And we're back with more of our favorite aussie.
(a very disheveled Rogue and Remy are sitting in chairs along with Davis and John.)
Rogue-Considerin' he's our _only_ Aussie.
Davis-Nuh Uh! I'm australian too. (he pouts)
Rogue-Sorry. Ah fo'got. Don't know how (gies somethign off screen a pointed look)
My bad okay? Jeeze, forget one little detail. . .
John-I still can't believe you did that! You are beyond evil! Not only that, but I only get to have implied sex while Rogue and Remy are like freakin' rabbits.
Speaking of reproduction, let's see who might be the daddy.
Remy-Rabbits actually have offspring. We're being careful.
Rogue-Ya mean _Ah'm_ on the pill.
Remy-Right. We're being careful.
(Davis looks slightly disturbed.)
Davis-Juliano, are they actually like that?
You were on a team with them, right?
Davis-Yeah, but I'm pretty sure Rogue wasn't on the pill then. Hey, don't the comercials say they take three months to kick in?
(Rogue looks up like a deer in headlights. She then looks at a very uncomfortable Remy.)
Rogue-(mocking Remy's accent) Doan worry chere, Jus' like any other kin' of pill. (In her own voice, with tons of evilness) If Ah'm pregnant it's your ass.
(John looks in the same direction Rogue did a few line ago. The author is sitting there in a wingback chair facing the opposite way, so you can only see the back of the chair and the faint glow of a laptop.)
John-Now I don't feel so bad. At least the baby's daddy isn't Remy.
I decline comment.
(Remy goes very very pale.)
Remy-Non. Non. Y' di'n't. Y' woul'n'. Dieu.
***
After Bobby realized that John's being pregnant might actually affect him things got out of hand.
"What! Oh, God. The kid's going to have two dads. Well, Rogue was raised by two moms, I guess the kid might not kill itself at an early age. But. . .is it me?"
John shook his head. "No idea. Ever since I came here. . .lot of guys experimenting. . .could be almost anyone."
So there was a guys only meeting. Even some of the morlocks and the BoM were there.
Scott had decided to take charge of this meeting, since there was no way in hell he was anyone's father. Well, at least none that he knew off. Jean had been kind of off lately. But he wasn't John's kid's father, and that was all that mattered then.
"Okay, firt order of business. How the hell does a man get pregnant?"
Evan was the one to answer, much to everyone but Ray and Remy's surprise. They'd been there (Davis' note: That is beyond wrong). "He's a transexual. The doctor kinda added his. . .you know, but didn't cover over the female parts. John was kinda flat to begin with. We got shown the before pictres."
The girls were listening at the door. If Scott had opened it then he would have seen every glass in the institute pressed up against thin air. Kitty giggled.
"I never thought Evan liked guys. I would have gone shopping with him."
Rogue was listening with rapt attention. "So the guy's a transexual? That kinda explains a lot."
Tabitha smirked. "Oh, he can be very manly in bed. Just a man with a poon under his wang."
Scott pressed on with the meeting. Or at least tried to. Kurt spoke up before he got around to it. "What was your name before? And why would you pick St. John?"
John sighed. "My birth name is Stella Algernon Johnson. My parents couldn't think of more than one name they liked for each gender, so I was given the opposite gender middle name. With a little name corruption I became St. John Allerdyce. Happy?" He didn't like being in this sort of meeting. It made him realilze what a village bicycle he really was.
"Okay, anyway, when was. . .I can't ask you about this! I can't ask Jean about this, much less someone who I until recently thought was a guy." Scott said, sitting down in an empty chair with a harumph. Remy got up, being pretty sure he had the least chance of being the father, and took over.
"Okay, John, when was y' las' period." Remy made a face. "Dat is disturbing."
"Two months ago. Three weeks before I joined the X-men."
Remy sighed. He was home free. "Okay, an' d'y' know who's mos' likely de father?"
John ticked people off on his fingers. "Bobby, Ray, and maybe Evan. Could be Lance or Pietro. Probably not Facade, sorry I don't know your real name, but put him on the list just in case."
Facade got up, royally ticked off. "I am not the father! You can't even remember my name! I'm out of here."
The girls quickly dispersed while Facade stormed out the door. Then they clustered around the door again.
"Okay, I'm takin' Facade off de lis'. If it is him y' ain't gettin' any help anyway."
John was starting to get mad. And hungry. His back kind of hurt too. "Can this be over? I'll talk to all the maybe fathers later. I'm tired."
"One more t'ing. Either go to a gynecologist, or have Hank check y' out. If y' wan' a baby name book so y' can give y' kid two same gender names I'm goin' t' get cigarettes now."
"You're a fricken riot. You're just relieved you're not the father."
A small squeak from the dor followed by the sound of three glasses hitting the floor and breaking caught everyone's attention.
Rogue was trying to get in the study. She knew that this was a past thing, and that Remy had made it clear what they had was as physical as all his other relationships. But she didn't give a damn. She'd been after him all week for calling her Debbie in bed. (DN:how can she touch him? Doesn't evo. Rogue have her powers? AN:Read How much embarrassment can two mutants take? Same deal.)
The door opened revealling Jean and Tabitha holding a very angry Rogue back from the door. Kitty, Jubilee, Amara and Wanda were still holding glasses, trying to shush Rogue.
Unfortunatly for him, Sam was the one to open the door. He was promptly run over by a furious Rogue, who jumped over the fold out table and tackled Remy.
"Ah think we have eavesdroppers," was all Sam could say before passing out from being stepped on.
***
Davis-Art imitates life huh?
(we see Davis is in a chair similar to the author's, but facing forward. Rogue is still glaring daggers through Remy. John is quietly watching in amusment. Sam bursts in, with a boot print clear on is face.)
Sam-Juliano, why are you an' Panthah so evil to me?
(Juliano's chair becomes one of those swirly desk chairs, and an ultra-modern desk now holds his beloved old crappy laptop.)
I'm sorry Sammy. I hate how your character is so sterotypical. C'mon, a miner's son forced to take on family responsibilty early in life? Seen October Sky? Same story, and I don't like that movie either.
(Sam pouts)
Sam-That's not my fault.
I know. Hey, how 'bout you join me 'n' Davis here. You won't be part of the fic anymore.
Sam-Sure. Thanks. Can I maybe get a good part in the next one shot you do?
We'll see.
(another desk chair pops up from nowhere, and Davis' chair morphs to match it.)
Sam-Any popcorn?
*sigh* No. Not unless Davis makes it.
(Davis hops up.) I get to do something? I mean, beside angst about my life and all? Cool.
(Davis goes to the kitchen. Soon the sounds and smells of a well made bucket of 'corn are wafting out of the kithcen.)
John-Man I'm hungry. (realizes what he's said) I hate you Juliano. You know, I can make this turn into a suicide fic.
NO! How's this. You suffer through this, and I'll give you a Zippo.
John-Really? A good one? With a cool design? (realizes something and gets a sour look on his face.) I'm not that easy to bribe.
And I'll let you choose the baby's daddy, as long as it's not me.
John-(brightly) Deal!
Okay, now for an interresting review. SCOTT!
(Scott runs in with a bunch of computer paper.)
Scott-Why don't you just hook the laptop to the internet? Oh, wait, it's the only way I get in the author's notes. And do I get to be my comic self? Nooooo. I'm the evo me.
(Scott morphs into his current comic self. The author shakes his head and turns him into his ultimate self.)
Much better. And as for you Sam . . .
(Sam turns into his X-treme self, yummy artwork and all.)
Okay, let's respond to our review. A little help you guys?
(Nobody hops up to do it. But Davis comes back in with a large thing of popcorn.)
Fine. John, take it.
John-Joy. Okay, lesee. HE thinks I should be straight. YA READ THAT JULIANO! HE WANTS ME TO BE STRAIGHT. Thank you Daniel. Not that there's anything wrong with being gay. Honestly, there are some very nice looking men. But it gets tiring. Everyone else is shaken up with the occasional slash, but do I get to go out with a woman? NO.
Hey! I hook you up with Tabby at least half the time!
John-Yeah, but you don't post those stories. They don't exist yet. As for the comic forms. . .I'm glad too. Well, at least someone likes this monstrosity. Hate to be knocked up and have someone hate it. . .
John, you know it's all in your court. You don't have to be gay. Actually, techinically, you're just a transvestite. So you won't be gay.
John-Hmm. Right, I'm sorta a chick now. I think I'm oging to have fun with this. . .*evil grin*
Yikes. Care to join us Scott?
Scott-No. I'm not risking having _another_ child in a different universe/time period. Have fun guys. (Exit Scott)
Davis-What was he talking abotu?
When you're older Davy.
(Remy clears his throat)
Remy-Speakin' of no kids in alternate universes. . .
You don't want her to be pregnant. Hmm. If you 'n' her come up for air during the author's notes, we've got a deal.
Rogue-(immediatly, not even looking at Remy) Deal.
(Author, John, Sam and Davis all mutter something that sounds extrodianrily like 'whipped'. Remy scowls.)
Remy-(muttering) Evil psychotic author.
Flattery gets you nowhere.
Remy-What drugs are you on?
Well, I have been watching candles a lot lately. . .
John-Really? Is that how you knew I'd like a Zippo?
Yeah, that and you only have flamethrowers as far as I can see.
John-Can I have a candle in my room?
Only if you let me come in and play.
Sam-You're the Baby's Daddy!
Am not. This isn't a self-insert. You know, I've always wanted to write about comic verse Kitty.
(Comic verse Kitty pops in, followed by a re-incarnated Comic verse Piotr.)
Kitty-The Hell? Well, I guess it's better than Striker. Maybe. (Sees Piotr) PETE!
Well, that was fun.
Davis-You pulled in another couple? What are you thinking?
Rogue-The professor couldn't figure out what he's thinking.
It's the tin foil wall paper.
(all give me the author odd looks)
Joking. Joking. I have normal wallpaper, just abnormal thoughts.
Piotr-I am afraid now.
Kitty-Me too Pete.
Rogue-Oookay. Anyway. . .
Hmm, this is over long. Until next time, I'm Juliano saying baaaaa. And REVIEW!
Davis- And I'm Davis Cameron saying "Look Ma, no angst!"
Hmm. You're mom's Shi'ar. I think they live off angst.
Davis-Then she'll die won't she?
Ooh, you're evil. I may have to keep you around. Or shoot you between the eyes before you take over my job. Whichever.
(a very disheveled Rogue and Remy are sitting in chairs along with Davis and John.)
Rogue-Considerin' he's our _only_ Aussie.
Davis-Nuh Uh! I'm australian too. (he pouts)
Rogue-Sorry. Ah fo'got. Don't know how (gies somethign off screen a pointed look)
My bad okay? Jeeze, forget one little detail. . .
John-I still can't believe you did that! You are beyond evil! Not only that, but I only get to have implied sex while Rogue and Remy are like freakin' rabbits.
Speaking of reproduction, let's see who might be the daddy.
Remy-Rabbits actually have offspring. We're being careful.
Rogue-Ya mean _Ah'm_ on the pill.
Remy-Right. We're being careful.
(Davis looks slightly disturbed.)
Davis-Juliano, are they actually like that?
You were on a team with them, right?
Davis-Yeah, but I'm pretty sure Rogue wasn't on the pill then. Hey, don't the comercials say they take three months to kick in?
(Rogue looks up like a deer in headlights. She then looks at a very uncomfortable Remy.)
Rogue-(mocking Remy's accent) Doan worry chere, Jus' like any other kin' of pill. (In her own voice, with tons of evilness) If Ah'm pregnant it's your ass.
(John looks in the same direction Rogue did a few line ago. The author is sitting there in a wingback chair facing the opposite way, so you can only see the back of the chair and the faint glow of a laptop.)
John-Now I don't feel so bad. At least the baby's daddy isn't Remy.
I decline comment.
(Remy goes very very pale.)
Remy-Non. Non. Y' di'n't. Y' woul'n'. Dieu.
***
After Bobby realized that John's being pregnant might actually affect him things got out of hand.
"What! Oh, God. The kid's going to have two dads. Well, Rogue was raised by two moms, I guess the kid might not kill itself at an early age. But. . .is it me?"
John shook his head. "No idea. Ever since I came here. . .lot of guys experimenting. . .could be almost anyone."
So there was a guys only meeting. Even some of the morlocks and the BoM were there.
Scott had decided to take charge of this meeting, since there was no way in hell he was anyone's father. Well, at least none that he knew off. Jean had been kind of off lately. But he wasn't John's kid's father, and that was all that mattered then.
"Okay, firt order of business. How the hell does a man get pregnant?"
Evan was the one to answer, much to everyone but Ray and Remy's surprise. They'd been there (Davis' note: That is beyond wrong). "He's a transexual. The doctor kinda added his. . .you know, but didn't cover over the female parts. John was kinda flat to begin with. We got shown the before pictres."
The girls were listening at the door. If Scott had opened it then he would have seen every glass in the institute pressed up against thin air. Kitty giggled.
"I never thought Evan liked guys. I would have gone shopping with him."
Rogue was listening with rapt attention. "So the guy's a transexual? That kinda explains a lot."
Tabitha smirked. "Oh, he can be very manly in bed. Just a man with a poon under his wang."
Scott pressed on with the meeting. Or at least tried to. Kurt spoke up before he got around to it. "What was your name before? And why would you pick St. John?"
John sighed. "My birth name is Stella Algernon Johnson. My parents couldn't think of more than one name they liked for each gender, so I was given the opposite gender middle name. With a little name corruption I became St. John Allerdyce. Happy?" He didn't like being in this sort of meeting. It made him realilze what a village bicycle he really was.
"Okay, anyway, when was. . .I can't ask you about this! I can't ask Jean about this, much less someone who I until recently thought was a guy." Scott said, sitting down in an empty chair with a harumph. Remy got up, being pretty sure he had the least chance of being the father, and took over.
"Okay, John, when was y' las' period." Remy made a face. "Dat is disturbing."
"Two months ago. Three weeks before I joined the X-men."
Remy sighed. He was home free. "Okay, an' d'y' know who's mos' likely de father?"
John ticked people off on his fingers. "Bobby, Ray, and maybe Evan. Could be Lance or Pietro. Probably not Facade, sorry I don't know your real name, but put him on the list just in case."
Facade got up, royally ticked off. "I am not the father! You can't even remember my name! I'm out of here."
The girls quickly dispersed while Facade stormed out the door. Then they clustered around the door again.
"Okay, I'm takin' Facade off de lis'. If it is him y' ain't gettin' any help anyway."
John was starting to get mad. And hungry. His back kind of hurt too. "Can this be over? I'll talk to all the maybe fathers later. I'm tired."
"One more t'ing. Either go to a gynecologist, or have Hank check y' out. If y' wan' a baby name book so y' can give y' kid two same gender names I'm goin' t' get cigarettes now."
"You're a fricken riot. You're just relieved you're not the father."
A small squeak from the dor followed by the sound of three glasses hitting the floor and breaking caught everyone's attention.
Rogue was trying to get in the study. She knew that this was a past thing, and that Remy had made it clear what they had was as physical as all his other relationships. But she didn't give a damn. She'd been after him all week for calling her Debbie in bed. (DN:how can she touch him? Doesn't evo. Rogue have her powers? AN:Read How much embarrassment can two mutants take? Same deal.)
The door opened revealling Jean and Tabitha holding a very angry Rogue back from the door. Kitty, Jubilee, Amara and Wanda were still holding glasses, trying to shush Rogue.
Unfortunatly for him, Sam was the one to open the door. He was promptly run over by a furious Rogue, who jumped over the fold out table and tackled Remy.
"Ah think we have eavesdroppers," was all Sam could say before passing out from being stepped on.
***
Davis-Art imitates life huh?
(we see Davis is in a chair similar to the author's, but facing forward. Rogue is still glaring daggers through Remy. John is quietly watching in amusment. Sam bursts in, with a boot print clear on is face.)
Sam-Juliano, why are you an' Panthah so evil to me?
(Juliano's chair becomes one of those swirly desk chairs, and an ultra-modern desk now holds his beloved old crappy laptop.)
I'm sorry Sammy. I hate how your character is so sterotypical. C'mon, a miner's son forced to take on family responsibilty early in life? Seen October Sky? Same story, and I don't like that movie either.
(Sam pouts)
Sam-That's not my fault.
I know. Hey, how 'bout you join me 'n' Davis here. You won't be part of the fic anymore.
Sam-Sure. Thanks. Can I maybe get a good part in the next one shot you do?
We'll see.
(another desk chair pops up from nowhere, and Davis' chair morphs to match it.)
Sam-Any popcorn?
*sigh* No. Not unless Davis makes it.
(Davis hops up.) I get to do something? I mean, beside angst about my life and all? Cool.
(Davis goes to the kitchen. Soon the sounds and smells of a well made bucket of 'corn are wafting out of the kithcen.)
John-Man I'm hungry. (realizes what he's said) I hate you Juliano. You know, I can make this turn into a suicide fic.
NO! How's this. You suffer through this, and I'll give you a Zippo.
John-Really? A good one? With a cool design? (realizes something and gets a sour look on his face.) I'm not that easy to bribe.
And I'll let you choose the baby's daddy, as long as it's not me.
John-(brightly) Deal!
Okay, now for an interresting review. SCOTT!
(Scott runs in with a bunch of computer paper.)
Scott-Why don't you just hook the laptop to the internet? Oh, wait, it's the only way I get in the author's notes. And do I get to be my comic self? Nooooo. I'm the evo me.
(Scott morphs into his current comic self. The author shakes his head and turns him into his ultimate self.)
Much better. And as for you Sam . . .
(Sam turns into his X-treme self, yummy artwork and all.)
Okay, let's respond to our review. A little help you guys?
(Nobody hops up to do it. But Davis comes back in with a large thing of popcorn.)
Fine. John, take it.
John-Joy. Okay, lesee. HE thinks I should be straight. YA READ THAT JULIANO! HE WANTS ME TO BE STRAIGHT. Thank you Daniel. Not that there's anything wrong with being gay. Honestly, there are some very nice looking men. But it gets tiring. Everyone else is shaken up with the occasional slash, but do I get to go out with a woman? NO.
Hey! I hook you up with Tabby at least half the time!
John-Yeah, but you don't post those stories. They don't exist yet. As for the comic forms. . .I'm glad too. Well, at least someone likes this monstrosity. Hate to be knocked up and have someone hate it. . .
John, you know it's all in your court. You don't have to be gay. Actually, techinically, you're just a transvestite. So you won't be gay.
John-Hmm. Right, I'm sorta a chick now. I think I'm oging to have fun with this. . .*evil grin*
Yikes. Care to join us Scott?
Scott-No. I'm not risking having _another_ child in a different universe/time period. Have fun guys. (Exit Scott)
Davis-What was he talking abotu?
When you're older Davy.
(Remy clears his throat)
Remy-Speakin' of no kids in alternate universes. . .
You don't want her to be pregnant. Hmm. If you 'n' her come up for air during the author's notes, we've got a deal.
Rogue-(immediatly, not even looking at Remy) Deal.
(Author, John, Sam and Davis all mutter something that sounds extrodianrily like 'whipped'. Remy scowls.)
Remy-(muttering) Evil psychotic author.
Flattery gets you nowhere.
Remy-What drugs are you on?
Well, I have been watching candles a lot lately. . .
John-Really? Is that how you knew I'd like a Zippo?
Yeah, that and you only have flamethrowers as far as I can see.
John-Can I have a candle in my room?
Only if you let me come in and play.
Sam-You're the Baby's Daddy!
Am not. This isn't a self-insert. You know, I've always wanted to write about comic verse Kitty.
(Comic verse Kitty pops in, followed by a re-incarnated Comic verse Piotr.)
Kitty-The Hell? Well, I guess it's better than Striker. Maybe. (Sees Piotr) PETE!
Well, that was fun.
Davis-You pulled in another couple? What are you thinking?
Rogue-The professor couldn't figure out what he's thinking.
It's the tin foil wall paper.
(all give me the author odd looks)
Joking. Joking. I have normal wallpaper, just abnormal thoughts.
Piotr-I am afraid now.
Kitty-Me too Pete.
Rogue-Oookay. Anyway. . .
Hmm, this is over long. Until next time, I'm Juliano saying baaaaa. And REVIEW!
Davis- And I'm Davis Cameron saying "Look Ma, no angst!"
Hmm. You're mom's Shi'ar. I think they live off angst.
Davis-Then she'll die won't she?
Ooh, you're evil. I may have to keep you around. Or shoot you between the eyes before you take over my job. Whichever.