance. He watched her talking to the workers, noting how oddly clean her clothing was. A trickle of irritation speared him. It wasn't surprising to find Kairi providing the moral support—she had always been good at that sort of thing.
~But where's Riku,~ his mind repeated.
Then he saw him.
Riku emerged from the shadows of a building, carrying a carefully-balanced pile of bricks. His knuckles were visibly white, and his hair was pulled back into a rough queue. His clothing—trousers and a simple shirt—were covered in soot and dirt and other indiscernible stains. He looked as if he had been working for three days straight.
Sora watched him in shock as the bricks were dropped into another barrel, and Riku wiped at his face. Sora watched as the silver-gilt boy walked up to Kairi, asking something.
She didn't bother to turn around and waved a hand. Riku bowed—
—~He bowed?!~ Sora thought in disbelief—
—and watched Riku headed back towards the building.
~That…~
~That bitch!~
He was striding forward before he realized it, past the people cleaning the streets up, past the people cleaning the new buildings, past the line of men tearing down the scaffolding. Fists clenched, eyes a furious snapping blue, he strode up to Kairi and yanked her around by the arm.
"What the hell was that?!" he hissed, ignoring her startled cry. "What the fuck, Kairi?"
Sora didn't care that people were staring at him or that Kairi was gasping, tugging at his hand. He shook her with enough force to make his point as he glared at her, unable to explain why he was so furious. "You hypocritical bitch—"
"Sora—stop it! You're hurting me!" she whispered, cheeks red and tears glinting in her eyes.
"You accuse me of treating him like a slave—and then you go and pull some stupid thing like this? How dare you!"
"I didn't tell him to do that, he does it on his own!" she cried. "Let me go! Sora!"
Sora pulled his hand away. "Then why didn't you tell him to stop!? God, Kairi—it would be a lot more helpful if you thought about this! "
Her eyes widened. "Well, I'm not the one who got him in this situation in the first place!" she replied, half-yelling as she nursed her arm with the other hand. "You think it has to be everyone's problem—but it's not! It's your fault! You could have done something different—you could have saved him but now he's just—he's just a robot!"
Sora felt his face pale and couldn't speak.
~…your fault—your fault…~
Kairi sniffled, dashing away a trickling tear and glared at him.
"…you don't know anything!" Sora finally whispered. "You don't know anything…you don't know about what I had to do…how Ithian was going to rape him, how he screamed when the old man bent his mind over…I don't want this, Kairi, Riku's my friend—not my slave! You don't know anything about this!"
~…anything about how I loved him…~
"Riku was my friend too!" Kairi cried. "You don't know how I feel—seeing him like and knowing what he was—"
Sora slapped her across the face before his mind registered the movement. "Don't you ever say I didn't love him," he choked dreadfully on the words. "Don't you ever say I wasn't his friend…I loved him! Do you think I want him to be my slave? I just want him back!"
"Well, now you've got what you want, don't you," Kairi replied, turning away to cup her cheek. "I don't know you anymore, Sora. J-just go away…"
Sora felt something crack inside, the loss of something he couldn't place. "Fine," he rasped, turning on his heel and brushing by the gawking onlookers and towards the exit.
~//~
"Kairi? Are you alright, Kairi?"
The redhead hastily wiped the tears from her face, looking up in a way that suggested disbelief. Pain pulled the lines of her face tight, her mouth pale and bloodless. "Riku," she mumbled. "How long were you watching?"
"I saw Sora and Kairi fighting," Riku replied softly, tilting his head in a curious way. He frowned, opening his mouth to say something, but the words wouldn't come. Something flickered in his eyes. Is it true? he wanted to ask.
Kairi didn't seem to notice. She stared at him, hurting and angry and stubborn. "Riku," she said slowly, rebelliously. "There's something I want to show you…"
Riku nodded. "Alright," he said, and followed her from the Second district, shooting one last troubled glance in the direction Sora had gone.
~…is it…true? Sora?~
The moment passed.
~//~
:: The table's cold ::
:: It's too late ::
:: to make up for these mistakes ::
The sun had set behind the skyline and the neon lights had flickered on before Sora realized what time it was, and just how long he had been curled up in the corner of his room.
"Shit," he whispered. "Good job, Sora. What a way to alienate people…"
~…dammit,~ his mind cried. ~What the hell did I do wrong? I thought I was helping…it's not true…it's not…I'm not treating him like that…~
~I'm so tired…~
Sora scrubbed a hand over his face, removing the vestiges of tears and messing up his hair. He sighed slowly, trying hard to control it. The wall was a hard unforgiving coldness against his back. Cold and disproving, but he didn't know what he did and why he couldn't make it right.
"I'm sorry…" Sora whispered to himself. "I'm so sorry…it's all my fault…"
There was a muted knock on the door, and Sora groaned, thumping his head onto his knees. "Go away," he mumbled, too softly for anyone to hear.
The door opened. "…Sora?" came the quiet voice.
~Riku,~ his mind whispered bittersweet. "Come in," Sora finally said. "It's alright."
"Is Sora okay?" Riku whispered after a moment, sounding very near.
Sora opened his eyes, head thumping with the onset of an ache and peered at the boy standing less than two feet away. He managed a nod. "I'm just tired…and angry…"
Riku nodded, more to himself as fingers toyed with the edge of his shirt. "I saw Sora in the Second district…Sora and Kairi were fighting…" Riku bit his lip, kneeling almost as an afterthought and didn't look Sora in the eye. He played with something in his hands, turning it and hiding it within his cupped fingers.
"Don't worry about that," Sora told him. "It happens every now and then…I'm sorry you had to see that…"
Riku shook his head. "Sora should not apologize…Sora did nothing wrong."
"Yeah, but…" the brunette half-shook his head, smiling faintly. ~No use arguing with him either…~
"Will Sora retire soon? The day's nearly gone, and Sora needs to rest," Riku said.
Pushing himself away from the wall, Sora shrugged. "Soon," he answered. Questions and a queer irritation coiled in his mind, spiking heat through his heart. He looked to the kneeling Riku, the calm expression and strands of the silver hair. So close…Sora reached forward and brushed aside the hair to get a glimpse of the face.
~I miss you,~ he wanted to say. ~I want you back…~
Instead, Sora pulled his hand away. "Sorry, I—"
A flash of sea-green eyes and Riku folded his fingers around Sora's wrist, holding his hand immobile. "If…" the boy hesitated. "If I can do anything for Sora…"
A knotted ball of shock skittered up his spine. "R-Riku?"
The silver-gilt boy bent to press his cheek to Sora's palm, avoiding his gaze as the hair slid down to tickle the back of his hand. "Because Sora looked so sad…and I want to make it go away…because I am only a slave. I have nothing to give Sora but…this…"
"Give me?" Sora tried to pull his hand away, but his arm wouldn't move. His hand only twitched. "Why…why would you…you want…?"
Riku nodded, and the moment hovered.
"Why?" Sora managed to whisper. "Why?"
"Because I love Sora…" Riku admitted. "Because…I think I have always loved Sora…"
~It's the spell talking…the spell. He can't really…he can't really mean that…~
Riku raised his eyes to his, a hint of anxiousness in their depths. Sora couldn't make himself look away. ~He really wants me to…to…~ his mind fizzled on the image and Sora blushed. ~I can't do that! That would be so wrong—it's taking advantage of him!~
But he couldn't pull his hand away.
~…it worked before…free him like before…~ a thought teased him.
"Sora…?" Riku whispered.
~Oh god, what if it's possible?~ Sora thought, unable to answer, unable to move. He licked his lips. ~…I want to…I want to try…~ Sora flexed fingers against the smooth skin, feeling the hair slide like silk. Slowly, gently he pushed a thumb in exploration along the delicate cheekbone. Riku tilted his head into his touch, eyes fluttering. His mouth moved in a silent whisper of his name, in adulation.
An almost need, almost love.
Sora heard himself make a sound, an attempt of protest as his other hand rose to cup the face. "Oh…Riku…" he said despairingly. "Come back to me..."
~I don't want to do this—not like this—I want you back—~
The moment froze.
Sora lowered his head, feeling his stomach jumping in cold spastic arches. He pressed a kiss to the upturned face just under the eye. Then another at the corner of the mouth.
~Riku…Riku Riku Riku…~ he chanted silently, kissing him finally upon the mouth, tentative and slow. ~Come back to me, Riku. Come back, please, come back…~ He pushed his hands through the fall of silver hair, cupping the head and angling to slide his tongue past the lips. Riku moved carefully, shyly, against him and Sora could feel his pulse flickering against his palm.
Kissing him was eerie, something unexpected and at the same a memorized action. Easy. Something he didn't have to look far to find within himself. Riku tasted like the fruit Sora had seen at him nibble on at lunch, tasted bittersweet and warm and some unexpected flavor. His tongue was pushing against Sora's mouth in a slow traveling movement, hesitant and sure touches that seemed to ignite his skin.
~Kiss me back, come back, back to me,~ Sora thought inanely, opening his mouth wider as his fingers splayed, pulling and crushing Riku to him. He kissed with desperate force, plunging into the given mouth and trying to find a flicker of something even as he pushed his body forward, wanting to feel the warmth. He could taste Riku down to the churning heat in his belly.
Sora kissed him and pushed him down onto the floor without realizing it, aligning himself over the body that unfolded before him, warm and soft. Riku didn't push him away even when nails left marks on the pale skin, when Sora bit at his lip and tasted blood; he merely closed his eyes and smiled, tilting his head to let Sora taste his skin and memorize his body all over again.
"Sora…" Riku breathed his name when Sora pulled back to move his mouth along the jaw, sucking at the skin. His face was flushed, framed with tousled hair, lips dark with the force of Sora's kiss. His legs were pushed aside to make room for Sora's hips and waist, his hands tentatively grasping at the shoulders above him.
Swallowing, Sora couldn't decide in that hazy moment if Riku had called him by name or by the implicated title. "Riku?" he questioned.
~Is that you?~ he wanted to say.
The spark wasn't in his eyes…it wasn't Riku. Sora closed his eyes and let himself collapse as gently as possible into the boy until his forehead was pushing against the shoulder and exhaled shakily. ~What am I doing? I don't even know if he wants this—It's not going to work—this is something completely different…it's not the same…~
"…why did you do this, Riku?" he asked slowly, digging after the buried truth. "I know you, and you wouldn't do anything like this unless I asked for it…"
"It is Sora's right," Riku replied quietly, a touch breathless. His fingers twined over Sora's shoulders, flexing with something lodged between the palm and his shirt, pricking him. Sora tried to ignore it. "And I…" Riku yawned quietly, head tilting against Sora's.
"I don't want this because you're a slave," Sora whispered minutes later, mustering the courage and sliding through the pain. "I love you. I want you back, Riku…I don't want you to be a slave…I just want you back…"
Riku didn't reply.
The moment passed, leaving behind an empty sort of sound as Sora pushed up, the arms falling away. For a moment he looked down upon the closed eyes, the flushed face and bite-marks on the neck.
~Asleep…?~ Sora wondered. ~He's asleep…he must have been working so hard...~ Sora sighed, licking his lips absently, tasting a sweetness and a tang of copper. He ran a hand gently over the hair, smoothing it and pressed a kiss to the forehead. "Damn you," he said fondly.
It took him a careful minute of maneuvering to hoist Riku into his arms and lay him on the bed. "Rest well…" he whispered, gathering the nerve to kiss him gently. Riku curled up into the softness like a cat, his loosely-closed fists up under his chin.
Sora sat there, watching him sleep for what seemed like hours, but it was only seconds.
Then he stood and gathered his things, slipping on his shoes and yanking on the dark vest. At the door he stopped to look back at the sleeping Riku, whispering "I'll be back, I promise." to the silence.
Then he was gone.
~//~
Kairi came into the room just after dawn, intent on apologizing, looking stressed and rumpled from a poor sleep. "Sora…are you in here?"
Sora wasn't there.
She bit her lip when she saw Riku curled up on the bed, oblivious. "Riku," she whispered, moving close enough to sit on the edge of the bed.
He didn't stir. She brushed his shoulder and glanced around the room, noting that Sora's shoes and the small travel bag he used were gone. Dreadful worry stabbed her sharply. "Riku, wake up!" she shook him by the shoulder.
Riku moved nothing but his hands, tightening them into fists with a sound of crackling, and didn't wake.
Upon a closer look she ran careful fingers over the wrists and discovered the source of the noise. A photograph, crumpled and torn and faded. Three faces smiled for the camera, with a backdrop of sun and sky and beach.
Her photograph, the only thing from home, and the very one she had shown to Riku.
~He's gone,~ she thought irrationally, knowing it was true. "…what have you done?" she whispered to herself. "Sora, what have you done?"
~//~
Sora didn't return. Two days later, with Riku still in his odd sleep, Kairi received a hastily written note from Leon in Sora's still-childish writing.
Will you take care of Riku? I've got to go, I'm sorry—got a lead on Mickey. I'll be back, I swear…make sure he's okay, will you? I don't think he'd understand it…
Thank you, Kairi. I'm sorry.
S.
"What…?" she questioned, staring at it. "Where did you get this?"
Leon shrugged. "Found it in the castle when I was doing rounds. Any idea what it means?"
"It means he might not be back for a while," Kairi replied. "Dammit, Sora, we need you here…"
"What are you going to do, then?" Leon asked. "Are you going to stay here?"
"I don't know…" she whispered, nibbling on a nail. She glanced through the doorway to where Riku was sprawled out on the bed still, covered with a sheet, and shifted in place.
With instincts warring between not telling Sora and doing the 'Right Thing' it took seconds for her to decide. "Leon…can you give us a ride?"
~//~
Five days later Riku woke in the shade, the sound of an ocean a whispering roar on the edge of his hearing, the sand gritty and hot under his legs.
He sat up, dizzy and confused, and looked around. "…Sora?" he rasped.
But Sora wasn't there.
~end~
(a/n - no, wait!! there'll-be-an-epilogue-so-don't-kill-me-please!)