Hello, I'm St. John and I offered to fill in the beginning author's notes for this story Juliano's writing about me. She's out playing in the rain.
I have no idea what it's about though. Oh, wait, looks like I'm about to find out. He sent Piotr in metal form. This does not bode well.
Piotr-John, I have the script.
Where'd your accent go?
Piotr-(shrug) I feel it is better that the author has given up on accents since the evo. writers aparently have. But I also feel that I was sent here with the script for a reason. You see, I am comic verse Piotr, and already dead. You will become a father.
WHAT! I'm going to have sex with a female in a fan fic? It's Tabitha right? She's the only chic I get paired up with in Juliano's deranged mind. God she'll kill me!
Piotr-No, you misunderstand. You will become pregnant.
I heard wrong, right? Oh, look, Rogue's walking in. Um, flyign in. So, she's sent comic verse Rogue pre-powerloss in here? Oh God.
Rogue-(between muttering about life in general) The Authah's comin'. Aparently the rain stopped. Ah made 'im shake the extra watah off, but he's still kinda drippy.
Good, we need to talk. Has he got his headpones on again? I swear it's immpossible to talk to him with THAT SHIT IN HIS EARS! Oh look, I got his attention.
(The damnable author looks at me and frowns)
Author-What? Are you tying to get an appeal?
YES! Why me? Why can't. . .Rogue get pregnant.
(My very beautiful head is slammed into the wall by Rogue. Any excuse to touch me I guess. :))
Um, sorry Rogue, touchy subject. Gah!
(I am choked harder. The author looks slightly ticked off at Rogue. Then decides that's a stupid idea and tries to wheedle her into letting me go. Good luck Juliano. Ooh, pretty spots.)
Author-Rogue, I'll write another story about you and Remy in comic verse, nice and sweet, and hey, I may even do a trashy fic about you two. Put my protagonist down, and let him breathe.
(I am released and colapse on the ground, trying to breathe. I still looks dashing and handsom, but also like I've just been strangled by a woman who can bench press a jeep.)
Whew. Thanks Juliano. Oh, wait, no, you can't let me die because I'm pregnant. Bet you won't even write about how I got that way.
(Ipout in a very sexy way. The author rolls his eyes. I remember he's asexual and curse my luck.)
Author-Um, no. But I will discuss how you are able to be pregnant.
Can I have whatever drugs you were on wen you came up with this?
Author-This isn't my idea. Another author requested this.
Shit! Is everyone against me? Aren't I dead anyway? Can't I get some rest?
(Evo. Remy pops out of nowhere)
Remy-Look at the category.
EVO!? Life sucks!
(Comic Rogue hovers around evo. Remy, taking him in.)
Rogue-Authah, who the hell is this. The eyes look like Remy's and he's tall, but if ya tell me this is Remy Ah'm goin' gay in evo.
(Rogue pouts, and I see that evo. me must be bisexual. Hey, best of both worlds. Oh, and btw, the hair is so not hot.)
Auhtor-Well, guess you'd better start hitting on your roommate. That is Remy.
Rogue-(Disgusted) Ug! Who designed his hair? Ah'll have someone's head fo' this!
Remy-I think I'm not making that big an impression.
(Rogue gasps in horror. I wonder why briefly.)
Rogue-His accent. Oh lord! An' Ah bet he can't speak Creole. What have they done to ya sugah?
(Remy looks at the now much older than him Rogue. He gets that lechterous look I now know he gets whena round any foxy older woman. He is in deep shit. I'm sitting back to ejoy this fight properly. Juliano looks at Rogue, and is about to say something to calm her down, but then looks at Remy and shuts up.)
Remy-Hey, you look pretty good when you grow up. And I do know a couple of french words.
(Rogue suddenly morphs into her evo. verse self. I sigh. But hey, this could still be good. Evo. Rogue looks like she could kick some ass, and hey, who doesn't like to watch a guy getting beaten? That's what I thought.)
Rogue-Nope, still doesn't look good. God, Ah refuse ta believe that is his real hair. Can we get the real thing in here please?
( I reluctantly pull myself into business mode, remembering for some reason that the author plans on making me give birth.)
Ahem. I believe I was doing the opening. Juliano! I need to talk to you.
(Julinao looks over to me while Remy turns into his comic self. His hair grows like an auburn chia pet, his facial hair becomes better, hell, even his trenchcoat is cooler.)
Author-Sorry John. What's up?
Why don't you spend more time writing this fic than trying to squeeze as much Romy as possible in?
Author-You want to deal with raging pregnant hormones right now?
No sir.
Author-Then hush. And give me control again. I'm dry now.
John-Crap.
(We hear a throat clear. Rogue is tapping her foot, still her evo. self.)
Sorry, my bad.
(Rogue turns into her comic self, circa the early ninties. Long hair, orange 'n' green uniform, etc.)
Rogue-Once again, 'ahem'
Oh, right. I don't know how I could have forgotten.
(Rogue morphs again. This time her hair flattens and becomes really short, and she is in normal clothes. She beams at the author before going into the just created shadowy corner with Remy.)
John-Can we go on with the fic now? Hey, where'd Piotr go?
He's getting in place. You should too.
John-Will you be needing Remy for this fic? Unless you do someting I may not be the only one facing PREGNANT HORMONES!
(a raspberry comes from the dark shadow corner)
Let 'em have their fun John. I won't bother them 'til next capter anyway. Oh, and before we start, I rent not to own. I will someday have Marvel stock. But until then, not mine.
John-Inspired disclaimer.
Do you want to have twins?
Joohn-Sorry. (mutters on his way to where he's supposed to be.)
***
Bobby was watching 'What's New Scooby Doo?' on Cartoon Network. For whatever reason all the Acolytes had up and joined the X-men. So now there were even more men sharing the same bathroom. Not that Bobby much minded. He'd gotten some 'private time' with a couple of them. He wasn't going to name any names of course. He remembered the previous night's shower and shivered a little. Hey, it was better than paying attention to Scooby Doo.
Then John walked in, looking very pale. Well. . .paler. More on a Pietro level than his earlier Jean Grey tone glow. This alerted Bobby that something was definitely wrong. And chances are, it meant things were really bad for Bobby.
"Hey John, what's up?"
"I got my test back today."
Bobby's eyes widened. This might possibly be worse than he imagined.
"T-tests?" Bobby stammered, while John sat looking dejected next to him. John nodded. Then started to whine. Hey, at least he wasn't crying anymore.
"I'm. . .possitive."
Bobby stared at the screen. "P-possitive? For what? The clap? Gonorhea? AIDS?"
John looked at him. "No. I'm (dun dun dun) pregnant."
Bobby sighed in relief. "Oh, okay," and promptly went back to Scooby Doo.
John started crying again, sobbing something about how insensitive men are.
***
Bobby-You made me gay!
I'm sorry. It was the lesser of two evils. Either that or you'd have a stick up your ass like Scott. Beside, the daddy's not available right now.
(Bobby looks over to the shadowy corner were Rogue is moaning and Remy is talking rapidly in Creole. I may as well not bother translating since I'll have to censor it.)
Maybe. Who knows. Might be you Drakester. You did have sex with the man. . .er. . .so to speak.
(John looks at me in horror, then runs to the bathroom across the room (room?) from Rogue and Remy's shadowy corner.)
John-NOOOOOOOOOOOO! You foul evil demon! I can't believe you did that to me!
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Well, until next chapter, this is Julinao saying, REVIEW! I need someone to help with all this official stuff, since my original helpers are. . .preoccupado
(Davis ( a comic book character of no real importance) pops out of nowhere.)
Am I that desperate? Nah. Sorry Davy. Come back if you go all gold 'n' stuff likie your sis. Until then you wanna hang around and see how this plays out?
Davis-Um, maybe. Can I leave if I get too weirded out?
Sure.
Davis-Is there popcorn?
Don't push your luck kid. Oh, and don't take this too seriously. This is a quasi-parody after all. Just sit back and enjoy the show.
I have no idea what it's about though. Oh, wait, looks like I'm about to find out. He sent Piotr in metal form. This does not bode well.
Piotr-John, I have the script.
Where'd your accent go?
Piotr-(shrug) I feel it is better that the author has given up on accents since the evo. writers aparently have. But I also feel that I was sent here with the script for a reason. You see, I am comic verse Piotr, and already dead. You will become a father.
WHAT! I'm going to have sex with a female in a fan fic? It's Tabitha right? She's the only chic I get paired up with in Juliano's deranged mind. God she'll kill me!
Piotr-No, you misunderstand. You will become pregnant.
I heard wrong, right? Oh, look, Rogue's walking in. Um, flyign in. So, she's sent comic verse Rogue pre-powerloss in here? Oh God.
Rogue-(between muttering about life in general) The Authah's comin'. Aparently the rain stopped. Ah made 'im shake the extra watah off, but he's still kinda drippy.
Good, we need to talk. Has he got his headpones on again? I swear it's immpossible to talk to him with THAT SHIT IN HIS EARS! Oh look, I got his attention.
(The damnable author looks at me and frowns)
Author-What? Are you tying to get an appeal?
YES! Why me? Why can't. . .Rogue get pregnant.
(My very beautiful head is slammed into the wall by Rogue. Any excuse to touch me I guess. :))
Um, sorry Rogue, touchy subject. Gah!
(I am choked harder. The author looks slightly ticked off at Rogue. Then decides that's a stupid idea and tries to wheedle her into letting me go. Good luck Juliano. Ooh, pretty spots.)
Author-Rogue, I'll write another story about you and Remy in comic verse, nice and sweet, and hey, I may even do a trashy fic about you two. Put my protagonist down, and let him breathe.
(I am released and colapse on the ground, trying to breathe. I still looks dashing and handsom, but also like I've just been strangled by a woman who can bench press a jeep.)
Whew. Thanks Juliano. Oh, wait, no, you can't let me die because I'm pregnant. Bet you won't even write about how I got that way.
(Ipout in a very sexy way. The author rolls his eyes. I remember he's asexual and curse my luck.)
Author-Um, no. But I will discuss how you are able to be pregnant.
Can I have whatever drugs you were on wen you came up with this?
Author-This isn't my idea. Another author requested this.
Shit! Is everyone against me? Aren't I dead anyway? Can't I get some rest?
(Evo. Remy pops out of nowhere)
Remy-Look at the category.
EVO!? Life sucks!
(Comic Rogue hovers around evo. Remy, taking him in.)
Rogue-Authah, who the hell is this. The eyes look like Remy's and he's tall, but if ya tell me this is Remy Ah'm goin' gay in evo.
(Rogue pouts, and I see that evo. me must be bisexual. Hey, best of both worlds. Oh, and btw, the hair is so not hot.)
Auhtor-Well, guess you'd better start hitting on your roommate. That is Remy.
Rogue-(Disgusted) Ug! Who designed his hair? Ah'll have someone's head fo' this!
Remy-I think I'm not making that big an impression.
(Rogue gasps in horror. I wonder why briefly.)
Rogue-His accent. Oh lord! An' Ah bet he can't speak Creole. What have they done to ya sugah?
(Remy looks at the now much older than him Rogue. He gets that lechterous look I now know he gets whena round any foxy older woman. He is in deep shit. I'm sitting back to ejoy this fight properly. Juliano looks at Rogue, and is about to say something to calm her down, but then looks at Remy and shuts up.)
Remy-Hey, you look pretty good when you grow up. And I do know a couple of french words.
(Rogue suddenly morphs into her evo. verse self. I sigh. But hey, this could still be good. Evo. Rogue looks like she could kick some ass, and hey, who doesn't like to watch a guy getting beaten? That's what I thought.)
Rogue-Nope, still doesn't look good. God, Ah refuse ta believe that is his real hair. Can we get the real thing in here please?
( I reluctantly pull myself into business mode, remembering for some reason that the author plans on making me give birth.)
Ahem. I believe I was doing the opening. Juliano! I need to talk to you.
(Julinao looks over to me while Remy turns into his comic self. His hair grows like an auburn chia pet, his facial hair becomes better, hell, even his trenchcoat is cooler.)
Author-Sorry John. What's up?
Why don't you spend more time writing this fic than trying to squeeze as much Romy as possible in?
Author-You want to deal with raging pregnant hormones right now?
No sir.
Author-Then hush. And give me control again. I'm dry now.
John-Crap.
(We hear a throat clear. Rogue is tapping her foot, still her evo. self.)
Sorry, my bad.
(Rogue turns into her comic self, circa the early ninties. Long hair, orange 'n' green uniform, etc.)
Rogue-Once again, 'ahem'
Oh, right. I don't know how I could have forgotten.
(Rogue morphs again. This time her hair flattens and becomes really short, and she is in normal clothes. She beams at the author before going into the just created shadowy corner with Remy.)
John-Can we go on with the fic now? Hey, where'd Piotr go?
He's getting in place. You should too.
John-Will you be needing Remy for this fic? Unless you do someting I may not be the only one facing PREGNANT HORMONES!
(a raspberry comes from the dark shadow corner)
Let 'em have their fun John. I won't bother them 'til next capter anyway. Oh, and before we start, I rent not to own. I will someday have Marvel stock. But until then, not mine.
John-Inspired disclaimer.
Do you want to have twins?
Joohn-Sorry. (mutters on his way to where he's supposed to be.)
***
Bobby was watching 'What's New Scooby Doo?' on Cartoon Network. For whatever reason all the Acolytes had up and joined the X-men. So now there were even more men sharing the same bathroom. Not that Bobby much minded. He'd gotten some 'private time' with a couple of them. He wasn't going to name any names of course. He remembered the previous night's shower and shivered a little. Hey, it was better than paying attention to Scooby Doo.
Then John walked in, looking very pale. Well. . .paler. More on a Pietro level than his earlier Jean Grey tone glow. This alerted Bobby that something was definitely wrong. And chances are, it meant things were really bad for Bobby.
"Hey John, what's up?"
"I got my test back today."
Bobby's eyes widened. This might possibly be worse than he imagined.
"T-tests?" Bobby stammered, while John sat looking dejected next to him. John nodded. Then started to whine. Hey, at least he wasn't crying anymore.
"I'm. . .possitive."
Bobby stared at the screen. "P-possitive? For what? The clap? Gonorhea? AIDS?"
John looked at him. "No. I'm (dun dun dun) pregnant."
Bobby sighed in relief. "Oh, okay," and promptly went back to Scooby Doo.
John started crying again, sobbing something about how insensitive men are.
***
Bobby-You made me gay!
I'm sorry. It was the lesser of two evils. Either that or you'd have a stick up your ass like Scott. Beside, the daddy's not available right now.
(Bobby looks over to the shadowy corner were Rogue is moaning and Remy is talking rapidly in Creole. I may as well not bother translating since I'll have to censor it.)
Maybe. Who knows. Might be you Drakester. You did have sex with the man. . .er. . .so to speak.
(John looks at me in horror, then runs to the bathroom across the room (room?) from Rogue and Remy's shadowy corner.)
John-NOOOOOOOOOOOO! You foul evil demon! I can't believe you did that to me!
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Well, until next chapter, this is Julinao saying, REVIEW! I need someone to help with all this official stuff, since my original helpers are. . .preoccupado
(Davis ( a comic book character of no real importance) pops out of nowhere.)
Am I that desperate? Nah. Sorry Davy. Come back if you go all gold 'n' stuff likie your sis. Until then you wanna hang around and see how this plays out?
Davis-Um, maybe. Can I leave if I get too weirded out?
Sure.
Davis-Is there popcorn?
Don't push your luck kid. Oh, and don't take this too seriously. This is a quasi-parody after all. Just sit back and enjoy the show.