^_^….erg…been very busy with a lot of stuff…you know the excuses…yeah, yeah, bad BAD me…humph…um….I'm still busy with hw and whatnot (yes, my school is cruel), but, feeling guilty for making my dear readers suffer, I decided to post a short snippet. Hope you enjoy it. Hm…this one's a bit different…usually, I don't do first person POV, but in this case, I made an exception. Obviously, we get to see the feelings of my delectable and confuzzled Eriol…yay!!
Chap. 24
It was a dismal grey outside as the rain pattered gently onto the blooming roses in the garden; water droplets dripped like crystal tears from the soft, mournful faces of the flowers currently suffused with a becoming crimson blush. It was the type of weather that perfectly matched the mood of their owner—the dark silhouette of a man standing at the extravagant windows.
Tomoyo, where are you? The shadow lifted one hand to the cool glass, hoping it would lower the burning heat infusing his skin. You have hurt me more than you could ever fathom; these wounds that still bleed from my unmarked throat—they were the last things you've given me to remember you. This hurt, this pain, this void…Isn't it funny how I treasure it? I hold it because it is all I have left of you. These words were spoken silently, his breath white from the chill of the air, and they hung like icicles from the roof until they were swallowed by the stagnant air.
I should hate you I want to hate you, to despise you, to revile you…perhaps that was why I was so cruel to you when I found proof of your infidelity…But I couldn't. I want to want to hurt you…to punish you…but, even now, I can't. Why? Tell me the reasons…why…
Still… I find that, even as hatred grows like a strangling vine around my heart, I love you. Sometimes, often, this terrible feeling makes me want to kill you…just to prove that I truly don't feel that feeling for you anymore. Indeed, how can one kill someone he loves? If I could successfully hurt you, it would be the ultimate evidence that I hold nothing inside for you.
Yet…why is it that my heart breaks when I see tears in your eyes? Why do I still melt when I see your beloved—no, false—face? Could it be that…my heart thinks you are still worthy of being cherished, loved?
Confusion Honestly, what do I really feel? Is it revenge, forgiveness, regret? The path of memories and regrets is a lonely one; the "could have been"s, the "what if"s, the incessant questions—their carcasses lay scattered along that desolate road you've forced me to walk. My silent, bloody tread tarnishes that sacred ground as I make my way down that path…alone.
Forgetfulness My heart and my head argue and clash; they don't seem to want to reach a logical agreement. Perhaps I should wait for them to work out a solution, but I can't stand this chaos in my head much longer. I need a direct answer, but they don't provide one…and so, I'll choose the only path that's open…and so, I'll choose to forget.
I'm afraid that I'll hurt you if I were to lay eyes on you again and…I'm afraid that I'll ask you to come back, scattering all my pride to the winds. And so…I'll sacrifice who I am and pray to forget…
You.
My identity.
All because the "me" I have cherished cannot live without you by my side…
And…because…I can't stand that I still love you, and my love can't bear the hatred I hold for you in my heart…
This is for both you and me…for our survival…
Forgive me, Tomoyo…love.