Author's Notes: This is and is not how I planned to end this story. I know
it has been a terribly long time since I last wrote, but after huge amounts
of writers block and schoolwork I decided to move on. Originally I planned
to have chapters for Lupin, Petegrew, Hermione and Cho, but realized I
wouldn't ever be able to do them, so I have gone straight to the conclusion
in the hopes that now I'll be able to move on to my Canon Fic, which I hope
will have the first chapter up in the next week or so, and will be called
Harry Potter and the Grail Tome. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this last
chapter, it's taken a while to finally get down right.
Reflections of the Boy Who Lived
It was a rather fitting day for the event, poetic even. The sky was gray, it was cold, and rain probably wasn't very far off. Getting up that day was one of the hardest things I had ever done knowing what would happen if I got out of bed and joined the rest of the world.
I was back at Grimaund Place after a few weeks at Privet Drive, which were a few more weeks than I would have liked. Dumbledore thought that I would be safe enough once again, and that I should not be alone considering the circumstances. I got out of bed and went downstairs to get a bit of breakfast.
"Morning dear," said Mrs. Weasley as I walked through the door, "how are you feeling today?"
"All right I suppose," I said and sat down to some toast and jam.
"When are we going to be leaving for it?" I asked.
"It's at about three, so we'll be taking a portkey at around two thirty," she answered.
I wasn't in much of a mood for any more conversation, to tell you the truth I was barely able to keep my breakfast down and opening my mouth to speak probably wouldn't have helped the situation.
I quickly finished my toast and headed upstairs to shower and get ready for the day. I put on my old jeans and one of my better fitting T-shirt, just so I would be comfortable until we left anyway. I lay back on the bed and just stared at the ceiling for a while not thinking, it was nice to not have to think, to not have to worry about Voldemort and Death Eaters and all the other things that wanted to kill me and my friends.
I guess I must have nodded off because the next thing I knew Ron was shaking me awake.
"Hey mate," he said. "Time to go."
We just left it at that. Today wasn't really a day for talking, more of a day for thought and remembrance. I quickly changed into some better trousers and a nicer shirt and went downstairs to join everyone else.
We all gathered round in the living room waiting for the portkey to become active, there were only a few of there since most people were going to apparate in, but there was still me, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Lupin and Tonks to protect us should anything go amiss.
Remus broke the silence. "Just about time," he said checking his watch, "Three, two, one."
Then with a familiar jerk the room world whirled into a blur of shapes and colours as we traveled across Britain.
Just as suddenly as it had started it stopped and we were standing on the grounds of what looked as though it used to be a well kept manor at one point, if it had only been maintained. There were benches, flowers, and trees, but all seemed as though they could use a bit of extra attention.
"Okay, this way everybody," Remus said, leading the way down a stone path through the estate.
We walked along for a good ten minutes through a sheltered forest until we reached the grounds. Unlike other parts this area was quite well kept. The grass was nice and even, beautiful flowers were scattered around, and all the stonework looked very well maintained. It was perhaps the nicest cemetery I had ever seen.
The others had already arrived; I could see them in the distance. Moody was there, as was Kingsley, the rest of the Weasleys, and a few other people I couldn't recognize. We joined them, all of us wearing our solemn faces, waiting for the Headmaster to arrive.
In front of me lay the casket of my Godfather, Sirius Black. I had dreaded this moment since I had learnt it would occur. The Ministry had managed to recover Sirius' body from the veil, I hadn't bother asking for the details, but here he lay now in front of me.
It was so odd now. I had been thinking about this moment so hard, for so long. I had been through every possible feeling with his death. Denial, depression, anger, self-loathing, but I couldn't describe how I felt now. It was as if I weren't really here. It was a bit of an overload I guess you could call it.
I could feel the eyes watching me; everyone was staring at me, worried about me I know, but staring nonetheless. I knew they had been talking about me behind my back. I was almost about to hear the thoughts passing through their heads. They all made their assumptions about me, about how I was doing, about what I was thinking, but I suppose I was used to it by now. Frankly, even I didn't know how I was feeling.
I sensed someone approach me from behind.
"Ready Harry?" asked my Headmaster.
I nodded; it was all I was really capable of. Dumbledore moved around to the front. All eyes turned towards him.
"Friends," he said, "we are here today, to remember Sirius Black. This is a time to remember the fallen and the sacrifice they have given so that we might be here. Now is a day for reflection upon what has happened, and how he has touched our lives."
As Dumbledore went on I began to tune out. I remembered Sirius, his bark like laughter and all the support he had given to me. I remembered Magnolia Crescent, of the Triwizard Tournament, and of Grimaund Place.
I thought of the Marauders at Hogwarts. I thought of my parents wedding with Sirius acting as best man. I thought of that Halloween night when it all ended. I thought of the years of Azkaban he faced. I remembered that night in the Shrieking Shack. I remembered him flying away with Buckbeak. I remembered of all the help he had ever given me, and his ultimate sacrifice within the Department of Mysteries.
I think Remus was speaking then, some hollow words about life at Hogwarts, but it didn't really seem to matter anymore. Even in this tranquil cemetery, I was not at peace. Could I ever be at peace?
Remus had finished, Dumbledore was done, no one else had words to speak; the service was over.
Slowly the casket began to sink into the earth. Remus looked blankly down at it. Dumbledore stared sadly as Sirius sank below. Ron seemed to be in a trance and Hermione was teary eyed. I could feel the tears, the need for emotional outburst, but my eyes remained dry.
The casket was all the way underground now, and the ground sealed itself above it, flowers sprouting just below the headstone. One by one, with a faint crunch of grass in their wake, people began to march back towards the manor.
Hermione and Ron were at my side and I knew it was time to go back. I turned to leave with them, but felt a hand on my shoulder stopping me.
"Not yet Harry," said Dumbledore serenely, "I think you are long overdue to finally be here. Come with me."
I was steered by Dumbledore back towards Sirius, Ron and Hermione following at a distance.
He led me back to see Sirius' headstone, only it wasn't alone, beside it stood another much larger one.
"Is that..?" I started.
"Yes," said Dumbledore.
I gazed down at the grave in disbelief.
James and Lily Potter
1953-1981
"This is the Potter family cemetery. Your parents have been buried here since their deaths."
"Then why is Sirius here?" I asked.
"Sirius was an outcast to the Blacks, but he will forever be a brother of Potters. Sirius requested, and James agreed, that he could be buried here when the time came, whatever the circumstances."
I stared down at the three parents I had had and it suddenly hit me all at once.
I thought of all the death I had seen. I thought of all the good and evil in the world. I thought of all the happiness and sadness that feels the lives of every being. I thought of all the love and loss. I thought of how much I missed them all.
And with that thought, I wept.
I feel to my knees and cried. I cried as Dumbledore began speaking. I cried as Ron and Hermione joined us, and I kept crying as Hermione and Ron pulled me into a deep embrace.
I cried and cried and cried, until I was practically dehydrated from all of it, and then I just sat there, Ron and Hermione with me, none of us speaking a word. My friends were here for me I realized. I may be slipping, but they were still hanging on. There was still life. I still had to live, not only for myself, but for Sirius too. Maybe there was still and chance for this world after all.
"Ron, Hermione.thank you."
"It's okay Harry," Hermione said, "it's all okay."
We got up and began to walk back towards the Potter Estate. Dumbledore had been both right and wrong once again. Today was a day for reflection, but not singularly. Today was a day for reflections of death; a day for the realization of life; and a day for revelations that there is still hope for all of us. Today was the day that I recognized, that it may be my destiny for my life to end, but it would be my choice that would decide what that end would be.
Today was the day that my reflections ended.
Reflections of the Boy Who Lived
It was a rather fitting day for the event, poetic even. The sky was gray, it was cold, and rain probably wasn't very far off. Getting up that day was one of the hardest things I had ever done knowing what would happen if I got out of bed and joined the rest of the world.
I was back at Grimaund Place after a few weeks at Privet Drive, which were a few more weeks than I would have liked. Dumbledore thought that I would be safe enough once again, and that I should not be alone considering the circumstances. I got out of bed and went downstairs to get a bit of breakfast.
"Morning dear," said Mrs. Weasley as I walked through the door, "how are you feeling today?"
"All right I suppose," I said and sat down to some toast and jam.
"When are we going to be leaving for it?" I asked.
"It's at about three, so we'll be taking a portkey at around two thirty," she answered.
I wasn't in much of a mood for any more conversation, to tell you the truth I was barely able to keep my breakfast down and opening my mouth to speak probably wouldn't have helped the situation.
I quickly finished my toast and headed upstairs to shower and get ready for the day. I put on my old jeans and one of my better fitting T-shirt, just so I would be comfortable until we left anyway. I lay back on the bed and just stared at the ceiling for a while not thinking, it was nice to not have to think, to not have to worry about Voldemort and Death Eaters and all the other things that wanted to kill me and my friends.
I guess I must have nodded off because the next thing I knew Ron was shaking me awake.
"Hey mate," he said. "Time to go."
We just left it at that. Today wasn't really a day for talking, more of a day for thought and remembrance. I quickly changed into some better trousers and a nicer shirt and went downstairs to join everyone else.
We all gathered round in the living room waiting for the portkey to become active, there were only a few of there since most people were going to apparate in, but there was still me, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Lupin and Tonks to protect us should anything go amiss.
Remus broke the silence. "Just about time," he said checking his watch, "Three, two, one."
Then with a familiar jerk the room world whirled into a blur of shapes and colours as we traveled across Britain.
Just as suddenly as it had started it stopped and we were standing on the grounds of what looked as though it used to be a well kept manor at one point, if it had only been maintained. There were benches, flowers, and trees, but all seemed as though they could use a bit of extra attention.
"Okay, this way everybody," Remus said, leading the way down a stone path through the estate.
We walked along for a good ten minutes through a sheltered forest until we reached the grounds. Unlike other parts this area was quite well kept. The grass was nice and even, beautiful flowers were scattered around, and all the stonework looked very well maintained. It was perhaps the nicest cemetery I had ever seen.
The others had already arrived; I could see them in the distance. Moody was there, as was Kingsley, the rest of the Weasleys, and a few other people I couldn't recognize. We joined them, all of us wearing our solemn faces, waiting for the Headmaster to arrive.
In front of me lay the casket of my Godfather, Sirius Black. I had dreaded this moment since I had learnt it would occur. The Ministry had managed to recover Sirius' body from the veil, I hadn't bother asking for the details, but here he lay now in front of me.
It was so odd now. I had been thinking about this moment so hard, for so long. I had been through every possible feeling with his death. Denial, depression, anger, self-loathing, but I couldn't describe how I felt now. It was as if I weren't really here. It was a bit of an overload I guess you could call it.
I could feel the eyes watching me; everyone was staring at me, worried about me I know, but staring nonetheless. I knew they had been talking about me behind my back. I was almost about to hear the thoughts passing through their heads. They all made their assumptions about me, about how I was doing, about what I was thinking, but I suppose I was used to it by now. Frankly, even I didn't know how I was feeling.
I sensed someone approach me from behind.
"Ready Harry?" asked my Headmaster.
I nodded; it was all I was really capable of. Dumbledore moved around to the front. All eyes turned towards him.
"Friends," he said, "we are here today, to remember Sirius Black. This is a time to remember the fallen and the sacrifice they have given so that we might be here. Now is a day for reflection upon what has happened, and how he has touched our lives."
As Dumbledore went on I began to tune out. I remembered Sirius, his bark like laughter and all the support he had given to me. I remembered Magnolia Crescent, of the Triwizard Tournament, and of Grimaund Place.
I thought of the Marauders at Hogwarts. I thought of my parents wedding with Sirius acting as best man. I thought of that Halloween night when it all ended. I thought of the years of Azkaban he faced. I remembered that night in the Shrieking Shack. I remembered him flying away with Buckbeak. I remembered of all the help he had ever given me, and his ultimate sacrifice within the Department of Mysteries.
I think Remus was speaking then, some hollow words about life at Hogwarts, but it didn't really seem to matter anymore. Even in this tranquil cemetery, I was not at peace. Could I ever be at peace?
Remus had finished, Dumbledore was done, no one else had words to speak; the service was over.
Slowly the casket began to sink into the earth. Remus looked blankly down at it. Dumbledore stared sadly as Sirius sank below. Ron seemed to be in a trance and Hermione was teary eyed. I could feel the tears, the need for emotional outburst, but my eyes remained dry.
The casket was all the way underground now, and the ground sealed itself above it, flowers sprouting just below the headstone. One by one, with a faint crunch of grass in their wake, people began to march back towards the manor.
Hermione and Ron were at my side and I knew it was time to go back. I turned to leave with them, but felt a hand on my shoulder stopping me.
"Not yet Harry," said Dumbledore serenely, "I think you are long overdue to finally be here. Come with me."
I was steered by Dumbledore back towards Sirius, Ron and Hermione following at a distance.
He led me back to see Sirius' headstone, only it wasn't alone, beside it stood another much larger one.
"Is that..?" I started.
"Yes," said Dumbledore.
I gazed down at the grave in disbelief.
James and Lily Potter
1953-1981
"This is the Potter family cemetery. Your parents have been buried here since their deaths."
"Then why is Sirius here?" I asked.
"Sirius was an outcast to the Blacks, but he will forever be a brother of Potters. Sirius requested, and James agreed, that he could be buried here when the time came, whatever the circumstances."
I stared down at the three parents I had had and it suddenly hit me all at once.
I thought of all the death I had seen. I thought of all the good and evil in the world. I thought of all the happiness and sadness that feels the lives of every being. I thought of all the love and loss. I thought of how much I missed them all.
And with that thought, I wept.
I feel to my knees and cried. I cried as Dumbledore began speaking. I cried as Ron and Hermione joined us, and I kept crying as Hermione and Ron pulled me into a deep embrace.
I cried and cried and cried, until I was practically dehydrated from all of it, and then I just sat there, Ron and Hermione with me, none of us speaking a word. My friends were here for me I realized. I may be slipping, but they were still hanging on. There was still life. I still had to live, not only for myself, but for Sirius too. Maybe there was still and chance for this world after all.
"Ron, Hermione.thank you."
"It's okay Harry," Hermione said, "it's all okay."
We got up and began to walk back towards the Potter Estate. Dumbledore had been both right and wrong once again. Today was a day for reflection, but not singularly. Today was a day for reflections of death; a day for the realization of life; and a day for revelations that there is still hope for all of us. Today was the day that I recognized, that it may be my destiny for my life to end, but it would be my choice that would decide what that end would be.
Today was the day that my reflections ended.