Reflections of a Timid Teenager
The train went slowly by, a snails pace it seemed. The outside world was full of rain and storm, and the only thing to see was the lightning that flashed every now and again. The only sound to be heard was the steady chugging of the train and the patter of rain upon the windows.
I was on my way home from King's Cross. Gran had been a bit too ill to pick me up so I was to take the train home on my own. It was a bit of a frightening experience even getting on alone. I'd said goodbye to all my friends and departed from the muggle platform. But I got lost trying to find which train I was to be traveling on. I had to ask someone for directions twice. It was even worse once I got on and found a place to sit. Trevor was really jumpy and I had to chase him around for a good 10 minutes before I finally caught him. Everyone was staring; it was quite embarrassing. At least on the Express this kind of thing didn't seem too out of place.
I sat down again, feeling glum, looking out at the world and wondering about what Gran would say when she saw Dad's wand was broken. She would rage, that much I knew. But the real question would be how much?
A stormy day, wand broken, made a fool out of myself on the train. The only thing left to go wrong was to fail most of my O.W.L.s.
I wondered how Mum and Dad were. They didn't like the thunder, the loud noises would make them jump up and then they'd get really scared. It was horrible to see them like that. I dreaded just thinking about it.
I pulled a gum wrapper out of my pocket and started handling it absent- mindedly. It was something I did to remind me of my parents, but it was kind of soothing too. It relaxed me, made me think of how Mum used to sing to me while I was little. It was a good feeling, and good feelings can be hard to find.
I put it back in my pocket and focused on the rain outside. It really was depressing. If it were possible to get any more miserable and depressed I couldn't see how.
But it was then I thought of someone else who wouldn't be having a good day either. Harry. He'd been sort of traumatized by the experienced at the Department of Mysteries; maybe even more than I had. He hadn't really talked with anyone for the longest time, mostly kept quite to himself. He even seemed distant from Ron and Hermione, and they were always talking before.
It wasn't very hard to realize what was wrong with him; he had lost Sirius Black, who I suppose was a friend of his. He seemed devastated when he fell through that veil.
I wondered who Sirius was to Harry. It's very hard to tell with Harry a lot of the time; he can be rather withdrawn in his emotions sometimes. Not at all a big surprise, he'd lost his mother and father around the same time I did; I know how hard that must have been. It must have been even harder for him though. At least I had Gran. I still had someone to help me, and care for me. Harry didn't have anyone. At least I didn't think so.
I knew he lived with muggles, but I couldn't quite recall if they were nice people or not. It seemed to me they weren't though; Harry never seemed very happy to go home. In fact I think that this Christmas was the only time he's ever left. It must have been awful for him then; if the muggles weren't very nice that is. Gran can be harsh, but she's kind in her own way.
I guess that Sirius Black would be another blow to him; another notch on the axe hanging above his head. Again my mind returned to Sirius Black and exactly who he was. The ministry had been saying he was a criminal, but they'd been lying about You-Know-Who since last year. Sirius Black also helped us in the Department. I settled that he must have been a kind sort of man; he died to protect Harry after all.
So now I had decided for myself who Sirius was, but who was he to Harry? Was he a friend, a brother, a father? It can be hard to tell with people sometimes. Harry was missing a million people from his life. He'd never known a father, a mother, a brother, a sister. A family. I guessed that's what Sirius was. He was Harry's family. He'd be the kind of guy who could just sit down and talk to, I'd decided. He'd be the kind of guy who it didn't matter if you made yourself look stupid, because he'd still respect you for doing it in the first place. He'd be the kind of guy who would look out for you, just because he could and you needed him. I thought that he'd probably be the kind of guy, who another guy could like.
I think I could use a guy like that too; I've never really had one. Sure I've had Gran, but she could be awfully intimidating sometimes. I could get scared just to ask the simplest of questions because I'd think I'd sound stupid. I though that with a guy like Sirius, or what I though Sirius was like, I'd be able to just do it. I wouldn't have to worry. I'd be able to talk about anything, or even nothing. Sometimes I needed someone to talk to; I didn't have anything to talk about but I'd still like to talk.
Then I realized why Harry was so upset. He'd lost a guy like that. A guy who he wanted; who I wanted; who everybody wanted.
Maybe I could be that guy for Harry I thought. We were kind of similar actually. He was much more brave and skilled than I was, but we did have some things in common. We'd both lost our families, we'd both felt out of place, and we both needed a guy just to talk to. I even thought that our birthdays may have both been at the end of July.
I decided that I would write to him. I'd tell him about my secret of handling the gum wrappers, that it helped me; maybe it would help him. I'd tell him about how we could help each other both of us being close to orphans. I'd tell him that I could be a guy he could talk to if he wanted.
The train pulled into the station and I got off. The sky had cleared up by then. The rain had stopped and the sun had finally come out.
I thought then, maybe it wont be such a bad day after all.
The train went slowly by, a snails pace it seemed. The outside world was full of rain and storm, and the only thing to see was the lightning that flashed every now and again. The only sound to be heard was the steady chugging of the train and the patter of rain upon the windows.
I was on my way home from King's Cross. Gran had been a bit too ill to pick me up so I was to take the train home on my own. It was a bit of a frightening experience even getting on alone. I'd said goodbye to all my friends and departed from the muggle platform. But I got lost trying to find which train I was to be traveling on. I had to ask someone for directions twice. It was even worse once I got on and found a place to sit. Trevor was really jumpy and I had to chase him around for a good 10 minutes before I finally caught him. Everyone was staring; it was quite embarrassing. At least on the Express this kind of thing didn't seem too out of place.
I sat down again, feeling glum, looking out at the world and wondering about what Gran would say when she saw Dad's wand was broken. She would rage, that much I knew. But the real question would be how much?
A stormy day, wand broken, made a fool out of myself on the train. The only thing left to go wrong was to fail most of my O.W.L.s.
I wondered how Mum and Dad were. They didn't like the thunder, the loud noises would make them jump up and then they'd get really scared. It was horrible to see them like that. I dreaded just thinking about it.
I pulled a gum wrapper out of my pocket and started handling it absent- mindedly. It was something I did to remind me of my parents, but it was kind of soothing too. It relaxed me, made me think of how Mum used to sing to me while I was little. It was a good feeling, and good feelings can be hard to find.
I put it back in my pocket and focused on the rain outside. It really was depressing. If it were possible to get any more miserable and depressed I couldn't see how.
But it was then I thought of someone else who wouldn't be having a good day either. Harry. He'd been sort of traumatized by the experienced at the Department of Mysteries; maybe even more than I had. He hadn't really talked with anyone for the longest time, mostly kept quite to himself. He even seemed distant from Ron and Hermione, and they were always talking before.
It wasn't very hard to realize what was wrong with him; he had lost Sirius Black, who I suppose was a friend of his. He seemed devastated when he fell through that veil.
I wondered who Sirius was to Harry. It's very hard to tell with Harry a lot of the time; he can be rather withdrawn in his emotions sometimes. Not at all a big surprise, he'd lost his mother and father around the same time I did; I know how hard that must have been. It must have been even harder for him though. At least I had Gran. I still had someone to help me, and care for me. Harry didn't have anyone. At least I didn't think so.
I knew he lived with muggles, but I couldn't quite recall if they were nice people or not. It seemed to me they weren't though; Harry never seemed very happy to go home. In fact I think that this Christmas was the only time he's ever left. It must have been awful for him then; if the muggles weren't very nice that is. Gran can be harsh, but she's kind in her own way.
I guess that Sirius Black would be another blow to him; another notch on the axe hanging above his head. Again my mind returned to Sirius Black and exactly who he was. The ministry had been saying he was a criminal, but they'd been lying about You-Know-Who since last year. Sirius Black also helped us in the Department. I settled that he must have been a kind sort of man; he died to protect Harry after all.
So now I had decided for myself who Sirius was, but who was he to Harry? Was he a friend, a brother, a father? It can be hard to tell with people sometimes. Harry was missing a million people from his life. He'd never known a father, a mother, a brother, a sister. A family. I guessed that's what Sirius was. He was Harry's family. He'd be the kind of guy who could just sit down and talk to, I'd decided. He'd be the kind of guy who it didn't matter if you made yourself look stupid, because he'd still respect you for doing it in the first place. He'd be the kind of guy who would look out for you, just because he could and you needed him. I thought that he'd probably be the kind of guy, who another guy could like.
I think I could use a guy like that too; I've never really had one. Sure I've had Gran, but she could be awfully intimidating sometimes. I could get scared just to ask the simplest of questions because I'd think I'd sound stupid. I though that with a guy like Sirius, or what I though Sirius was like, I'd be able to just do it. I wouldn't have to worry. I'd be able to talk about anything, or even nothing. Sometimes I needed someone to talk to; I didn't have anything to talk about but I'd still like to talk.
Then I realized why Harry was so upset. He'd lost a guy like that. A guy who he wanted; who I wanted; who everybody wanted.
Maybe I could be that guy for Harry I thought. We were kind of similar actually. He was much more brave and skilled than I was, but we did have some things in common. We'd both lost our families, we'd both felt out of place, and we both needed a guy just to talk to. I even thought that our birthdays may have both been at the end of July.
I decided that I would write to him. I'd tell him about my secret of handling the gum wrappers, that it helped me; maybe it would help him. I'd tell him about how we could help each other both of us being close to orphans. I'd tell him that I could be a guy he could talk to if he wanted.
The train pulled into the station and I got off. The sky had cleared up by then. The rain had stopped and the sun had finally come out.
I thought then, maybe it wont be such a bad day after all.