Chap. 19
Tomoyo sensed that something was wrong when Eriol came home that night. He was absolutely silent and his eyes were veiled for the first time since their marriage, and she did not like it. Not one bit. "Eriol? What's wrong?" she asked him, reaching out to cup his face in her hands. He merely flinched, pulled away, and brushed past her. He didn't come to bed that night. Or the night after that.
Tomoyo felt that he was battling with himself about something. And she respected the fact that he needed time, and that was all she had to give him; she'd already given him her heart and her love.
***
Eriol stood next to his wife's bed, watching her sleep. A glass of brandy in his hand, he stood…watching…just watching. Moonlight streamed through the window, illuminating her features and streaking her hair with light. God…she looked so beautiful…so angelic…so innocent. He lifted his hand and trailed his fingers lightly down her soft, silky cheek.
"Are you as innocent as you look?" he asked her sleeping form. "Or is it all just a dream as I feared? Is there a part of you I don't know?" He tipped the rest of the amber liquid down his throat.
His heart had felt frozen initially, but now…it felt as if his heart had shattered into a million pieces. He couldn't deal with the gaping emptiness he felt in his heart; he was torn between believing that she would never do such a thing and the new, solid evidence before his eyes. And there was another reason. If Tomoyo wasn't who he'd thought she was…then that meant woman he'd been loving all this time didn't exist.
He laughed bitterly, and to his surprise a tear slid down his face and landed on her face. He gazed at that hot tear on her cheek and finally wiped it away. "No more lies," he said to her. "No more pain and betrayal. I've just had enough. I'm sorry, Tomoyo. So desperately sorry. I just can't trust you anymore. I want to believe in you, I really do. But glaring proof is there…I can't deny reality, can I?
"I wish I could ignore everything I saw before. Even if it was a dream," he said, stroking her hair, "it was a damned good dream, wasn't it?" Tears came faster now; this was the only time he'd cried like this.
His fingers traced every line of her face…seeking…seeking to memorize every feature like a person who would never see that particular person again. "Goodbye, love. Is the last time I'll ever touch you like this again? Yes…this is the end of me as you knew me…"
"I can't believe I just loved an image. I can't believe that the woman I love doesn't exist-never did exist. I can't believe that you're not who you seem to be…I can't believe that it was all a dream…"
For the final time, he kissed her lips lovingly. "I just wish…just wish we could have dreamed forever. I suppose when we die, we'll fly together, won't we love? In another lifetime, perhaps. It seems like we're just not meant to be in this one, doesn't it?" With that, he buried his head in the blankets, next to her body, and breathed in her scent. And he waited for cold, blessed numbness to cover his heart.
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Yes, this is a quickie. I just couldn't resist. Pretty much self-explanatory. If you're confused, let me know. Oh…about why Maria totally betrayed Tomoyo in the last…*wink*…^_~…it's natural to be curious. Just wait…*evil laughter*…eheheheheh…it will be revealed. If I tell you now, then the whole story won't be as fun, would it? I mean, that part is really really crucial. There's a reason I didn't tell you. Anyway, you know the routine. Read and Review.