(slowly fade in. The first thing that becomes apparent is all the X-men are missing. Only Killian, Juliano, and the author are present.)
Shhhhh. They're hiding from their parents.
Juliano-(pretends to hold a gun, Elmer Fudd style) Be vewy vewy quite. We'we hunting X-men, huh huh huh huh huh.
*the author snickers*
Wove, twue wove is what bwings us hewe today.
*Juliano and Panther start laughing*
(The X-parents walk into the room. Mr. and Mrs. Pride have joined the gang. Mystique and Jean-Luc are arguing about something.)
Mystique-How could you say that things are better now? I mean, come on. Being a terrorist has become way too easy since they figured out how to make guns accurate. And motor vehicles? Don't get me started.
Jean-Luc-Oui, but y' f'getting about all de good t'in's we got now. Like corrupt p'licemen wit' a very low price. 'N' all de t'ousan's of television shows t' entertain y' kids while y' off. . .doin' somet'in' else.
Raven-Get over it. I know you're a thief just like your son.
Jean-Luc-(not quite scard, but definitly leaning toward it) Really? How is dat?
Raven-(gritting her teeth, fingers seemingly itching to go for her gun) My daughter married him and had his children.
(Jean-Luc nods, then looks Raven over)
Jean-Luc-He tol' me he has a crazy evil mot'er-in-law. I thought he meant just normally evil like most in-laws.
(Raven grits her teeth again. Panther and Juliano (against his will) jump inbetween the two.)
Hey hey hey. Why don't we all go and start the story? It'll be a nice Thanksgiving treat for all the lovely reviewers (yep, all two of 'em. Happy thanksgiving Steahl! And um, hi Chaos!)
(all X-parents grumble. Just before things start we can hear Dr. Grey)
Dr. Grey-I can't wait to see James!
***
The older people were led into the living room. The war-like sounds were still coming form the kitchen. Miriam, Otheo, Skylar, and Fifi were hiding in various places in the livign room. The adults saw them, but pretend they don't. Logan just shook his head and left. [This is a really good time to fake a trip to Canada. Good luck guys. See ya in a week.]
Otheo and Skylar waited until Logan had left to pounce on Jean-Luc and Raven. Both pretended to be surpirsed. Raven was holding Otheo upside down and tickling him before the little boy got a chance to finish his jubilant, "Gran'ma!" Jean-Luc was pretending to fight with Skylar. In other words, the grandparents were begining to enjoy themselves.
Fifi came out from under the table, dragging Miriam behind her. Dr. Grey saw her with his grandparent senses. Soon he and his wife were cooing over Fifi, and even though she had no idea who they were, she soaked up the attention admirably.
Miriam looked around the room. Corsair did the same. Their eyes kind of met. Miriam shrugged and goes over to him. Corsair smiled and stoops down so her can talk to her.
"Hi. My name's Miriam Wagner. What's yours?"
"Corsair Summers. Nice to meet you Miriam."
Otheo stopepd dead. He'd been midly trauamtized since finding out he carried the dread summers genes. He looked mournfully at his grandfatehr and other brother. Then the little boy approached Corsair and Miriam.
"Hi. Are y' Scott Summah's dad?"
Corsair smiled at the small boy while Raven looked on in curiosity. Skylar eeped and wriggled out of his grandpa's arms. He wanted to see this. Jean-Luc looked at the space pirate, who, after Fifi had realized what was going to happen, had every child's attention.
Otheo looked at his feet and cringed. He knew every eye in the room was on him. The knowledge didn't help at all.
"Yes, I am. What's going on? Is something the matter?" Corsair answered, also realizing he had a large audience.
Otheo looked at him mournfully. "Non. Not'in' wrong. 'Least nhot wit' Scott. But, Ah. . ." Otheo turned from Corsair and went to Jean-Luc. The older man bent down and picked Otheo up. Otheo was going to cry soon and his brother knew it. Skylar laughed evilly. Otheo shot him a dirty look. Fifi smacked Skylar. oteho smiled a little and looked back at The man holding him.
"Gran'. . .non. Um, I doan know what t' call y'. Y' see. . .m'sieur, I'm not y' gran'son. My momma tol' me dat Scott's my dad, 'n' dat makes Mistah Summahs mah gran'pere."
Otheo looked at eh floor behind Jean-Luc meekly, while the grandparentslooke don with the special fascination reserved for car wrecks and Jerry Springer.
"You mean Scotty had sex with a woman? Hot damn!" Corsair blurted out.
---
"Oh mah Gawd! What are we gonna do about dinnah? This is horrible!" ROgue said, sitting down on a kitchen chair heavily. Amara was still trying to get away from the bird. But the thing seemed to eb attatcehd to her shoe somehow.
Kitty piped up. "I could run out and get us a tofurkey! it's healthier, and cooks faster. Plus, no grease!"
The X-women, minus Ororo who was also vegetarian, seemed not to hear.
John sat down across from Rogue. She was close to tears. "All I wanted was to help bring joy to this dumb American holiday that has lost all meaning."
Amara finally got tired of being pursued by teh turkey carcass and kicked at it. The turkey slid across the floor and slammed into a cabinet, splattering turkey juice all over. The women all winced and sat down around the table to figure out how to fix the mess.
---
The men had noticed the arrival of the parents. At least, Jean had sensed her parents were nearby and had made a very small, but terrified, noise. The men took notice. Soon they were trying to weasle the information out of the very unhappy telepath.
"Come on!" Kurt said, flicking his tail in aggitation. "It can't be that bad. Beside, what else are we going to do while the women cook?"
Jean wasn't anywhere close to breaking. She had her hands over her mouth and was shaking her head. The professor chose this moment to annouce his surprise.
(Now, for those of you who don't read the comics, I have to explain something (coughChaoscough). The professor ahs been know, when under stress, to freak out and let his bad side manifest itself as an astral projection. Most noteable about this apparition is that it can walk (trust me. In the old cartoon no one noticed he was tryingto kill them. it was always, 'Professor! you can walk!'). Just so we're all on the same page.)
The professor knew about Otheo. He also new that Scott was trying to get with Rogue because of the little boy. Scott didn't exactly want to be a father, but he didn't want to leave his child to be raised by a Cajun thief (never mind that all attempts at father son bonding had resulted in Scott loosing large amounts of money and usually getting hurt in some way). The fact that Scott was trying to get with Rogue wouldn't have bothered the professor, who still wanted to sleep with Jean. However, Scott hadn't been sleeping with the Prof. since he'd discovered his biolocial son.
Sot eh professor was sexually frustrated and constnatly annoyed byt eh small children's fighting and such.
"I see that Jean has noticeed my surprise. You see, I've noticed that you seem to refer to your parents a lot lately, but only Remy and Rogue have really had contact with their parents. So I took the liberty to remedyt he situation.
Jean whimpered and slid down in her chair. Scott gasped and dropped his now almost empty bottle of Jack Daniels. Remy shrugged. Kurt bamfed down next to the professor.
"Is it my mother or Raven that's coem?"
The professor looked at Kurt, rejoicing evilly on the inside. "I couldn't contact your foster parents. But I'm sure Raven-"
"NEEEIIIN!" Kurt yelled and bamfed to his room.
All the other men loked at each other leerily. Remy had never been in the same room as his mother-in-law since Rogue had announced their mariage. And none of the other X-men wanted to be around hteir parents again. Scott was whimpering like Jean. Both looked at each other and remembered when they'd been together.
---
The professor had given Hank ten bucks and a cattle prod to get the X-men in the same room as teh parents. Ororo had let the Prides into the room with the other adults, before going back to the emergence freak out meeting the X-women had called.
What the adults saw was anarchy. Otheo was crying. The Prides were trying to calm him and protect the other children. Dr. Grey was fighting just for the hell of it, while his wife tried to pull him out of the fray. Butt he main core of the brawl was a three way fist fight between Corsair, Raven, and Jean-Luc.
It was all Raven's fault. When she'd found out about Otheo's parentage she'd laughed and done a short happy dance (being unaware that Scott was a complete and utter sot). Jean-Luc had gotten angry. He'd set Oteho down and then started argueing with Raven. One of them happened to call Scott an asshole, and Corsair threw a knick knack at them. Then things had gone to hell. Because you don't throw things at a terrorist or the equivalen tof a New Orleans mob boss with out getting your ass handed to you later.
So Hank, Scott, and Remy were all trying to break up the fight. Jean was trying to escape. But Kurt, who now had Hank's cattle prod, was making sure she couldn't escape.
Dr. Grey was pulled out of the fight first. The angry doctor looked at Jean, using his father senses once again. When his eyes lighted on his son, the doctor almost fainted.
Mrs. Grey ran over to him and began looking him over, before seeing her darling baby boy. Leaving her husband for the X-men to deal with, she ran over to her so- duaghter.
"Jim! What did you? Why do you? What?" Mrs. Grey said, before sobbing. HEr beautiful baby boy! This must be the X-men's fault! they'd corrupted her little baby!
There's a saying that goes, 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.' A woman scorned got nothin' on a woman who just found out her child's joined a cult.
---
"Okay, so that's our brilliant plan?" John asked incredulously.
"Have you got a better one?" Amara asked, wiping her shoe off for the fourteenth time.
"No." John conceeded.
"Ah'll go get the stuff. Anythin' else any of y'all want while Ah'm out?" Rogue said, gung-ho for action. Even if it mostly entailed raiding the froizen food section of Kroger.
All the women shook their head. Finally Kity found an appropriate response. "Yeah but you can't buy miracles."
There were glum nods all around as Rogue left.
***
(Killian is holding up a chalk board with very neat, if large, handwriting on it. The Chalk boards says, 'Juliano and my mother have food poisoning from my aunt's sweet potatoes. So I'm doing the outro.'
Killian erases the board and writes laboriously, before holding the chalk board up again. This time it says. 'Conclusion next chapter. For my mother and her other other head, I'm Killian Nesmith, saying, "review or I'll burn out all your brain's pleasure centers and all capacity for good feelings."')
Killina erases the board and toddles over to the light switch, flipping them out before leaving.
Shhhhh. They're hiding from their parents.
Juliano-(pretends to hold a gun, Elmer Fudd style) Be vewy vewy quite. We'we hunting X-men, huh huh huh huh huh.
*the author snickers*
Wove, twue wove is what bwings us hewe today.
*Juliano and Panther start laughing*
(The X-parents walk into the room. Mr. and Mrs. Pride have joined the gang. Mystique and Jean-Luc are arguing about something.)
Mystique-How could you say that things are better now? I mean, come on. Being a terrorist has become way too easy since they figured out how to make guns accurate. And motor vehicles? Don't get me started.
Jean-Luc-Oui, but y' f'getting about all de good t'in's we got now. Like corrupt p'licemen wit' a very low price. 'N' all de t'ousan's of television shows t' entertain y' kids while y' off. . .doin' somet'in' else.
Raven-Get over it. I know you're a thief just like your son.
Jean-Luc-(not quite scard, but definitly leaning toward it) Really? How is dat?
Raven-(gritting her teeth, fingers seemingly itching to go for her gun) My daughter married him and had his children.
(Jean-Luc nods, then looks Raven over)
Jean-Luc-He tol' me he has a crazy evil mot'er-in-law. I thought he meant just normally evil like most in-laws.
(Raven grits her teeth again. Panther and Juliano (against his will) jump inbetween the two.)
Hey hey hey. Why don't we all go and start the story? It'll be a nice Thanksgiving treat for all the lovely reviewers (yep, all two of 'em. Happy thanksgiving Steahl! And um, hi Chaos!)
(all X-parents grumble. Just before things start we can hear Dr. Grey)
Dr. Grey-I can't wait to see James!
***
The older people were led into the living room. The war-like sounds were still coming form the kitchen. Miriam, Otheo, Skylar, and Fifi were hiding in various places in the livign room. The adults saw them, but pretend they don't. Logan just shook his head and left. [This is a really good time to fake a trip to Canada. Good luck guys. See ya in a week.]
Otheo and Skylar waited until Logan had left to pounce on Jean-Luc and Raven. Both pretended to be surpirsed. Raven was holding Otheo upside down and tickling him before the little boy got a chance to finish his jubilant, "Gran'ma!" Jean-Luc was pretending to fight with Skylar. In other words, the grandparents were begining to enjoy themselves.
Fifi came out from under the table, dragging Miriam behind her. Dr. Grey saw her with his grandparent senses. Soon he and his wife were cooing over Fifi, and even though she had no idea who they were, she soaked up the attention admirably.
Miriam looked around the room. Corsair did the same. Their eyes kind of met. Miriam shrugged and goes over to him. Corsair smiled and stoops down so her can talk to her.
"Hi. My name's Miriam Wagner. What's yours?"
"Corsair Summers. Nice to meet you Miriam."
Otheo stopepd dead. He'd been midly trauamtized since finding out he carried the dread summers genes. He looked mournfully at his grandfatehr and other brother. Then the little boy approached Corsair and Miriam.
"Hi. Are y' Scott Summah's dad?"
Corsair smiled at the small boy while Raven looked on in curiosity. Skylar eeped and wriggled out of his grandpa's arms. He wanted to see this. Jean-Luc looked at the space pirate, who, after Fifi had realized what was going to happen, had every child's attention.
Otheo looked at his feet and cringed. He knew every eye in the room was on him. The knowledge didn't help at all.
"Yes, I am. What's going on? Is something the matter?" Corsair answered, also realizing he had a large audience.
Otheo looked at him mournfully. "Non. Not'in' wrong. 'Least nhot wit' Scott. But, Ah. . ." Otheo turned from Corsair and went to Jean-Luc. The older man bent down and picked Otheo up. Otheo was going to cry soon and his brother knew it. Skylar laughed evilly. Otheo shot him a dirty look. Fifi smacked Skylar. oteho smiled a little and looked back at The man holding him.
"Gran'. . .non. Um, I doan know what t' call y'. Y' see. . .m'sieur, I'm not y' gran'son. My momma tol' me dat Scott's my dad, 'n' dat makes Mistah Summahs mah gran'pere."
Otheo looked at eh floor behind Jean-Luc meekly, while the grandparentslooke don with the special fascination reserved for car wrecks and Jerry Springer.
"You mean Scotty had sex with a woman? Hot damn!" Corsair blurted out.
---
"Oh mah Gawd! What are we gonna do about dinnah? This is horrible!" ROgue said, sitting down on a kitchen chair heavily. Amara was still trying to get away from the bird. But the thing seemed to eb attatcehd to her shoe somehow.
Kitty piped up. "I could run out and get us a tofurkey! it's healthier, and cooks faster. Plus, no grease!"
The X-women, minus Ororo who was also vegetarian, seemed not to hear.
John sat down across from Rogue. She was close to tears. "All I wanted was to help bring joy to this dumb American holiday that has lost all meaning."
Amara finally got tired of being pursued by teh turkey carcass and kicked at it. The turkey slid across the floor and slammed into a cabinet, splattering turkey juice all over. The women all winced and sat down around the table to figure out how to fix the mess.
---
The men had noticed the arrival of the parents. At least, Jean had sensed her parents were nearby and had made a very small, but terrified, noise. The men took notice. Soon they were trying to weasle the information out of the very unhappy telepath.
"Come on!" Kurt said, flicking his tail in aggitation. "It can't be that bad. Beside, what else are we going to do while the women cook?"
Jean wasn't anywhere close to breaking. She had her hands over her mouth and was shaking her head. The professor chose this moment to annouce his surprise.
(Now, for those of you who don't read the comics, I have to explain something (coughChaoscough). The professor ahs been know, when under stress, to freak out and let his bad side manifest itself as an astral projection. Most noteable about this apparition is that it can walk (trust me. In the old cartoon no one noticed he was tryingto kill them. it was always, 'Professor! you can walk!'). Just so we're all on the same page.)
The professor knew about Otheo. He also new that Scott was trying to get with Rogue because of the little boy. Scott didn't exactly want to be a father, but he didn't want to leave his child to be raised by a Cajun thief (never mind that all attempts at father son bonding had resulted in Scott loosing large amounts of money and usually getting hurt in some way). The fact that Scott was trying to get with Rogue wouldn't have bothered the professor, who still wanted to sleep with Jean. However, Scott hadn't been sleeping with the Prof. since he'd discovered his biolocial son.
Sot eh professor was sexually frustrated and constnatly annoyed byt eh small children's fighting and such.
"I see that Jean has noticeed my surprise. You see, I've noticed that you seem to refer to your parents a lot lately, but only Remy and Rogue have really had contact with their parents. So I took the liberty to remedyt he situation.
Jean whimpered and slid down in her chair. Scott gasped and dropped his now almost empty bottle of Jack Daniels. Remy shrugged. Kurt bamfed down next to the professor.
"Is it my mother or Raven that's coem?"
The professor looked at Kurt, rejoicing evilly on the inside. "I couldn't contact your foster parents. But I'm sure Raven-"
"NEEEIIIN!" Kurt yelled and bamfed to his room.
All the other men loked at each other leerily. Remy had never been in the same room as his mother-in-law since Rogue had announced their mariage. And none of the other X-men wanted to be around hteir parents again. Scott was whimpering like Jean. Both looked at each other and remembered when they'd been together.
---
The professor had given Hank ten bucks and a cattle prod to get the X-men in the same room as teh parents. Ororo had let the Prides into the room with the other adults, before going back to the emergence freak out meeting the X-women had called.
What the adults saw was anarchy. Otheo was crying. The Prides were trying to calm him and protect the other children. Dr. Grey was fighting just for the hell of it, while his wife tried to pull him out of the fray. Butt he main core of the brawl was a three way fist fight between Corsair, Raven, and Jean-Luc.
It was all Raven's fault. When she'd found out about Otheo's parentage she'd laughed and done a short happy dance (being unaware that Scott was a complete and utter sot). Jean-Luc had gotten angry. He'd set Oteho down and then started argueing with Raven. One of them happened to call Scott an asshole, and Corsair threw a knick knack at them. Then things had gone to hell. Because you don't throw things at a terrorist or the equivalen tof a New Orleans mob boss with out getting your ass handed to you later.
So Hank, Scott, and Remy were all trying to break up the fight. Jean was trying to escape. But Kurt, who now had Hank's cattle prod, was making sure she couldn't escape.
Dr. Grey was pulled out of the fight first. The angry doctor looked at Jean, using his father senses once again. When his eyes lighted on his son, the doctor almost fainted.
Mrs. Grey ran over to him and began looking him over, before seeing her darling baby boy. Leaving her husband for the X-men to deal with, she ran over to her so- duaghter.
"Jim! What did you? Why do you? What?" Mrs. Grey said, before sobbing. HEr beautiful baby boy! This must be the X-men's fault! they'd corrupted her little baby!
There's a saying that goes, 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.' A woman scorned got nothin' on a woman who just found out her child's joined a cult.
---
"Okay, so that's our brilliant plan?" John asked incredulously.
"Have you got a better one?" Amara asked, wiping her shoe off for the fourteenth time.
"No." John conceeded.
"Ah'll go get the stuff. Anythin' else any of y'all want while Ah'm out?" Rogue said, gung-ho for action. Even if it mostly entailed raiding the froizen food section of Kroger.
All the women shook their head. Finally Kity found an appropriate response. "Yeah but you can't buy miracles."
There were glum nods all around as Rogue left.
***
(Killian is holding up a chalk board with very neat, if large, handwriting on it. The Chalk boards says, 'Juliano and my mother have food poisoning from my aunt's sweet potatoes. So I'm doing the outro.'
Killian erases the board and writes laboriously, before holding the chalk board up again. This time it says. 'Conclusion next chapter. For my mother and her other other head, I'm Killian Nesmith, saying, "review or I'll burn out all your brain's pleasure centers and all capacity for good feelings."')
Killina erases the board and toddles over to the light switch, flipping them out before leaving.