Author's Note: Yeah, yeah, now that we know what cute, depressed Eriol is thinking, we must know what our heroine is thinking too, ne? No matter what, we're riding this out to the end, folks. Damn…there's a lot to put in later chapters…Holy…how am I supposed to manage all of this with my time schedule? -_-;;;….I'll figure out a way to manage….darn. I have it all planned out…and my head is already planning another story…
Chap. 25
She was slowly, but surely, wasting away. She had no reason, no will to live any longer. Eriol had been her purpose, her happiness, her drive to survive, and now, he was…gone. Still, she refused to forget memories of him—he'd been the happiest years of her life—because she couldn't be Tomoyo, could exist without them…without him. She couldn't remain herself without what precious remnants she had of that man—the man who had judged her without a proper trial. That man whose rejection had held her life like a liquid in a glass vial and, upon its fracturing, the precious fluid had been lost to that vast ocean and the endless waves that composed it, becoming one with so many other lost souls that still mourned their fate; his vehement insults and disparagements, flung like a swiftly-released arrow, skewered her heart.
/ Do you ache for me as I ache for you? /
And, in holding onto these memories, she condemned herself to remember that which held the most heartache and overwhelming tragedy.
/ I can never forget you because you are my identity. /
/ Eriol…/
/You know I can never forget myself. /
Bearing that heavy burden—grief, sorrow, and hopelessness—she felt her heart break once again like a shattered promise as she reached out for something that wasn't there any longer.
/ Forgive my stupidity, Eriol. I was too late. /
/ I couldn't convince you. /
Strangely enough, however, she felt a kind of glimmer of light find its way into her heart, almost ungraspable, at the edges of her perception. The one gift that humans have, she mused, was the ability to love and, knowing that object of one's affection would eventually and inevitably die, one was able to reach out in grief, in that sorrow, in that affection. She, having loved, had fulfilled that purpose as a wife, as a woman, as a human being.
/ Eriol, I want to stay. Will you let me stay in your heart? /
Now, she could let him go, for this lifetime at least. She could give him his happiness with someone else for this lifetime, though she could never truly let him go in spirit. If her physical shell died, couldn't she make his wish come true? Was not his wish to never see her again?
/In going away like this, I find true happiness…because I know it is for you…Eriol. /
/ Now, I hold onto only one wish…/
/ I wish that as I walk blindly into the darkness…as I stumble along those uneven paths…/
/ As I call, lost and weary…/
/ May my wandering heart find you in my darkest hour…/
/ And rest, ever so peacefully, in the gentle cradle of your arms…/
/Eriol, love. /